Passenger: (looks at watch, sees that it's not nearly time to leave, scoffs; the passenger then gets hit by a passing by man with some wooden boards, twice)
Train Conductor: Told ya. Told ya twice.
A subtrope of Slapstick and Amusing Injuries, this is an old gag where Alice is carrying long items such as planks, logs, poles, or ladders, turns around and accidentally hits Bob, who was standing behind or next to her.
This happens either because Bob called Alice from behind, and she instinctively turned around to greet him, or because she wasn't aware of his presence, or simply because Alice isn't careful of her surroundings.
One common variant is to have the carrying character unknowingly knock out an attacker that was furtively approaching from behind. Another is to have a sufficiently quick-witted character duck the first swing, only to be clocked in the head when Alice turns back around.
This gag find its origins in Vaudeville and Music Hall, leading to its use in the Silent Movie era. Virtually every silent movie, starting from Chaplin to Laurel and Hardy, used this gag at least once, even when talkies came along. The Plank Gag was also a favourite of the Three Stooges. It's still used on stage today in the UK with Pantomime.
If you're thinking about a guy getting hit in the face by a board that he stepped on, that's actually a variation of the Rake Take. Also compare Nautical Knockout. A Plank Gag might be set up, but subverted by the Coincidental Dodge.
- An old Australian television ad for insurance has some average Joe walking along the street, narrowly avoiding accidents. One of the accidents he ducks (literally) is the Plank Gag. He drops the coin he is flipping and bends down to pick it up just as the workman with the plank turns around, the plank passing harmlessly over the top of him.
- A Swedish TV ad for Vicks Blue cough drops has a man trying to call attention to a running purse snatcher, however his voice fails him. He's offered a pill, his throat clears, and he shouts loudly across the street where the man's escaping — "Stop the thief!!" Everyone turns towards him, including a man carrying a rafter, who accidentally knocks the purse snatcher out cold as he comes running.
- In Zoids: New Century, this plus a Coincidental Dodge enables Bit to unintentionally and unconsciously rescue Naomi Fluegel from two thugs by brutalizing them with a large pipe. He's confused as to why they are unconscious afterwards. As he's also an ace Zoid pilot, this causes Ms. Fanservice to develop a bit of a crush on him.
Naomi: Is this guy totally zoned out or did he do all that on purpose?
- In One Piece, pirate captain Mikazuki gets hit in the backhead by a huge log carried by a shipwright when he threatens the Galley-La workers during his and their first appearance. In this case, it's not an accident, but an actual attack.
- The Gaston Lagaffe books made use of this gag several times, with the eponymous klutzy character obviously being the one accidentally smashing the items into his unfortunate working colleagues' faces.
- Also common in kid comics like Spiff and Hercules. In one strip at a mountain resort, Hercules happily swirls around with a pair of skis on his shoulder. Spiff ducks under them, but a passerby gets hit in the face. The man grumbles "Do you think you're in a Mack Sennett movie?" and chases after them.
- Happens once in the Bone collection The Great Cow Race. One page has Smiley holding a ladder from one end while the other is between Lucius and Phoney. In the back is Fone Bone is calling to Smiley, pointing to the left. In the next page, Smiley has completely turned around, while Lucius and Phoney are knocked over, clutching their heads in pain. Fone Bone has an "Oops!" look on his face.
- Peppermint Patty does this to Marcie in one Peanuts strip; accidentally beaning Marcie with a loaf of French bread she brought back from her trip to Paris.
- In Toy Story 2, a Zurg toy has been dislodged from its packaging and is threatening Buzz Lightyear and another Buzz Lightyear atop an elevator. Rex (a toy tyrannosaur) shouts "I can't look" and does an about-face... knocking Zurg off the edge of the elevator with his tail.
- Bernard in The Rescuers is rather clumsy with the comb-ladder he carries into the R.A.S. meeting and nearly hits the Chairman with it, repeatedly.
- Maui in Moana nearly brains the title character with her own boat when he turns to face her. Fortunately, she sees it coming and ducks in time.
- In My Fair Lady, happens during the "With a Little Bit of Luck" song, since Alfie Doolittle is singing in what seems to be a construction area and there is inevitably someone who swings a plank around and someone else gets hit by it.
- Vintage British comedians Eric Sykes and Tommy Cooper actually made an entire 45-minute film devoted to exploring and using every possible permutation of this gag. It is simply called The Plank and is much better than it sounds note . It also received a TV remake in 1979.
- In Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, one of the townsfolk "accidentally" does this to one of the brothers - although he's openly a Jerk Ass about it and he never really expected anyone to believe it was an accident.
- In The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, Eustace is attempting to set an oar in a rowboat (backwards), nearly loses his balance, and swings it about, knocking out a pirate leader who was sneaking up behind him with a knife.
- This gag is incredibly common in The Three Stooges.
- In Star Wars: Return of the Jedi, Bobba Fett, about to shoot at Luke, gets accidentally thwarted that way by Han, and knocked off the skiff to the monster's mouth.
- Occurs in Godzilla Millennium (Godzilla 2000 in the West) when Yuki visits Yuji and Io, and has to ask two dockworkers for directions to the Godzilla Prediction Network HQ.
- Invoked intentionally in Down Periscope. While everybody else is doing scut labor repainting the sub's deck, Stepanek sets up a lounge chair and goofs off. (He's trying to get himself thrown out of the military, and The Captain knows it, but isn't willing to oblige). After getting Stepanek's hopes up with a promise of "relocation", the Captain barks at a passing sailor who is carrying an armload of planks. The sailor spins, swatting Stepanek off the deck, thus successfully relocating him into the sludge tray that was alongside.
