Dr. Hammond: All major theme parks have had delays. When they opened Disneyland in 1956, nothing worked!
Dr. Malcolm: Yeah, but John, if Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists.
[After ripping Cell's tail off]
Android 16: That's put an end to your absorbing capabilities. Now you are like a bee without a stinger.
[Beat as Cell writhes in pain before calming down and standing up]
Cell: ...Not exactly. Your analogy of the bee... it's not quite accurate. When bees lose their stingers, they're gone for good. The bee dies. [screams and grunts for a minute until his tail regenerates] But when Cell loses his tail... well, he just grows another one.
Android 16: That's put an end to your absorbing capabilities. Now you are like a bee without a stinger.
[Beat as Cell writhes in pain before calming down and standing up]
Cell: ...Not exactly. Your analogy of the bee... it's not quite accurate. When bees lose their stingers, they're gone for good. The bee dies. [screams and grunts for a minute until his tail regenerates] But when Cell loses his tail... well, he just grows another one.
Rachael Leigh Cook: [holds up egg] This is your brain. [cracks egg and fries it in a pan] This is your brain on drugs. [beat] Any questions?
Jon: Yeah, I th-I think I got a few. So you're telling me that my brain on drugs is a healthy, nutritious breakfast that helps my brain grow? [beat] Shit, I should do some drugs!
Jon: Yeah, I th-I think I got a few. So you're telling me that my brain on drugs is a healthy, nutritious breakfast that helps my brain grow? [beat] Shit, I should do some drugs!
— JonTron, "Anti Drug Games"
Tobias: Okay, we're at the hospital. I'll take a low pass, then tell you guys when to jump off. Kind of like an old war movie. You guys are the paratroopers.
Marco: Good example. Ever notice how in those old movies the paratroopers mostly get shot?
—Animorphs #6: The Capture
Luke: Where are you from?
Rey: Nowhere.
Luke: Nobody’s from nowhere.
Rey: Jakku.
Luke: Alright, that pretty much is nowhere.
Zeus: No! We are not helping Scrooge McDuck! If the mortals jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?
Storkules: Yes, father! For I am immortal!
[Zeus zaps Storkules with lightning]
Todd: I've been doing some thinking, and marriage is like a Tootsie Pop. The lollipop part is a lie, but at the center of the lie, there's a truth. That's the Tootsie Roll, and that's why people get married. But if I married Courtney, it would be a lie without any truth in it, like a Tootsie Pop with just the lollipop part and nothing in the middle.
Rutabaga: So... a lollipop? That's still pretty good.
Todd: I guess it's a bad analogy.
— BoJack Horseman, "Stupid Piece of Sh*t"
Captain Tagon: Competing interests? That's fine. Figure out a way to play the ends against the middle.
TAG: Poor aphorism choice, sir. At the moment, we are in the middle.
Captain Tagon: "Burn the candle at both ends?"
TAG: Better, but we are still in the middle.
TAG: Poor aphorism choice, sir. At the moment, we are in the middle.
Captain Tagon: "Burn the candle at both ends?"
TAG: Better, but we are still in the middle.
Terry Hoitz: If we were in the wild, I would attack you. Even if you weren't in my food chain, I would go out of my way to attack you. If I were a lion and you were a tuna, I would swim out in the middle of the ocean and freaking eat you! And then I'd bang your tuna girlfriend.
Allen Gamble: Okay, first off, a lion, swimming in the ocean? Lions don't like water. If you'd placed it near a river or some sort of fresh water source, that'd make sense. But you find yourself in the ocean, 20 foot waves, I'm assuming it's off the coast of South Africa, coming up against a full-grown, 800-pound tuna with his twenty or thirty friends? You lose that battle. You lose that battle nine times out of ten. And guess what? You've wandered into our school of tuna, and we now have a taste of lion. We've talked to ourselves. We've communicated.
Terry: Yeah?
Allen: And said "You know what? Lion tastes good. Let's go get some more lion". We've developed a system to establish a beachhead and aggressively hunt you and your family. And we will corner your pride, your children, your offspring...
Terry: How you gonna do that?
Allen: We will construct a series of breathing apparatus with kelp. We will be able to trap certain amounts of oxygen. It's not gonna be days at a time, but an hour, hour 45, no problem. That will give us enough time to figure out where you live, go back to the sea, get more oxygen, and then stalk you. You just lost at your own game. You're outgunned and outmanned. (Beat) Did that go the way you thought it was gonna go? No.
[Terry throws Allan's coffee onto his shirt and leaves]
Allen Gamble: Okay, first off, a lion, swimming in the ocean? Lions don't like water. If you'd placed it near a river or some sort of fresh water source, that'd make sense. But you find yourself in the ocean, 20 foot waves, I'm assuming it's off the coast of South Africa, coming up against a full-grown, 800-pound tuna with his twenty or thirty friends? You lose that battle. You lose that battle nine times out of ten. And guess what? You've wandered into our school of tuna, and we now have a taste of lion. We've talked to ourselves. We've communicated.
Terry: Yeah?
Allen: And said "You know what? Lion tastes good. Let's go get some more lion". We've developed a system to establish a beachhead and aggressively hunt you and your family. And we will corner your pride, your children, your offspring...
Terry: How you gonna do that?
Allen: We will construct a series of breathing apparatus with kelp. We will be able to trap certain amounts of oxygen. It's not gonna be days at a time, but an hour, hour 45, no problem. That will give us enough time to figure out where you live, go back to the sea, get more oxygen, and then stalk you. You just lost at your own game. You're outgunned and outmanned. (Beat) Did that go the way you thought it was gonna go? No.
[Terry throws Allan's coffee onto his shirt and leaves]
Coach: I don't want to hear anyone complaining, okay? Did the children of Israel complain when they were in the desert? No they didn't!
