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Pre Asskicking One Liner / Fan Works
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Ian: Hey Simon, You playing Call of Duty?
Simon: Yeah, that son of a bitch zombie killed me.
Ian: I can think of something else that's going to kill you, Like MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE !
  • Ashes of the Past: What Arceus has to say after Cyrus throws back his Last-Second Chance with a Talk to the Fist Alpha Strike. Which Arceus completely No Sells.
    Arceus: Well, so much for the merciful approach. [Unleashes divine Judgment]
  • Bringing Me To Life
    Thug: Get on the ground, now!
    Max: No, you want to know why?
    Thug: Fine, bitch, go on and tell me.
    Response? Cue asskicking by Max.
  • From the Calvin & Hobbes: The Series episode "Lightning Man":
    The Lightning Man: OH, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM NOW?!
    Calvin: Us.
  • Child of the Storm: "Expecto Patronum, Suckers."
    • From the same chapter:
      Bruce: Rest assured, Thor. We will find Harry. We will find the people who took him. And Hulk will smash.
    • And from Chapter 60.
      No. No more running.
    • Later on, the Winter Guard break into Xavier's school, expecting to find a bunch of helpless teenagers. Instead, they find one man. Just one. They quickly wish they hadn't.
      "Good evening. My name is Magneto. You kidnapped my daughter. You kidnapped my daughter's godson. You tortured them both. You have twisted the latter into your weapon. I would like to discuss this. And if you are very lucky... I might actually allow some of you to live."
    • And an old classic...
      I AM LIFE. I AM FIRE. NOW AND FOREVER... I. AM. PHOENIX!

  • Charles Manson Vs The Teletubbies: Attempted. After turning into his One-Winged Angel form, Charles Manson yells “it’s time for the Teletubbies to become the Teledeadies”. However, it ends with the Teletubbies beating him up, with Charles landing on his tootsie from Po and Lala kicking him in the face.
  • A Crown of Stars: In chapter 55 Asuka is facing an army when she drops this Firefly reference:
    Asuka: EVERYONE IN FRONT OF ME BETTER SURRENDER IN THE NEXT THIRTY SECONDS, OR I’M GOING TO BLOW A NEW CRATER IN THIS LITTLE PLANET.
  • Day of the Barney III: SPECTRE: Fran says this before she runs over who she thinks is Barney with her car:
    "Eat steel you worthless tub of purple lard!!"
  • In the Angel/The Hunger Games crossover "Demon's Games", the final confrontation with the Senior Partners- currently all inhabiting their chosen vessel of President Snow- begins when Snow walks into a magical trap set up by Willow, who clarifies her presence with the following;
    Willow: I would say you should tighten your security, but you actually did great on that score...so maybe the better advice would be to make sure no one on your security team secretly hates you.
  • Equestria Girls: A Fairly Odd Friendship: When preparing to beat Crocker for trying to hurt Timmy, Gilda says this:
    Gilda: You think its OK to make that boy cry.
    Crocker: I-,
    Gilda: Well now I'm about to make you cry.
  • EQuestria Girls Marvel Universe: Flash says this during his wrestling match with Iron Will:
    Flash: THIS MEANS WAR!
  • Evangelion 303: The characters in this series deliver several ones:
    Asuka [before dueling with Shinji]: Stick around for lunch... I hear they are having chicken nuggets...
    • Note: "Nugget": Aviator speak for noobie pilot.
    Shinji [in reply to the former]: I think we're having "saurkraut" for lunch today...
    Asuka [before a practice duel with Kaworu]: I want to smoke him like a cigarrette!
  • Fail to the King!: Mao, facing a hoard of feral demons:
    "Today we're conducting an experiment entitled 'Newly Spawned Demons; Lifestyle in a High Hostility Environment'. Glad to see so many volunteers!"
  • In Power Girl fanfic A Force of Four:
    • Mala tries to talk the young heroes into stepping aside as he kills Power Girl.
      Mala: We have not forgotten the thirty years we spent in the Kryptonite globe because of him. Nor have we forgotten being cheated of our revenge by his death. Should Kara Zor-L live, she will inevitably prove to be a hindrance to us. It is regrettable that she must die. But die she must. There is no need for battle. Our audience has left the stands. This show of combat pleased him, but it was most inefficient. Please. Let me do what is required, and I promise to make her death as quick as I possibly can. Your own will be even quicker, and as painless as possible. The decision is up to you.
      Fury: You know what our answer is, big man. Come and get it.
      Nuklon: Nope. Our answer is—go to hell!
    • Kara when U-Ban attempts to rape her:
      Power Girl: You want it, tough guy? You're going to have to fight for it.
  • Hetalia: Axis Powers fanfic Gankona, Unnachgiebig, Unità: Germany and Japan had some...interesting...battle cries as they fought each other.
    Germany: UMKOMMEN!