- Hot Shots! Part Deux, as quoted above. There's also a scene involving some ex-presidents getting knocked out by the shovel wielding president as they did foundations for a new hospital.
- Bill: Shakespeare whacks Ian over the head with a stick he has over his shoulder as he wanders through the London market.
- Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl includes a "comedy tutorial" sketch featuring plank and other slapstick gags. The routine was originally written for the TV sketch show We Have Ways of Making You Laugh (1968). Notable for the sight of Terry Gilliam in obvious and considerable pain with the effort of trying not to bust up laughing.
- In The Pendragon Adventure, when Bobby completes his Training from Hell with Loor and Alder and is awarded a real fighting staff, he launches into a long series of these. He'd nearly whack one of them with the staff end as he turns to the other to apologize for nearly whacking them, and then spins around to apologize for that...
- Making Money features a martial art based on slapstick routines, including carrying a ladder over one shoulder and hitting assailants with it when one turns around. The clown doing it manages to tie up five watchmen between the rungs and is praised highly by Dr. Whiteface.
- As seen in The Fifth Elephant, this is also why the Fools' Guild's fire department has never managed to stop any fires — you hand a group of clowns a ladder and a bucket, and the instinct to pull this gag immediately takes over.
- ChuckleVision has one of these practically Once per Episode, accompanying the brothers' catchphrase.
- Happens with some regularity on Home Improvement, usually with Al on the receiving end. And once with Bob Vila.
- Done with some frequency on The Benny Hill Show.
- In this scene from 3rd Rock from the Sun, it happens no less than five times.
- In a Christmas episode of Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em, Frank knocks his boss into a hole twice with a plank of wood.
- A Mystery Science Theater 3000 skit had Tom Servo with a long canoe on his head, explaining the concept of "portage". As he turns his head this way and that, he repeatedly knocks out Crow and Mike.
- Another skit had Mike explaining the gag to Crow and Tom using an actual plank. While Mike was close to tears about the gag, the bots where...less than amused.
- In the Doctor Who story "Dragonfire", the bait-and-switch version of this gag is played. Where it looks like the Doctor is going to accidentally clobber Glitz (with the Doctor's umbrella in place of the plank), but Glitz is Distracted By The Shiny and ducks at the last minute unwittingly letting the umbrella swing harmlessly over his head.
- The Star Trek: Voyager episode "Suvival Instinct", had Chakotay trying to lug a huge piece of alien sports equipment across the bridge and nearly whacking a visiting alien with it.
- Prone to happen anytime El Chavo grabs a broomstick or similar in El Chavo del ocho.
- The first episode of Bananas in Pajamas features this. With B1 norrowly missing B2 as they clean up the beach.
- Smart Guy: In a gag inspired by the Three Stooges, Marcus and Mo accidentally clobber TJ with a couple of 2-by-4s. TJ spends the rest of the episode acting loopy.
- Horrible Histories: In a sketch about Edward III's wedding in the unfinished Yorkminster, his bride - Philippa of Hainault - gets clonked on the head when a workman carrying a beam turns around.
- A stock spot in Professional Wrestling ladder matches, or other hardcore matches with a ton of weapons. More commonly, the ladder is used to assault other wrestlers, but this spot is common as well, especially in team matches.
- Magellan from Eurekas Castle has a Running Gag variant on this. His tail is the long object, so for instance he'll build something out of blocks and knock it down with his tail when he turns around. Typically, he then scolds his tail as if it were sentient.
- In the Roy Clark episode of The Muppet Show, Kermit narrowly avoids being hit in the head with a plank by Fozzie as he attempts to fix a hole in the stage. He then falls down the hole.
- This was demonstrated as part of the 'Comedy Masterclass' skits in The Secret Policeman's Ball.
- In Tokimeki Memorial 2 Substories: Leaping School Festival, this happens in an Event of Akane's storyline, when the protagonist, surprised and worried to see her carrying such heavy-looking logs (which are no problem for her, being from a family of martial artists), calls her from behind.
- This is one of Gintoki's attacks in Jump Ultimate Stars. The attack might be based on chapter 9 of Gintama, but the actual gag doesn't happen there.
- In Super Gem Fighter, one of Akuma's special attacks is to perform one of these on his opponent while wearing a construction worker's outfit.
- A variation happens in Episode 63 of The Most Popular Girls in School: when dancing together, Deandra spins around with her robotic arm outstretched and hits Rachel right in the face, knocking her right onto the floor.
- On The Penguins of Madagascar, King Julien challenges Fred the squirrel to a duel with staffs. Fred beats him without even trying, just by moving around with the staff on his shoulder.
- In the Camp Lazlo episode "Snow Beans", this happens to Chip and Skip, using a pair of skis rather than a plank.
- Axl does it to Bull Gator in an episode of Taz-Mania. Bull responds with a Genre Savvy "I really should have seen that coming".
- Gunther does this to Kick on Kick Buttowski a few times in the appropriately named episode Knocked Out.
- Pinky and the Brain: Larry does it to the Brain in "Pinky and the Brain... and Larry".
- Happens multiple times in the first episode of ''Total Drama' when Bridgette brings her surfboard on to the pier.
- In several episodes of The Koala Brothers, one character will unintentionally hit another with a plank, a railway track etc. The most frequent victim of this trope is Buster.
- Danger Mouse: Penfold knocks Jeopardy Mouse into a Pit Trap with a mop he has over his shoulder when he has a bucket stuck on his head in "Quark Games".