Player: Actually, yes they did.
Coach: Alright, some of them did. I'm not familiar with the story. But I'm just saying...
Player: Actually, yes they did.
Coach: Alright, some of them did. I'm not familiar with the story. But I'm just saying...
— John Crist, Degenerate Football Coach Gets Job at Christian School
Crimson 1: Sheep are to be protected. Yet wolves like you need to be fed. Do you see the problem here? We are the sheepdogs.
Comic: Sheepdogs herd sheep to slaughter, you asshole!
Comic: Sheepdogs herd sheep to slaughter, you asshole!
Tucker: See? He knows something about the sword. So it’d be stupid to kill him until we at least know what he wants to use the sword for, right? I mean, how else is a journey for a chosen one supposed to start? He’s like our Gollum.
Wash: Gollum bit off Frodo’s finger at the end of the journey.
Wash: Gollum bit off Frodo’s finger at the end of the journey.
Lisa: But Dad, you don't need to help me by humiliating people!
Homer: (sarcastic laughter) You love sausage, but you hate to see it getting made!
Lisa: I don't love sausage!
Homer: Then would you like to see it getting made?
—The Simpsons, "A Star is Torn"
Kevin: Look Gwen, you've got to treat a car like you treat a woman.
(Beat as Gwen gives him a look)
Gwen: ...go on.
Kevin: ...no. I sense I made a mistake of some kind.
(Beat as Gwen gives him a look)
Gwen: ...go on.
Kevin: ...no. I sense I made a mistake of some kind.
—Ben 10: Ultimate Alien, "Video Games"
James Vega: You know, the Quarians have done pretty well with those suits. Maybe they can make one for you.
Joker: They have: protective medical exoskeleton. I could even get one with racing stripes.
James Vega: So what's the problem?
Joker: It's like walking around in heavy armour; totally screws with my spatial awareness.
James Vega: I wear heavy armour and my spatial awareness is perfect.
Joe: You'll never catch me, I am like the Eiffel Tower!
Doc: That doesn't move.
Doc: That doesn't move.
—Glass Joe's Title Fight
lilycat (in a Twitter screenshot): I feel like I am watching George Floyd die again, only the country version. We all stand around knowing this is wrong, but helpless to stop it. What can we do?!
hipnox: Bad comparison. I don't remember George Floyd strangling the cop back and repeatedly punching him in the dick while the cop fumbles with his pistol, drops his wallet, badge, pisses and shits himself, chokes on his own saliva and randomly shoots civilians.
hipnox: Bad comparison. I don't remember George Floyd strangling the cop back and repeatedly punching him in the dick while the cop fumbles with his pistol, drops his wallet, badge, pisses and shits himself, chokes on his own saliva and randomly shoots civilians.
Fiona: [hears a roar] You didn't slay the dragon?
Shrek: It's on my to-do list, now come on!
Fiona: But this isn't right! You're meant to charge in, sword drawn, banners flying! That's what all the other knights did!
Shrek: Yeah, right before they burst into flame!
(They pass a skeleton of one of the unfortunate victims)
Fiona: That's not the point...!
Shrek: It's on my to-do list, now come on!
Fiona: But this isn't right! You're meant to charge in, sword drawn, banners flying! That's what all the other knights did!
Shrek: Yeah, right before they burst into flame!
(They pass a skeleton of one of the unfortunate victims)
Fiona: That's not the point...!
Shrek: Ogres... are like onions!
Donkey: ... They stink?
Shrek: Ye- No!
Donkey: Ohh, they make you cry?
Shrek: No!
Donkey: Oh! You leave 'em out in the sun, they go brown an' start sprouting little white hairs?
Shrek: NO! LAYERS! Onions. Have. Layers. Ogres have layers. You get it? We both have layers.
Donkey: (Beat) Oooohh, you both have laaayers!... You know, not everyone likes onions. CAKE, eveeerybody loves cake! Cakes have layers!
Shrek: I DON'T CARE... What everyone likes. Ogres. Are not. Like cakes!
Donkey: ... They stink?
Shrek: Ye- No!
Donkey: Ohh, they make you cry?
Shrek: No!
Donkey: Oh! You leave 'em out in the sun, they go brown an' start sprouting little white hairs?
Shrek: NO! LAYERS! Onions. Have. Layers. Ogres have layers. You get it? We both have layers.
Donkey: (Beat) Oooohh, you both have laaayers!... You know, not everyone likes onions. CAKE, eveeerybody loves cake! Cakes have layers!
Shrek: I DON'T CARE... What everyone likes. Ogres. Are not. Like cakes!
Sonic: Don't do this, Shadow. Haven't you heard? "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."
Shadow: Hmph. What a stupid fucking quote. I'm killing way more than two people, idiot.
Shadow: Hmph. What a stupid fucking quote. I'm killing way more than two people, idiot.
Skipper: Gear down. Gently now, you just want to kiss the ground. Just a little peck, a smooch, like you're kissing your sister.
Rico: (harshly slams the plane down)
Rico: (harshly slams the plane down)
Troy: Britta, you've done enough. Why don't you go start a Ruiners club? Oh wait, you'd probably just ruin it.
Britta: Well then, I'd be doing a good job cause it's a Ruiners club.
Troy: You ruined my analogy!
Britta: Well then, I'd be doing a good job cause it's a Ruiners club.
Troy: You ruined my analogy!
—Community, "Biology 101"
Bill: Here's the thing, Frank. If I feed you, then every bum you talk to about it is gonna show up here looking for a free lunch. And this is not an Arby's.
Frank: Well, Arby's didn't have free lunch. It was a restaurant.
Frank: Well, Arby's didn't have free lunch. It was a restaurant.
—The Last of Us (2023), "For a Long Long Time"
