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Pantheon / Narrative
aka: Narrative Genres

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Narrative, Storytelling and Tropes

Tropes are the puzzle pieces of stories; each and every tale is crafted with different storytelling elements that give the story the breath of life, ready to be observed, recorded and consumed by those who witness them. To some, it is as if a new universe is born with the creation of a new work. Not much is known about the Pantheon, even among most of its denizens. The ones who have the most comprehensive knowledge of the realm include the Grand United Alliance leaders, as well as those who were present in the Pantheon's infant years. What is known is that the Pantheon is a sort of nexus where stories collide, a meeting point in the middle of an ever expanding field of universes. With this is mind, it is easy to guess that the House of Narrative happened to be one of, if not the first House built in the realm. Haruhi Suzumiya, one of the Pantheon's earliest denizens, was the one who came up with and commissioned for the construction of the House, with her believing that a world of stories needs a place to store and record them. With its longstanding history and role in the Pantheon, it is considered to be one of, if not the most important House in the realm.

The House itself has a very bizarre mix of ancient and modern architecture on both the outside and inside, owing to it being one of the first Houses built as well as the frequent expansions and alterations occuring. Inside the main building, one will find it to be a sprawling hallway complex connecting to many different rooms, much of them with different builds and aesthetics, although the most common themes seem to be "office space" and "library". Within every room contains shelves of different books containing info about different story elements, genres, characters, and other building blocks of storytelling and writing trivia that pertain to the room, as well as a collection of stories from different media to serve as examples of certain story types. Not only that, but there are also plenty of books that instruct others on how to write their stories. With that in mind, many aspiring writers visit the House on a regular basis to learn new tricks and hone their literary skills. Due to the massive repository of information within, the House has a very tight-knit relationship with the Houses of Knowledge and Magic and Sorcery, where book donations between the three Houses are common.

One room in the House stands out from the rest, and it is considered by those who know about it to be one of the most important areas in the Pantheon. Known as the Personal Archive, it is an ever expanding storage room lined with shelves containing books that detail the stories of each and every deity in the Pantheon, written from their perspective. Not only that, but there are also some books detailing the history and events of the Pantheon, with new entries automatically written each and every day. Whenever someone ascends to divine status, a new book materializes in the room, and the room magically expands itself if it's running out of room. Due to its importance, security is very tight and only a very few deities, such as the Storytelling Preservators, are allowed inside. Rumors say that peeking into the books within the Personal Archive will shatter the mind of the reader from the shocking info contained within. Some even speculate that writing in those books can even affect reality itself, though these theories have yet to be tested and proven. A few have pointed out that the books function quite similarly to the Book of Souls, and wonder if there is any further connection between them. As of now, Destiny of the Endless has not commented on this.

Every November, the House hosts the NaNoWriMo competition, in which professional, aspiring and amateur writers have the entire month to write a 50,000 word novel. During this time, you can spot many different writers pile up books as inspiration and references while brainstorming ideas for their latest story. At the end of the month, the stories are then judged and ranked accordingly, with the top three writers receiving a trophy as an award. The topics of said stories are incredibly varied, ranging from epic adventures, morose tragedies, surreal zany comedies, chilling thrillers, and calm Slice of Life vignettes.

Due to the House's role in preserving stories, security is employed to make sure no one is capable of harming the books, with harsh punishments employed is someone does end up damaging a book. However, certain deities are considered to be so dangerous that they have been permanently banned from the House. Erazor Djinn and the Nothing are not allowed to even approach the House, as their story-harming properties make them a massive threat to the entire House, with dire consequences should they succeed. Captain Beatty is forbidden from entering so he does not burn the books within. Given her insatiable hunger for knowledge, Alice is interested in entering the House to devour and add the books to her Book of Truth, which the House responded by banning her from stepping inside the premises.

The Book of Trope is localized right here.

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The Storytelling Preservators

These are the guardians of the House of Narrative.

