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Quotes / Bad News in a Good Way

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"Good news, everyone! The University is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait, that's not good news at all."
Farnsworth, Futurama

"This 'bright side' of yours is gloomy and smells funny."
Sergeant Schlock, Schlock Mercenary

Doythaban: Look on the bright side. You can have everybody on board transmit their wills and next-of-kin notes out here to us.
Captain Tagon: I hope I live through this, if only so I get the chance to cheer you up sometime.

"I want people to know that they have two out of three branches of government working for them and that ain't bad."
The President, Mars Attacks!

"I think this is a docking station! Get ready... (container smashes into a wall, things break apart) Good news: that is NOT a docking station! So there's one mystery solved."
Wheatley, Portal 2

"Good news for people who love bad news"
Bury Me With It, Modest Mouse

"Er. Hm. Oh! Good news, lady: you're single!"

"Terrible news, everyone, Rotface is dead! But great news everyone, he left behind plenty of ooze for me to use! Whaa...? I'm a poet, and I didn't know it? Astounding!"
Professor Putricide (copying Farnsworth), World of Warcraft

"More trips through the bowels of Cedars-Sinai. This time to a special radiation room. Howard's head was bolted in place against a piece of metal as the gamma rays were zapped at his skull theoretically knocking out remnants of the original cancer .. As always, I was struck by the euphoric good humor of the various oncologists, as cancer specialists are known. Since most of their patients will die more soon than late, they exude a depersonalized charm that is positively presidential in its effect."
Gore Vidal, Point to Point Navigation

"Looking back, I notice that I started this paragraph with 'there's some good news.' I don't know why I did that."
xkcd What If: Into the Sun

April: My nearest neighbors are about four miles away. I need to get to a phone and call my boss.
Casey Jones: You mean Charles?
Casey Jones: He left a message on your machine just before we got out...
April: And?
Casey Jones: Well, hey, you just saved yourself an eight-mile round-tripper. Um... You were fired.
April: I just saved myself?
Casey Jones: Mm-hm.
Donatello, Michaelangelo: Uh-oh.
Casey Jones: I was just trying to break it to you easy.
April: Well, you failed miserably!

"Heeey, guys.... Listen, they're telling me the, uhh, the generators can't take it. Ship's breaking up and all that. Just FYI."
Fred Kwan, Galaxy Quest

"So don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it. I haven't."
Stephen Colbert, 2006 White House Correspondents' Dinner, April 29, 2006

[cheerily] Gentlemen, I've got news for you. This lighthouse is under attack and by morning we might all be dead!
The Fourth Doctor, Doctor Who, "Horror of Fang Rock"

And now we have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that stock markets have fallen, but the good news is that these graphs will tell you all about it in a form of a song.


Example of: