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  • Tampon Run: Why Cashiers Should Rule the World. Bonus points for how the cashier handles the poor guy's heckler.
  • Tastes Like Purple:
  • Tautological Templar: The Customer Is Not Always Righteous.
  • Technology Marches On:invoked "No. We should wait until next year, when they come out with the 4D TVs."
  • Telepathy: Played for Laughs here after a little boy watches the employee "predict" a regular customer's usual order.
  • Tempting Fate:
  • That Came Out Wrong: Several stories have cases where a customer slips up in this manner.
  • That Liar Lies: Too many times to count. Can't get your way at a store? That employee is obviously just lying in order to weasel out of having to do any work, the lazy bastard!
  • That's What She Said: Turns up on occasion. Can backfire.
  • Thermal Dissonance: This customer apparently believes that a toasted sub should exhibit this if it is "toasted right", and is irate that hers went cold during the thirty minutes or so between when she bought it and when she actually ate it. She demands a refund over this (despite having already eaten the sub), but doesn't get one.
  • They Just Don't Get It: Far too common.
    • A perfect double example would be here: a woman enters a bakery and asks them to create a wedding cake and bill her for it, totally ignoring the submitter's insistence that they don't sell cakes or send bills out before she leaves; naturally, none of what she asks for is accomplished. She then begins sending attorneys to the bakery, apparently oblivious to the reason why they all immediately drop her case against the bakery, and ends up going through four of them, probably wasting thousands or even millions of dollars in the process, before she gives up (or, less charitably, before she gets enough of a bad rep amongst attorneys that they won't take her case).
    • To summarize this story, "Do I need bags for this vacuum?" "No you don't need bags." "Okay, but do I need bags?"
    • Another perfect case, where a woman drops a pair of dogs off at an animal shelternote , then comes back long after said dogs have been adopted by someone else looking for them, assuming the place was a boarding kennel and refusing to believe otherwise. She ends up dragging a police officer into the mess, who immediately arrests her for animal cruelty and neglect - and the story ends with the reveal that she also had contempt of court charges added to that, for still not understanding that the place was not a kennel and even spitting in a judge's face for siding with them in the case.
    • To this elderly customer, "born and raised here in this very town" is apparently meaningless gibberish.
    • "I don't care if the Washington Monument is closed, I want to visit it now!"
    • "I don’t think you understand the whole "you’re not allowed in here" part."
    • This customer completely fails to comprehend the bartender telling her three times they don't have any Carlsberg. Especially odd in that she does understand the other half of what he's telling her, it's just "we don't have Carlsberg" she's completely tuning out.
    • This customer asks for a Green Card photo, and the photo tech in charge explains that the software won't allow it. Multiple times. As the customer in question speaks very good English, and is accompanied by his wife (who speaks even better English), it's not a case of Language Barrier. When the customer finally gets what he's being told, he has the gall to ask:
    "Well, why the h*** didn’t you just tell me that?!"
    "I did, love. Five separate times. Have a great day, folks!"
    • This woman paid for some books with a check, but the check bounces and this comes out when she has already returned the books. Despite the bookstore manager explaining that she owes them money, since she technically didn't pay for the books and got money from them for returning them, she still doesn't get it and thinks that she owes no money because she doesn't have the books anymore. Even when the police gets sent to her school (she's a math teacher), sues the bookstore and ends up having to pay the fine and court costs, she still doesn't get it.
    • This person doesn't seem to understand the concept of a yard sale, and threatens to report them to the BBB for selling used items.
    • This customer refuses to listen to a pizzeria worker when calling in an order: no response when asked whether it's a delivery or carryout, to two requests to pause the order when the computer crashes, or to a request to be put on hold. After the worker gets the computer fixed, the caller hangs up, calls again, and asks why they were hung up on.
    • This customer seems to be interpreting "we know what you're asking for, but we don't have it" as "we don't know what you're asking for", because the customer restarts his description of the part every time he gets the former answer. Eventually the manager passes the buck by telling the customer to try a big box retailer... which he knows doesn't have the part either.