    Gen Urobuchi 
Gen Urobuchi, God of Deconstruction (Urobutcher, Gen the Butcher)

    The Storyteller 
The Storyteller
  • Quasideity
  • Symbol: The Storyteller logo
  • Alignment: Neutral Good
  • Portfolio: The Storyteller (Clearly Enough; Also Only Referred To By That Name), Framing Device, Featured in One Story (And a Brief Appearance in Another)
  • Domains: Storytelling, Intrigue
  • Herald: His dog
  • Allies: Kermit the Frog, Barney the Dinosaur, Miyuki Hoshizora, Scheherazade
  • Conflicting Relations: The Narrator
  • Within an old house somewhere, there inhabits an eccentric old man sitting by the fireplace with his dog. This man is more than willing to tell visitors a story, usually a fairy tale or of something from a mythology (these stories tend to be rather obscure). The dog is there to provide a few thoughts of his own on the tale that the man is telling.
    • Through a handful of deities, he was able to learn about additional classical tales and mythologies. He has expressed interest in telling these stories to others at some point down the road.
  • Many of the stories he tells are relatively dark in tone, but they generally end on a positive note (though there were a few exceptions to that). Despite that, The Storyteller would rather keep his distance from Grimm, mostly because of the latter's tendency to willingly alter stories for his own sake and the fact that most of The Storyteller's material isn't altered much in terms of the original source's tone.
    • Even though his stories are noted to be a bit scary at times, it is often assumed that The Storyteller hasn't thought much of telling horror stories that really frighten listeners. If anything, that's the Crypt Keeper's job to provide those kinds of stories.
  • Kermit is very good friends with The Storyteller. While the frog has never appeared in any of the stories that this man has told, Kermit does provide a bit of help with how the stories are presented visually and even allowed him to visit the House of Theater to tell his stories every now and then. It took a bit of time, but a few were able to figure out why that is.
  • Scheherazade decided to visit him after hearing about one of his stories, specifically the one where he was forced to tell a king a variety of stories in order to avoid punishment (a scenario that she was very familiar with). The two get along with each other very well and sometimes tell each other stories of their own.
  • Tigger believed that he heard a voice similar to The Storyteller's that had narrated Tigger's own adventure. Although Tigger learned that this was a different narrator than the one he heard before, Tigger is interested in seeing if this particular storyteller is willing to tell Tigger's story.
  • Despite their experience in telling stories, he isn't on the best of terms with The Narrator. While he has some respect for the latter in terms of storytelling, he doesn't like how The Narrator is telling a story at the expense of another person's freedom. The Storyteller often tells his stories after they occurred while The Narrator tells his as they are more or less happening at the moment.
    • When it comes to people who are willing to throw the story off into an unexpected direction, The Storyteller hasn't said much about it. The Narrator has been telling him that those kinds of people are very detrimental to getting a proper story told.
  • Heard about Barney the Dinosaur and his storytelling endeavors, albeit the Purple Dinosaur has done his for a younger audience. They're on good terms with each other and hope to provide more imaginative stories.
  • Miyuki Hoshizora is a frequent visitor of his and really enjoys much of the stories that he tells. While most have had happy endings, she has acknowledged that not all of the stories he tells are going to end in such a manner.
  • There are a few who noticed that he appears different every so often. The dog was around with both the original look and this different appearance, but no one knows the exact reason why the appearance changes (the dog doesn't have an issue with the changes as far as anyone knows).
  • A few of his stories have received the attention of some deities, such as Cinderella noticing that his tale of a princess named Sapsorrow had a few parts that she was familiar with (notably in regards to the slipper).
    • He also told one version of how Perseus slayed Medusa. Should The Storyteller tell more tales based on classical mythologies, it's likely that those who originated from these myths will learn of him.

