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Quotes / Anti-Climax Boss

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Custodian-General: Kaldor Draigo! I knew you would come!
Custodian-General: Please, help me apprehend Magnus the Red! You have done it before and surely you can do it again! Just, please, be careful of his-
Custodian-General (confused) Whuh? (cut to an unconscious Magnus on the floor) But... how?!
Custodian-General: (hurts inside noise) I'm so confused....
Kaldor Draigo: I must go. My people need meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..... (floats into the sky and vanishes)
(several seconds pass)
Rogal Dorn: I suspect he was high on narcotics.

Big overture... little show.
Xander Harris, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Oh, but once those shields are down, he has a second form, and he's faster than a speeding cheetah, angrier than a bear away from it's honey, and more pathetic than my sex life! Wha-What the hell happened?!

And for those of you who weren't annoyed by having the Awesome Boss Fight Rug pulled out from under you... I'll find a way to get you one day. Oh, yes. One day.
Brian Clevinger, author of 8-Bit Theater


The Leader scoffs at the might of the Incredible Hulk, further angering the already enraged behemoth...
— Text appearing after The Leader boss fight from the Incredible Hulk game.

Dryden: How did he die?
Bond: Your contact? Not well.
Dryden: Made you feel it, did he? Well, you needn't worry. The second is-
* Bond shoots and kills Dryden.*
Bond: Yes. Considerably.
The final boss fight is plainer than beans on toast...Also, he fights you in a helicopter. "Oh guess I'm fucked. I'll just beg for my pathetic life once I've finished picking the remains of the last 18 million helicopters out of my teeth."

It has that depressingly common problem in games nowadays that the giant boss fights are all really fucking easy. Because somewhere in the last decade or so, someone decided that a boss fight is not an ultimate do or die test of the skills we have been honing, but rather a music hall variety showcase for the entire dev team, where the modellers are finally able to use their fancy college educations to model something other than chairs, and the music guys get to smash all their instruments with hammers for five minutes to create the right sense of climactic drama. But the actual fight is just a huge lumpy mess winding up its attacks for so long that we've got time to prize off the dodge button, flick it across the room and recover it from between the sofa cushions before we actually need to press it, and then it gormlessly zones out and lets you wail on its obvious weak point for thirty seconds.

Omigod, this game—please end. Please end this game. You've already given up. You've already gone "Pumpkinhead-with-tennis-shoes" stupid with the not giving a shit. It's clear you never meant for anyone to play this far, so just end it already...Just mash the attack button, the guy just dies. I just killed the Lord of the Abyss with a fuckin' ping-pong paddle. I feel so stupid right now. "Let us depart in hast before the Black Knight return..." Yeah let's do that.
Noah Antwiler on Ultima: Runes of Virtue

Jenova gets gypped. Even though she's the single most important figure in the story and makes such an engaging and downright frightening antagonist, she just ends up playing second fiddle to the pretty boy in the black cape. Maybe it's the Lovecraft fan in me, but an ancient cosmic being coming back to life and manipulating humans to its own insidious, unfathomable ends seems more menacing and deserving of the 'primary antagonist' designation than a Norman Bates with a nicer wig and longer knife... But as it goes, Jenova's role in the plot is gradually marginalized as Final Fantasy VII unfolds, and then she barely even puts up a fight during her final showdown with AVALANCHE. I can't say why, but I feel I should be blaming Nomura for this one.

Shinnok was an elder god who attempted to conquer Earthrealm with a special amulet he made, which weakened the dimensional barriers. When Raiden found out, Shinnok got his ass kicked and was sent to the Netherrealm. From there, he managed to dethrone Lucifer himself and become the ruler of hell. So when Quan Chi returns with his amulet in MK4, where he can launch another assault on Earth, you'd expect him to be a pretty huge badass, right? ...Well, no. In fact, Shinnok's quite possibly one of the lamest final bosses in the series. He can steal the moves from other characters and summon skeleton hands, but that's more or less it, which is pretty lame for a guy who overthrew Lucifer. In his return appearance in Armageddon, he doesn't even get the gimped morph.

He was probably meant to be threatening or difficult or something like that, but all I did was stand still and fire bullets into his chest until the game told me to stop.

ES 21007: With a wordless cry, Ash plunges the Vandal Heart into the body of his hated enemy. Kane screams in agony as the light of the Vandelier slowly destroys his body, cleansing it of the darkness holding it together dissolving it into nothing. "ASH!" he screams, his face half dissolved and breaking down even more. "I HATE YOU! YOU DESTROYED EVERYTHING I LOVE! I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU... IN THE GATES OF HELL!" With a final cry that echoes through the battlefield, the mad Kane finally disappears from this world, his body dissolving into nothing. Ash stares at the empty space where his rival once stood, the fact that he finally ended the life of the crazed murderer that was once his comrade not giving him an ounce of satisfaction. "I didn't destroy anything you loved Kane," Ash says softly, a small hint of pity and sadness overtaking him. "You did."
Calvin Anderson: He then gained 3 experience points.
ES 21007: Like I said: No. Satisfaction. At all. Like, Christ, if he weren't standing in your way he wouldn't even be worth the effort.
—The comment section of whoisthisgit's video on Ash Lambert

Dark Nebula: I am the ultimate power, Dark Nebula!
Kirby: Yeah, but you’re the easiest boss in the game.
Dark Nebula: Oh. (explodes)


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