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Podcast / Man Buy Cow

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Man Buy Cow - They were brekked ready!

''"We're getting ready to go now
to spend some time with Man Buy Cow."''
Theme Music

Man Buy Cow is a sketch and sitcom podcast written and performed by comedians Howard Long and Rufus Penzance, who versions of themselves living day to day, eating crisps and talking nonsense in their Great Auntie Beatrix's House while a bevy of bizarre characters seek to make their lives more interesting, often against their will. They have also got a spin-off podcast, the Adventures of Grett Binchleaf, about a soft-boiled private detective with a crippling fear of pies.


The main podcast provides examples of:

  • Awesome Aussie: Dennis Quaid, blokes!
  • Ax-Crazy: Nomedy Klosh, Mr Fluck and also Grandpappy Doo, at least in relation to his younger brother, Johnny Doo.
  • Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick: Mr Fluck's 'I Like Stuff Song'. After starting off quite sweet, it takes a down turn to reveal that one of the things he likes is "the stuff that comes out of babies when you squeeze them".
  • Brick Joke: There is a particularly clever example based around a 'time-phone'.
  • Canine Companion: Nomedy Klosh and his talking dog, Doggety Dogg! It does not go well for the dog.
  • Cloud Cuckoolander: Mr Fluck, and also Howard, who has such a bad memory he cannot remember what Rufus does for a living
  • Creepy Uncle: Played for laughs with Uncle Mick, who ruined sex for Rufus when he gave him 'the talk'.
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  • Depraved Homosexual: Mr Fluck. Not so evident in the first series, but in the second it becomes quite difficult to avoid – he offers his services as a 'bum inspector', enjoys getting hit in the face with sausages, wants to be Brad Pitt's underwear and would not have sex with his wife because “She didn't have a penis – at least, if she did, I couldn't find it.”
  • Fatal Attractor: Uncle Mick – apparently every one of his wives seems to have some kind of bizarre romance-destroying problem, like being an alien or a zombie. Although that may just be in his head. Also Bigon the demon, who managed to shock 24 women to death during speed dating.
  • Fanfic: The Doctor Who Special is this, which showcases Howard's early writing about his favourite show.
  • Gate Guardian: Bigon, the hideous but oddly sensitive Evil Minion who works the front desk of Hell.
  • Genuine Human Hide: Grandpappy Doo did this. To his brother. It's played of laughs.
  • Hell: Rufus and Howard have a staircase to it in their basement. There are Nazis on the 8463rd floor, along with the boys' own Great Auntie Beatrix, who is also a big old racist.
  • Honourary Uncle: Uncle Dennis Quaid (or Uncle D.Q. as the boys call him).
  • Idiosyncratic Episode Naming: So far the majority of the episodes have followed the pattern 'The _____ in the ______'
  • Incredibly Lame Pun: A regular feature in serious one is Fred Rubbish and Ivor Pun in 'Rubbish Pun'. It's what it sounds like.
  • It Runs on Nonsensoleum: Various things in the house and also Hitler's ring, which allows him to get in and out of Hell. "It isn't magic, it's SCIENCE! Magic science! With wizards on it!"
  • Kick the Dog: Not technically an example of a Moral Event Horizon but worth mentioning due to Rufus and Howard's apparent obsession with cruelty to man's best friend. Not a single episode to date has not involved dogs being beat, shot or glued to things. Needless to say, No Animals Were Harmed.
  • Know-Nothing Know-It-All: In the 'How Stuff Works' section, the boys are often this however even more so with the characters Mike and Brian who take over in Series 2, Episode 6
  • Mad Scientist: Uncle Norbert, who created among other things the Flashback Cupboard, The Time Fridge and a Clairvoyant Kettle
  • Maiden Aunt: Great Auntie Beatrix. Possibly. She may have been married to Uncle Mick, it's not quite clear.
  • Mills and Boon Prose: Howard tries his hand at this and the result ends up in the Valentines Special. It does not end well.
  • No Celebrities Were Harmed: Tombaker Doctorwho aka Howard whose voice veers between being a decent Tom Baker impression and something entirely unique.
  • Summation Gathering: Happens in 'The Dictator In The Dining Room', with Howard playing detective to solve the murder of Hitler. Turns out, it was Hitler.
  • Talking to Himself: Given that the whole cast of characters is played by Rufus and Howard, this is bound to happen sometimes - for example when Howard talks to Mr Fluck or Rufus to Grandpappy Doo.
  • Temporal Paradox: The very first thing Howard does when he finds out the time fridge is working again is to go back in time to kill his grandfather. Surprisingly, he's fine.
  • The Unfavorite – Rufus, who is an orphan and, during his childhood with Howard, had to live in the shed.
  • True Art Is Incomprehensible: Howard's poetry.
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: Rufus often mocks Howard for his supposed idiocy and poor memory whereas Howard constantly taunts Rufus for being an orphan - but they still describe each other as 'the best of all their friend' [sic]
  • Would Hurt a Child: Mr Fluck. Notably, he once nailed a girl into a coffin on live television.

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