Marriage is meant to be a sacred covenant, when one person agrees to commit to another for the rest of their lives. That's the whole point of the pomp, the ceremony, the guests. To tell the world, "I will forever commit to this person, and no other."
Now, in real life and fiction alike, not everyone honors this covenant. That's why the trope of Good Adultery, Bad Adultery exists. Because, no matter the justification used, people cheat on their spouses.
However, in some circumstances, their spouses not only know but have also given their blessing. The reasons might vary. Soldiers on the battlefield might get letters from sweethearts and wives back home giving them permission to stray because they "have needs". A spouse badly injured in an accident or suffering from a terminal illness might allow an affair for similar reasons.
Sometimes this permission is granted sincerely. Sometimes it's a form of Reverse Psychology, hoping that by giving someone permission to cheat, they'll feel too guilty to actually do so. And sometimes it's because the party offering permission has already strayed themselves and wants to allow their spouse to do the same so that if/when their own transgressions come to light, their partner cannot take the moral high ground. And then, there's also the possibility that it's part of a scheme to screw their spouse over—bonus points if the spouse's lover is in on it.
Another place this may happen is in an Arranged Marriage. If one or both parties in the marriage had lovers before the union, they may agree to go through with the arranged marriage for whatever purposes it serves, but give each other permission to continue seeing their previous partners. Or they may give each other license to seek a "real" lover while maintaining the arranged marriage. For example, the British aristocracy traditionally maintained the covert practice of "an heir and a spare" — in other words, once the wife had produced two sons of guaranteed paternity (in case the eldest died before reproducing) she was tacitly allowed to seek a romantic extramarital relationship.
Another way this can happen is if the couple's marriage has been falling apart for a long time, and the spouse giving permission just Stopped Caring and does so as resignation to the conclusion that their marriage is just beyond saving.
A variation involving (even stronger) Values Dissonance may see a partner take pride in the affairs of the other as a public evidence of their desirability or daringness and actively encourage them to cheat with people who match certain standards like social standing, attractiveness or outrageousness. Expect this agreement to fall apart, if they fall in love with someone ordinary.
In some cases involving Incompatible Orientation, the couple goes into the marriage with the understanding that they'll be having sex with other people as one is serving as The Beard for the other (or in some cases, both for each other), with the caveat that they are to be discreet for the sake of maintaining Plausible Deniability.
Very rarely does this lead to Polyamory. Sometimes it might overlap with Hanky-Panky with the Help, as a maid, butler, governess, nanny, or gardener is less likely to spread rumors around high society. If the party who initially gave permission finds they regret it, it will veer into an Open Relationship Failure.
One version, frequently Played for Laughs, is that a couple will have a list of celebrities that each gives the other permission to sleep with should the unlikely occasion ever arise that they are able to sleep with that celebrity. In fiction, however, this is usually Foreshadowing for a Special Guest and a huge case of Mistaken for Cheating.
As this is one of the Sex Tropes, No Real Life Examples, Please!.
Examples:
- Ranma ½: Ranma and Akane are the subject of an Arranged Marriage by their parents. Unfortunately, Ranma is also considered "engaged" to Shampoo because her culture thrives on Best Her to Bed Her and Ranma beat her in combat, and he's also engaged to Ukyo because his father already accepted the dowry (her father's okonomiyaki cart) to secure the engagement. What's more, Ranma and Akane care for each other, but also have a high degree of Belligerent Sexual Tension. As such, in one episode, when Ryoga hears about Ranma's engagement to Ukyo and decides to punish Ranma for two-timing Akane, Akane states that Ranma is "free to date the whole student body for all I care."
- The Unfunnies: Mr. Pussywhisker, after being lied to that he has testicular cancer by the aptly-named Dr. Despicable and castrated, finds his wife devastated that now they can never have children, and she pressures him to allow her to sleep around so she can. He capitulates and goes out to find suitors for her. She then tells the reader at the end of the chapter that she's on birth control and it was all an act.
- Alysanne, Lady of Winterfell: Ser Willem Hogg is old and only married his young wife Myranda because he had outlived all his previous wives and children and urgently needs an heir (and preferably spares as well), so he has allowed Myranda to take lovers as long as she makes sure to be discreet and not to have other men's children.
- Lovesick: Vegeta and Bulma have an "agreement" that they are both allowed to sleep with other people as a result of their loveless marriage.
