Sidetracked by the Analogy

Dilbert: We can either wait three months for the software committee to approve our plan or we can soar like eagles, and act without approval, saving millions of dollars!
Dilbert: (thinking) Please don't be sidetracked by the analogy.
Pointy-Haired Boss: Since when do eagles use software?

— Dilbert

To a character who is Literal-Minded, a Cloudcuckoolander, or maybe just a little dim, or even a combination of all three, using analogies and figurative language is a bad idea. This is because in any given metaphor, there are several different things that a person can latch onto, but only one of these is intended to actually make the connected point. And unless the connection is made right away, everyone can end up discussing an entirely different tangent than what they were supposed to be discussing. Someone will eventually have to stop the new discussion in hope of returning to the original subject.

Suffice to say, this is Truth in Television, to the point that one of the best identifying marks of a good leader is that he can keep a conversation focused on a single topic without having it go off into completely irrational directions.

Compare Derailed for Details. Could also be seen as the conversational variant of a Wiki Walk, where starting with one topic leads to dozens of completely unrelated topics with only tangential connections.

Sister trope to Analogy Backfire. Compare Metaphorgotten, where the speaker themselves gets sidetracked. See also Derailed Train of Thought and Comically Missing the Point.

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Examples:

Anime & Manga

• Asteroid in Love: In an unadopted part of Chapter 6, Mai mentions the most acidic hot spring in Japan has a pH as low as 1.2. Mari opines that the level of acidity exceeds that of lemons, then Mira suggested it might be less sour if she adds sugar, at which point Mira and Mari start to talk about lemonades and candied lemons.
• A variation in ef: A Tale of Memories has Chihiro explaining a math problem she supposedly read once in school, about how long it would take a sheep tethered x feet from a pole to eat all the grass in the surrounding circle. Chihiro thought of the implied end of the story, about how the sheep would eventually starve to death, rather than the math problem it was setting up.
• Similar to the above, an episode of Student Council's Discretion has Minatsu posing a math problem to Kurimu. The problem is fairly typical: "John goes to the store with X dollars. He buys Y units of a certain item at a certain price, and Z units of another item at a different price. How much change should he get?" Kurimu instead thinks about why the character in the story would be buying the certain items, and concludes that his parents are neglectful.
• In an early chapter of Eyeshield 21, Hiruma comes into the football team's clubhouse, complaining about having to hunt around town for a convenience store that sells his favorite sugarless gum.
  Hiruma: Even flies wouldn't chew sugary gum!
  Kurita: Flies chew gum?
• Kaguya-sama: Love Is War: When Ishigami is explaining to Maki that All Men Are Perverts only applies to non-virgins, she gets distracted by his comparison of sex addiction to smoking and ends up coming up with her own analogy about a mafioso having One Last Smoke after being fatally shot that is completely disconnected from the topic at hand.
• Love Live! Sunshine!!: Played for Laughs in episode 5. At one point in the episode, Riko suggests changing the group's name to something more eccentric to boost their status and reflect how they have Ruby and Hanamaru joining, and Chika cheekily suggests "5 Mermaids" as a reference to Riko's suggestion of "3 Mermaids" for their idol group's name. When Chika realizes that the group can't dance in mermaid costumes, Ruby cheerfully suggest they can have the audience cheer for them to have legs. Then You reminds them that in the original story, the mermaid lost the ability to speak in exchange for her legs, which would be problematic for idols that need to sing.

Comic Books

• Jimmy from Empire State. At one point, he manages to distract himself while writing a letter: he's confessing his romantic feelings for a close friend, and he catches himself going off on tangents like describing the sort of things he normally dreams about, or criticizing the movie Kate & Leopold for not resolving the Grandfather Paradox.

Comic Strips

• This shows up quite frequently in Dilbert. Scott Adams has admitted bad analogies are a pet peeve of his.
  • There's a strip where Asok tries to avert this trope while talking to the Pointy-Haired Boss (knowing the PHB, though, he's probably unsuccessful):
    Asok: This job is not stimulating my mind. If you want to have tigers, you must feed them tiger meat. But that is only an analogy. Please do not make me eat a zebra.
• From Matt Groening, in one Life in Hell strip, Binky is reading the news and how depressing it is and comments, "We're like the frog in a pan who is slowly being boiled to death and doesn't realize it!" and his son Bongo sobs, "That poor little frog!"
• FoxTrot had a strip where Paige had a math problem in the vein of "Lisa has X dollars and the store is selling a red sweater for Y dollars, a blue sweater for Z dollars, etc. How many different combinations of sweaters can she buy?" She calls the the problem "absurd" because it doesn't give enough information — "It doesn't say what color her hair is, it doesn't say what color her eyes are...!" Jason, standing nearby, responds "This IS absurd."
• One Lupo Alberto strip has a variant when Enrico commented that the rainy weather seemed the summer of Cherrapunji (or Cerrapungi, as it's often spelled in Italian)... And it turns out nobody else in the farm (aside possibly the doctor) has ever heard of the place, leaving them stunned wondering just what Cherrapunji is (somehow, nobody just asks the two guys in the known what this mythical Cerrapungi is).

