Refused Reunion

Oscar: Are you sure? Are you sure you don't want to see her?
Rolf: Yeah. I don't even remember her face. She's just another stranger to me.

— Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn

The Refused Reunion trope is about characters who are missing and/or presumed dead that turn out to be alive but, when found out (either through Internal Reveal or an In-Universe discovery), do not want to see their family or even inform them about their existence. This is not because the characters hate them but instead think they would be ashamed, embarrassed, disappointed, disgusted, horrified, disturbed to see them in their present state, or be put in great danger. Whatever the reason, these characters think their loved ones would be better off believing they were dead and having happy memories of them than seeing where and what they are now. Often, this is where the story ends but not always. Events and circumstances can conspire to force the characters to reunite with their family whether they want to or not (thereby invoking the Chekhov M.I.A. trope).

Refused Reunion always involves a Long-Lost Relative or love interest. The trope also frequently involves characters who have become The Spook or The Men in Black and thus can neither reunite with nor disclose their existence to their family or love interests without dire consequences resulting.

If it's a parent not wanting to have their children see them, Refused Reunion can be a sub-trope of Parental Abandonment that can overlap with Disappeared Dad, Missing Mom, Daddy Had a Good Reason for Abandoning You, Give Him a Normal Life, Mysterious Parent, or Notorious Parent. Subverts Luke, I Am Your Father if the character, after being discovered and confronted by their offspring, denies parentage (at least initially). If the parent's wish to be left alone is ignored and a reunion ends up taking place, it can result in an Unpleasant Parent Reveal, Broken Pedestal, or an Anti Climactic Parent.

If it's a child not wanting their parents to see them, the Missing Child and The Runaway usually are preceding tropes. Compare with Don't Tell Mama which is similar except, in this case, the child doesn't even want their parents to know they're alive.

If it's a former spouse or love interest doing this, it can overlap with I Want My Beloved to Be Happy.

---

Examples:

Anime & Manga

• Black Lagoon: The main character, Rock (formerly known as Rokuro Okajima), was once an ordinary Japanese salaryman who became a part of the Lagoon Company after he was taken hostage by the latter and was left by his company to die at their hands. When the Company is sent for a mission in Japan, Rock was given the opportunity to visit his family, but he decided against it because his relationship with them is strained.
• Bungo Stray Dogs: As a gift for Chuuya's promotion to an executive, Mori gives him the location of his parents. However, while Chuuya watches the couple from a distance, he refrains from meeting them as he no longer cares about where he came from or whether or not he's the original Chuuya, having come to terms with his identity and now considering the Port Mafia his family.
• Happy Sugar Life has this as the climax of the subplot. Side character Asahi, the older brother of Shio, spent the entire manga looking for her and bringing her back to their mother. When he finally reunites with her, he finds that she would rather not come back to that household, not because she hates any of them but because she found solace and love in her kidnapper Satou's care. Her stance does not change even after she learns she wasn't abandoned out of disgust.
• One Piece: In chapter 1053, former shogun Kozuki Sukiyaki (former shogun of Wano and father of Kozuki Oden) turns out to be alive and well, revealing his true identity to Robin and explaining how, after he'd been deposed and imprisoned by Kurozumi Orochi, he broke out about ten years later after Oden's execution and went into hiding, living as the hermit Tenguyama Hitetsu. Now, despite Orochi and Kaido's defeats and Oden's son Momonosuke becoming the new Shogun, Sukiyaki admits that he'd rather stay hidden from his grandchildren because of the shame he feels over his failure to protect Wano.
• Speed Racer: Racer X, the mysterious driver who helps Speed out from time to time, is really his long-lost older brother, Rex Racer. However, Speed does not know this and Racer X never reveals his identity. (At one point, Racer X did plan to go back to his family but changed his mind since his job as a secret agent would put them and himself at risk.)
• Tokyo Godfathers: Hana and Gin became homeless because they are too ashamed to face their respective families. Hana punched a drunk customer who insult her while she sang in her foster mother's nightclub. Gin is embarrassed to see his daughter because he got a massive amount of gambling debts from his family and became an alcoholic. Myuki, in her turn, is not ashamed, but afraid that her father, a police officer, will arrest her. She stabbed him during an argument because she thought that he had disposed of her beloved cat (it's implied that was the last straw in their strained relationship). Along with the movie, the trio eventually meets their respective families again, to learn they have forgiven them and want them back.

