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Noodle Incident / Jokes

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Averted in the case of these Jokes.

  • The eyepatch joke. A pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand and an eyepatch is having a drink in the tavern, and the bartender asks him, "where did you get your peg leg?" "A shark bit it off," he replies. Intrigued, the bartender continues, "how about your hook?" "Aye, it was a swordfight with a Naval officer," the pirate answers. "And the eyepatch?" "A bird flew overhead and crapped in my eye," says the pirate. "And because of that you had to get an eyepatch?" the bartender asks, bewildered. "No," the pirate replies. "It was my first day with the hook."
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  • The pig with the wooden leg. On a trip to the rural countryside, the President visits a farmer, and notices that one of his pigs has a wooden leg. The President inquires as to why. "Oh sir, this is a very good pig," the farmer says. "When my son fell down the well, the pig ran and alerted me!" "That doesn't explain why he has a wooden leg," the President replies. "Oh sir, this is a very good pig," the farmer says. "When my barn caught fire, he rounded up all the neighbours and helped to put the fire out!" "Okay, but why does the pig have a wooden leg?" the President, now slightly agitated, asks. "Oh sir, this is a very good pig," the farmer continues. "When a thief tried to steal one of my chickens, the pig pounced on him and didn't let him get away!" By now, the President is very frustated. "That's excellent, but pray tell me, WHY DOES THE PIG HAVE A WOODEN LEG?!" "Well sir, you know", the farmer says, "with a pig this good, you can't eat him all at once".

Played straight here.

  • A man comes home from work one day, but he's barely gotten through the door before his wife greets him with a passionate kiss; then she drags him upstairs, pushes him onto the bed, pulls down his pants, and starts to give him a blowjob. The man stares at her for a minute...then grimaces and asks, "All right, Mildred, what did you do to the car this time?"

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