Fan Works

• In the My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic fic A Delicate Balance, Pinkie says that uncertainty over the outcome is no reason to be afraid of romance, just like the possibility of eating an "icky coconut" candy is no reason to refrain from digging into a box of chocolates. Twilight counters, explaining that it's totally possible to tell which chocolates have which fillings before eating them, or that Pinkie could just order a box of chocolates that doesn't contain any coconut.
• Happens multiple times in the story, Equestria: A History Revealed. It makes you wonder why the Lemony Narrator goes out of her way to make analogies in the first place.
  So it might be best to take this source with a pinch of salt. And maybe a little parmesan. Oh yeah. That's the stuff.
• Ultra Fast Pony, in the episode "How to Control Freaks":
  Twilight: Now, quick, Fluttershy, get [Rainbow Dash] in a full nelson! [...] Dammit, Fluttershy, I said full nelson, not one-quarter!
  Fluttershy: I don't know anyone named Nelson!
  Twilight: That has nothing to do with it!
  Rarity: What about Nelson Mandela?
  Twilight: That's a good point. What about Nelson Mandela, Fluttershy?
  Fluttershy: I don't know who that is!
  Twilight: How do you not know who that is?!
• From Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series, on why Tristan threw Bakura's ring away:
  Tristan: But it was evil! If Freddie Krueger and Jason Voorhees got married and had a baby, your ring would be the baby!
  Joey: Freddy would never marry Jason. Besides, Freddy's already married — to his job.
• In Blood Sisters, when Bo tells Lauren that she has a sister, she assures the doctor that she knows that the odds of succubi having siblings are like unicorns, which prompts Lauren to go off on a tangent about how unicorns actually have a rather good birth rate before she gets her attention back to the matter at hand.
• From Dragon Ball Z Abridged, where Goku and Vegeta are getting ready for their battle:
  Goku: "Elite"? What's that mean?
  Vegeta: It means I'm of the upper class. A finer breed, the highest grade of warrior!
  Goku: ...
  Vegeta: (groans) Okay, consider yourself beef jerky while I'm filet mignon.
  Goku: Ooh, I like both those things!
  Vegeta: ...I'm going to start beating you now. I don't know when I'll stop.
• From Sword Art Online Abridged:
  • In Lisbeth's introductory episode, Kirito comments on her appearance:
    Kirito: Look, I don't know what Asuna said to you, but I'm guessing it was pretty messed up, and — eh, probably racist. What race gives you pink hair and freckles anyway? Did, like, your Irish dad get his dick stuck in a cotton candy machine? Truly, theirs was a love that could never be. I'd see that movie... Sorry, what was I talking about?
    Lizbeth: You were apologizing?
    Kirito: That doesn't sound like me.
  • Heathcliff's pre-battle pep talk during the attempt to clear Floor 75 doesn't go very well.
    Heathcliff: Ladies and gentlemen, before we begin I would like to take a moment to thank all of you for joining me today. What we are about to attempt would surely be impossible without the combined power of each and every one of you! If we are to be victorious, we must fight as one, as a single sword-
    Schmitt: Uh, I feel like multiple swords would be more effective, sir.
    Heathcliff: No no no, you misunderstand, I'm not speaking literally. It's a metaphor, for unity!
    Random Player: Does it have to be a sword? Could we be, like, a single warhammer?
    Heathcliff: 'kay, look, the specific weapon doesn't matter. It's-
    Other Random Player: My Strength stat isn't high enough for hammers. Could we be a dagger instead?
    Heathcliff: Christ, it's like herding cats with you people...

Films — Animation

• In Shrek, after getting a bit of Analogy Backfire with "ogres are like onions," Donkey spends some time trying to find a more palatable food for the analogy. Zig-zagged a bit by the fact that the onion is kind of a bad analogy to begin with: it may have layers, but each layer is made of the same thing: onion. You're not going to find anything different or surprising in the middle of an onion. Donkey's suggestion of a parfait is actually closer to what Shrek is talking about. ...But then they ignore that and continue arguing.
• At the end of Kung Fu Panda 2, Lord Shen asks Po how he managed to attain inner peace even though he scarred him for life. Po explains to him that "scars heal", causing Shen to point out that no, they don't. The saying is wounds heal.
  Po: Well what do scars do?..... They fade I guess....
  Shen: *exasperated* I don't care what scars do!
  ^note  Scars can be made invisible or erased completely with proper skin care and make-up. But the underlying injury might well still persist...
• A Bug's Life: Dot really cannot wrap her head around the fact that Flik is pretending that the rock is a seed, completely missing the entire advice he is trying to give her.
  Flik: Seed. I need a seed. (Flik tries to get a seed from his harvester, but he can't reach it and ends up going around in circles. He finally gives up and picks up a rock instead and hands it to Dot.) Here, pretend that that's a seed.
  Dot: It's a rock.
  Flik: I know it's a rock, but let's just pretend for a minute it's a seed. We'll just use our imaginations. Now, you see our tree? (gestures to to the huge tree above them) Everything that made that giant tree is already contained inside this tiny little seed. All it needs is some time, a little bit of sunshine and rain, and voila!
  Dot: This rock will be a tree?
  Flik: Seed to tree. You gotta work with me, alright? You might not feel like you can do much now, but that's just because, well, you're not a tree yet. You just have to give yourself some time. You're still a seed.
  Dot: But it's a rock.
  Flik: I KNOW IT'S A ROCK! DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW A ROCK WHEN I SEE A ROCK?! I'VE SPENT A LOT OF TIME AROUND ROCKS!
  Dot: You're weird, but I like you.
• Pinocchio:
  • When Jiminy Cricket is appointed Pinocchio's conscience, he tries to tell him about the dangers of the outside world, but gets sidetracked by his own explanation.
    Jiminy: Now, you see, the world is full of temptations.
    Pinocchio: Temptations?
    Jiminy: Yep, temptations. They're the wrong things that seem right at the time. But, uh... even though the right things may seem wrong sometimes, sometimes the... the wrong things, heh, may be right at the wrong time or, uh... vice versa. (nervous laugh) Understand?
    Pinocchio: (beat; shakes his head) Uh-uh. (Jiminy facepalms) But I'm gonna do right!
    Jiminy: Thatta boy, Pinoke, and I'm gonna help ya!
  • And the next day, when Jiminy catches Pinocchio being led astray by Foulfellow and Gideon, he's tries to remind him about their little talk.
    Jiminy: Remember what I said about temptation?
    Pinocchio: Uh-huh.
    Jiminy: Well, that's him.
    Pinocchio: Oh no, Jiminy. That's Mr. Honest John!
• In Chicken Run, after Ginger and Rocky narrowly escape death from the pie-machine and return to the coop, they reveal to the others what's in-store for them if they don't escape soon. When everyone starts panicking, Ginger chooses the wrong words to use.
  Ginger: Ladies, please. Let's not lose our heads.
  Bunty: Lose our heads?!
  All: AHHHHHHHHHHH!
  Ginger: (Facepalm)

