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Noodle Implements / Fan Fic

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Noodle Implements in fanfiction.

  • In the sequel fic to XANA-Induced Sugar Highs for Dummies, XANA Goes Crazy N Stuff, Aelita lies about making a microwave out of twigs, string, and a frog trying to help the others kick the now-human XANA out of their world.
  • Chapter 5 of the Naruto fan fic Nin Tech notes that the ANBU Interrogation Department is soundproofed so well "that not even the usage of a sheep, two gallons of egg-white paint, a neon pink boa, and five square yards of Saran wrap" would be heard from inside.
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  • The Naruto fan fic Naruto the Overlord Kage (a crossover with the game Overlord) had this memorable line in chapter seven from Axel. "Okay, we got mace, grenades, six-pack of beer, bazooka, flamethrower, a box filled with genetically enhanced mutated demonic vermin, and a ticket for a free bowl of ramen, ok, we're all set!! Let's go cause some chaos!!" Turns out the rats grow 10 times their size when lit on fire so they never got around to using much of the other items.
  • Another Naruto fanfic, Uprooted, has Tsunade recite the following to the Third Hokage: "You don't get a say in this, old man. Tar. Feathers. Gelding knife. Superglue, walnut groats and two hundred rabid squirrels. Do not tempt me."
  • Yet again, with a little extra help has the Pirate Space alien Giraffe bondage incident (also a Noodle Incident).
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  • From this House of Leaves parody: "'Wax' got his nickname after an especially colorful incident in the Himalayas involving three empty water bottles, a ball of twine, one extremely smelly and hideous yak, and two sherpas with a warped sense of humor. Trust me, you do not want to hear the details."
  • The Ranma ½ fanfic One More, From the Top, had Soun mention (towards Genma) the Tendo Family Torture, which involves "bubble gum and fluorescent light bulbs". Once Genma leaves the room, Kasumi mentions that she's never heard of the Tendo Family Torture. Soun reveals that he just made it up, that he had no idea how to torture someone with bubble gum and fluorescent light bulbs, and that Genma "always did have a... creative mind."
  • Thousand Shinji has Shinji feeling pleased at having finally "managed to perfect the plan involving a car battery, a geisha, a metric tonne of boiling ramen, and a rubber chicken" that could kill off his father (although he never actually uses it). He also wonders "But where would I get that much tapioca?"
  • Nobody Dies:
    • Kei Ayanami (sic) demanding some... interesting things from Tokyo-3 after taking over one of NERV's outposts, including one million helicopters, one dollar, and Shinji and Asuka dressed only in ribbons. And Kyoko Soryu in a box, air holes optional.
    • Rei herself is no slouch in the use of Noodle Implements: she seems to have a thing for doing unspecified things to people with vegetables (it's a really bad sign if she decides to use cabbage).
      Maya: "I have no idea how she managed to destroy Fuyutsuki's car with [a squeaky mallet]!"
    • Gendo's and Yui's conversation about subtly undermining Kyoko Sohryu's authority: "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "I think so, but I don't know where we're going to get that much Saran Wrap."
  • From a Harry Potter fansite, this guide to being a Death Eater includes the line "The next meeting is scheduled for midnight, 11th June, when I trust we will have the pleasure of watching your initiation ceremony. Please remember to bring a clean handsaw and enough twine. It's so distressing when people don't prepare for these events properly."
    • Any lists in said guide invariably have similar implements. For example, the equipment list has "Disguise kit, containing: Nun's outfit, false beard, beekeeping veil, Muggle policeman's costume, etc" and a pointy stick, and the list of skills includes yodelling.
    • 99% of all good Harry Potter humor fic about the Marauders includes a list of Noodle Implements.
  • From The Parselmouth of Gryffindor, the materials Hermione needs to loophole out the Prophecy include a hamster, some ants, and a lot of paint. A subversion, as the scheme is eventually made clear, long though the characters (and readers) may be kept in the dark a la Noodle before then.
  • South Down The Coast, a Final Fantasy VIII fic has Quistis doing paperwork and receiving the following supply request: "One hundred metres nylon rope. One nun's habit. Motorcycle. Seven rolls duct tape. The list grew longer. Hyne, what did they need ten packs of Triple Triad cards for anyway? Not to mention the fertiliser."
  • Zelda fic The Legend Of Zelda Big Brother House mentions that the reason Link never talks in the video games has something to do with Like Likes and Fire Keese in a bathroom and some yeast settling. Then there's the ingredients to Zant's meals, which include ingredients that try to run away.
