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Narm / Castlevania

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What is narm? A miserable little pile of would-be drama! But enough talk! Have at these Castlevania examples!

  • Any time there is dialogue in Castlevania: Symphony of the Night. Alucard's voice actor is surprisingly good, but the script makes one want to cry. The most infamous examples are Richter's "Die, monster! You don't belong in this world!" and Dracula's "What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk, have at you!"
  • In Castlevania 64, a nearly-functional Jump Scare is spoiled because the vampire in question must have jumped straight out of a solid oak table in the middle of the room to attack the player from the angle he does. To conceal this, in the next shot, the table vanishes.
  • Who could forget the dramatic line "I'll kill you, AND THE NIGHT!" from Castlevania: Lament of Innocence?
    • Adam Sessler commented on that line:
      "He's going to kill an entire time of day."
    • Almost ALL the Lament dialogue is Narmtastic; but much like Symphony, it's usually So Bad, It's Good. The exception to the Narmfest is Mathias, but he becomes Dracula, and so his Narm-free days are short.
  • Some of the mistranslations and Engrish are funny enough on their own to be level-breakers despite having no storyline importance.
    • The infamous Cthulhu/Malachi name switch. Even in subsequent games, Malachi (who is supposed to be Cthulhu) kept the wrong name, though as the Lovecraft estate can be rather litigious, this was probably for the best.
    • In Aria, Lubicant should have been Rubicante, and Curly should have been Kali. Lubicant tends to suffer major confusion with the word lubricant.
    • Order of Ecclesia's item to do a Double Jump, instead of being called Leap Stone like it was in Symphony of the Night, is called Ordinary Rock.
  • Dawn of Sorrow has a player-induced one. One of the bad guys, Dmitrii, has the ability to copy any attack used on him and will keep using that attack. The Apprentice Witch Bullet Soul shoots out a purple cat that will give a high-pitched meow. During the battle, dramatic rock like music plays. Thus, it is possible for the entire battle to consist of two people throwing small purple cats at each other to epic battle music.
    • Or the Cave Troll soul during that fight. Seriously, you and Dmitrii can have a licking fight.
    • Bonus points for the Cave Troll since he dramatically extends his arm to a length of about double the attack's range.
  • Hector's "oh shit" moment in Castlevania: Curse of Darkness just after the second brawl with Isaac skirts the border of Narm... until he thuds onto his knees and clutches at his head like Cloud Strife experiencing a migraine. Then it leaps gleefully headfirst into Narmsville. That doesn't destroy the moment, though — this is Castlevania we're talking about.
    • Any dialogue between those two is a Foe Yay-fueled Large Ham competition anyhow.
      • Isaac usually wins these. Probably because Hector's distracted by those frigging pants. Heck, the dialogue in general for Curse of Darkness can get like this, as it tries to sound Shakespearean.
    • They really should've put in more voice acting for Hector during gameplay. "Go!... Go!... Go!... Go!..." can get a little bit annoying.
  • The SHOOOAR! war/deathcries of Brachyura and Gravedorcus in Order of Ecclesia. It sounds specifically like a person trying to sound like a monster and failing hilariously.
    • Barlowe telling Shanoa, "Now die, and YIELD [DOMINUS] TO ME!" lost some of its drama with the CAPSLOCK shouting, and more when Dominus is bracketed.
    • When he uses his electric attack, as he flies around, he giggles, sounding like a little kid going down a slide.
    • Shanoa saying "I am the morning sun, come to vanquish this horrible night!" — a Call-Back to a poorly written line in Castlevania II: Simon's Quest, while preparing to storm Dracula's castle.
    • And who could forget the fight against Rusalka? RAAAAAGE BE WILD!!!!
    • A lot of the voice clips in Order of Ecclesia are pretty cheesy, from the villagers to the monsters. Special mention goes to Abram, who sounds like a surfer dude.... in a game set in 19th century Europe.
  • Dracula is twice as big as his own coffin when Camilla wakes him up at the beginning of Circle of the Moon.
  • Brauner's death cry in Portrait of Ruin: "(SCREAMS)"
    • Brauner in general.
      THIS IS ART!
    • And similarly, Stella's heartrending reaction to her father finally passing on: "(SOBS)"
  • Shaft. There is an evil priest named Shaft. More specifically, a dark-skinned evil priest named Shaft. It is physically impossible to see or think of him without thinking of blaxploitation.
  • This music is just... way, way, way too chipper and upbeat for a Castlevania game. It's actually a redone tune from the arcade game Haunted Castle, "Clock Tower's Beat," but still.
  • Dracula's One-Winged Angel form in the original Castlevania, aka the Cookie Monster. Fortunately, updates to this form in Castlevania Chronicles and Castlevania: Rondo of Blood look a lot more menacing.
  • In the English translation of Super Castlevania IV, the Dual Bosses were named Paula Abghoul and Fred Askare. Really, every single instruction manual for the NES and SNES games was brimming with things like that. Apparently, the copywriters at Konami USA vastly overestimated their sense of humor, and they tossed out whatever canon Konami had come up and replaced it with some of the most painfully, wretchedly terrible jokes and puns you'll ever see. The result is basically reverse Narm; it's trying to be funny, but fails so hard that it makes the reader a little sad inside. And no, Konami's other properties like Contra and Metal Gear didn't escape this treatment, either.
  • Castlevania: Judgment:
  • In Castlevania Chronicles, when you throw the Cross, the sound it makes is flat-out hilarious.
  • Hey, want to know what the single most narmfully-titled song in the entire Castlevania series is? Behold "You Goddamned Bathead," from the second phase of the boss fight with Dracula in Castlevania Chronicles. Even Hardcore Gaming 101's Castlevania book calls it amusingly-titled. This may only be narmful in hindsight because Chronicles came out years before All-Star Batman & Robin, the Boy Wonder and its own intensely quotable narm:
    Batman: What, are you, dense? Are you retarded or something? Who the hell do you think I am? I'm the goddamned Batman.
  • The pachislot and pachinko games were always divisive at best, or a middle finger at worst for western fans; however, the most recent pachinko game based on Rondo of Blood is the worst offender, from the gratuitous fanservice, to the laughable subtitle "Erotic Violence." It's just too delicious to not laugh about it.
  • In the MSX entry, Vampire Killer, we see Dracula throwing fireballs by opening his cape in a manner that can best be described as him flashing Simon.
  • Haunted Castle is somewhat notorious for its interpretation of the Belmont Clan's iconic Pimp Walk. As opposed to the usual Menacing Stroll, Simon's walking animation is commonly likened to the man narrowly staving off a Potty Emergency.
  • While this is one of the few series where the sentiment is justified, Juste running into The Grim Reaper for the second time in Castlevania: Harmony of Dissonance needed a better reaction than "Aaargh! Death has returned!"
    • Throughout the scene where Death snatches Lydie, take a good look at Juste... just standing there one hand on his hip. What a nice guy.


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