    Japan: SHEE-NEI!
  • Half-Life: Full Life Consequences: "I have to kill fast and bullets too slow."
  • Harry and the Shipgirls had Hanna Hipper, the unawoken KMS Lutzow, give one just before turning the tables on Fenrir Grayback.
    Then the smile fell off his face as Hanna shook and began to laugh. "Oh... you're not going to show me that you're an alpha." Her head then whipped up and all that Fenrir had of warning was her grinning. "I'm going to show you!"
  • Hellsister Trilogy: At the climax of the Apokoliptian War, Darkseid wants to "reward" Supergirl for ruining his plans. Unafraid, Kara shows she isn't going down quietly.
    Darkseid: Woman. I perceived what you did. You shielded D’reema from my power. You gave her time to speak the Life Equation. Because of you— because of you— the power of Anti-Life is lost to me forever. Perhaps. For that, there must be recompense. For that, there must be death.
    Supergirl: I’ll settle for yours.
  • Hunters of Justice sees Yang turn the tables on Bane after taking his best shot, telling the mercenary that she had figured out his plan and held back while fighting his minions.
    Yang: “You know, I’m not stupid. Some people like to think I am, but I’m not. I knew exactly what you were doing up there. You were studying me, trying to find out my combat style while Penguin’s goons wore me down. All so you could beat me. “But here’s the thing, Bane. I’m more than meets the eye.”
  • Hunting Series part 3 - Hunting and Saving.
    John Winchester: "Run, Tom, you see that black car, you get in and I'll take you home in a minute." Said just before John goes on to own a nest of three vampires.
  • In Jericho (MLP), Jericho himself has a few:
    "I'm going to teach you a thing or two about love!"
    "Good for the Good God!"
    "You’re not buying this, are you?" "Not at all." "Well, then have I deal for you!" [Hits girl in face with axe] “A fire sale for all your axing needs! Get it? Because it’s a fire axe, and it’s in your face!" :laughs: "It’s funny."
    “Hi, my name is Duke Elkington,” I groused, “and I’m a huge fan of cocks. You can tell from my cock-tasting spit. I’m like a chupacabra, but for dicks.”
    Invoked: — “I wish I had a better one-liner to quip before I killed you. Like... uh, ‘Father always told me to fight fire with fire, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.’” I laughed. “It’s funny because I set all these fires.”
    And again: “Ooh, ooh, ooh, I’ve got a good one! Elkington, the last thing I want to do is hurt you... but it’s still on my list.
    "A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory."
    • Many of these are from chapter 12, and so are subverted because Jericho never actually kills Duke Elkington.
  • Kara of Rokyn: In "Last Waltz with Luthor", Supergirl finds Lex Luthor's crooks right when they're about to harm an innocent woman, and she isn't amused.
    Supergirl: So you feel like using super-strength on a normal woman and her child. I don't have the slightest regret about what I'm about to do.
  • Kingdom Hearts fanfic The Antipode:
  • Kitsune no Ken: Fist of the Fox: Naruto to a gang of elitist bullies who've been harassing nearby civilians and whose leader just attempted to harm Ino: "Those of you who want to have their bones broken, come and get me." Cue flattening of gang.
  • Subverted at one point in Kyon: Big Damn Hero: just after Kyon delivers the line to three Yakuza thugs, he gets teleported away.
    "I'll respect that you're cutting to the chase; let me return the favor in kind!"
  • Lampshaded in the Harry Potter fic Make a Wish. when before beating up a group of Slytherins who cornered Hermione, Dobby makes a remark about "taking out the trash".
    Dobby: Mr. Black says that it's important to make witty remarks before battle, unless it makes it not a surprise.
  • Mastermind: Strategist for Hire: Villain Protagonist Mastermind/Izuku Midoriya delivers one to Stain shortly before fighting him:
    Mastermind: Did you know that the girl who taught me how to fight loves you? When I told her I was killing you tonight, she was so excited. Told me to bring her a vial of your blood. I don’t intend to break my promise.
  • Naru-Hina Chronicles:
    • After Rokuro manages to take control of Naruto's body, Sasuke uses his Sharingan to confront Rokuro inside of Naruto's mind:
      Rokuro: His mind crumbling all around us. He may have only minutes to live.
      Sasuke: Minutes?! That's plenty of time to kick your ass.
    • Miho does this kind of one-liner while attacking two guards. Kei, who's in charge of their team during the mission, tells her to stop making one-liners, causing her teammate to complain and say that Anko likes them.
  • During the Bardiel fight in Neon Metathesis Evangelion, Rei decides she can't do nothing while Shinji watches powerlessly as his Evangelion is killing his friend.
  • The Newest Challenger: Chapter 16. Naruto and Cammy to Bison after he drops the bomb of her origin on her.
    Naruto: That feeling you're feeling right now, that's anger. The feeling he's about to be feeling when we're through with him... that's gonna be pain.