Films — Live-Action

• In Monty Python's Life of Brian, Brian's attempt at the Sermon on the Mount goes over like this.
  Audience: Consider the lilies?
  Brian: Uh, well, the birds, then.
  Audience 1: What birds?
  Brian: Any birds.
  Audience 1: Why?
  Brian: Well, have they got jobs?
  Audience 2: Who?
  Brian: The birds.
  Audience 1: Have the birds got jobs?!
  Audience 3: What's the matter with him?
  Audience 2: He says the birds are scrounging.
  Brian: Oh, uhh, no, the point is the birds. They do all right. Don't they?
  Audience 3: Well, good luck to 'em.
  Audience: Yeah. They're very pretty.
  Brian: Okay, and you're much more important than they are, right? So, what are you worrying about? There you are. See?
  Audience 1: I'm worrying about what you have got against birds.
  Brian: I haven't got anything against the birds. Consider the lilies.
  Audience 3: He's having a go at the flowers now.
  Audience 1: Oh, give the flowers a chance.
• A sort of variation in The Avengers. Thor is talking to Coulson about how when he came to Earth, he ended up butting heads with his future allies, and likens himself and the Asgardians to something called "bilge snipe." Coulson has no idea what those are, so the conversation derails slightly as Thor describes them as "You know, huge, scaly, green antlers," before ending with a puzzled, "You don't have those here?" Subverted, however; after Coulson confirms that Earth doesn't have them, Thor finishes his description by getting back on track; "Well, they are repulsive... They trample everything in their path."
• And in Guardians of the Galaxy (2014), Rocket explains that Drax's species is very Literal-Minded, so any metaphors will go over his head.
  Drax: Nothing goes over my head! My reflexes are too fast. I would catch it.
• In Billy Madison, Billy walks into one when Veronica tells him he was framed for blackmailing, though Billy was blitzed at the time.
  Veronica: Billy, why are you acting like this? I know that you didn't pay off Max.
  Billy: Well, that makes two of us, then, baby. But it takes more than two to tango. Somethin' like that.
• In The Other Guys, after Allen Gamble backfires his partner Terry's analogy about how lions eat tuna by going on a long diatribe about how tuna would kick the lion's ass by ganging up on him and exploiting the fact that the African coast is dangerous, he then continues on to ramble how the tuna would evolve the capacity to develop Powered Armor and they would march on land to kick more lion ass. By that point Terry is equal parts surprised, impressed and probably disturbed, and smacks Gamble with his own wooden gun in response.
• In Gunless, Sean claims that a pistol is just a tool, not a weapon. While this sparks an argument with Jane and Jack, the rest of the room gets quickly distracted on how you can kill people with different tools, whether a rock is a tool, and how you can kill someone with a rope.
• In Hot Shots!, Topper Harley goes into a legendary one on Col. Block when his attempted "The Reason You Suck" Speech about trying to sabotage the Iraq mission goes...an interesting direction.
  Topper: My uncle used to tell me that not playing to win is like sleeping with your sister. Sure, she's a great piece of tail with a blouse full of goodies, but it's... it's just illegal... Then you get into that whole inbred thing. Kids with no teeth who play the banjo, eat applesauce through a straw, pork farm animals... I hope you get my point, sir.

Literature

• In Douglas Adams' Life, the Universe and Everything, Ford Prefect refuses to help Slartibartfast in a mission, describing their chances as like 'A whelk's chance in a supernova'. Cue a page of dialogue as Arthur Dent wonders why, when nothing can survive in a supernova, Ford chose a whelk in particular.
• Discworld: Mustrum Ridcully, and indeed most of the other wizards, are actually reasonably clever when it comes to magic, even if it's not always readily apparent, but they are all genuinely hopeless when it comes to analogies, as Ponder Stibbons, who likes to think of himself as the Only Sane Man among the wizards, finds out every time he tries to explain something, going off on widely divergent tangents at the drop of a hat.
  • In Hogfather, for example, Ponder is explaining how the new mechanical ear on Hex works. He stops himself from describing sound as traveling in waves on the grounds that Ridcully will just assume he's talking about the seaside, and sheepishly handwaves it as "magic".
  • By Unseen Academicals, Ponder's realized that Ridcully does this on purpose. If the other person doesn't have the patience to walk Ridcully through the issue, it probably wasn't urgent or important enough to require his attention in the first place.
  • Ridcully's brother Hughnon is just as bad. Witness his conversation with Vetinari in The Truth. Here's a hint: Vetinari's not actually talking about sending prawns over the clacks.
  • Most Ankh-Morporkians have occasional flashes of this. Commander Vimes thinks it's something in the water—not that he's immune himself.
  • One former patrician actually passed a law requiring accuracy of statements and metaphors. If you say a woman had a face that launched a thousand ships, you damn well better have the manifests to prove it. He eventually met his end in a swordfight against a disgruntled poet armed with a very, very, very, sharp pen. The law was never repealed, but while Vetinari is rumored to occasionally enforce it when he feels like it, it's never actually been used in the series.
  • Most dwarfs tend to be very literal-minded, which is the case with Carrot (who was raised by dwarfs) as well. For example, you shouldn't tell a dwarf not to tell you the Klatchian embassy is on fire, and if you use the phrase "Bob's your uncle," be prepared for a dwarf patiently explaining that his uncle's name is Bjorn Stronginthearm. It's implied that being literal and specific is the natural consequence of living their lives in mines, where for safety reasons one needs to know exactly what is happening at all times.
  • When Wen the Eternally Surprised teaches Clodpool the Apprentice that time is like a coat, which you can put on when needed and discard otherwise, Clodpool asks "Do I have to wash it, master?" Wen responds that this is either a brilliant piece of philosophy, or else extending a metaphor in a rather stupid way. And it's not the first one.
  • The thugs in Hogfather briefly got sidetracked by the metaphor "riding the tiger," describing it in terms of getting fleas or having branches smack you in the face. They did wander back onto topic (Mr. Teatime) eventually.
• Sort of inverted in The Atrocity Archive by Charles Stross: Brains is devoting considerable time and energy to proving that it is possible to make an omelette without breaking eggs, but he instantly abandons this project to give moral support to Bob when their bosses drop him in it, pointing out that Bob's situation is what the phrase is actually about.
• Welkin Weasels: Spindrick Sylver's anarchist associate promises to set up a machine which will blow the city to Kingdom Come, and promptly ruins the drama by musing on whether there's a corresponding "Kingdom Go".
• In Star Trek: Ex Machina, Commodore Fein turns a discussion about Captain Kirk's love for the Enterprise into a semi-Non-Sequitur about art, after Kirk mentions the Mona Lisa as something else people don't get tired of staring at.
  Fein: "And I don't see what the big mystery is about the smile. I mean, aren't you supposed to smile when you get your picture taken?"
  Kirk opened his mouth, but couldn't find a response to that.
• In Bring Up the Bodies, Thomas Cromwell ponders the execution of Thomas More and compares it to arguing with a man as you're walking next to him on a road, only for him to disappear into a deep flooded hole. Then Cromwell thinks he'd better allocate some funding to road repair because that actually happens a lot and his train of thought goes off into various infrastructure issues.
• One sets of part of the plot in Rhythm of War, the fourth The Stormlight Archive book. When discussing Voidlight and Stormlight, the setting's Mana, ancient, recently returned immortal Raboniel tells Navani that they're opposites and can't mix, just like oil and water. Navani says that no, oil and water are not opposites, and argues that a) water doesn't mix with lots of things without being considered opposites, such as sand, and b) it's possible to mix oil and water if you use an emulsifier, and there are naturally occurring oil/water mixtures such as milk or cream. Raboniel and Navani spend the rest of the book looking for both the opposite of Voidlight and Stormlight, and the emulsifier to mix them.
• In The Creeping Shadow, George compares weak places in the barrier between life and death to holes worn in the seat of his jeans. Lockwood is then distracted from their ghost problem by his disgust for George's holey jeans and exposed underwear.
• The Locked Tomb: Gideon the Ninth: Palamedes the Sixth (a necromancer) tries to explain to the cavaliers why all the necromancers both need to see the necromancy in action and find the notes.
  Palamedes: It's like - imagine if someone showed you a new sword move, or whatever, but then you never actually got to sit down and read up on how it worked. It might give you ideas, but you wouldn't really learn it. D'you follow?
  [the cavaliers stare at him in absolute horror]
  Jeannemary: The Sixth learns sword-fighting out of a book?
  Camilla: No, the Warden just hasn't been to Swordsman's Spire since he was five and got lost.
• Fate of the Jedi: At one point, Saba tries to make a point about the Jedi's current situation by comparing them and their allies and enemies to animals endemic to her homeworld. Kyp derails the conversation by confusedly asking for clarification on what those animals are, forcing poor Saba to spend several minutes explaining Barab 1's ecology before she can make her analogy work.