Comic Books

• In one issue of Marvel's The A-Team limited series, the team is hired by a pair of Japanese brothers to find their father who had been abducted by a cult. The team successfully infiltrates the cult's compound and finds the brothers' father, but he refuses to leave. It turns out that he orchestrated the abduction himself because he wanted to get away from his family.
• Happens in the New 52 run of Aquaman: Arthur's long-lost mother and former Atlantean queen Atlanna faked her own death to escape Atlantis years ago. When he finally finds her in an isle in another dimension, she goes so far as to attack him, paranoid as she is regarding her former life, until he proves he's her flesh and blood with his powers. In the end, she chooses to stay, though she still leaves her royal signet behind.
• Suicide Squad: In Raise The Flag, it is revealed that the man known as Rick Flag Jr. is actually Anthony Miller, a soldier who was thought to be killed in action but was in reality brainwashed by Wade Eiling into believing he was the son of Rick Flag Sr. Even after getting his memories back and being offered an opportunity to see his family again, Flag refuses, seeing himself as Rick Flag and declaring Anthony Miller "dead".
• Inverted in The Twelve: The main characters are superheroes caught by Nazis and put in suspended animation so the Nazis can make their own. But then Berlin falls, and they're left undiscovered for sixty years. Once discovered and returned to society, one of them attempts to reunite with his son, but the son (who's now old) refuses to see or even talk to his much-younger father.

Fan Works

• Ben 10: Unlimited:
  • Played with, then averted. Verdona, after grieving the loss of her husband, children, and grandchild, spent months looking for Ben (searching every part of their universe, and then several others) before finally finding him in the DCAU just in time for his birthday. At first, Ben is cold towards her (as she could've easily prevented Vilgax from killing their family, but she didn't come in time). However, once she shows that she really does regret ignoring him and makes a sincere promise to be better to him from then on, he lets go of his grudge and happily accepts her as his family.
  • Subverted with Ben and the Plumbers. The only reason he didn't contact them for two years (and let them think he was dead for several months) was because he was in the DCAU with no means of contacting them. Once he had a way to send them messages via Verdona, he was too busy to see them in person due to his position in the Justice League. After the defeat of CADMUS, Luthor, and Brainiac, he, Kara, and Long Shadow take a trip to Bellwood, allowing Ben to reunite with the Plumbers.
• The Dragon and the Butterfly: After spending a year in the Encanto and having a loving family for the first time ever, Hiccup no longer wants anything to do with Berk. So when Stoick, Gobber, and the Viking teens come to "rescue" him (i.e. bring him back so he can fight a giant dragon for them), Hiccup tells them where to shove it. It's only the fact that said dragon is enslaving/killing hundreds of other dragons that causes Hiccup to agree.
• If Wishes Were Ponies: Harry Potter, after the Dursleys abused him for eight years while everyone else simply let it happen, does not want to return to the human world (nor does he want anything to do with the Wizarding world). If Princesses Celestia and Luna hadn't asked him to attend Hogwarts (more or less so he and the CMC can act as scouts and learn about the Wizarding world), he would have stayed in Equestria for the rest of his life.
• Moxxie Morningstar: When Charlie finds Moxxie again, ten years after the latter disappeared, she's completely thrilled. Moxxie doesn't share her enthusiasm, though:
  Charlie: IT'S YOU! IT'S YOU, IT'S YOU, IT'S REALLY YOU!!!
  Moxxie: NO! NO! NO! I'M NOT WHO YOU THINK I AM, PUT ME DOWN NOW! PLEASE!
• Sunshine through the Clouds: When James Sr. returns to Arcadia, Jim bluntly admits that he doesn't want to see his biological father again.