    Cammy: No. I don't think people feel pain when they're dead.
  • Old West:
    • Rattlesnake Jake gives one to Tomson and his mercenaries before curb-stomping them in the 2nd chapter.
      "Ya boys was real stupid in thinkin' you could claim hell without payin' the devil his due. I don't like sloppy work... and you boys just made one hell've'a mess."
    • When Bad Bill's gang is caught in the act of beating up Teddy in the 18th chapter, they are scared at the sight of Jake. Against their and Jake's expectations, Teddy's mother Grace gives the line before delivering them a vicious No-Holds-Barred Beatdown all by herself.
      One of the thugs: The Grim Reaper...
      Grace: It's not him you should be afraid of...
  • Point Me at the Skyrim: As trekking through the wilderness, Antares and Sevitus are ambushed by several bandits. After listening to their threats, Antares delivers a warning:
    Antares: You, Guff, and all your bandit friends will surrender your weapons to us. Just toss them on the ground in front of us, nothing fancy. After that, I will let you all leave here unharmed and whatever dignity you have left intact. I won't even lift a finger. You run back to the fort with whatever excuses you want to use to explain your missing weapons. Dragons seem to be pretty topical. In any case, you leave us the fuck alone, and I don't destroy you.
    Guff: Would you look at that. Our dainty little mage has a sense of humor to her. Whatcha think Bruen, should we take the deal? Tell our mates back down that trail that we bravely escaped a Dragon? Sounds mighty generous of our lass to give us that honor.
    Bruen: Nay. M'ybe happier to see the generous tits behind that armor, rather listen her flap her gums anymore.
    Guff: Oh, Bruen ya old wolf, yer still have a way with words. Sorry waif. Seems that your deal has been struck down.
    Antares: [shrugging] It's your funeral.
  • In Pokémon: The Great Adventure, Silver delivers one to Mewtwo after the later petrified Ash in a fit of rage. What follows is a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown from the man, with "You Know My Name." in the background. Morality, it doesn't matter if you're the most badass Legendary around and you just built yourself an army of cloned mooks. Never mess with a Papa Wolf.
    "Mewtwo, you took my son's life. NOW, GIVE ME YOURS!"
  • Used by the Alpha Houndoom in Poké Wars: The Exigence: "THIS IS THE STRENGTH OF MY PACK!". Cue beat down.
  • Pony POV Series:
    • In the Dark World, Rarity gives one to Fluttercruel right before their climatic fight.
      "The only pony who can save you is Fluttershy...and since I can't bring her here, I'm going to send you straight to her."
    • In the Shining Armor Arc, Cadence gives one to Makarov when he dismissively asks if she's going to sing a song to stop him from killing Shining, right before she sings a "The Villain Sucks" Song that allows her to power up from the bonds between Misfit Actual and the Rebels kicks his flanks:
  • Prince Heinel Vs The Barney Bunch (Voltes V/The Barney Bunch) parodies this.
    Aunt Jemima decided that since the other guys had cool pre-ass kicking one liners, she should have one too.

    “The galaxy is vast and infinite, but once I am done with it, all civilizations will be gone with only syrup remaining” said Aunt Jemima ominously.
  • A Prize for Three Empires: Carol Danvers to Jean Grey when the latter tries to stop the former from storming out of the Xavier's Mansion.
    Binary: You really want to match powers? If you do, step away from my car. I don't want it turned into a puddle. It's a rental.
  • Soul Chess: "Bring. It. On." Lelouch says this to Aizen in the Aizen's Revenge arc.
  • Streets of Rage Saga: "My name is Blaze, and I remember everything." She says this seconds after her memories of the past two decades come crashing back to her mind, subverting an attempted mind-wipe by the Syndicate. Cue Oh, Crap! from the bad guy in charge, followed by an epic beatdown.
  • Used in Tales of the Emperasque by God-Emperor of Mankind: "KNOCK KNOCK, MOTHERFUCKER, WHO ORDERED A BEATING?". Followed by Emperor curb-stomping a Chaos God and rescuing Eldar Goddess.
  • ToyHammer provides several examples:
    • "My turn."
    • "Hammer time."
    • "WE ARE THE HAMMER/WE ARE THE HATE/WE ARE THE END OF DAEMONKIND!", among others from Chapter 23.
    • And there is one for AN ENTIRE CHAPTER: "I refuse your reality, and substitute my own."
  • In the Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Supergirl crossover The Vampire of Steel, Buffy quotes Clint Eastwood before engaging an army of vampires:
    Buffy: You want to open the Hellmouth? Make my day, punks!
  • In episode 12 of Wonderful (Mazinja), gang boss and super-villain Lung gives us this line:
    Lung: Roaches, feeling brave behind their metal toys. Bakuda. Lee. Crush them.

Alternative Title(s): Fan Fiction

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