    • The other party actually tries to invert it here. The caller, who refuses to identify himself, or what kind of insurance he's asking about, finally reveals, after being asked what kind of insurance he's calling about no less than four times that he's someone from the medical center and trying to find out if the submitter's medical insurance is up to date. When the submitter then reveals that he's still going to the doctor's appointment, and how the insurance has changed, the caller asks "Why didn't you just say that before?!" Guess that doctor's clinic has a lot of mind-reading patients.
    • This old woman just doesn't get it that the submitter is not a teenager skipping school but a 21 year old college student. And she still doesn't get it four years later.
    • This woman just doesn't get that cooking oil is not a safe fuel for a riding mower, that a specific type of oil is used for a pretty important reason that is most decidedly not "companies just [wanting] more money out of us hard-working folks", that her mower caught fire because she used cooking oil as fuel, and that she voided the warranty the moment she placed it in the tank. She continues to scream something to the effect of "GIVE ME A NEW FUCKING MOWER YOU STUPID BITCH" even after the submitter explicitly tells her what she did wrong and why her mistake isn't covered by warranty. Then again, given her abusive attitude throughout the call, maybe she's too angry to get it.
    • There are quite a few that involve power and electricity bills:
    • This person apparently doesn't think that a worker's explanation of "the shelf collapsed and destroyed all of our red wine" makes any sense, and repeatedly accuses said worker of "babbling" and "not making any sense". Said customer ends up leaving in a fit of Angrish.
    • This woman seemingly either cannot wrap her mind around or refuses to understand why a thrift store will not take her broken-down washing machine as a donation (for one thing, it would cost more money for said thrift store to come get it than it ultimately would be to sell it), opting to simply parrot the same response of "But I really wanted to give it to you guys" over and over again every time the hapless submitter says anything that isn't: "Alright, we'll take your washing machine.".
    • This story manages to have a double subversion of this. An Italian-English freelance translator accepts a job with a 72-hour deadline. The document gets delayed for 48 hours, at which point the translator actually has to explain to the customer why they can't meet the original deadline. The customer understands, settles for a later deadline, and ends up sending the document five days after it should have originally been sent. It turns out that it's in Japanese, and the customer assumed the translator could do the job because their site advertized being able to translate all kinds of documents.
    • This couple repeatedly passes caution tape into a hard-hat area after being told that it's unsafe, apparently convinced that just because if one side of the building is unsafe then that means all of the other sides of the building are completely safe. It takes the submitter finally losing their temper and blowing up at them after a piece of scaffolding nearly falls on the two for them to finally get it.
    • This old lady doesn't seem to understand that the store doesn't have a back kitchen to cook potato pancakes yet keeps asking the submitter to "cook more potato pancakes in their back kitchen". Thankfully, her husband was able to understand what the submitter said once and scolded his wife for not listening to them.
    • This man is old-fashioned and has been using email because his fax machine broke. He eventually buys a new fax machine. Although faxes are still sent, they're now usually part of a printer as opposed to a separate machine.
    • This person is completely computer inept and doesn't know how to close a window even with the basic ALT+F4 command. The person says they'll just get their son to help them the next time he visits from Arizona.
    • This would-be bus passenger doesn't seem to understand how roads work, and can't seem to comprehend that buses on one side of the road will only be going in one direction.
    • This scammer sent and e-mail to at least one freelance worker and at least one store owner claiming that their superior promised them something and apparently refuses to believe those independent workers don't have a superior.
    • Yes, obviously this customer understands that the chicken wings are chicken, but what kind of chicken — thigh or breast? No matter how many times the poster tries to explain that they are wings, the customer doesn't seem to understand that a chicken has more than two parts.
  • Third-Person Person: "The Batman, would you like a chocolate milk?" "Yes. Yes, The Batman would."
  • Think of the Children!:
    • This woman's excuse for banning kilts.
