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    Anime and Manga 
Bando: Let's see now. It was okay to kill witnesses too, right?
Kouta: What do you mean by "kill"?
Bando: You don't understand, dumbass? Kill means I pull the trigger like this. And then, your brains will splatter all over, and you'll die.
Elfen Lied, Episode 2

    Fan Works 
Fanfic Lincoln: Hey, girls, what are you guys doing here?
Luan: Playing leapfrog! What do you think we're doing?
Lincoln: No, actually, I think that's a legitimate question.

Fanfic Lincoln: A FIRE?! Where is everyone?!
Lori: Around the fire roasting marshmallows. Seriously, what would you think?

Nolan: [referring to a shirt] What is it?
Fanfic Lynn: Is this part of the dare?!
Lola: No, I just like deflating balls for fun. Get a clue, nimrod!.

Fanfic Leni: You know, if Lynn does more physical damage to her surroundings than the rest of us, I wonder if that includes the air she breathes. Would those balls hit us harder than before, and thereby hurt us more?
Lisa: Yes, Leni. Lynn has the magical ability to change the physical properties of oxygen just by taking it into her lungs.

Fanfic Lincoln: Is this because of one of your experiments?
Lisa: No, Lincoln. Lynn just has a severe pituitary deficiency.

    Film—Animated 

Horton: I know two Vlads. Is it bad Vlad, or the bunny Vlad that makes the cookies?
Morton: Yeah, Horton, she's sending you a bunny with cookies. I think we can assume it's the bad Vlad!
Horton: Yeah, that's a good call.
Donkey: Are we there yet?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: Really?
Shrek: NO!

    Film—Live-Action 
Cousin Avi: Give me a name.
Sol: Boris.
Bullet-Tooth Tony: Boris the Blade? As in, "Boris the Bullet-Dodger"?
Cousin Avi: Why do they call him the Bullet-Dodger?
Bullet-Tooth Tony: ... Because he dodges bullets, Avi.

Clare: Could that really be just one person?
Barb: No, Clare, it's the Mormon Tabernacle Choir making their annual obscene phone call.

Earl Bassett: Hey, Rhonda you ever seen anything like this before?
Valentine McKee: Oh, sure Earl. Everyone knows about 'em, we just didn't tell you!

Earl Bassett: Is this a job for an intelligent man?
Valentine McKee: Well, show me one and I'll ask him.

Frank: This isn't gonna be another false alarm like the Manor Street invasion over there, is it?
Derek: Well, how do you explain the disappearance of an entire township, Frank? Oh! The Kiwi Jonestown, of course, that's it! Drinking beer laced with cyanide from little polystyrene cups!

Paul: You mean this whole thing was a gag?
Alan: No, these are couple of real ghouls! They've just had a change of heart!
Emerson: Yeah, we're trying to go straight!

Medusa: Me, here, who's there?
Sherman Putterman: Is-Is this Medusa?
Medusa: Well, who's it sound like kid, Count Dracula?

Shapiro: Tell me this is part of the tour!
Shawn: Oh, yeah, I sink the boat every night! It's hillarious!

Ben Gunn: You're after that girl, aren'tcha?
McCoy: What makes you say that?
Ben: Come down a back alley ten o'clock at night carryin' a buncha guns, I don't think you're here to give the Battery a new coat of paint!

Roger Cobb: Big Ben?
Big Ben: No, it's your fairy godmother!

Captain Gregory: I hope you don't mind my silly questions.
Freya: As long as you don't mind my silly answers.

Kate Fuller: Are you okay?
Seth Gecko: Peachy, Kate. The world's my oyster, except for the fact that I just rammed a wooden stake in my brother's heart because he turned into a vampire, even though I don't believe in vampires. Aside from that unfortunate business, everything's hunky-dory.

Jacob: Did basic training prepare you for any of this?
Mona: What, kids scaling walls and killing little dogs? No, I guess I must've skipped that day.

