Literature
'"Hey. Monster girl... When you make my clone, do you think you could give him a goatee?"
— Regent on the subject of insane copies of himself, Worm
"He is an evil man," [Arya] announced that evening when she returned to the House of Black and White. "His lips are cruel, his eyes are mean, and he has a villain’s beard."
It was, technically, a goatee similar to that of Lord Vetinari. A thin line of black hair came down each cheek, made a detour to loop equally thinly under the nose, and met in a black triangle just below the lip, thus giving what Cosmo must have thought was a look of menacing elegance. And indeed, on Vetinari it was. On Cosmo the elegant facial topiary floated unhappily on blue jowls glistening with little tiny beads of sweat, and gave the effect of a pubic chin.
He smiled and stepped closer: as tall and imposing as I remembered. He had lost the devil’s horns since our last meeting — they had only ever been a bio-engineered affectation — but there was still something satanic about his appearance, an effect not lessened by the small and slightly pointed goatee he had cultivated in the meantime.
Live-Action TV
Tenth Doctor: Where are you now? Nyssa and Tegan? Cybermen and Mara and Time Lords in funny hats and The Master - oh, he just showed up again. Same as ever.
Fifth Doctor: Oh no, really? Does he still have that rubbish beard?
Tenth Doctor: [thoughtfully] No, no beard this time. Well, a wife.
Fifth Doctor: Oh no, really? Does he still have that rubbish beard?
Tenth Doctor: [thoughtfully] No, no beard this time. Well, a wife.
— Doctor Who, "Time Crash"
"Well, this is what happened: Ryan's big project was the website... which wasn't doing so well. So Ryan, to give the impression of sales, recorded them twice; once his office sales and once his website sales. Which is what we refer to in the business as 'misleading the shareholders'. Another good term is fraud.
(Beat)
The real crime, I think... was the beard."
(Beat)
The real crime, I think... was the beard."
— Oscar, The Office (US)
Stand-Up Comedy
"Lenin had a beard. Gabby Hayes had whiskers."
"Nice goatee. Kind of rounds out the whole creepy stalker look."
— Justine re Vampire Hunter Holtz, Angel
Video Games
"Why does everyone think I'm a villain? Is it the goatee? It's the goatee, isn't it?"
Jack: Here's how it is. You search that site for a way into the Vault. We go there. We get what's inside it. And we use it to kill Lilith, Roland, and ALLLLL those sons of bitches.
Aurelia: No no — I do believe I'll be off before your pathetic soulpatch grows into a full evil goatee, if you don't mind.
Kokichi: What about Kaito? Only murderers grow out creepy facial hair like mustaches and goatees.
Kaito: Wh-What!? My goatee's not creepy! It gives me a glamorous celebrity vibe!
Kaito: Wh-What!? My goatee's not creepy! It gives me a glamorous celebrity vibe!
Webcomics
Qui-Gon: Who are you?
Sio Bibble: I'm Governor Sio Bibble, the Queen's trusted advisor.
Qui-Gon: Advisor? Hmmm. Does he have a goatee?
GM: Yes, actually, he does.
Qui-Gon: We keep an eye on him.
Sio Bibble: I'm Governor Sio Bibble, the Queen's trusted advisor.
Qui-Gon: Advisor? Hmmm. Does he have a goatee?
GM: Yes, actually, he does.
Qui-Gon: We keep an eye on him.
"I have [a goatee] because it helps you become more artistic and sensitive. Or evil. I don't know how it knows which to do."
"Hellooooooo? "Evil Opposite" theme? I'm not seeing it! This goatee isn't just for show, you know!"
— Nale, The Order of the Stick
Web Original
35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
"You can tell he's evil, he's the one in the movie with a goatee."
— Brad Jones, Midnight Screenings