Films — Animation

• Encanto: Bruno left the family and disappeared years ago, becoming something of an Informed Un-person within the town. During her investigation into the problems with her family's magic, Mirabel finds him living inside casita's walls. It turns out he'd had a prophecy that the then-five-year-old Mirabel would be involved in a future event that could end the family's miracle and destroy their magic. He refused to share this information with his disapproving mother—on top of existing resentment from his family and the townsfolk, who mistook his prophecies as the cause of their misfortunes—and chose to disappear rather than allow his niece to become a scapegoat for the family's problems. While he seems happy to reconnect with her and invites her to visit him in the future, he refuses to return to the family.
• Frozen: Elsa runs from her kingdom after her secret ice powers are exposed. Anna goes to find her, but Elsa refuses to return, believing that she would be a danger to her sister and her kingdom.
• The Lion King (1994): After his father Mufasa dies, Simba felt responsible due to his father dying trying to rescue him. He runs away from the pride and goes to live a worry-free lifestyle in the jungle. Nala finds him eventually and tries to convince him to go back, but he refuses to, still feeling ashamed of his past and believing that his family and his pride wouldn't accept him for what he has done.

Films — Live-Action

• At First Sight: Virgil's father, who had abandoned him and Jennie many years ago, learns about him having recovered his eyesight and wants to arrange a reunion. Virgil refuses at first because he doesn't feel prepared to confront him. He only accepts to meet his father when his blindness begins to gradually relapse.
• Pope Joan: Subverted. Johanna's father - a former village priest - travels to Fulda and goes to the monastery there with the intent of joining the community as he believes his son is there. The Abbot informs Johanna (disguised as a male monk named Johannus) that her father had arrived and she should go see him. Johanna doesn't want to because of how he treated his children and their mother, and because he might blow her cover. The Abbot however insists so Johanna obeys, but the shock of seeing her instead of his son causes the priest to suffer a fatal stroke.
• SHAZAM!: Billy tracks down his mother, only to find out that she abandoned him intentionally and is not particularly interested in reestablishing a relationship.

Literature

• The Adventures of Amina al-Sirafi: Amina is forcibly hired to rescue a wealthy woman's kidnapped granddaughter Dunya, only to learn that Dunya is desperate to escape an Arranged Marriage and Gilded Cage. Amina's principles win out and she helps Dunya escape to start a new life, but Dunya gets her off the hook with a letter to the grandmother explaining Amina's extraordinary efforts to keep her safe.
• Brother Cadfael: The titular Leper of Saint Giles turns out to be the grandfather of the Girl of the Week, who secretly intervened to save her from a horrible arranged marriage. But when Cadfael urges him to reveal himself to her and her beloved so they can thank him, the leper shows why it'd be a bad idea by lifting up his mask.
• City of Bones by Martha Wells: Khat the Krisman moved to a human city to escape both his extended family's hostility and the threat of an Arranged Marriage, so when he learns that a delegation of Krismen are in town and want to see him, he avoids them like the plague. Ultimately, he moves away with his Family of Choice without having anything to do with the Krismen.
• In "Enoch Arden" by Alfred, Lord Tennyson, Enoch is shipwrecked for several years and declared dead. When he comes back, he finds that his wife is happily married to another man so he decides not to reveal himself.
• October Daye: Toby's ex-boyfriend and daughter Gillian refuse to have anything to do with her when she resurfaces after a fourteen-year disappearance, unaware that she was actually transformed and left in a koi pond. Gillian and Toby are forced back into contact in One Salt Sea but remain estranged, not least because people keep attacking Gillian to get to Toby. They eventually have something of a reconciliation after it's revealed that Toby's human grandmother had been manipulating Gillian to drive the two of them apart, due to said grandmother having a hatred of the fae.

