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Quotes / Bears Are Bad News

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    Anime and Manga 

This is bad news.
Toriko, meeting one-horned bears during the One Piece X Toriko crossover

    Fan Works 

Your battleship is ours. Your bodyguards are dead. You’re surrounded. And we have a bear.
Shepard, Vigil


    Film - Animated 

A bear doesn't love! They don't think! They don't feel! They're thieves!
Kenai, Brother Bear

    Film - Live-Action 

You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.

[W]hat haunts me, is that in all the faces of all the bears that Treadwell ever filmed, I discover no kinship, no understanding, no mercy. I see only the overwhelming indifference of nature. To me, there is no such thing as a secret world of the bears. And this blank stare speaks only of a half-bored interest in food.

Hobo: Well Abby, can I tell you something about bears?
Abby: Sure.
Hobo: The bear is a solitary animal. They like their space. They live in a magic circle. They don't mind if you're like a mile away, but if you get inside their circle, they will maul you. If a bear's claw would ever strike your face, it would take your whole face right off your skull... your eyes, your nose, your lips, everything.
Abby: Wow. Didn't know bears could be so vicious.

Stranger Danger: keep your eyes down, there's some sort of bear over there. Probably selling something.
Mr. Brown, Paddington


No Andalite accustomed to our more pacific animal life could possibly understand what a grizzly bear charge means. Even most humans would fail to imagine it. Grizzly bears are not lithe and graceful like the big cats. They are more like dogs. They move with a rolling, lopsided gait that at first seems almost tentative, as if they might stop at any moment.
But then you begin to realize how large they are. And you begin to realize that, awkward or not, they are very fast. And you begin to realize that you are puny, pathetic, weak and insignificant. You begin to realize that this bear, this rolling, shaggy, unstoppable monster, can kill you from the mere impact of his shoulder hitting you.
Ax on Rachel's favourite combat morph, Animorphs: The Experiment

"The thing about a bear," his father had always said, "is that it can move as silently as breath. It could be watching you from ten paces away and you'd never know. Against a bear you have no defenses. You can't run faster. You can't climb higher. You can't fight it on your own. All you can do is learn its ways, and try to persuade it that you're neither threat nor prey."

    Live-Action TV 

Spike: A bear! You made a bear!
Buffy: I didn't mean to!
Spike: Undo it! Undo it!

And, ladies and gentlemen, the number one threat to America... BEARS!

I do fear bears. They're giant, marauding, godless killing machines.

I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are godless killing machines!

Bears, beets... Battlestar Galactica.
Jim Halpert's imitation of Dwight, The Office

    Tabletop Games 

Don't try to outrun one of Dominaria's Grizzlies; it'll catch you, knock you down, and eat you. Of course, you could run up a tree. In that case you'll get a nice view before it knocks down the tree and eats you.
Magic: The Gathering, "Grizzly Bears"note 



    Video Games 

Battle bears? B-E-A-R-S?
George Takei has the idea of the Soviet War Bear explained to him, Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3 outtakes

Never trust a... BEAR!!
Tresdin the Legion Commander after defeating bear-like heroes, Dota 2

Somebody ate his porridge, and he isn't too happy about it.
— Description of the Bear, EarthBound Beginnings

His chair was broken, and he isn't very happy!
— Description of the Polar Bear, EarthBound Beginnings

If you must sleep, don't borrow his bed!
— Description of the Grizzly Bear, EarthBound Beginnings

We interrupt this broadcast for a Public Service Announcement: Don't feed the Yao Guai. That is all.
Three Dog, Fallout 3

Kid can't hunt a grizzly, thing'll eat him alive.
John Marston, Red Dead Redemption

H-he's like a bear! He's like a big shaved bear that hates people!
The Scout on the Heavy, Team Fortress 2

    Visual Novels 

I'd better warn you: I have no compassion, sympathy, or pity. That's because I'm a bear.


I'm pretty sure the survival strategy for a polar bear encounter is "don't encounter a polar bear."

A bear. Of course it's a bear. Why would I have thought it would be anything other than a bear.

    Web Original 

Being a gigantic bear is nature's way of saying, "Fuck off!"

Honestly, if a stranger were to fuck with a bear, that'd probably be the last time you heard from that stranger anyway.

>Walk into Gamestop.
>Purchase game.
>Walk back to car.
>Open case.
>Disc is a bear.
>Attack it with my claws.
>I am also a bear.
/v/'s most common variation of the "FUCKING GAMESTOP" meme

Nick: That's a scary-ass bear!
Brad: That's, like, a Jaws-sized bear!
Nick: That's not even a bear. That's like a monster bear. What the fuck...

Kathleen: I just have this completely rational fear of bears.
Gramm: Explain.
Kathleen: Well, let's see. Why don't I list off everything that makes me afraid of bears, and we'll take off anything that seems unreasonable. Bears are very large, they have giant teeth and claws, they have been known to maul humans, they can crush a human skull in their jaws, and if they can be taught to dance, I'm pretty sure they can be taught to do kung-fu, and that would fuck you up.

Number one, it's a bear. Number two, it's a bear. Number three, and probably most important... HOLY SHIT, YOU FUCKING IDIOT! IT'S A GODDAMNED BEAR!
Nash pointing out the flaws in a man's crazed attempt to murder his ex-girlfriend, What the Fuck Is Wrong with You?


    Western Animation 

Watch out for bears... To them, you are spaghetti dinner.
— The main theme to Perfect Hair Forever

Bears are crazy, Willie. They'll bite your head if you're wearing steak on it.

Bear? Is the bear back? We've already lost one intern!
Bridgette, Total Drama World Tour, "Aftermath Aftermayhem"

    Real Life 

Acid was always my favorite drug. When we would do acid, we'd go out into the woods, because there was less chance of running into an authority figure — but we ran into a bear, and that was an even bigger buzzkill...


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