  • In Kiss And Tell, a Doctor Who fanfic, the Doctor has left the Master with Jack. The Master decides to 'kiss and tell' as revenge, so the Doctor walks in on the following exchange: "Jack was choking out, 'The thing with... the thing with the riding crop... I've had something like that happen... you just need to have some antiseptic on hand... but when you add bananas...' 'Don't forget the corset!' 'Stop it! Shit, I'm going to die here... best death I've had... and... and... and a set of bagpipes...' The Master could barely talk between wheezes. 'It wasn't only that... it turned out Frisbees are... you know... like I said before... but the paint was too hot... and....' " Later, playing croquet in the shower is mentioned as another "activity".
  • In Red Witch's Galaxy Rangers fic Abandon Sanity All Who Enter Here Niko has to try and throw off a spy masquerading as a BETA psychologist. When asked to read his mind, she feigns Dirty Mind-Reading and scares him out of the room.
    "YOU PERVERT! I would never do that with a banana! And the monkeys and French Maid outfit is out of the question! Vanilla pudding! You want me to do what with vanilla pudding?"
  • In Wondy Goes to WalMart Green Lantern needed the following items to fix his green lantern ring: A roll of duct tape, a knife with a gut-hook, three popsicle sticks, four feet of 30-amp dryer cord, a caulking gun, a USB cell phone charger, a ping-pong ball, a lithium ion-powered wrench, a carbon filter, a bug zapper, and a rotisserie chicken.
  • Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality: Harry buys a Feather-Falling Potion, Gillyweed, a bottle of Food and Water Pills, and a medical kit. He also asked goblins how much it would cost to mint a ton of silver into sickles, and had trouble answering when asked if he was trying to Take Over the World. He bought most of that stuff just to be prepared, but McGonagall didn't realize that.
  • New Games a Yu-Gi-Oh! fic, does this with several items including a Simon playset, a joy-buzzer and a rubber chicken.
  • In the Teen Titans fanfic The Joker's Wild, the Joker sends Harley Quinn out to get torture implements, and when she gets back he asks her "Did you get everything? The drills? The nails? The acid? The matches? The custard?"
  • Andy's overly long list of objects needed to take Sherman to the vet in Calvin and Hobbes: The Series:
    Andy: "Let's see… Iodine, band-aids, gauze, bullwhip, small strait-jacket, helmet, pan, shampoo, gloves, tranquilizer, chloroform, tennis racquet, ice cubes, Banana Peel, cage, snare trap, baloney, modem…"
  • In The Unexpected Love Life of Dusk Shine, Pinkie Pie decides to gather an assortment of completely random items to stop the parasprites with, reasoning that she cannot fail (as that would derail the plot from its tenuous grasp on canon) and she wants to see how the author handles the mess.
  • In The Twilight Child, the last time anypony told Spike he wouldn't have to do any heavy lifting, he apparently wound up carrying a whole roll of parchment, three puppies, some guard armor and no less than twenty-eight books at once.
  • In A Delicate Balance, Big Macintosh and Cheerilee discuss the Cutie Mark Crusaders' science fair project. It apparently involved a trebuchet, which only functioned properly because Big Macintosh had the foresight to "disable the rocket".
  • Diaries of a Madman: The protagonist Navarone at one point passes the time by telling Twilight some of his bedroom exploits with his dragoness girlfriend, leaving us with the following:
    Navarone: ...and that’s when I discovered yet another use for tooth floss.
  • In Gensokyo 20XX:
    • Kaguya and Mokou's plan plan to bust the others out involved gasoline, a box of cigarettes, a rock, a can of hairspray, bug repellant, a wire, an empty can, some shredded playing cards, a bottle of pee, and some dynamite.
    • For some reason, as revealed in chapter 18, Kaguya has a tanto hidden between her butt cheeks.
    • A Noodle Incident that Kaguya was involved in mentioned bird, a couple of golf balls, and some tape and another mentioned a gelding knife, some of this stuff called Axe, a toothpaste, some cola, and Mentos.
  • In the RWBY fic Matchmaker, Blake realizes that Ruby has been reading her diary, and resolves to force Ruby to tell her what she knows.
    Ideas for interrogation techniques popped into Blake’s head. She would need a dark, secluded room, a length of rope, and some water. Maybe a large battery, but she would only use that if Ruby didn’t cooperate. But then again, someone like Ruby could probably take a little bit of electricity.
  • In Dumbledore's Royal Screw Up Harry's adopted son and mother-in-law-to-be come up with a possible revenge plan involving twenty gallons of tomato sauce, blue jellybeans and a chainsaw.
  • Pokéumans:
    • From the serial post Things Not To Do In A Pokeumans Base:
    No-one wants to see what you can do with an Iron Ball, a Destiny Knot and a pack of Chesto Berries.
    Or the one with the cleaning rod and six rounds of blanks.
    • Another rule from the same list quite simply said:
    Do not do the thing with the lollipop within the sight of any member of staff ever again.
  • In Harry Potter and the Marauders of the Mind George demands the end of "that story about the hag, the goblin and Herbert Biggleswozzle" as proof that Sirius' spirit is currently hanging around inside Harry's head (along with several others).
