Paranoia Fuel / 1000 Ways to Die

Though most of these deaths are caused by bad behavior and/or stupidity, the ones that aren't definitely qualify for this trope...

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• Any of the deaths caused by asphyxiation or someone dying from an allergy that the victim was unaware he or she had. For example, the 32-year-old virgin whose first — and last — time was with a dominatrix who made him wear a latex gimp suit. The man died from a massive latex allergy and the dominatrix didn't realize that the man was dying because she mistook his groaning of pain as groans of pleasure. Or the bitchy redhead at a spa who died of being exposed to water when the spa's sprinkler alarm system went off after her pubic hair caught fire.
• The politician who died from a parasitic infection he acquired while having sex with a hot Brazilian.
• The Japanese couple who died from a heart attack because neither had sex before (if you're a virgin, it might make you think twice before having sex).
  • Similarly, the cheating husband who went blind from vasoconstriction in his eyes after having sex with a mistress on a camping trip.^note He didn't die from that, he died after walking out of his tent in a blind state of panic and ran into a hungry bear, who mauled him.
• The woman suffering from SUNDS (Sudden Unexpected Nocturnal Death Syndrome) who died in her sleep from a heart attack while dreaming about a dwarf strangling her. Trust us. If you haven't seen it, it would be wise of you to avoid this by all cost, because it might make you afraid to fall asleep.
• One episode has a woman's cell phone explode in her hand (sending shrapnel into her inner ear and brain) because the battery was faulty. Think about that the next time your cell rings.
• We already have enough to worry about from hornets, but now, there's the Asian giant hornet from the segment "Crappy Ending". Those things are friggin' huge!
• "Jack N' Croaked" recounts the death of the famous Jack Daniel (the man behind Jack Daniel Tennessee Whiskey). In short, he gets a nasty gash on his toe after trying to kick open his safe, which then becomes infected and he dies of sepsis two days later. That's right, something as seemingly benign as a cut can spell doom for you if you let it get infected. Granted, his death happened back when antibiotics weren't used to treat infections, but it still counts.
  • Ditto the death of the Viking who got an infection after he hit his thigh on the mouth of his decapitated foe. A human is one of the worst things to be bitten by in terms of infectious disease.
• "Nite Capped" features a man and his girlfriend coming home from a New Year's Eve party. Suddenly, an unknown bullet pierces through the man's chest and shoots him through the heart. As it turns out, another party was going on a few miles away, and one of the guests at that party shot a handgun in the air to ring in the new year. The stray bullet ended up building enough velocity to ricochet and travel several miles away and cause the death. There's a reason why firing a gun in the air is a criminal offense.
• "Sky Scraped" shows a banker in the Sears Tower who dies when a window explodes. The idea of this happening is enough to make you stay away from windows.
• "USSR-Dead" has three men from the Russian Mafia celebrating their new member with vodka. Unlucky for them, the bartender accidentally gave them sulfuric acid (which was used to burn the fingertips of the new member). Being a colorless liquid, it'll make you wanna think twice next time you drink water.
• "Suck Her Punch" features a cross-dressing boxer killing a would-be rapist with one hard blow to the temple with a right cross. This makes all you macho tough guys think twice the next time you want to get into a fight with anyone else.
• "Another Up the Butt Story" had a man celebrating his bachelor party. He gets drunk and tries to rape the stripper who had been hired only to be the human sushi display, and when she fends him off, he accidentally flushes a toilet, causing the lid to blow and a giant shard up his ass. Now the fact that this was in a public place was bad enough, and it's worse because he tries to force a woman into having sex with him, but it happened IN A HOTEL due to some shitty repair job on the pipes which caused water buildup. Yeah, hope you have fun going to hotels now!
• "Bed Buggered" has a jock being crushed to death by the top bunk that fell on top of him due to the impact of the nerd (his roommate) and his lover making love with each other while shaking the bed so it becomes loose. Would you like to lay in bunk beds now after watching this?
• "Homie-Cide" has a method actor (aiming for a role as a gangster in a movie) successfully survive a gang initiation. As he walks away triumphantly from the underpass where his initiation took place, he's suddenly struck dead... by rival gang members dumping a body from the bridge above him, completely oblivious to his presence until their victim and the unfortunate actor "butt heads" at terminal velocity. This isn't a case of lacking peripheral vision, either. He was killed by a large object being dropped from far above him, just out of view (the angle of impact had the body strike him from the back on the head). The same thing could, in theory, happen from something as mundane as walking past a multi-floored building. Try not to scan the roofs the next time you're passing an apartment complex.
