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C.J.: At this time, we can not, we are not, releasing any information whatsoever about the suspect.
Reporter: C.J, can you tell us anything, his name, where he's from, ethnicity, if you guys suspect a motive...?
C.J.: ... Yes, Steve, I can tell you all of those things. Because when I said we weren't releasing any information whatsoever, I meant except his name, his address, his ethnicity and what we think his motive was.

Paul: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?
Carl: Probably because I'm a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence.
Paul: ...oh.
Carl: I don't understand how you keep forgetting that.
Llamas with Hats Episode 4

Robin Hood: And now what?
The Doctor: First, a blacksmith's forge.
Robin Hood: So as to remove our chains?
The Doctor: No, so I can knock up an ornamental plant stand.
Doctor Who, "Robot of Sherwood"

Chris: "Rebecca...?? How are you still alive??"
Rebecca: "Oh. Wesker missed. So I played dead."
Chris: (irately) "Then why THE. HELL. Didn't you help me with the Ty-Rant?"
Rebecca: (bluntly) "Playing O-possom means feigning death 'til ALL the danger's passed, Chris."

<niff|n>: why do you have so much porn Greebo?
<Greebo> 'cos i like masturbating, niffin.

Griffin: What does Control Water do?
Clint: It makes spaghetti, what do you think Control Water does?!
'The Adventure Zone: Balance, "Live in San Fransisco!"

Bacho: [holding out a lead apron] Put it on over your balls.
Pavel: Now?
Bacho: No, no, you can wait until the radiation gives you a cunt. Yes, now!

Cousin Avi: Give me a name.
Sol: Boris.
Bullet-Tooth Tony: Boris the Blade? As in, "Boris the Bullet-Dodger"?
Cousin Avi: Why do they call him the Bullet-Dodger?
Bullet-Tooth Tony: ... Because he dodges bullets, Avi.

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