    • This mother's reasoning for not stopping her kid from bumping a cart into an elderly lady ahead of them. The customer behind them thinks differently, and shows what might happen if the mother never disciplines her son.
    • Another mother uses this as an excuse to deny two other moviegoers the seats they paid for, because she's decided that they're pedophiles who are out to touch her kids. (The other moviegoers in question are teenage girls.)
    • To Insane Troll Logic levels here. This woman doesn't want her son to watch Frozen (2013) in the children's play area, claiming the boy himself doesn't like it. When the clerk, OP, refused to change the movie, pointing out all the other children who are clearly enjoying it, she comes back, "have you no empathy for children?" At which point OP points out that his empathy for children is precisely why he's not changing the movie. Halfway through a typical NAR "This is so rude—" rant, the Manager yells "We're not changing the f-ing movie!" The woman grabs her son, sitting quietly in the play area, and leaves promising never to return.
  • This Explains So Much: The response when this customer admits he still lives with his mother.
  • This Is for Emphasis, Bitch!: "IN. MY. HOUSE. BITCH!"
  • This Is Gonna Suck:
  • This Is Wrong on So Many Levels: "There are so many things wrong with that statement that I can’t even list them."
  • Throw the Book at Them: This psycho customer.
  • Time Travel: Enough that there's a top-rated collection of these stories.
  • Title Drop: A surprising number of customers literally say "The customer is always right" as if it were some kind of magic spell that always makes it so.
    • The saying "The customer is always right," when it is applicable, applies to business and business ONLY. Customers seem to think it applies to everything from religion to sexual orientation to opinions of any sort.
      Customer: I think that [misguided opinion].
      Worker: That's fine. I happen to think that [better-informed opinion or actual fact].
      Customer: Why? That's obviously wrong!
      Worker: Um, not really...
      Customer: Yes, it is! The customer is always right!
    • This one actually adds the "not always" to the mix, when customers try to argue how old the cashier serving them actually is by this logic.
    • And this one, where a customer tries to call a bank, gets a veterinarian office instead, and refuses to believe he had the wrong number because "I just gave you my account number", as if dialing the actual phone number for the bank is just a formality and his account number is the magic set of numbers that actually turns them into a bank.
    • Inverted here: a customer tries to price-match turkeys with a competitor, insisting on getting their price even though this store's prices are actually cheaper than said competitor's. The cashier does not fight this because of the "customer is always right" logic.
  • Toilet Training Plot: This customer gets caught by a deli employee trying to potty train their kid in the middle of an aisle! That's a new one.
  • Tomato in the Mirror: The (Korean) client for a photo restoration service is upset that the only photo of her grandfather has faded his hair nearly to white. The photo restorer realizes at a glance that the grandfather was a white man with blond hair, nothing is wrong with the photo, and the client is mixed-race. (the comments debate possible reasons the client may not have been informed of this by her parents or grandmother)
  • Tomboy with a Girly Streak: Or rather, girly girl with a tomboyish streak. (Then again, is a zebra black with white stripes or white with black stripes?)
  • Too Dumb to Live:
    • This woman has absolutely no idea how to take care of a child. She calls Tech Support for help on changing a diaper, thinking she needs to put in some code or that the submitter pressed some magic button that apparently solves all of life's problem. Here's hoping she never had children of her own.
    • Are those wires live?
    • When this submitter buys £250 worth of fireworks, another nearby customer accuses him of being a dangerous vandal who's going to blow things up - and then goes on to stomp on said fireworks. Fireworks may be relatively inert without an external ignition source, but that doesn't make stomping on them a safe thing to do.
    • Possibly a literal example. Driving, while talking on one cellphone, and configuring another, with hot coffee between her knees. She was t-boned by another car. No word on what happened after that.
      • The best part? The accident was the other driver's fault (the other car ran a red light).
    • This customer recommends starting a fire in a barrel for warmth in the middle of a gas station.