Live-Action TV

• A fundamental flaw with 10 O'Clock Live (a live show) is that you've got three witty comedians; once an analogy comes up they won't drop it until they've explored all the possibilities much to the annoyance of the producers who have a very tight time window.
• A rare inversion in The Big Bang Theory, which fits the character of Sheldon well (with his combination of Insufferable Genius and Captain Oblivious):
  Sheldon: You know, Penny, there's something that occurs in beehives that you might find interesting. Occasionally, a new queen will arrive while the old queen is still in power. When this happens, the old queen must either locate to a new hive or engage in a battle to the death until only one queen remains.
  Penny: What are you saying? That I'm threatened by Alicia? That I'm like the old queen of the hive and it's just time for me to go?
  Sheldon: [confused] I'm just talking about bees. They're on the Discovery Channel. ...What are you talking about?
  Penny: ...Bees.
• Bones: Temperance "Bones" Brennan fails to understand metaphors pretty regularly, although she's gotten better at it in recent seasons, notably getting annoyed when one she makes about how gut feelings don't fit into her line of work sidetracks her assistant Aristoo.
• The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: After the George Zimmerman trial in July 2013, guest host John Oliver and Larry Wilmore discussed how hard it is for black and white Americans to discuss race relations because both view race differently.
  Larry: John, we can't have a conversation when we're not even on the same page. Or even in the same book!
  John: True. Or even in the same library, no?
  Larry: You're not supposed to talk in the library, John. Or maybe that's how they do it in the white libraries.
• Doctor Who: In "The Runaway Bride", the Doctor tries to explain to Donna how she ended up in the TARDIS, and uses a pencil and a mug as props to help his explanation. After he's finished, we get this:
  Donna: I'm a pencil inside a mug?
  Doctor: Yes, you are, 2H, sums you up.
  • In "Fugitive of the Judoon", when the Doctor encounters the Judoon squad attempting to destroy the Claytons' flat, she is understandably frustrated... but she seems more frustrated about trying to find something to rhyme with "Judoon". When she finally settles on "lagoon", it looks like it was a Painful Rhyme.
• In an episode of Ellen, Ellen attempted to explain to her uncle that her cousin wanted to drop put of medical school. She attempted to use a baking analogy (the same one her cousin had used) about how if a mixture is ruined because you leave out an ingredient, the best thing you can do is throw out the mixture and start again. However, her uncle, who was a baker, kept asking for specifics about the mixture and what was left out, and pointing out how the mixture could be saved.
• Everybody Hates Chris: When Rochelle finds out that Tonya had been wearing a stuffed bra in order to get attention from boys, she lectures her daughter on the situation by comparing it to "having a saddle before getting a horse". After elaborating a bit too much on the analogy, Tonya asks if they are talking about bras or saddles, in which Julius answers "saddles" off-screen.^note  This was likely because he almost took the blame for said bra ending up in Rochelle's drawer, which caused her to accuse him of an affair. That, and because Tonya is a Daddy's Girl, and he disliked the fact that she was trying to grow up too fast.
• Friends: Joey wants to date his hot new female roommate. Chandler advises against it: "Remember when you broke up with Denise, how awkward it was when you ran into her at the supermarket. Now imagine you live at the supermarket..." Joey (clearly imagining the food) "OK!"
• One episode of Generation Kill has a topic about masturbation somehow morph into a discussion about ethnicity because of one character's offhand remark about the only movies they ever get to see is "stuff like Pocahontas".
• Justified: When Raylan tells Wynn Duffy that he's going after Duffy's boss, Quarles:
  Raylan: The SS Quarles is going under. You'd best swim like hell to get clear or the whirlpool'll take you down with it.
  Duffy: I believe they disproved that on Mythbusters.
• In the first season of How I Met Your Mother, Ted and Victoria decide to break up because she's moving to Germany and they don't think long distance will work. The day before she's set to go, Marshall encourages Ted to spend that last day with Victoria and enjoy some time together, rather than break up before she has to go. He asks Ted — if he was getting his leg cut off tomorrow, would he rather spend the whole day moping about it, or making the most of that one last day and doing "awesome airkicks" with it? Ted repeats this analogy to Victoria when he suggests they follow Marshall's advice — Victoria agrees, but asks, "How could a leg be healthy enough to do awesome airkicks, yet unhealthy enough that it needs to be cut off the next day?"
• In a 2021 episode of British topical comedy show The Last Leg host Adam Hills brought up a recent story of a man who had recently visited accident and emergency due to having an unexploded WW2 bomb stuck... well, as part of an analogy that his claims that he slipped and fell were more believable than claims made in the currently discussed story. Unsurprisingly regulars Alex Brooker and Josh Widdicombe quickly became distracted discussing this story instead, which Hills was quick to point out.
• Panel quiz show QI does this sort of as part of its gimmick — the show allows diversions for anything deemed by panelists to be "Quite Interesting", which is what the show's initials stand for, but there are the occasional rather extreme examples, like this one on the compatibility of different squirrel species:
  Alan Davies: The red squirrel can't live with the grey squirrel.
  Stephen Fry: Ebony and ivory are together on my piano keyboard, why can't they be?
  Alan Davies: (after a second's pause) What, you mean a kind of squirrel-fur keyboard?
  Rob Brydon: That's barbaric. Are you saying you want pianos clad in the pelt of a squirrel? Because if that's what you are saying, Fry, then you should be stopped.
• Scrubs: J.D. wonders why Kelso cares so much about one particular person and asks if he donated a wing to the hospital. Kelso responds, "He donated a wing, a breast, and a thigh... yes, in this analogy, the hospital is a chicken." J.D. outwardly acts offended at the patronizing explanation, but then thinks to himself, "Why would the hospital be a chicken?"
• Seinfeld:
  • In "The Hamptons," George's new girlfriend sunbathes topless in front of his friends while he's not around, to their confusion.
    Jerry: This is weird, wild stuff. George hasn't even seen her yet.
    Elaine: Why do you think we're getting the sneak preview?
    Kramer: ...Maybe she's trying to create a buzz.
    Elaine: What?
    Kramer: You know, get some good word of mouth going.
  • "The Butter Shave," with regard to Kenny Bania:
    Jerry: Yeah, he killed. Because I killed first and warmed up the crowd. He's like that fish that attaches himself to the shark.
    George: And you're the shark?
    Jerry: Yeah, I'm the shark and he's the fish eating my laughs.
    George: I don't know how a fish could eat laughs.
    Jerry: Well, I'm glad I brought it up.