Live-Action TV

• Battlestar Galactica (1978): Starbuck's father left when he was born so when a con artist (Fred Astaire) shows up hinting at possibly being his father, Starbuck suspects it's part of a scam. However, it turns out the con artist actually IS his father. Nonetheless, Starbuck's dad decides to pretend he isn't his father so he won't drag his son down.
• Cadfael, "The Leper of St. Giles": The titular leper turns out to be the grandfather of the Girl of the Week, who secretly intervened to save her from a horrible arranged marriage. But when Cadfael urges him to reveal himself to her and her beloved so they can thank him, the leper shows why it'd be a bad idea by lifting up his mask.
• Chicago P.D. Zig-zagged. In one episode, a man enters the precinct and holds a detective hostage until they agree to help look for his missing daughter. It turns out that she was kidnapped and forced into a human trafficking/prostitution ring, but was defiant and fought with her captors repeatedly. She eventually escapes, killing the ringleader in the process. But she isn't seeking her family and is instead on the Despair Event Horizon and about to commit suicide until Voight tells her that her father was looking for her and hadn't given up on her. He also convinces the detective who'd been held hostage to go along with saying that the gun the father had used was unloaded, meaning that he'd face a much lower charge than he otherwise would have.
• Criminal Minds: In the Season 8 episode "The Fallen" Rossi encounters his former Marine sergeant living as a homeless veteran on the streets of Los Angeles. Sgt. Scott refuses Rossi's offer to reconnect him with his family. (However, in the Callback episode of Season 9, The Road Home, Sgt. Scott has been working at a shelter and staying sober. He does finally meet his son, daughter-in-law, and grandson.)
• CSI: In an episode that served as a Crossover with CSI: New York, Langston is investigating a human trafficking ring that abducted a young woman, and whom Langston promised to return home. Langston helps to bust the ring, and then eventually discovers the young woman, living on the streets of Las Vegas, having escaped the trafficking ring, but afraid and ashamed to return home after the repeated rapes and abuses heaped on her by the traffickers. Langston eventually convinces her that her mother is hoping and waiting for her to return and that she should.
• The Ultraman Mebius episode, "A Teacher's Memories" guest-stars the titular character from Ultraman 80, who during his stint as an Ultra 25 years ago assumed the identity of Takeshi Yamato, a teacher of Sakura-ga-Oka Middle School. In the decades ever since his show ended, the school is ready to be torn down and the alumni students wanted one last reunion gathering, but Ultraman 80 refused to show up, believing he had failed as a teacher by leaving his students without a word all those years ago. After a conversation with Mebius, Ultraman 80 finally decides to attend the reunion and is surprised that not only do his students still remember him, they're more than willing to embrace him - for they loved him not because he's an Ultraman, but rather because he's their teacher. It's one of the biggest crowning moments of heartwarming in the entire Ultra Series in general.
• Inverted in Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, when, after Kimmy is rescued from a cult after fifteen years, her mother doesn't come to see her or make any attempt to contact her. Kimmy tracks her down at the end of the second season to confront her over this, and her mother explains that the media vilified her after her initial kidnapping, and she carried a lot of anger and guilt. So, she decided not to contact Kimmy so she wouldn't have to deal with it. It's also revealed earlier in the show that she remarried and had another daughter... who she also then abandoned. Kimmy chooses to forgive her, but they don't appear to be in contact anymore after that.

Tabletop Games

• Dungeons & Dragons: In the adventure Waterdeep: Dragon Heist, a wealthy family offers a reward for the return of their missing son. If the player characters locate him, he's found a new Family of Choice in a wererat criminal gang and refuses to return home, having been turned into a wererat himself.