• Let's not forget "Bad Max" where an arrogant, ill-tempered movie star hops into a Jacuzzi and ends up getting his intestines (as well as his other vital organs) sucked out of his rectum after accidentally sitting on the suction pump, killing him by evisceration. Let's see how relaxing you find Jacuzzi hot tubs now!
  • To make it worse, this was actually based on a real life horrible injury (but not death) that happened to a 3-year-old girl.
• "Crib Your Enthusiasm": As the narrator puts it, "Barnaby's about to demonstrate why the government recently outlawed all drop-side cribs".
• The victim in "Ass-Plosion" who eliminated one of his rivals in a bodybuilding competition by cheating and ended up dying by pushing so hard that he wound up crapping out his intestines. Makes you wanna think twice not to "push" so hard the next time you use the bathroom.
• If you're going to use a nasal irrigation system, make sure the water used is somehow purified. "Phlegm Phatale" had a man use it with tap water instead and ended up with an infection that destroyed his brain! ^note And while on the subject, keep those things clean between uses, too.
• "Habeas Corpse" had a man who fell to his death by jumping on a window. Not out of one, but on one. Granted, most people probably won't attempt this, but it does make one paranoid about the stability of your average window (and may make you think twice about even leaning against one that has other support attached, ala the one scene from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.)
• "Bowed Out" has a Japanese job-seeker accidentally headbutt his interviewer while bowing to him, rupturing an aneurysm he didn't know he had and causing a fatal stroke. It's enough to make you very afraid of bumping your head even slightly.
• "Erecto-Phobia" features a guy who's cheating on his girlfriend getting bitten by a wandering spider that stowed away in her grocery bag, giving him a permanent erection before he dies of a heart attack during sex, and it's explained that these spiders sometimes make their way to the US by stowing away in banana shipments. Think about that the next time you're at the supermarket.
• "Catch & Decease": A Brazilian enslaver treats his gold mine workers like crap and ends up contracting a candiru up his penis due to simply peeing in a river. Then he desperately yanks out the candiru, destroying the inside of his penis and leaking blood into the river. Which promptly attracted a school of flesh-eating piranha that devoured him alive while his woeful workers watched with glee. Makes one think twice about ever going in a river or any body of unfiltered water again.
• "Face Offed": A Vegas showgirl uses a rusty, dull razor and accidentally cuts herself shaving her legs, causing her to contract a flesh-eating bacteria that spread to her face after she popped a pimple with unwashed hands. Makes one think twice before shaving with used razors and/or dirty razor blades or popping pimples with unclean hands again.
• "Pop and Lox" features a Jewish break dancer in the 1980s who decides to show off her moves by break-dancing over extreme sonic pressure from the music being bumped loudly in her car. Due to the extremely high soundwaves from the music, mixed with her high energy break dancing, she later drops dead from a rare condition called SADS (Sudden Arrhythmic Death Syndrome). Hope you don't have any dreams of becoming a famous break-dancer in the future.
• "Game Stopped": For all you avid and hardcore gamers, there's a very good reason health officials encourage frequent breaks. This episode shows the dangers of video game obsession, with a slovenly unhealthy gamer who, after 60 hours of nonstop gaming ends up dying... just by standing up. Specifically, being sedentary for so long and consuming an unhealthy amount of junk food caused blood clots to form in his legs. When he stood up straight after a rival taunted him over a loss, those clots came dislodged from the vessels in his legs and soared straight up to his heart and lungs, stopping both and killing him shortly. Makes one think twice about sitting still for too long, doesn't it?
• "Sneeze Bagged": A woman working with a politician slips him a roofie and gives some dirt to the politician's rival. When the press arrives to snap pictures, the woman ends up suffering from ACHOO (Autosomal Dominant Compelling Helioopthalmic Outburst) syndrome due to flashing of the camera's bulbs and dies from bleeding in the heart due to the violent sneezing. Makes you want to be more careful of flashing strobe lights, eh?
• "Leave It To Seizure": To put it concisely, those who have a history of seizures should stay away from flickering lights at all costs.
• "Mail Order Fried" has a mailman taking a second job as a dunk tank target die when dunked into the water, not because he drowned, but because a wire from the fuse box fell into the water and electrified it due to the fuse box being damaged from being hit by too many missed balls. Let's see you think of being a target for a dunk tank after this.
• "Bush Defeated" has a woman die from an infection she got from shaving her pubic hair. You may want to stop trying to shave down there yourself and see a professional.
• "Who Fart-Dead?" has a girl dying from being in a sauna too long. Hope you want to get in one after that!
• "Scam Eye Am (Dead)" has a con artist getting his eye pulled out by a door coat hook. You may want to stay away from them again before someone opens a door—or at least keep the door locked to keep from someone breaking in.