• On Selfie, Eliza uses a fairly intricate metaphor to explain why she can't be friends with Joan, one of her (older, less attractive) coworkers. Joan is a miracle suit, Eliza is a monokini, with side-boob and hip-bone cutouts. Henry says that he and Larry are different, but still friendly. Eliza says Larry's not a monokini, and Henry reacts woundedly, saying in that scenario he would be the monokini. Eliza says he's an old-timey long-sleeved bathing costume. Later in the episode, Henry references this metaphor, and Eliza embellishes it further because she's a "synthetic monokini made at a factory by a sweatshop family".
• Silicon Valley: Erlich says that the team's presentation will be a success, "even if I have to jerk off every guy in that auditorium." His friends point out that there will be eight hundred guys in the auditorium and they'll only have ten minutes, so that's impossible. The entire team gets into figuring out how it would work, to the point of inventing a massive equation to calculate exactly how long it would take. It becomes a key part of their presentation... but they forget to explain the context.
  Female reporter: So, Richard wrote the code?
  Erlich: Richard wrote the code, yes, but the inspiration was clear. Let me ask you something...
  Female reporter: M-hmm?
  Erlich: How fast do you think you could jack off every guy in this room?
  [the female reporter is clearly shocked and disgusted]
  Erlich: [proudly] 'Cause I know how long it would take me. And I can prove it!
• Stargate SG-1: Teal'c does this a lot.
  • One of the best (and best remembered) instances occurs early on when SG-1 was cut off from the Stargate by a Goa'uld attack:
    Daniel: Maybe we should just lie low and wait for things to calm down.
    Teal'c: Things will not calm down, Daniel Jackson. They will, in fact, calm up.
  • Lampshaded in another instance, where the SGC is offering heavy water to a civilization to help their war effort in exchange for technology, Jackson objects:
    Jackson: No. Their whole world is in flames and we are offering them gasoline. How is that help?
    Teal'c: We are in fact offering water.
    O'Neill: [to Teal'c] Thank you!
    Jackson: I was speaking metaphorically.
    O'Neill: Well, stop it! It's not fair to Teal'c.
  • This classic:
    O'Neill: We'll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.
    Bra'tac: No, the bridge is too well guarded.
  • Hilariously, this is later appropriated by Bra'tac and used for every situation:
    Bra'tac: We shall have to cross that bridge when we come to it.
    O'Neill: You know, that doesn't work... for every...
  • Notably, in later seasons, Teal'c evolves beyond this, and starts making Expospeak Gag jokes at his own expense:
    Teal'c: Undomesticated equines could not keep me away.
• Star Trek: The Original Series has Spock, who, being Literal-Minded, sometimes invokes this trope (quite possibly intentionally, to irritate Dr. McCoy).
  • For instance:
    Kirk: I don't care if you hit the broad side of a barn!
    Spock: Why would I wish to aim at such a structure?
  • This is made even funnier by the fact that, during the exchange, Kirk is supporting Spock on his recently flayed back. Spock is taking his sweet time doing whatever it is that requires Kirk to lift him so painfully, and Spock's confusion at the analogy only forces Kirk to endure the pain of his injuries even longer.
  • Another good example is when Spock does this in "I, Mudd" to Harry Mudd, this time possibly out of genuine bafflement.
    Mudd: You couldn't sell false patents to your mother!
    Spock: I fail to see why I should induce my mother to purchase falsified patents.
    Mudd: ...Nevermind.
  • It's justified in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, as Spock is Back from the Dead, but with an incomplete grasp on life:
    Kirk: If we play our cards right, we may be able to find out when those whales are being released.
    Spock: How will playing cards help?
  • Early in Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, Kirk, McCoy and Spock sing "Row Row Row Your Boat" as a round. Cut to Spock, still awake, presumably some hours later:
    Spock: But Captain, Life is not a dream.
  • And naturally in Star Trek: The Next Generation, Data fulfills this role, for example, pointing out that to "burn the midnight oil" would trigger the fire suppression systems.
  • This sort of thing happens in the novels, too. In one scene in the final book of the Star Trek: A Time to... series, two alien characters are discussing politics and one becomes sidetracked by the other's use of a human metaphor. When confronted with the phrase "a lame duck", Ra'ch B'ullhy (a Damiani) has to ask how a lame waterfowl fits the situation. Worf points out "it is a human metaphor; they are often abstruse".
  • Early seasons of Star Trek: Voyager had a weird habit of resolving plots this way. They'd find a solution that worked for the analogy but was total nonsense for the actual problem, like finding a "crack in the event horizon". If you're unfamiliar with the physics, that's like a fish finding a hole in the sea and swimming to the moon. The weird part was these absurd plans all worked perfectly.
• In the Ted Lasso episode "Two Aces", which revolves around a supposed curse on AFC Richmond's treatment room, Ted tries to convince the team that they can end the curse on the treatment room just like how Martin Scorsese ended his own "curse" of not winning any Oscars. But when he mentions that The Departed isn't necessarily the director's best work, the whole group starts getting into a debate over which of Scorsese's films is his best.
• The Vicar of Dibley has this happen as The Tag once an episode, where Geraldine tells Alice a joke which Alice takes too literally, or simply doesn't get, and then picks apart. Usually it ends up with Alice upset because she feels sorry for the victim of the joke.
• On Victorious: "Well, take this coconut, for example... brown, spherical, covered with short, fibrous hairs that... What were we talking about?"
• Bernard Woolley, the Principal Private Secretary in Yes, Minister was annoyingly pedantic about mixed metaphors. At least the other characters found it annoying, to the audience it's very amusing:
  • For example:
    Jim Hacker: Perhaps he has the PM's ear.
    Sir Humphrey: He's in the PM's pocket.
    Bernard Woolley: Then the PM must have a large ear.
  • Or:
    Jim Hacker: But we can't stab our partners in the back and spit in their face.
    Bernard Woolley: You can't stab anyone in the back, while you spit in their face.
  • Perhaps the best example is in "Bed Of Nails", where Bernard gets all three wrapped up into a completely irrelevant discussion about gift horses, Trojan horses and Latin declension, totally ignoring the subject matter at hand:
    Hacker: You mean, if I look closely at this gift horse, I would find it's full of Trojans?
    Bernard: If you had looked the Trojan Horse in the mouth, Minister, you would have found Greeks inside.
    (odd look from Hacker)
    Bernard: Well, the point is it was the Greeks who gave the Trojan Horse to the Trojans, so technically, it wasn't a Trojan Horse at all, it was a Greek Horse. Hence the tag timeo Danaos et dona ferentes which you will recall, is usually and somewhat inaccurately translated as Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. Or doubtless, you would have recalled, had you not attended the LSE.
    Hacker: Yes well I'm sure Greek tags are all right in their way, but can we stick to the point, please?