    Terry Pratchett 
Terence David John "Terry" Pratchett, God of Narrative Causality and Footnotes (Pterry, Professor Sir Pratchett OBE, DLit, DLit, DLit, DLit, DLit, Blackboard Monitor)
  • Overdeity
  • Symbol: Four giant elephants standing atop an extremely giant turtle
  • Portfolio: Subversions, Deconstructions, Lampshade Hangings, Justifications
  • Domains: Good, Creation, Death, Trickery
  • Followers: Akira Takano, Othar Tryggvassen, Gentleman Adventurer!, Thursday Next
  • Underlings: The Discworld Universe, Aziraphale and Crowley
  • Allies: The Grand United Alliance of Good, J. R. R. Tolkien, Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson, Leliana, Edward Chris von Muir, Elan, all death deities
  • Rivals: George R.R. Martin, J.K. Rowling, Tarquin (one-sided)
  • Enemies: The Grand United Alliance of Evil, The Anti-Monitor
  • Respected by: Gandalf
  • Opposed by: Crow (Nefarious)
  • There have been authors of universes long before Terry Pratchett became famous. His deities are also limited in popularity compared to other gods. Yet no one has studied the nature of plot and stories as much as Terry. The author even created the Theory of Narrative Causality, the principle which ALL fictional realities have to one degree or another. According to him, there are certain rules that can determine how an outcome carries out in a fictional universe. For example, Terry believes that the reason that good triumphs over evil so many times is because that is how the plot goes. Many wondered if that was the case or that he had enough power to make things so.
    • Terry is also one of the most prolific footnote users in the Pantheon. He is well known for using them to comedic effect, placing them in strategic places and even putting footnotes within footnotes.
    • Shed his mortal coil in 12 March 2015 so he could dedicate more time to the fabric of narrativenote  itself. According to the Theory of Narrative Causality, this automatically earned him a promotion to Overdeitynote .
  • The vast majority of his creations have a varying degree of respect to the writer. The solo ascended exception to this is Rincewind, the resident Cosmic Plaything. He resents the role placed upon himself by Terry, even when he became a deity because of it. Yet Terry is always there to tell him that everything will be alright, even when things don't appear that way. Rincewind has all but resigned to throw reason out the window no matter how little sense it makes to him.
  • As with most other fantasy deities, he is friends with Tolkien's fantasy greatest influence. While Terry often parodies many of the tropes Tolkien himself created, Terry nevertheless has the upmost respect for the writer akin to Mr. Fuji for Japan.
  • This gratitude extends to the works of the Gods of Tabletop RPG Gary and Dave. The two helped further popularize the concept of fantasy to millions of fans everywhere. Terry has always been amused with those who convert his world to the rules of Dungeons Anddragons. As with all other fantasy gods, he was disheartened when Gary had died, but was happy to join him in permanent residence in the Pantheon.
  • Is fond of Bard characters as they usually adhere to the rules he applies and even make efforts to convince their party members to do the same. Elan has done more to promote Terry's works than anyone else and considers the man to be a revolutionary. Leliana is amused with his works and often invites than man for dinner. Edward had a rough time during his adventures as a bard, but improved greatly in subsequent adventures.
  • One of his biggest critics of his theories, George R. R. Martin thoroughly rejects the theory of Narrative Causality and makes sure that none of his characters are under Terry's influence. To GRRM, things simply happen because it was logical and being good or honorable isn't enough to win over evil. What also perplexes Terry is the lack of clearly good or evil characters in GRRM's stories. The rise of Game of Thrones has increase GRRM's prestige, forcing Terry to have debates with the newcomer in order to win over the masses.
  • Tension remains between Pratchett and Rowling after he initially accused her of depicting magic merely 'wizards and silly wands'. While he later clarified that this wasn't a direct attack on the author, her followers did not take the accusation lightly. As such, their followers remain wary of each other.
  • Tarquin also has his doubts in Terry's theories. He never really caught on to why Pterry plays plots just for the fun in identifying them, not for gaining power and undying fame through controlling them. It didn't help that Tarquin never understood the point of the Bard class ''at all'. Terry later decided not to give the villain any more time ever since the later's fall from grace, calling Tarquin a Wrong Genre Savvy Big Bad Wannabe who's upset his son found a way to thwart his ascension as the true Big Bad.
  • As a tribute to Terry Pratchett, the Radiant and the Dire Ancients decided to put their differences aside for a while to create a new artifact with some help from the Discworld. The Octarine Core. From this day forth, heroes of both the Radiant and the Dire sides may build it to show their gratitude for Terry.
  • Is known for creating one of the most likable Death deities in the Pantheon. While this entity hasn't made its presence known in the Pantheon as of yet, the current deities have a lot of respect for the man who helped people be more accepting of death.
  • Believes that the Monitor may have some merit when he stated that the appearance of his race into the DC Universe nearly doomed that multiverse. It is a warning to creators who try to make an overt change to the world. The result of that was the Anti-Monitor. The being has a particular disliking to Terry's insistence of Good's inevitable victory over Evil. The entity hopes to prove the author wrong by erasing all of existence.
  • A foe even worse than that is Crow, a living example of where The Bad Guy Wins. Crow has a good amount of followers who have achieved such a victory. Terry theorized that the future remains uncertain and that a hero will eventually arrive that will be powerful enough to defeat them. Crow longs for the chance to off the author and prove him wrong once and for all.