David Carlton: Have you ever considered becoming a member of parliament?
Ali G: What me wanna do that for? It's full of pricks.
David Carlton: That's a little harsh. I'm an MP, am I a prick?
Ali G: Yes.

Captain Peacock: Been for a dip?
Mr. Humphries: Well, I haven't been sitting in the cocktail bar with this lot on.

Trail: Going ashore, Second?
Archer: Well, I'm not dressed like this to go down to the engine room.

Gladys: Have you read it?
Edward: No, we've been playing Happy Families!

Admiral Pettigrew: I distinctly saw a bicycle pass that porthole a moment ago.
Commander Fanshawe: Which direction was it going, sir?
Admiral Pettigrew: Downwards, you idiot! Downwards into the harbour!
Commander Fanshawe: Was anybody on it, sir?
Admiral Pettigrew: Of course not!

Mrs. Spicer: How much extra help have you specifically to aid with childcare?
Catherine: A Matron, doing a holiday job for us. She's from a small public school.
Mrs. Spicer: Is she qualified?
David: No, no. The school in question insists on employing struck-off African witch doctors.

    Literature 

Fisher Gesha: If I want the words of a silly girl, I will reach back a hundred years and ask myself.
"Can she really do that?" Lindon asked Yerin, voice low. She gave him such a look that he swallowed the question.
Cradle Series, book 2: Soulsmith

    Live-Action TV 
C.J.: At this time, we can not, we are not, releasing any information whatsoever about the suspect.
Reporter: C.J, can you tell us anything, his name, where he's from, ethnicity, if you guys suspect a motive...?
C.J.: ... Yes, Steve, I can tell you all of those things. Because when I said we weren't releasing any information whatsoever, I meant except his name, his address, his ethnicity and what we think his motive was.

Robin Hood: And now what?
The Doctor: First, a blacksmith's forge.
Robin Hood: So as to remove our chains?
The Doctor: No, so I can knock up an ornamental plant stand.

Bacho: [holding out a lead "egg basket"] Put it on over your balls.
Pavel: Now?
Bacho: No, no, you can wait until the radiation gives you a cunt. Yes, now!

Lorelai: Inevitably, the cannon tilted up, shot it in the air, it fell down, and made an anvil-shaped impression on Wile E. Coyote's head!
Emily: This is a cartoon?
Lorelai: No, no. This just happened to me the other day. I was walking down the street and this giant anvil - yes, mother, it's a cartoon.

Richie: What are you doing?
Fonzie: I'm combing my hair. What's it look like I'm doing?! I'm brushing my teeth.
— Characters from Happy Days appearing on Sesame Street

Jack: [walking into a public washroom] What are you doing in here?
Will: I enjoy the smell of urinal cake.

Tracey: Now what's t'ma'ter?
Sharon: Aah, it's a bloody mouse! It's run over me foot!
Tracey: What? Where?
Sharon: Oh, bloody Belgium! Where'd ya fink?!

Tracey: Got sent to Vietnam, mum said. Trod on a lan'mine.
Dorien: Ooh, how awful. Was he badly hurt?
Tracey: It was a soddin' lan'mine, Dorien! Blew 'im 'alfway back to America!

Dean: Aren't you kind of signing your own death warrant? I mean, what happens to you if we go up against the Devil and lose?
Crowley: Number one, he's going to wipe us all out anyway; two, after you leave here, I go an extended vacation to all points nowhere; and three, [Suddenly Shouting] how about you don't miss, okay?! Morons!

Josh: Do you sell guitars?
Clerk: Here? At "Guitar World"? Gee, I dunno.

