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I am the All-Powerful Bystander. This is Purgatory.

Sigh. Things were so much easier in the old days, you know? You were either "Good" or "Evil". Then those Existentialist eggheads got it into their heads that morality was subjective and now we have to start taking into account Hanlon's Razor and now we're up to out necks in paperwork trying to sort you monkeys into the revised system.

You were Lawful Neutral, Chaotic Neutral or True Neutral in life. You weren't good enough to see the Golden-Gates of Paradise, but you weren't bad enough for Eternal Damnation either. The Angels tried to describe the beauty of your soul in excruciating detail and the Demons wouldn't shut up about how tasty your calves looked, but rules are rules and neither of them got you, so here you are.


You will now spend the rest of eternity in Purgatory. You know: The Neutral Zone, the Medium Place, the Mundane Afterlife, Asphodel Meadows, Helheim, the Pit of Eternal Mediocrity, Heaven-if-it-sucked, Hell-if-it-didn't-suck, etc. Here you will remain comfortable, but not too comfortable. You can have anything you could ever want, but it won't be as good as if you had made it to Heaven. Suffering still exists, but it won't be as severe as though you were still alive. It doesn't have to be boring, but that's the default we're going for.

If you have any questions, file them with Janet and she'll get back to you.


What is your Mundane Afterlife?

    open/close all folders 

  • Porn is available, but it's all vanilla.
  • All music is the live-versions.
  • If you want to paint, you can. All the blank canvases are the same size (11"x14"), all the paints are really cheap and the only landscapes you have to paint En plein air are generic mid-Western woodlands.
  • All physical pain is dulled, but so is physical pleasure.
  • You can eat whatever you want, but everything is low-sodium, low-sugar and mild. Even the table-salt, grains of sugar and ghost peppers.
  • No Angels or Demons run it. Instead there are "Not Fallen, more like stumbled slightly" Angels who are Lawful Neutral and are dispassionate in everything they do.

    Maths ~Angelic Version~ 
  • Video games of various genres are available, but they're all more or less Mission Pack Sequels that don't bring much to the table. For instance, every Platform Game is a New Super Mario Bros. game, or at least looks and plays like one.
  • Touhou exists, but Touhou FanWorks don't.
  • No piece of media takes risks. There are no interesting surprises, but you also don't have to worry about e.g. your favorite character from a seemingly-cute work being killed off for no reason other than shock value.

  • Star Trek: Voyager exists, but only the episodes "Threshold" and "Twisted".
  • Christmas exists, but there are no decorations and the food isn't any fancier than usual.

Alternative Title(s): Welcome To Heaven, Welcome To Hell


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