Video Games

• Darkest Dungeon: In The Crusader's backstory comic, he left behind both his life as a farmer and his wife and son in order to serve in the Crusades. A few years after his gruesome tour of duty, he passes by the farm on the return trip. His wife and son wave to The Crusader. He hesitates, before turning around and riding away.
• Dragon Age:
  • In the tie-in novel The Calling it's revealed that Origins companion Alistair, bastard son of the king of Ferelden, was actually born of a brief affair between King Maric and the Grey Warden Fiona, an elven mage, who made Maric and Alistair's mentor Duncan promise that her son would be raised to believe his mother was a human who died, owing to the prejudice against elves and half-elves. Depending on the player's choices, it's possible for the two of them to meet in Inquisition — under the most unfortunate of circumstances, as King Alistair banishes the Circle mages, led by Fiona, from his lands. She recognizes her son, but can never tell him who she truly is without invalidating his claim to the throne.
  • In Dragon Age: Origins, the Warden can accept a quest in Orzammar from a widowed dwarf named Filda, whose son Ruck disappeared into the Deep Roads. The Warden can agree to find Ruck for her, and they do... only for Ruck to refuse to see his mother. He's lost most of his sanity due to isolation (and other things) but clings to enough of it to recognize that seeing his mother again would only cause her pain due to what he has become. The Warden can either tell her the truth, in which case she runs off to the Deep Roads to find him herself, or tell her that Ruck has died, in which case she forces herself to be content with that closure.
• Final Fantasy XIV: In the Dragoon questline, a fledgling Dragoon named Heustienne hopes to train under the Player Character so that she can become an elite Dragoon like the adoptive father who rescued her. However, during a mission, she leaps onto the back of a notorious dragon but is swiftly carried off as it flies too high for her to dismount. When the player finally locates her later, she refuses to return and asks the player to tell her family and fellow Dragoons she fell in battle. In an even later quest, we learn that this is because she was forced to ingest dragon blood, which inevitably transforms the person into a dragon themselves. Even if she did return home, she'd only be labeled a heretic and be put to death in the best case, or become a ticking time bomb in the worst.
• Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn: In Part III, Chapter 1, if Oscar, Boyd or Rolf visits the centre building, they will be greeted by a woman who recognises them. At the beginning of the next chapter, the woman shows up at the army's base camp, asking Oscar and Boyd to let her see her son Rolf. When informed by Oscar, Rolf chooses not to show himself to her, saying that he was abandoned at such a young age that he doesn't remember her face.
• Fire Emblem: Three Houses: Annette came to Garreg Mach Monastery hoping to find her father, Gilbert, who is working in the Church as a Knight of Seiros. Gilbert, out of guilt and self-loathing for not saving his liege during the Tragedy of Duscur, refuses to speak with her or his wife or even think of returning home.
• Unavowed: Fire mage Eli Beckett was forced to fake his own death and sever all ties with his children to protect them from the Hunters of Aldin, an order determined to wipe out every last living fire mage and all their descendants in retribution for the crimes of Eli's ancestor, the infamous Aldin. During the Wall Street chapter, the party stumbles across Eli's grandson Travis, after the latter's son (Eli's great-grandson) is kidnapped as part of a plot by The Fair Folk to gain power in the mundane world. You return the child to his father after the baby manifests fire magic of his own, but Eli decides not to tell Travis who he is, though he does imply that he'll continue to keep a closer watch over them from now on.
• In Undertale's True Pacifist route, it's revealed that Flowey is actually the reincarnated Asriel, the son of Toriel and Asgore who died a long, long time ago. Seeing as how he Came Back Wrong and knows he'll soon revert back to being a soulless, monstrous flower, Asriel requests that Frisk not tell his parents they met him, or what he became, since he doesn't want to break their hearts all over again. He resigns himself to staying in the Underground after everyone else leaves and everyone, his parents included, begins a new, happier life without him.

Western Animation

• The Owl House: For many years, Eda Clawthorne refused to see her father again because she thought she didn't deserve his forgiveness for having slashed his eye and his dominant arm during one of her transformations into the Owl Beast. In "Elsewhere and Elsewhen", her mother brings him to The Owl House after the party and Eda tries to escape the encounter disguised as Lilith, but runs into a very saddened Dell. They finally have a very necessary talk; he tells her that he knew that what happened was an accident and that she needs to forgive herself.

---