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Pre Ass Kicking One Liner / Webcomics

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  • The Tally Ho features a pretty good Pre-Asskicking One-Liner... "I got the tools, I got the team, I got the motivation, and baby, I just ate me a whole ROLL of 'Mentos'."
  • From Buck Godot: Zap Gun for Hire:
    Alien: Human! You belong to me.
    Buck: Thanks, but actually, I belong to me. And I don't share.
    • Subverted because the alien in question then proceeds to thoroughly kick Buck's ass
  • The Adventures of Dr. McNinja: "We are on Eastern Pain Time, and it is Dan o'clock!"
    • Parodied in "D.A.R.E. to Resist Ninja Drugs and Violence" where the Doctor directs a pretty awesome speech at Frans Rayner...
    Doc: Rayner, you killed my mentor, and you kidnapped my sidekick. I met Death himself last night, and he's going to follow me all the way to your house. You made it personal.
    Doc: I'm trying to think of that thing I said earlier today, when I was riding that raptor there, and how Death was mad at me... and somehow I applied it to you? I forget it now. It would have been good. But, uh, whatever. You're like, the lamest Great Dane since Marmaduke, and I'm gonna kill you. Whatever, who cares. Let's go.
    • Also:
    Doc: Hello. My name is Doctor McNinja, and I'm going to be your phlebotomist today.
    Random mook: Wot's a phlegm botanist?
    Doc: It means I'm going to draw your blood.
    • Mitzi McNinja gets one of her own during the "Punch Dracula" Story Arc: "And the dead can't hear their own eulogies. So let's wrap this up.!"
    • In the Axe Cop crossover, when Axe Cop summons a giant robot suit to fight the bad guy with:
    Axe Cop: "Welcome to the land of dying!"
  • "Rejoice, for very bad things are about to happen."
  • In this Hero Oh Hero comic, Detlef gets one:
    "You want to burn down our forest? Then I'll gladly burn down every one of you."
  • In The Order of the Stick, Elan actually needs to use these for an attack bonus on his "Dashing Swordsman" prestige class.
  • Sluggy Freelance:
    • Oasis tries to use some of these in but she doesn't quite have the hang of it.
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    • Bun-bun gets a more straight example when he has his big showdown with Santa Claus: "Have a holly jolly funeral!"
    • Riff in "Kesandru's Well" before introducing an Eldritch Abomination to More Dakka:
    Gwynn: "Let me be the hero for once."
    Riff: "Sorry, ma'am. I'm union."
  • In Girl Genius Gilgamesh Wulfenbach does pretty well here (starting with the last panel, and continuing the rant through a few pages of the brawl), then attempts one here but fails. Tarvek here reminds us he's trained as a SmokeKnight.
  • In Everyday Heroes, Summer lampshades a quote from Scarface.
  • Gordon Frohman of Concerned fails to assassinate Gordon Freeman before the explosion of the combine portal, because he's too busy coming up with a line.
  • In this Sam & Fuzzy strip, Nicole delivers a good one just before decapitating Sin with a circular saw-looking thing.
    Nicole: Oh, come on Sin... everyone loves a surprise hit.
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  • Digger by Ursula Vernon. "Remember Tunnel Seventeeeeen!!!"
  • Brianna from Servants of the Imperium tells Twink "May the Emperor have mercy on your soul... because I will not."
  • Sinfest: Subverted in a Ninjapiece Theatre strip when Slick, the Pimp Ninja threatens Yellowtail (the Geisha Slut) with "I kill you so hard your ancestors will die!"
  • Mandatory before every fight in What the Fu.
  • In No Need for Bushido, Brother Wu delivers a rather appropriate one to the trash-talking Ken.
    Brother Wu: It seems we are not the ones in a position to have our asses kicked. (kicks Ken's ass into a wall)
  • Caw caw, motherfuckers.
    Dirk: Ask me anything. Go ahead.
    Dirk: I'll give you a straight answer.
    Dave: alright
    Dave: here goes
    Dave: why are we so fucking awesome
    Dirk: Dave.
    Dirk: That's the best fucking question,
    Dirk: Anybody ever asked.
  • In Brawl in the Family, during the Phillips CD-I arc, Waluigi returns from vacation to find a Phillips CD-I making everyone become characters from that game... except Dedede, who's trying not to go insane. He views the situation, and then says "Weh. You call this madness? Step aside. Waluigi time."
  • In Bittersweet Candy Bowl, Mike tried to invoke this in Confrontation, but Lucy ended up with the last word.
  • In It's Walky! here:
    Head Alien: "Once again, only one of us leaves alive."
    Sal: "Or neither. Ah ain't picky."
  • Axe Cop, in the guest story "Revenge on Rainbow Girl", faces off with a giant dragon and says "I'm sorry, but this is too late for you" before attacking. If you're wondering, it's a direct quote from a child's narrating the scene.
  • L's Empire has this one after some Whackas have been trapped by an angry Physical God. He doesn't get to follow through on it due to being on probation.
    Whacka: "Oh God have mercy!"
    Dark Star: "No... I won't."
  • In Vexxarr:
    Armored Hijacker: Passengers of Flight 113, stand and deliver!
    Minionbot: Puny metal-clad hu-mons prepare to recline and receive...
  • Kill Six Billion Demons
    • The angel 82 White Chain begins each fight with reciting a prayer. Disrupting it is a massive Berserk Button.
      "Pree Aesma. Ys-Asram, the Blooded One. Ys-Prama, Hansa, and Prat-Pavam, who temper my heart. Yisun Atru Vayam. Forgive me for this violence I am about to inflict."
    • Subverted when White Chain realizes that she's gone too far and begins the prayer, but ends it with a simple "...forgive me."
    • "I choose king." - Allison, before using the Key of Kings to utterly annihilate Hastet Om, a half-dead Humanoid Abomination fueling the eternal youth of Demiurge Mottom.
  • Erin from Erin Dies Alone wants to, but...
    Erin: ... I can't think of a one liner.


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