Myths & Religion

• The Bible:
  • We find this in the Gospels of the New Testament frequently: when Jesus delivers a parable, people will sometimes demonstrate this trope.
    Jesus: Beware the yeast of the Pharisees.
    Disciples: He's upset that we didn't bring any bread!
  • At least a few of the parables were like this, explicitly just to mess with people who wouldn't listen to the more straightforward lessons (Mark 4:11-12).
• This has led to a number of scriptural disputes about just how far a metaphor is supposed to stretch. For example, one story is about Peter having a dream where he's very hungry, and a blanket descends from heaven, covered in various animals that are not kosher under Jewish law. A voice from the sky tells Peter that he should chow down on these, and when he protests about cleanliness, the voice says that God does not make unclean things. Some Christians only take this to mean that the dietary prohibitions associated with Judaism are lifted; other argue that this means people, too, and Christians should not be afraid to associate with non-Christians.

Radio

• In an episode of I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, this is done with a sound effect.
  Humph: I'd like you to keep doing that until I do this.
  (sound of doorbell ringing, followed by mooing)
  Humph: That's right, when the cows come home. So now...
  Graeme: Had the cows forgotten their keys?
  Humph: ...What?
  Graeme: Well, why did they use the doorbell?
  Barry: Their horns weren't working.
  (Collective Groan from audience)
  Graeme: That's right, milk it.

Theatre

• Urinetown: Cladwell uses the metaphor of suckers being like rabbits in "Don't be the Bunny", but his daughter doesn't quite get it.
  Hope: But Daddy, we're talking about people, not animals!
  Cladwell: People are animals, Hope dear.
  Hope: Animals with incisors and big, floppy feet?
• Next to Normal: The therapist initial attempt to hypnotize Diana.
  Therapist: Walk with me/Down a hall. Go all the way down/Down a long flight of stairs-
  Diana: Stairs...
  Therapist: Go step by step into the darkness down there...
  Diana: Should we turn on a light? You know... With the stairs...
  Beat

Video Games

• EXTRAPOWER: Attack of Darkforce: "Tighten your fundoshi" is a Japanese idiom that means its time to get serious. Even in a Japanese game among characters who are native Japanese speakers, an otherwise serious moment gets sidetracked over confusion that they're just talking about underwear.
• Innocent little Colette from Tales of Symphonia is very prone to this, often dragging off conversations in very strange directions once a metaphor or figure of speech is thrown into a conversation. On occasion, it overlaps with Metaphorgotten, as seen here:
  Tenebrae: Allow me to explain. We Centurions, numbering eight in total... are the faithful servants of Lord Ratatosk, the lord of all monsters. We each belong to a particular element, and with the aid of the monsters under our control, we monitor the levels of mana in the world. You might call us the guardians of the world's mana.
  ...
  Colette: So that would make Tenebie Symphonia Black.
  Emil: What? You mean that story was based on the Centurions? Tenebrae, that's so cool!
  Tenebrae: "Does anyone else notice how the conversation gets waylaid as soon as Colette joins? Or is it just me?"
• During the zany in-universe commentary cast of Madworld, one of the announcers, Howard "Buckshot" Holmes, ends up getting sidetracked by one of his own references to his ex-wife.
  Howard: Jack lobs those losers like they were like my ex-wife tossing my belongings out the second story window of our house! ...without even so much as a warning. I asked her why, but all I got was the same old "I want to be treated like a woman!" and "You never put the lid down on the toilet!"
  Kreese: Aaannnddd we're back from the sad epic that is Howard's life to rejoin Deathwatch!
  Howard: "Why can't you get it out like your brother?"
  Kreese: Shut yer trap!

Web Animation

• Red vs. Blue:
  • For starters:
    Church: Okay, get ready to launch Operation Circle of Confusion.
    Tucker: Church, it kinda looks more like a triangle from down here.
    Church: What?
    Tucker: I'm just saying it doesn't really look like a circle, it looks more like we're forming a triangle. Just a side note.
    Church: Okay, fine, Triangle of Confusion, Rhombus of Terror, Parabola of Mystery, who cares!? Get the goddamn show on the road!
  • An early joke revolved around this, as Church is discussing whether or not to marry his girlfriend back home:
    Caboose: Well, I'm not going to get married. My dad always said: "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
    Church: Hey, rookie! Did you just call my girlfriend a cow?
    Tucker: Nah, I think he called her a slut.