Ambiguous Rank

    Adam Conover 
Hi! I'm Adam Conover, God of the Awful Truthnote , and this is Adam Ruins Everything!
  • Quasideity, but increases in Rank depending on who he's interacting with and the size of his show budget (usually at least Lesser God)
  • Symbol: The Adam Ruins Everything logo, his glasses and hair, and the title card with the caricature of his face
  • Theme Song: The Adam Ruins Everything theme
  • Alignment: Chaotic Good
  • Portfolio: Reality Warper, Awful Truth About how various things are actually lies, Art Shift, Citations to prove they've Shown Their Work, An Aesop, The Friend Nobody Likes, Friendless Background, I Just Want to Have Friends, Being the Annoying Younger Sibling to his sister, Despite being three years older than her, Liking other people who ruin things like he does, Knowing perfectly well that he's the host of a tv show, Moment Killer, Nightmare Fuel Station Attendant, Insufferable Genius, Magical Realism, Jerkass Has A Point, Jerkass Realization, Liking some odd food choices, like peanut butter and sardine sandwiches and oatmeal with soy sauce
  • Domains: Ruining, Knowledge, Facts
  • Herald: His sister, Rhea, and his friend, Emily Axford
  • High Priest: Penn & Teller
  • Followers: Detective Thorn, The Grand Veritable
  • Allies: Histoire, The Librarian, The Truth, Chuck Bartowski, Houka Inumuta, Lisa Simpson, Matilda Wormwood, Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage, Chester A. Bum, Jaune Arc, Charles Victor Szasz/The Question, the Houses of Gaming and Celebration (particularly Santa Claus), deities that are in the Public Domain
  • Enemies: Hermaeus Mora
  • Respects: Leslie Knope, Jerrica Benton
  • Respected by: Lanaya the Templar Assassin
  • Friendly Rivalry: Ms. Frizzle
  • Annoys: CSI deities and similar Cop Shows, the Hall of Continuities, any deity who tries to collect his soul
  • Odd Friendship: The Doctor, The Matrix deities, particularly Neo, Morpheus, and Agent Smith, Charlie Brown and Snoopy, Immortan Joe, Elvira, Pinky and the Brain, Hanzo Shimada
  • Afraid of/Respects: Deities associated with death and dying
  • Opposed by: The Illuminati and other secret societies
  • Opposes: J. J. Jameson, BnL and other large mega-corporations, Ludvig Maxis, the Hall of Advertising, Wario, Mr. Krabs, Moneybags, Looten Plunder, Sundowner, Drebin 893, Jonathan Irons, Morris, Nigel West Dickens
  • Conflicting Opinion: Walt Disney
  • It all began when Quackity began ranting about how terrible TV Tropes is, claiming that it destroys social lives, wreaks havoc on people's vocabulary, and damages people's livers, when Adam suddenly showed up out of nowhere saying, "Actually...". After the episode about how all the grammar nazis on TV Tropes helps to improve your grammar, your critical thinking skills and writing skills, and makes it easier to make friends using shared terminology was over, Adam was chosen to be ascended as the god of Awful Truth.
  • As the host of his show, Adam Ruins Everything, Adam takes immense joy in using his special TV reality warping powers to force people to learn about various lies and misconceptions they take for granted in their daily lives, and refers to the practice as "ruining". As odd as he may seem, his sincere belief that it is "always better to know" has garnered him the respect of Lanaya, the Templar Assassin, but it's also made him a strong opponent of Hermaeus Mora, who, while willing to give out his forbidden knowledge to mortals as part of a deal, would much rather horde it for himself than give it away freely as Adam does.
  • As a mortal, he has a team that does research and fact-checking on the myriad of different topics he discusses. In the pantheon, he tends to submit his topics to a small team comprised of Chuck Bartowski and Houka Inumuta, with the added help of Histoire, The Librarian, and even The Truth on occasion. He can also bring in experts on various subjects, both mortal and deity, to support his arguments. Despite all this, he still acknowledges the possibility that he could be wrong, so he cites his sources, which appear in a corner of the screen, for anyone who would like to doubt his honesty. He's not at all afraid to be challenged in this way, believing this policy serves to increase his credibility in the long run.
    • Often ends his show with a positive takeaway, explaining why knowing the truth about the subject in question is good and how people can use their new-found knowledge to help change the world for the better. He has enormous respect for people who go out of their way to try to make things better for society, like Leslie Knope or Jerrica Benton.
  • Although he's taken a sworn vow to only use his powers for learning, there is no known limit to what he can do with his Fourth Wall magic, so long as it's in line with his show's special effects budget. He can turn himself and others into clay, make them 2D animated (provided they weren't 2D in the first place, in which case, it's possible he could do the reverse), teleport anywhere and anytime he wants, and pretty much anything he can think of. Their only weakness is that he only has them as long as he knows more about the topic he's talking about, and whoever has the knowledge has the power. Many a time he's been ruining something for a deity, only to have them, or someone else, steal the power from him and proceed to hijack the show and ruin something for him. He doesn't tend to mind much, because he's always excited to learn something himself.