    • An example by proxy: This man's son ends up with a concussion very early in the morning. The man is perfectly aware that a concussion patient should not fall asleep - so he keeps his son awake all throughout the morning instead of immediately taking him to the ER, ensuring that it will be that much more difficult to keep him awake.
    • This woman is apparently too busy with her upcoming 3-month tour of Europe to worry about her skin cancer. In that time, said cancer, if left untreated, could develop into much worse form or even spread to her other organs.
    • "I can't believe I picked [chunky peanut butter] up. I can't have the one with the chunks in it. I'm allergic to peanuts!"
    • This person seemed to be under the impression that tourists are exempt from natural disasters. Sure, just wait at the pier until the tsunami has passed, and continue the tour where you left off.
    • These parents ignore warnings about ordnance from the two World Wars, at their own peril and the peril of their children—especially their seven-year-old son. They don't even get why the submitter is so alarmed about what they've found.
    • Have you ever seen those cartoons where someone confuses a skunk for a cat? Apparently, it can happen. Even if it didn't spray, a skunk could potentially be rabid.
    • This. Trying to rob a liquor store and using a company vehicle as the getaway car may not be immediately lethal, but very, very dumb. The shoplifter assumed that retail employees can't read.
    • This "customer" takes the doughnut. He comes up to the employee and complains about fruit flies swarming the sample doughnut display. Fair enough. When the employee starts removing the infested doughnuts, per store policy (and probably a few health codes), the customer angrily demands that the employee "just spray some poison" on it because he really wanted one. Right, he doesn't just want the doughnut, he wants it seasoned with fruit flies and a dash of poison.note 
    • This guy is so computer illiterate that he doesn't understand how the forward and back arrows are supposed to work on Internet Explorer! One has to question how he's even smart enough to use a computer.
    • This guy clumsily tries to pump gas into a vehicle while holding a lit cigarette in the hand he's using to pump.
    • This couple at a B&B gets a cheesecake to celebrate the girlfriend's birthday and get the idea to use a sparkler as a candle in their room, on the bed, while they are implied to have been in it. The boyfriend ends up with severe burns on his arm, the bed is ruined, and the smoke alarms go off and wake up everyone else in the B&B.
    • This customer had been advised by their doctor to curb their salt intake because of their blood pressure. However the doctor is seemingly not aware that the customer thinks what is actually salt is called white pepper, and the doctor didn't mention that, so it must be okay to have it!note 
    • This woman bought peanut butter despite having a dangerous peanut allergy because she thought it wouldn't contain actual peanuts but rather artificial peanut flavoring. Had she checked the jar, she would have seen not only an ingredient list that included actual peanuts but a peanut allergy warning.
    • To show airport security that the sharp edge on her pate knife isn't sharp, this lady SLASHES HER WRIST WITH IT. One fountain of blood later, airport security's point is made, but the lady refuses treatment beyond paper towels.
  • Too Much Information:
  • Tranquil Fury:
  • Translation by Volume: The phone shop customer in this story, who doesn't speak English, just keeps on repeating "heean", eventually rising to a shout and clearly believing the cashier is an idiot for not understanding him. He even angrily refuses to speak into a translation app when offered, which most tourists are said to be happy with.
  • Translation Convention: Being an English-only site, whether someone is speaking a language other than English will usually only be noted if, say, multiple languages are being spoken in the example.
  • Translation: "Yes": "Wow, he said all that in one little sentence?"
  • Trash of the Titans: A family somehow manages to render a hotel room completely uninhabitable due to ankle deep trash and dirty laundry, a destroyed smoke detector, and ruined beds within the span of two days.
  • The Treachery of Images: "A card? Well, you shouldn't say it's a plant then. It's misleading."
  • [Trope Name]: This conversation between a customer and employee pretty much sums up the usual NAR story.
  • True Art Is Incomprehensible:invoked Statues don't count, apparently.
  • Twin Threesome Fantasy: ...encoded.
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