Woody: Can I pour you a draft, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: A little early, isn't it, Woody?
Woody: For a beer?
Norm: No, for stupid questions.
Cheers, Season 6, Episode 18: "Let Sleeping Drakes Lie"

Mike: Oh, 'ello, dad. Y'waitin' for the bathroom?
Sid: No. I'm waitin' for the cross-Channel 'overcraft.
Bless This House, "The Generation Gap"

    Video Games 
There's no such thing as a dumb question. There are dumb answers, however.
Nate Shapiro, You Don't Know Jack Volume 1

OOC Player 1: I'm a gorilla, now what do I do?
OOC Player 2: Do gorilla things
— overheard during a game of Space Station 13

“‘What makes me a good Demoman?’ If I were a bad Demoman, I WOULDN’T BE SITTING HERE DISCUSSING IT WIT YA, NOW WOULD I?!”
Team Fortress 2, Meet the Demoman

Sith Warrior: Is there some problem here?
Darth Baras: (Facepalms) Who would ask such a stupid question?! Clearly, there's a problem here!

Scarecrow: Do you fear death?
Red Hood: That's a dumb question to ask me.
Scarecrow: Touched a nerve there...

Jecka: He's gonna go home to his video games and make Create-a-Characters of us…
Nicole: Yeah, he'll kill us in Grand Theft Auto.
Jecka: You can make characters in Grand Theft Auto?
Nicole: Do I look like a bitch who would know?
Class of '09: The Anime short

    Web Animation 
Paul: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?
Carl: Probably because I'm a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence.
Paul: ...oh.
Carl: I don't understand how you keep forgetting that.
Llamas with Hats Episode 4

Grif: A ship just crashed on one of our guys.
Church: What, this ship?
Simmons: No, another ship. Then that ship left, and this ship crashed in the exact same spot.

    Webcomics 
Michelle: Who're you? ...And what're you doin' in the vents?
Jane: Oh, you know, I'm a vent hermit, eternally bound to my metal air-transferring prison.

    Web Original 
Manny: Hold up, I gotta piss.
Nick: Now?
Manny: Oh no, not now. I was just thinking, that's something I'd like to do someday. It's on my bucket list.
Nick: What?
Manny: Yes, now! Jesus!
20020, Chapter 12

<niff|n>: why do you have so much porn Greebo?
<Greebo> 'cos i like masturbating, niffin.

Griffin: What does Control Water do?
Clint: It makes spaghetti, what do you think Control Water does?!
The Adventure Zone: Balance, "Live in San Fransisco!"

    Web Video 
(Susan Sommers is given a gun. She looks up curiously at the man who gave it to her.)
Susan: What's it for?
Bennett: It's for turning off your TV. WHAT DO YOU THINK IT'S FOR, NUMBNUTS?!

Chris: Rebecca...?? How are you still alive??
Rebecca: Oh. Wesker missed. So I played dead.
Chris: [irately] Then why THE. HELL. Didn't you help me with the Ty-Rant?
Rebecca: [bluntly] Playing O-possom means feigning death 'til ALL the danger's passed, Chris.

Klumph: You see [Cranky] too?
K. Rool: No, I can't see anything! I'm afraid I've gone BLIND! ...No, wait, there he is.

    Western Animation 
Rabbit: Eeyore, what are you doing here?
Eeyore: I'll give you three guesses, Rabbit. Digging holes in the ground? Wrong. Leaping from branch to branch of a young oak tree? Wrong. Waiting for somebody to help me out of the river? Right.
Winnie the Pooh, "Pooh Invents a New Game"

Stan: You alright?
Cartman: You know that feeling when that huge dump you just took shoots back up inside your ass? NO I'M NOT ALRIGHT!!

Happy Time Harry: But a Highlander can only be killed...
Harry/Shake: If the head is separated from the body.
Shake:*pulls off Happy Time Harry's head*
Harry: Did it work?
Shake: Did you just say, "did it work"?
Harry: Yeah, I said it.
Shake: Okay, then definitely no.

    Real Life 
While many people in politics have come to obsess about big data, informed by new forms of economic modelling, the truth is that polling is only as good as the questions asked – and therefore as good as the person who designed the questionnaire.
James Frayne, British opinion pollster.


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