- The Gamers: Hands of Fate: The "Romance of the Nine Empires" subplot ends with Myriad giving up on her One True Love Dundareel for an Arranged Marriage to the heir apparent of Malchior for political reasons. In the epilogue, her husband reveals that he has had just as little interest in this marriage as herself and that he is, in fact, having an affair. He then gives her free rein to search for the missing Dundareel and to do as she pleases with him, as long as it doesn't endanger the Malchior-Holden alliance.
- Hall Pass: Two friends, Rick and Fred, who are both granted by their wives a "hall pass", which is a week off from their respective marriages so that they can sleep with any woman they want guilt-free in order to rid them of their obsession with sex.
- Indecent Proposal: Deconstructed. Billionaire John Gage offers cash-strapped couple David and Diana $1 million in exchange for one night with Diana, and David eventually gives Diana permission. He quickly changes his mind, but not quickly enough to prevent Diana from going through with the deal. After the deed has been done, Gage falls in love with Diana and eventually manages to seduce her away from David, who's only able to win her back by donating the $1 million to charity, leaving them back where they were to begin with.
- Last Vegas: Before he leaves for the bachelor party trip, Sam's wife gives him an envelope containing a condom and a Viagra pill, telling him that he has her permission to sleep with someone else while in Vegas and that they'll never speak of it afterwards, in the hopes that this will put the spark back in their now dull marriage. Sam eventually finds a girl willing to sleep with him, only to realize that he can't go through with it. The film's epilogue shows that regardless, he and his wife regained their spark.
- Aeon 14: Polyamory is relatively common in The 'Verse, and Tanis's husband Joe once suggests he'd be okay with allowing their pansexual nymphomaniac friend Cheeky into their bed as long as Tanis agreed. As far as we know, she never took him up on it.
- The Alloy of Law: Before entering an arranged marriage with Wax, Lady Steris Harms writes out an extensive marriage contract, which includes a clause for paramours. Basically, she's okay with Wax's hypothetical infidelity as long as he keeps it discreet, and once an heir is born, she can have her own dalliances as well. It turns out to be a combination of her own father having a bastard daughter, and her own insecurities about maintaining a marriage.
- The Dresden Files: Taken to extremes in the case of Thomas (a White Court vampire, basically an incubus) and his lover Justine as of Ghost Story (2011). Although they are not married, they do consider their relationship true love. This is a serious problem, because the touch of anyone who truly loves and is loved by another burns White Court vampires, so Thomas can't even touch her skin-to-skin—and he's near starvation because he requires sexual energy in order to stay alive. (The energy needn't come from actual sex, so he manages for a while by becoming a hairdresser and "sipping" off of his female clients.) So Justine comes up with a simple solution: She sleeps with another woman in front of him, then starts bringing in other lovers for him to satisfy his needs, while still considering herself in love with him. At one point she finds out that although he's been imprisoned, his (female) captors are eagerly sleeping with him—and she's relieved because it means his captors aren't starving him.
- In Dune, Lady Jessica and Duke Leto are, for all intents and purposes, a Happily Married couple, but are not formally wed. This is because the Duke is an attractive target for a political marriage, and he and Jessica have remained unmarried to facilitate this should the need arise. However, they remain extremely devoted to one another, and the two fully accept the possibility of needing to have other partners.
- The Fallen World: An odd example. Alexandra convinces her Common Law Wife Emilia to sleep with Ghost after she got her own body. Ghost is another version of Alexandra or rather Alexandra is another version of Ghost. They still view each other as separate entities and Ghost is used to polyamorous relationships after dating Arcadia.
- The Fourth Protocol: Louis Zablonsky, an elderly jeweler living in London, was neutered by Josef Mengele while a prisoner in Auschwitz. He was upfront about this when he proposed marriage to his much younger wife, and gave her permission to "step out", asking only that she keep her lovers on the side and not allow him to know who they were, or to meet any of them. This understanding was one of many reasons why they were Happily Married, despite his disability and the difference in their ages.
- A variation in Roald Dahl's "The Great Switcheroo": The narrator (Vic) persuades his neighbor (Jerry) to pull a Bed Trick (aka "rape by fraud") on each other's wives. They compare notes on their respective lovemaking techniques, with Jerry disparaging Vic's. After the deed is done, Vic is less than happy to learn that his wife never enjoyed sex with him up until last night, while Jerry's wife thought he was Not Right in the Bed until he used Jerry's version, making Vic a double case of Emasculated Cuckold.