• "Gooed Riddance": Let's just say you never want to play Chubby Bunny ever again after seeing someone choke to death on marshmallows.
• "Extinguished" has a Jerk Jock trying to spray his teammates in the locker room with a fire extinguisher, only for it to explode due to his improper way of handling it (as well as the extinguisher being faulty and not being replaced) and the impact causing the handle to lodge into his chest and puncture his heart. There's a reason why the container has an instruction sign to tell you how to properly use the fire extinguisher.
• "Hang Dunked" perfectly demonstrates exactly why jewelry of any kind is prohibited while playing basketball.
• There's a reason why we're all told to watch what we eat. Clearly, the Fat Slob in "Death of Sum Young Guy" didn't listen to the phrase by not watching his MSG intake. Granted, scientific studies proved that any claimed negative health effects it has are complete nonsense, but still.
• "This Just In... My Chest" has a wannabe news reporter doing a news story on a hurricane in Florida to get a good story... and ends up impaled by the sharp stake end of a flying mailbox ripped off by the hurricane. This is why we're all told to stay indoors when a hurricane rolls around.
• "Splat-formed" shows why wearing any sharp accessories while dancing is not a good idea, as well as the exact reason why platform shoes never made it out of the 70's.
• "Down With The Clown" has a clown die from electrocution after trying to pull the plug on a concert while drenched in soda. You probably don't want to touch any more electric plugs or outlets while wet ever again after this.
• "Belly'd Up" perfectly demonstrates why you shouldn't practice belly dancing under an active ceiling fan.
• "Her Own Damn Fault" has a cheating woman flirting with her husband's boss and distracting herself from the tennis match, which results in getting hit on the head with a tennis ball. She is then stunned and stumbles upon the tennis net's hand crank, which smacks her so hard in the head with enough force to fracture her skull wide open, killing her. Makes one cautious of handling the hand crank of the net after watching this.
• "Grateful Bed" features a wannabe musician who hides inside his Murphy bed to ditch his landlord, who is outraged of him not paying his rent for his apartment. While the wannabe musician is able to successfully hide from his landlord, he is trapped inside his enclosed Murphy bed and eventually suffocates. Makes one reconsider sleeping on a Murphy bed after this now, huh?
• "Vuvu... Whatever, He's Dead" has an annoying soccer fan at a local soccer game vigorously and continuously blowing a vuvuzela with so much pressure he eventually triggers a fatal aneurysm in his brain. Think about that when you blow through a horn. If you ever took music class, you would know why the musical teacher advises all students who played any type of horn not to puff their cheeks while blowing.
• "Par-Gore" has a traceur get impaled through the throat by a metal pipe. Hope you don't plan on doing parkour in the future.
• "Amish-Tinguished" has a man drink for the first time during his Rumspringa...and then dropping dead. As it turns out, he lacked an enzyme to break down the alcohol and was poisoned. If you haven't drunken alcohol already, this'll make you think twice before doing so.
• "Botoxicated", "Caulk Blocked", "Titty Titty Bang Bang", and "Spastic Surgery" all have victims die due to the surgeon either being a fraud/quack or not fully paying attention to the patient. Unless it's absolutely mandatory for your health, it'll make you wanna think twice before deciding to get surgery, especially if it's invasive and you're short on money.
• If you're going to make food out of animal meat, make sure the meat is cooked properly. "Squirreled Away" had a redneck taxidermist contract rabies from a rabid squirrel he ate because he cooked the meat rare.
• "Hydrate-Dead" has a hyper-competitive marathon runner die from fatal encephalitis caused by drinking too much water. You heard that right: even doing something seemingly normal as drinking water can kill you.
• "Jelly Belly-ed" has a woman on vacation in Australia die from accidentally swallowing a highly venomous jellyfish that was too small for her to see. As if you needed another reason to be wary when you go swimming at the beach.
• "Corset Killed Him" has a dancer who's let himself go wear a corset to hide his gut, but he ends up tying it too tight and suffocates when his anger gets the better of him. This might put you off from wearing any kind of shapewear.
• "Him-Paled" has a pervert who took underskirt photos get pierced with a beam through his whole torso, courtesy of a clumsy construction worker. You probably should steer clear being under rooftops after seeing this.
• "Shafted" has an office manager get trapped in an elevator and has her co-workers pull the doors open so she can climb out, but the elevator's hydraulic brakes give out and she ends up bisected. This is exactly why you should simply wait for help to come when you're in a stuck elevator.
• "Poly-Ass-Turd" and "Dia de Los Morons": To make a long story short, you should probably stay away from any kind of flames if you're wearing polyester.
• "Cast Offed" showcases exactly why you should always call the hospital no matter what if you break a bone in your body.