Webcomics

• This strip of PVP, where the characters get sidetracked by the fact that Cole says, "I'm here to apologize, hat in hand," yet doesn't actually have a hat.
• This Questionable Content strip has a double example. Faye compares niche music to unusual ice cream flavors, Raven comments that Faye might want to cut back on the ice cream, and Dora says "Screw your metaphor. I want some ice cream now."
• This Nedroid strip.
• This Goblins strip begins:
  Thaco: I don't mind dying, but having to wait for it like this is torture. It's taking forever. Like watching paint dry in hell.
  Complains-of-Names: Wouldn't paint dry really fast in hell?
• Digger sometimes gets sidetracked by Surka's bizarre analogies and metaphors, which is a good source for Mood Whiplash moments.
  • Such as when Surka brings our heroines up to date on Jhalm's attempt to subjugate the hyena tribe, and compares his irritability to "crawdads in 'is trousers".
    Grim Eyes: My people!
    Digger: Crawdads? Really?
  • The first time this happens, the comments reveal the readers themselves got distracted arguing about whether it was a simile or a metaphor Digger was distracted by. (It was a simile.)
• The Order of the Stick:
  • In "Turning Azurite, I Think I'm Turning Azurite, I Really Think So", Tsukiko says that Thanh will understand the undead better once he's walked a mile in their shoes. To her annoyance, her wight starts worrying about the fact it doesn't wear shoes, and asks if this means it's going to get Thanh's shoes. (In subsequent strips, the wight is, in fact, wearing Thanh's shoes.)
  • In "Afraid So", negotiations between Redcloak and Durkon hit a snag when the latter mentions that the gods are willing to destroy the world without even blinking, causing the former to start questioning if deities even need to blink. Also subverted, as he quickly admits to understanding full well what Durkon is trying to say, he just doesn't believe that the gods are actually prepared to do that. Later, once Redcloak comes to the conclusion that the gods are terrified of his plan, Durkon nervously asks if they can circle back to the blinking thing.
  • In "Two Villages" Oona attempts to avert this by pausing her explanation to stress that the two villages she is talking about aren't real. Redcloak does understand she is speaking metaphorically, but can't resist getting distracted by a small detail anyway:
    Redcloak: Also, for the record, I don't think dolphins eat bridges.
    Oona: Not real! Imaginary dolphins eating made-up bridges whenever they want!
• Dave of Homestuck does this a lot, notably going off on a tangent involving Your Mom jokes and the size of Jupiter when his friend is about to be hit by a meteor.
• El Goonish Shive: When Tedd and Mr. Verres are debating whether the pros of taking down the Masquerade outweigh the harms, Tedd proposes that the dangers of magic would actually be reduced if wands with protective spells could be freely purchased. Mr Verres points out that dangerous magic would likewise become widely (if illegally) sold, and compares it to giving everyone rocket launchers and making it ok by giving them bomb suits. Tedd then asks whether a bomb suit would even help against a rocket launcher. Mr. Verres's response of "That's a good question, isn't it?" subverts the trope by bringing the tangent full-circle to neatly highlight the problem: They don't know whether protective spells (the bomb suit) would adequately counterbalance dangerous magic (the rocket launcher), and there's no way to find out without horrible risk.
• Sluggy Freelance: In "That Which Redeems", Talking Weapon Chaz explains to Torg that the demon lord Horribus is so obsessed with finding Torg not because of revenge as such, but because failing to capture Torg has been his big disgrace, and he's seeking redemption. He sums this up with the line "That which redeems, consumes."
  Torg: "Consumes" ... Sword, are you telling me he's going to eat me?
  Chaz: I'm not saying he's not but you're missing the point.
• xkcd:
  • This strip has a girl explain to a guy that the Earth contains roughly a squirrel's weight of dark matter at any given time. The guy interprets it as a literal squirrel made of dark matter hiding somewhere amongst the Earth's squirrel population, much to the girl's dismay.
    "Dark matter isn't squirrels!"
  • Another dark matter metaphor (what we can see is just the tip of the iceberg; most of the universe's mass is unobservable to us) taken literally (if the ice below water level is dark matter, how did it interact with the baryonic matter of the Titanic?)

Web Original

• 20020: In chapter 9, it's revealed that Juice is under the impression that the movie Analyze That is actually a book. As he's explaining UAB's strategy, he offhandedly makes the analogy: "it was like watching someone sitting on a park bench on a nice day, leisurely reading analyze that cover to cover". A couple paragraphs from him later, Ten cuts in, having processed what he was implying, and they spend a good while getting sidetracked by that and unearthing Juice's bizarre train of thought.
• In The Guild, Clara is confronted by her husband about her inability to give up gaming for her family.
  George: I won't participate in this shell of a marriage!
  Clara: Oh, I love chocolate bunnies!
  George: What... did that have to do with anything?
  Clara: They're hollow and you eat them, duh.
• Mentioned by name in Look to the West when Pablo Sanchez, making a point about the stupidity of racism, says "Ask any anatomist: beneath the skin every man is the same". To his annoyance, debate on his statement centres around the ethics of human dissection.
• In the SuperMarioLogan episode "Bowser Junior's Bad News!", Cody tries to inform Bowser Junior that their attempt to save Toys "R" Us with a music video didn't make any money by referring to the amount as a "goose egg". Naturally, Junior misunderstands it, saying things like asking if "a goose egg is free" and even claiming that it's because Cody spent all the money on a goose egg. The ensuing argument frustrates Cody (who had been repeatedly trying to convince his friend to just get over Toys "R" Us' bankruptcy), prompting him to quickly retract the metaphor and cut to the chase by telling him their stunt failed.
• Tex Talks BattleTech: The episode on the Thor has Tex describe the price tag of the Thor in terms of famous Inner Sphere 'mechs from earlier episodes, before going on a tangent on how that price tag, converted to C-bills, would allow any one person to buy enough burgers to become "king of Meat Mountain". He then adds "before the birds showed up... Birds always ruin Meat Mountain".
• From RiffTrax's commentary on Jurassic Park.
  Dr. Malcolm: Genetic power's the most awesome force the planet's ever seen, but you wield it like a kid that's found his Dad's gun.
  Mike: They hold genetic power and go "ba-dow! ba-dow!"?