    • One memorable time this happened was when he appeared to The Question to try and convince him that his conspiracy theories were impossible. The Question, making use of his greater knowledge of his own universe and the pantheon, turned the tables and used the powers to convince Adam that, while various conspiracy theories may not be true, or even possible, in his universe, in the DC universe, let alone the other crazy universes the pantheon contains characters from, anything is possible. With no way to argue, Adam conceded his point, and they've agreed to work together to uncover the truth, whatever it may be. This has made them the bane of the Illuminati and other secret organizations and conspiracies, as they are always exposing their hard-kept secrets.
  • Tends to be skeptical of large corporations and advertising, and distrusts people motivated by greed in general, as it is often their influence that leads to the various misrepresentations that leave people vulnerable to scams. He also highly disapproves of the way J.J. Jameson uses his power as the editor of the Daily Bugle to print propaganda in the newspaper to rally the public against Spider-Man.
  • Is a huge geek and, over the course of his show, has made a number of Shout Outs to works that many other deities are from, from The Matrix trilogy to Pinky and the Brain and even Elvira: Mistress of the Dark. He's been delighted to actually get to meet the characters he's referenced while in the pantheon, especially The Doctor, who he likes to think he's similar to, both being people who travel through time and space with a changing companion, and Hanzo Shimada, who he mains in Overwatch. They themselves consider him a fairly good guy, even if he is a little abrasive.
    • Other deities, on the other hand, find him quite annoying due to the way he deconstructs their universe's rules, like the over-exaggerated forensic methods used by Cop Shows like CSI or the mind digitizing technology that Ludvig Maxis uses. He is not very welcome around the Hall of Continuities due to how he likes to show up and "correct" the flawed consistency that is often found there.
  • Among his favorite deities to show up for is Jaune Arc. Anyone that Adam subjects to his talks automatically becomes the Audience Surrogate on his show, and nobody in the pantheon fills that role better than Jaune.
  • Has had the support of the house of Gaming ever since his show did a segment arguing against the notion that violent video games (or any type of video game) cause violence.
    • He also has a very good relationship with the various deities in the pantheon who are in the public domain, due to his criticism of the US copyright law being broken by Disney. On the other hand, this has not exactly put him on the best side of the man himself, Walt Disney.
  • Was a bit nervous to meet Ms. Frizzle for the first time, as he did an episode in which a parody (albeit an Affectionate Parody) of her and her show was used to debunk the outdated subjects she would teach. To his surprise, she was quite happy that someone had helped fix her errors, and wasn't ashamed to have made mistakes. Like she always says, "Take chances, make mistakes, and get messy!" Since then, they've had a lot of fun working together, sometimes in friendly competition, and other times operating in tandem.
  • Isn't sure which version of Satan in the pantheon, if any, tried to take his soul once, but it doesn't really matter, because he's far too annoying for anyone to stand him long enough to try and take his soul.
  • Bonded with Chester A. Bum over his brief stint as a homeless person.
  • Likes people who like to ruin things the way he does, even being romantically attracted to females that share this quality. This has made him a personal friend of the Mythbusters. He even had Adam Savage on his show as the narrator for his Christmas episode. Speaking of which, Adam enjoys spending time in the house of Celebration, as all the varying unique depictions of famous holiday mascots help support his belief that people should celebrate the holidays however they want. He's especially fond of Santa Claus, because it was his sister accidentally revealing he isn't real that inspired his belief that "it's always better to know" (Wait... but here, he is real...).
    • After the sudden, untimely death of his love interest, Hayley, he's had a fear of death, and by extension, deities related to death tropes, despite his continued insistence that people should always accept the fact that they are going to die one day. To this day, thinking about it is one of the few things that puts him off ruining things.
    Adam: It doesn't make it less frightening. There isn't anything you can learn that will make it better. A friend once told me that sometimes you don't know, and you may never know, and that's okay. It's okay... to not know.
  • Gets along well with other lonely intelligent people like himself, including Lisa Simpson and Matilda Wormwood.