    Sirius: So anyway, picking up where we left off - the goblin is well upset about the whole issue of the stolen armour and the accidental marriage proposal and decides to get revenge. He clubs together with the hag and they hatch a plan using the bindweed potion, the broomstick and the enchanted harp.
    George: Please tell me this story isn't going where I think it's going.
    Sirius: It's going exactly where you think it's going. So that night, the hag gets into the kitchen and spikes his wine with the bindweed potion, then puts on the helmet from the armour with the visor down and waits until Herbert Biggleswozzle has finished eating and then goes in with the harp to -
    George: Okay - stop! Stop! Seriously. Don't describe it. I'll never be able to look at applesauce or listen to harp music again without feeling nauseated if you carry on.
  • One of incidents, Nonon was involved in had her do something with a crossbow, Ragyou's wheelchair, 200 gallons of jet-pack fuel, a jet pack, and a radio playing "Equinox" by Skrillex
  • In Memories That Go Unremembered, Stan thinks that a teenager could use a device that erases memories for "something involving five frogs, the Declaration of Independence, and a fun-size Snackers bar".
  • A trap designed by Uchiha Madara and used by Naruto in Memories Of Others uses three lemons and a paperclip in order to inflict extreme Clothing Damage. How it does so is never explained.
  • In the Pokémon fan story "Becoming a Woman" by Seveninchsprockets, after viewing Jessie and James' homemade sex tapes, a traumatized Ash's "Things to Avoid" list includes: whipped cream, chocolate syrup, honey, bananas, and elves.
  • Sins of the Father:
    Luna, to a certain degree, went even loopier since her father died. It was more of a coping mechanism: beneath it all, she was very sane, and she actually had some conversations with Kurama about what she would do to Snape should she ever encounter him again that had the Kyuubi, a creature that lived for destruction, astonished. He didn't know it was possible to do that with two onions, a straw, and a toothpick. And that was just for starters.
  • The New Adventures of Invader Zim:
    • When GIR first appears in the first chapter, he's coated in chocolate pudding. And the only explanation we get for this is from Minimoose, so we don't really learn why.
    • Dib and Steve are "initiated" into the Children of the Bright and Shining Saucer by being carried into a tent filled with torture tools, gym equipment, old fashioned medical tools... and livestock. We then cut to them being welcomed into the group.
  • In Xander and Yet ANOTHER Demon, Xander notes he can easily figure out what Willow and Kennedy did with four gallons of chocolate sauce given the bill from the hotel for cleaning it out of the bathtub. What he can't figure out is the two poodles, the latex nun's habit, and the inflatable toy giraffe.
  • In The Silmarillion fanfic Unwanted Advice, Elladan, Elrohir and ghost!Fëanor "built a mechanical cake-mixer out of a broom, a mop, and Gandalf's hat".
  • This crossover of Chiasmata and Puella Magi Madoka Magica describes a Noodle Incident as the following:
    There has been an incident around Anders, which resulting in him a call for help, merging, six Soul Gems and a memory wipe later, being essentially an artificial lifeform and David, Dawn and Ash are currently preoccupied with him.
  • Naruto's list of things he needs in A Drop of Poison to improve the obstacle course include standard things like blunted kunai and firecrackers, less standard but normal items like glue and paint, and really weird ones like eight dozen eggs, an ink stamp, and a specific brand of vegetable oil.
  • In Ransoming Emrys, Gwaine's idea of fun with magic involves a wheelbarrow, chicken feathers and a unicorn. Arthur very pointedly Does Not Ask.
  • A Chance Meeting of Two Moons: Apparently, Solaris once had drunken sex with Eris, and it involved a tuba and a banana. Likewise, Celestia with Discord, involving a tuba and a pineapple. Exactly how is never explained in either case.
  • The Pieces Lie Where They Fell: Vix-Lei's large rubber lizard, which she carries around for "emergencies", and isn't willing to admit to exactly what sort of emergency would require it. She eventually winds up using the lizard as a distraction in the fight with the Nightmare, but when she finds it again, admits that's not the real reason she was carrying it. She also has an eyepatch for emergencies, but isn't willing to explain why it's pony-sized.
  • Fantasy of Utter Ridiculousness: As part of a gag that acts as a deliberate shout-out to Garfield, Yuyuko has Youmu gather together some wood planks, duct tape, an empty ice cream bucket, a half-full hairspray can, a jackalope plush doll, flour, marbles, a window fan and a trumpet as part of an elaborate plan to rouse the heavily-sleeping Yukari. We don't see how she intended to use them, only that they work as planned.
  • In Batman: Melody for a Mockingbird, Nightwing praises Catwoman's skills as a Phantom Thief by bringing up how she stole the Crown Jewels of England (which she gave to the authorities after taking selfies with them) with just a ballpoint pen, a bottle of water, and a security guard's belt.


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