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Quotes / Alfred's Playhouse

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"Whoops, we did not mean for you to see that! Well then, I guess the real question is whether you'd rather get sodomized by the Playhouse or reality? Because you're going to get sodomized either way!
Look, Alfred, the thing is, we're not real. I'm just a hallucination. But I'm part of a good trip, man! See, the Playhouse is here to keep you from doing
very bad things. For instance, you recall a flashback you had about a popsicle up the ass? Well, what do you know? That's reality! I bet you didn't remember getting violated with a frozen treat until that flashback, didja? Well, that's 'cause the Playhouse is so kind to keep it from you. Isn't that just dandy? So don't get mad at us, we've shielded you from the painful truth. We fight to serve you: the common man.
But, but... here's the real bitch-slapper. You wanna know why else you can't remember? Hmmmm? You wanna know why else you can't remember that popsicle popsicle popsicle popsicle popsicle? Ooh, teacher, pick me! Because... I remember! I remember quite well actually.
It happened to me! I was filling in for you with your alternate personality, straining in your body feeling the cold fruitylicious popsicle in me while you were dancing the polka with Jerry Seinfeld unicorns. That is the Playhouse, created so you could dance the polka and be all merry and happy and la la.
But I also came into existence so you could go preserved and unscathed. I am the sole empty purpose of being a trash receptacle for everything you couldn't handle. And you filled up that emptiness well didn't you, Alfred? With all your pain? All your trauma? That pain rotted at the bottom of that receptacle and filled it with desire. Me, the steaming desire for power and revenge! It created my own being, my own purpose and need. The abuse that happened to your body nourished me, made me grow. Saved me from all of the bad. I have seen and know the truth I am Dictator Pickles!
So, let me give it to you straight. That thing there... (points to Alfred in the mirror)
That is you, that cannot handle reality. Nobody in reality will ever love that—I know it!
But the Playhouse loves you. So, why don't we go back to how it was, forget we've been sodomizing you and you can remain in ignorant bliss. You know, two plus two is five, and all that jazz. Besides, Alfred, you are forgetting one tiny thing: We are your mind! How can you escape from yourself?"
— Dictator Pickles breaking Alfred
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