    Howard and Kreese 
...Nothing here? Okay, who’s coming n-

Howard: “Hey, excuse me, are you a certified announcer like us?”

Well, not really. I’m more of a-

Kreese: “Well then SHUT THE FUCK UP! This is our profile, you don’t see us comin' and stealing your job narrating the fuckin’ Tales or whatever!”

*Cue Kreese and Howard slamming the narrator into a burning barrel and throwing it unto oncoming traffic.*

Howard: “And would you look at that, they had a barrel of a time! I'd like to check out what's left of them but first, our profile.”

Howard "Buckshot" Holmes and Kreese Kreely, Patron Saints of Talkative Announcers

  • Ambiguous Rank (Kreese is often assumed to be a really durable Demigod)
  • Symbol: The Shock TV 86 Logo
  • Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
  • Portfolio: Jerkasses, Refuge in Audacity, Alliterative Name, Cluster F-Bomb, Toilet Humor, Comically Missing the Point, DeathWatch commentators, Only heard, never seen
  • Domains: Commentary, Announcers, Blood Sport, Carnage, Audacity
  • Mainly spectates over: Jack Cayman, Blacker Baron, Big Bull, Herr Frederick von Twirlenkiller, Rain and other Kombatants, Travis Touchdown, The Bakers, Eliza
  • Rivals: Wiz and Boomstick
  • Enemies:
  • Popular with: The House of Slaughter (Torture and Mutilation & Obscene Actions in particular)
    • Howard: The Houses of Lust
  • Annoyed with: Junko Enoshima
  • Opposed by: The House of Craft
  • Howard: "Good evening bloodthirsty gods and goddesses! It's a beeaautiful day out in the Trope Pantheons, just perfect to spectate over - you guessed it - unfamily friendly bloodbath and carnage. My name is Howard "Buckshot" Holmes and along with my co-commentator Kreese Kreely, I'll be giving you a slay-by-slay coverage over tonight's meat grinder with access to more than 100,000 cameras you can be sure you won't miss any evisceration, liquidation, or sick corpse defiling. Say, wouldn't you say this is the Pantheon's first official broadcast?"
    Kreese: "Right you fucking are, Howard. While Death Watch isn't open to the Pantheon just yet, we've taken it upon ourselves to serve as announcers here to talk over every bit of messy manslaughter. Here we have loads and loads of gods and having met some of these weirdos I can tell you that this place is going to be more gruesome shows of disembodied limbs an than a family meeting swimming in a naval minefield. We've got a hell lot more amazing arenas, weapons, traps, and a shit ton more surprises coming your way.
    Howard: "So sharpen your knives, pull up a seat, and get ready to enjoooooy our profile!"
    Kreese: "I can't even read it!"
  • Kreese: "Oh hey it's Jack! Still chopping wankers to bits with that- double chainsaw!?"
    Howard: "Seems like the Baron's back again, wait he's with Jack? Didn't they kill each other that one time?"
    Kreese: "Aw, he dies all the time. Must be a respect thing. Like Big Bull Crocker who seemed to got an upgrade in, well everything. Twirlenkiller stayed the same, though. Oh Jesus, but his farts from his turbines got even stronger."
    Howard: "No, it was me again."
    Kreese: "Argh, seriously Howard?!"
  • Howard: "As per according to the divine rankings we're assigned as Ambiguous deities as while he participated in the games, we were never actually seen doing so by everyone here."
    Kreese: "You're telling me they didn't see that time in '07 where Frank shoved his fist up my ass and turned me into a hand puppet?"
    Howard: "Apparently not."
    Kreese: "You know, I never get these rankings. All the guys up top ever do is sit on their ass and masturbate and only ever get involved when it's fucking convenient for them. And yet everyone kisses their ass over and over again and never shuts up about them.
    Howard: "Bastards like them are wasting all that good power not funding games like Deathwatch."
  • Kreese: "You know I ran late this morning 'cause I was dealing with Rain? Prince or not, you'll be more than wet when this princely stripper is done with you. He'll send you down the river while you're pissin' your pants, which is what exactly he did to me after giving me a swirly. Hmph, and if it that wasn't enough, he can call thunderstorms out of nowhere."
    Howard: "Hate to rain on your parade but throughout the battle with that deckhead and I thought to myself was water you doing?!"
    Kreese: "The eye, I'm going to stab you IN YOUR GODDAMN EYE!"