Western Animation

• One episode of The Simpsons has Marge trying to get the town to move against a burlesque house. She initially talks about something wrong with "the house", causing the townsfolk to ask if it's unsafe or not built to code; when Marge clarifies that there's nothing wrong with the building's structure, they call her unfair to the house itself, as in the physical building, which hadn't done anything.
• My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic:
  • From the episode "Griffon the Brush-Off":
    Gilda: Hey! I'm watching you. Like a hawk.
    Pinkie Pie: Why? Can't you watch me like a griffon?
  • And from the second half of the series premiere:
    Twilight: Look, I appreciate the offer, but I'd really rather do this on my own.
    Applejack: No can do, sugarcube! We sure ain't letting any friend of ours go into that creepy place alone. We're sticking to you like caramel on a candy apple!
    Pinkie Pie: Especially if there's candy apples in there!
  • Pinkie interprets everything literally, so she is sidetracked by all analogies, including her own. From "Fall Weather Friends", as she and Spike are co-announcing a race:
    Spike: I don't believe it! After a huge setback, Applejack is back at the front of the pack!
    Pinkie Pie: She's the head of the pack, all right. The pick of the litter! The CAT'S PAJAMAS! Oh, wait! Why would Applejack take some poor kitty's PJs? That's not very sporting of her.
    Spike: Oookay... Let's get back to the race.
  • In "Boast Busters", Spike trying to explain to Snips and Snails why he doubts Insufferable Magic Unicorn Trixie is as great as she claims leads to this exchange:
    Spike: The proof is in the pudding!
    Snails: Uh huh huh, I like pudding...
• In the Rugrats episode "The Gold Rush" everyone searches for nickels in the sandbox. Tommy and Chuckie pair up and Phil and Lil do the same. Angelica tries to divide everyone and tries to tell Phil and Lil that people get bigger portions with less people.
  Angelica: Pretend this nickel's a pie.
  Phil: What flavor?
  Angelica: What difference does it make?
  Lil: What do you mean there's no difference? There's a big difference between a chocolate pie and an apple pie.
  Angelica: Okay it's an apple pie.
  Phil: Ew, I hate apple pies.
  Angelica: Fine, it's a chocolate pie.
  Lil: Yuck!
  Angelica: Will you two put a lid in it!
  • In the end, after Angelica leaves, Lil asks Phil if any of what Angelica said makes any sense to him. Phil replies no, but now he's hungry.
• Phineas and Ferb, "We Call It Maze": When Phineas compares the maze he and his brother build to the sort which lab rats run through in order to find cheese, this intrigues Buford, even when Phineas explains he was using a metaphor. After escaping the maze at the end of the episode, Buford even complains about not getting any "metaphor cheese".
  Buford: I am to metaphor cheese as metaphor cheese is to transitive-verb crackers!
• In one episode of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012), Raphael tries to explain that Violence Really Is the Answer when dealing with street gangs:
  Raph: Those guys only understand one kind of language.
  Mikey: Chinese?
  Raph: No! Fists!
  Mikey: What about feet?
  Raph: They understand feet.
  Donnie: That would make them bilingual.
• Futurama has an example in "Put Your Head on My Shoulder"; Fry is trying to tell Amy that she's too smothering in their relationship, and explains it by saying "you know how you like chocolate, but then you get tired of it because it wants to hang out all the time?" Amy, confused, asks if Fry doesn't like chocolate, and Fry responds "Could Chocolate let me finish?"
• From the Dan Vs. episode "The Wolfman", Dan is attempting to motivate his friend Chris to chase after the titular creature in his car:
  Dan: After him! Pretend he's a sandwich!
  Chris: What kind of sandwich?
• Star vs. the Forces of Evil: In "My New Wand!", Glossaryck is trying to explain to Star how she can learn to use magic without her wand by comparing magic to a pot of stew and Star's wand to a spoon.
  Star: Oh, my wand isn't a spoon, it's a wand.
  Glossaryck: It's a metaphor, Star.
  Star: No, it's a wand.
• Family Guy: In "Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q." Quagmire confronts his sister's abusive boyfriend (and father of her unborn child), who tells him to stay out of his way or else "that's kid's gonna grow up without an uncle", only for Quagmire to point out that he also has a brother.
• In Central Park, Season 1 "Rival Busker", in the song "Too Close", a Quarreling Song about being too close to someone, Griffin uses an example by singing how a farmer's son who loves a pig that ends up being taken away by the father to be slaughtered for bacon. Birdie and Griffin sings how the boy who got too close to the pig is now a vegan after it got slaughtered. Then they go off-topic saying that the boy has it hard now since vegans don't have a lot of food options and they both agree on it.
• How to Catch a Cold: When Common Sense uses sports as an analogy for the immune system fighting a virus, he briefly forgets it's all an analogy and shouts, "Hooray!".
• In DuckTales (2017), after the arrival of Cave-Duck Bubba, Beakley points out how his presence in the present will affect the timestream, using the example of stepping on a butterfly from A Sound of Thunder and how it could greatly alter the present. However, Della is more horrified in thinking that Beakley would step on a butterfly.
• In The Casagrandes episode "Slink or Swim," Carl is trying to teach Bobby how to tie his shoes using the bunny-ears method. Bobby (who is seventeen, keep in mind) ties his shoes until his laces form a literal bunny, which promptly goes loose, much to his dismay.
  Bobby: Mr. Bunny! NO! (cries his eyes out)
• In Daria episode "Quinn the Brain", her father Jake tries to tell her the aesop of The Grasshopper and the Ants, but Quinn immediately dismisses it because it's about bugs.

Real Life

• The Turing Machine. An ad-hoc description of precise algorithms to illustrate a point that had already been rigorously made when Alan Turing got around to publishing it turned out to be useful in a few other situations.
• There is a popular bit of Spanish slang about wanting one's partner to be "like a train". Big, heavy, made of metal? Hint: It has nothing do with steam, either. It's supposed to mean "so that they get me to a hundred". As in, heartbeats per minute, not miles per hour.
• For any online riddle that boils down to a math problem, the comments section will be full of answers where people try to "solve" it (or undermine it) by questioning or overextending the framing device. For example, in this riddle (which asks whether it's possible to get all the chameleons the same colour, given the permutation they start out with, and the way that they change colour when they encounter each other), there were a lot of questions about what happens when three chameleons meet at once, or proposed solutions based on using other methods to make the chameleons change colour, or even Cutting the Knot solutions like "kill the extra chameleons" or "paint them all the same colour" — despite these situations being completely outside the purview of the riddle, which is ultimately just a math problem.
  Comment: You could always show the chameleons colored paper
  Reply: You can always take an academic mathematical problem and act as if the wrapper it's served in is a real life problem where you want a specific solution outside the abstract rather than check if the problem itself can be solved, yes.

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