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Quotes / All Men Are Perverts

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Lana: Stuporman...!! What do you think you're doing?
Superman: Hey, I saved your goofy kid's life, remember?!? So what say we do some "huffing" and "puffing" in earnest... huh...??!
Lana: I thought you were different from the other horny guys in this town!
Superman: I am! I'm SUPER horny!
MAD's parody of Superman III

Friend 2: Well, what's the hurry?
Friend 1: There's a girl I want to meet there! What the fuck's your problem!?

<+Radial> i think my mother knows i watch porn
<+Radial> i can't tell...
<Tsukari> Are you a male?
<+Radial> i am
<Tsukari> She knows.
— #606023

Six months of all encompassing fantasies involving life-size cutouts of a Swedish bikini team and a turkey baster? How bad could that be?

The condition is experienced by a very small portion of the population, and of those the vast majority are male. We'd like to pretend to be shocked by that fact, but really who are we kidding?

Women say they have sexual thoughts too. They have no idea. If they knew what we were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping us.
Larry Miller

"Its funny how a man only thinks about the *BEEP*. You got a real big heart but I'm looking at ya *BEEP*. You got real big brains but I'm looking at ya *BEEP*. Girl it ain't no pain me looking at ya *BEEP*."

If a man could fuck a woman in a cardboard box, he wouldn't buy a house.

Danbei Makiba: "Not matter what, all men are wolves".

It's true. Guys don't need a relationship as long as they're having sex.
And women don't need sex... as long as they're having chocolate!
—Comedian Glen Foster

Girl: I could never go out with a guy who looks at porn.
Slick: Have fun being a lesbian.

Talbot: You don't understand. Every night when the moon is full, I turn into a wolf!
Wilbur: You and twenty million other guys!

"Oh come on. [Jack and Chuck] are two guys somewhere between 27 and 50 who are in Vegas. How could we NOT go to a Strip Bar at least once?"

Max: How am I doing?
Tavi: Stop looking down Lady Erusmus's bodice.
Max: I did not!
Tavi: Yes you did. Stop it.
Max: Tavi, I'm a young man. Some things just aren't in my control.
Codex Alera Book Two, Academ's Fury

"You men! You filthy, dirty pigs! You're all the same, all of you. Pigs! Pigs!"
Dr. Macphail gasped. He understood.
— "Rain" by W. Somerset Maugham, final lines

"A man is basically as faithful as his options."
Chris Rock, Bigger and Blacker

Garrus: So, Liara - is this the T'Soni-Shepard love nest? Hope we aren't interrupting anything you two might've been...planning.
Liara: Whatever the species, males never change, do they?
Samara: Perhaps it's a good thing we asari don't have any.
Yoshihisa Manabe: (overly reacting) "Not being able to think dirty thoughts is torture for a guy!"
Haruka Kotoura: "You're... not scared?"
Yoshihisa Manabe: "Sure I'm scared! You're going to treat me like a total pervert!"
Kotoura-san episode 1, after Manabe confirmed Haruka is a Telepath.

Nine: "Listen, Celica. I'm going to explain this to you one more time. Any man who acts nicely around a cute and innocent little girl like you probably has one thing on their mind. And this pathetic excuse for a man is no exception. It would be best for society if I just took him out of the gene pool right here."
Bloodedge: "You can't just say whatever the hell you want about me! Keep that up and I'll make you pay for it!"
Nine: "A punk like you would have problems with the truth!"
Nine and Bloodedge's first meeting, Blazblue

Kate Beckett: Ahem. What's the deal with men and boobs, anyway?
Rick Castle: Biological. We can't help it.
Beckett: But doesn't it bother you that they're so obviously not real?
Castle: Santa's not real. We still love opening his presents.
— "A Death in the Family", Castle

Maven: Haelga, I like you, so I'm only going to say this one time. If you ever try and "practice the Dibellan arts" with Hemming again, I'll make sure that pretty little face loses its beauty.
Haelga: He wasn't protesting, Maven.
Maven: Of course he wasn't, you stupid whore; he's a man.

Women are pretty equal with guys, but need to have love and tenderness to go with it. Of course we want sex sometimes, you know just one night stands and flings can be just as good for us as they can be for guys, some of the time. I think we go a little deeper than guys can.
Cindy Margolis

Londo Mollari: Gentlemen, of all things in life, are females not the finest?
G'Kar: On that, Mollari, we can at least agree.

"Women, you get to have sexual thoughts. I have to have them."
Louis C.K., Live at the Beacon Theater

What more does a young man want than the knowledge that women desire him and that he is able to obtain the object of his desire?
— Essay The White Feather Campaign's reasoning as to why WW1 was fought

Lolis! Moe! Pretty Girls!! What men covet, what men dream about!! It's like an unreachable Garden of Eden!! Even then, you'd still reach for it, wouldn't you?! That's because our passionate soul screams for moe!
Keiichi Maebara, Higurashi: When They Cry

Okay okay alright alright, hang, hang on guys. I mean, come on, this is getting a little ridiculous. Wizard aliens? We all know what's going on here, don't we? Whenever a story breaks about some rich famous guy going around and having sex with tons of girls, we all wanna act like we don't understand it, but we do. We're guys, you know? Our brains are wired to strive to be the alpha male and get all the women we can. I mean, look where we are. Even, even Benjamin Franklin screwed everything that moved. Because he could. We don't have to condone what these rich, famous people do, but... we can at least admit that, given the same temptations and opportunities that somebody like Tiger Woods has, a lot of us guys might do somethin' similar.
SWAT Officer, South Park, Sexual Healing

They asked me if I wanted to go to a topless club last night, and I didn't wanna go, but I ended up goin' anyway, 'cause — you guys can back me up on this — you've seen one woman nekkid... [beat] wanna see the rest of 'em nekkid. It could be an old biker chick, y'know, they're gonna hang down to here. [old lady voice] "Ya wanna see me nekkid?!" [beat, normal voice] Yeah, I do.

Ohhhhhhhhhh, I wish I'd been born a racehorse
Because, I'll tell ya, that sounds like a pretty good go
With a trainer and a 90-pound jockey
Who would ride me for a minute or so
Well, I'd win the daily double
The trifecta and the exacter
'Cause I know what a stud farm is
And motivation would be a significant factor!
— One of Red Green's campfire songs, The Red Green Show


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