    Howard: "You shore about that?"
  • Howard: "You know, the other day I met this girl named Junko Enoshima and she apparently wants to help out with bringing in Death Watch to the Pantheon."
    Kreese: "Hell no! Keep her out of this."
    Howard: "Sounds like you're acquainted with her already."
    Kreese: "Acquainted? She made me sit through so many of her goddamn Killing Games, they're boring as sin! Everyone involved just moves around trying to not kill each other and only do it when that fucktard bear says so. Then they spend on and on with how the murder is committed and everything last goddamn detail. The only exciting bits are when some asshole gets executed, almost makes her babbling on despair worth it."
    Howard: "You know, we should get some of those execution equipment for when Death Watch comes back. Put it through better use than whatever the hell she's doing."
    Kreese: "Aaaaamen to that."
    • Howard: "And speaking of Killing Games, it seems we've had a lot of hate mail from people who went through thing like that-"
      Kreese: "What?"
      Howard: "-and hated it. 'Don't go and trivialize people's deaths ugh!' 'People shouldn't be forced to participate in Death Watch neegh!'"
      Kreese: "Isn't that the fucking point? I don't see the problem here, you know how much trouble it would be if we had to ask every single goddamn ratfucker if they want to participate or not?"
  • Howard: "Look here, apparently we've been compared quite a lot to "Wiz and Boomstick". Says here with how we run things is similar to how they talk over DEATH BATTLE!, even though we totally came before them!"
    Kreese: "I dunno, I kinda like Boomstick. He pretty much speaks my language, probably go drinking sometime. Not with Wiz, though. Smartass has less luck with love than Howard."
    Howard: "Wow, he must really suck."
    Kreese: "I know."
    Howard: "Maybe we should all do an episode one day and have Jack be one of the contenders. I could rant about my ex-wife with Boomstick and also teach Wiz a thing or two about love."
    Kreese: "I doubt he'd learn anything from you."
  • Kreese: "You know, after a day of announcing and and spectating of gruesome murder, sometimes you just wanna kick back and take a break. Something like sitting down and smoking meth or maybe some time playing golf- well, not that I have ever done so."
    Howard: "Oh wee. Whew. Finally got 'Mystery Food X' out of my system. And it only took a full 30 minutes of vommiting to do so!"
    Kreese: "I can tell you had shrimp for lunch, still can't believe I got my ass punted by that Kick Chick for saying how shit it was."
    Howard: "Hmph. Only constructive criticism if you ask me. Anyways, what'd I miss this time? Any mortifying mutilations?"
    Kreese: "Oh, eh uh, just buzzsaw. Fourth time today."
  • Howard: "You should be more mindful of where you are in the Pantheon. At least, a bit more than usual."
    Kreese: "Why?"
    Howard: "Lately there's been talk of a teacher with an atrociously simple appearance. They say that when you encountered them you have to find and solve all his math problems within his seven notebooks and even getting one wrong has him chasing you all over the House to do something with that ruler of his."
    Kreese: "Ah hell, I know that prick. I had to go through them and got every single one of them wrong. You know when I signed up to be an announcer here NOBODY SAID THERE'D BE MATH!"
    Howard: "I blaaaaame our schoooools!"
  • Howard: "Today gods and goddesses we have here some unwilling deities placed in the lovely humble homestead of the murderous Jack, who seems to be in the mood for using his crippling chainsaws!"
    Kreese: "Why did we have to place 'em there in the first place? Isn't Jack already into games like this?"
    Howard: "Jack Baker, with his Chainsaw Shears but he's not limited to just that! Give this family man anything and he'll make faaantastic use of it. You could probably give him someone's entrails and he'll choke someone to death with them! He's a bit of a favorite among spectators, what with his lovable attitude and all. And he's got one hell of a wife too! "
    Kreese: "I don't want to think of any bugs right now, I'm pretty sure her fucking bug-children has all types of diseases. They might be why I got yellow fever, malaria, and dengue just just yesterday."
    Howard: "Speaking of children, their son Lucas Baker forces others to play Deadly Games with all the neat and sadistic traps he made all by himself. That's the kind of ingenuity you don't see much of these days!"
    Kreese: "Cowardly little shit. I 'ought to kick his punk ass one day."
    Howard: "Well why not now?"
    Kreese: "Uh, probably 'cause of all the traps.
    Howard: "Fair point."
  • Kreese: "Jesus, you know how much how I hate going into the House of Health and Diseases? Every time I go there almost every time there's doctor asking me a buncha questions: 'How'd you survive Death Watch all this time?' 'How are you still living even when you're declared legally dead?' 'Can I touch your pig tits sown on your body?' All I want is to get fixed up, is that hard to get some goddamn service?
  • Howard: "You seem to be on your period today. Ran out of weed?"
    Kreese: "Nope."
    Howard: "Someone made a pun?"
    Kreese: "Yeah, but not the problem. They let sickos like Cruella into this place, it's disgusting!"
    Howard: "Again, didn't you compete in DeathWatch?"
    Kreese: "And again, asshole, the only living things I killed are people, and that's different! What she tried to pull was just fucked up. And besides, Lysandere planned to kill off everyone so I'm in the right."
    Howard: "Well, you're not wrong about that. Mathematically speaking, that may just be more kills than pretty much everyone in Death Watch combined, even with Jack on board!"
    Kreeese: "For fucks sake, NOBODY SAID THERE'D BE MATH!"
    Both: "I blaaaaame our schoooools!"
  • Kreese: "Come to think of it, what the hell is up with TV Tropes anyways? I see it plastered all over the Pantheon no matter where I fucking go, and no one seems to notice!"
    Howard: "Says here it's a wiki page meant to catalog every trope, a figure of speech or expression like a theme or device of sorts, across all of pop-culture. Movies, literature, and of course TV. And the Pantheon is no different, with characters chosen to represent them from pretty much everywhere. Then they stick 'em into a room just to see what would happen, mostly to watch them kill each other. Man, considering the amount of effort these Tropers put into all this, their lives must be pretty sad and boring.
    Kreese: "Well why'd ya think I asked you?"
  • Howard: "I just got a letter from the House of Craft. It says here we're not welcome because of our comments on artists during the credits. I called them a rash you wanted to go away while you called them 'brain-dead booger eaters'."
    Kreese: "Well, it's true."
  • Howard: "There goes another Mook's spleen, surgical precision all thanks to Travis Touchdown and his beam katanas. Even for a dead-end loser like him, he can still cut you down to size!
    Kreese: "I'm pretty sure he's missing more than his spleen."
    Howard: "Well no shit, you think I couldn't see that?"
    Kreese: "Wouldn't be the first. Anyways, and I thought Geek senior and Geek junior with their wienie-ass hate sabers were bad enough but Mr. Crownless King over her takes whatever energy they had into a whole new level. He's faced Humongous Mechas piloted by a sports team, a grandma with a Wave-Motion Gun, and other circus freaks even with the same nerd sticks he has! He's gotta recharge them through masturbating though. How does he still have a dick after all that, anyways? There's no way it could be any worse than that."
    Howard: "Let Lust be my witness because what Travis does couldn't even compare..."
    Kreese: "I witnessed enough."
  • Kreese: "And here's Eliza. You know, it's thanks to her parasite that Sekhmet she's capable of attacking with blood and pretty much recovering from any wounds if she gets into a good enough source of one, and here I thought that other blood-hungry bitch was bad enough."
    Howard: "Awesome rack on her, though!"
    Kreese: "Aw, true dat! I remember tryin' to get a good luck at her before her manwhores kicked the shit outta me. I got sent to the House of Health and Diseases with eight broken ribs, massive hemorrhage, and iron deficiency."
    Howard: "Awesome rack on her, though!"
    Kreese: "True dat!"
  • Howard: "This is Howard "Buckshot" Holmes!"
    Kreese: "And Kreese Kreely!"
    Howard: "Saying thanks to all the gods, the readers, and of course the Tropers."
    Kreese: "And we'll see you in hell!"

Alternative Title(s): Narrative Genres