- Honor Harrington: Hamish Alexander's wife Emily is a famous and beloved actress who became crippled after a terrible accident. Since it also left her unable to perform in more ways than one, she was understanding when her husband turned to professional courtesans to fulfill his needs, knowing that he loves her just as much as ever. She does take issue with him starting to develop actual feelings for Honor, and even more so when she realizes Honor has feelings for him in return. With political rivals seeking to turn this against them, Emily engineers a scene that demonstrates amity between herself and Honor which takes the wind out of their rivals' sails. She eventually gives more formal blessing to their relationship, and not long after Honor becomes pregnant with Hamish's child. Eventually, the Alexanders are granted citizenship of the planet Grayson, which entitles Hamish to more than one wife and they decide to both marry Honor and make it official.
- I, Claudius: One of the many women Caligula is sleeping with is Ennia, the wife of Sertorius Macro, the deputy Praetorian Prefect. Macro knows all about the affair, but lets it go on, being an ambitious man who sees Caligula as his link to real power.
- Lady Chatterley's Lover: Lady Chatterley is given permission by her husband to find another man who can satisfy her, which he's unable to do on account of a paralyzing injury. She chooses the gardener.
- In The Scholomance, Liesel and Alfie strike up a relationship for purely political reasons, with Liesel being an extremely magically strong independent wizard, and Alfie being an enclaver from a prestigious line. Given that their relationship is entirely power-based, Alfie has no problems with Liesel having affairs, especially if they help to recruit other powerful wizards to their cause. However, they turn out to have a Perfectly Arranged Marriage; it's implied that Alfie's willingness to let Liesel have affairs is partially motivated by a genuine desire to see her happy, and that Liesel's emotional loyalties are ultimately toward Alfie.
- 30 Rock:
- Unsure about the idea of settling down, Jenna and Paul resolve to go on a "sexual walkabout" and start relationships with as many people as possible, deciding they will stay together forever if nothing can make them happier. Jenna is initially ecstatic, but slowly realizes she is terrified of the prospect that Paul really will find happiness with someone else and leave her.
- After breaking up with Avery, Jack starts "Great Escaping" — dating a plethora of women who each fill a specific role. While not all the women know about each other, Pizzarina is fully understanding and explains that she herself is "Pokemoning", and that Jack is one of several men she is seeing. Though he is initially put off upon realizing he fills the "father figure" role, Jack ultimately accepts the arrangement.
- In "Leap Day", Liz calls Criss to explain her old schoolmate Thad has offered her twenty million dollars to take his virginity on Leap Day. Despite them being in a committed relationship, Leap Day is such Serious Business to New Yorkers that Criss enthusiastically gives Liz his blessing to do whatever she wants, with the logic that nothing on Leap Day counts. However, Thad loses interest in Liz after Jenna and her "hot bitches" arrive to seduce him.
- Black Mirror: The episode "Striking Vipers" deals with an affair happening within a virtual reality game — both participants are married and are only interested in anything sexual with each other as their game characters and not in real life. The end of the episode implies that both of them have gotten permission from their wives to continue seeing each other once a year.
- Castle (2009): In the episode "Nikki Heat", Beckett is shadowed by actress Natalie Rhodes in preparation for her role in the upcoming movie adaptation of "Heat Wave". Detective Ryan finds himself getting awkward around Natalie because she is on his "freebie five" list, and this nearly costs him his proposal to his girlfriend Jenny.
- Cheers episode "One Last Fling". After Sam and Diane get engaged, Sam complains about only being able to have sex with one woman for the rest of his life. Diane gets angry and offers Sam a deal: for a 24-hour period, they can each have sex with anyone they want. Sam agrees.
- In season 4 of Curb Your Enthusiasm, Cheryl's present for Larry for their 10th wedding anniversary is that he's allowed to have sex with another woman. Throughout the season, Larry has several opportunities, but always screws them up.
- On Friends when Chandler and Janice were in a long-term relationship they agreed to let each other create a list of five celebrities that they could have sex with without the other person getting angry. Ross and Rachel create their own lists as well. The closest any of them get to actually succeeding is Ross, who totally fails to pick up Isabella Rossellini.
- The Good Wife:
- "A Defense of Marriage": The prosecutor in a pre-Obergefell case involving a married gay couple targets the fact that they have a prearranged day of the week on which they allow each other to step out as an argument that it isn't a "real" marriage, and therefore information discussed by the couple isn't covered by spousal privilege. Alicia counters by going after a key prosecution witness over the (apparently high) number of times he's cheated on his wife.
- "The Last Call": Following Will's sudden death, Alicia tells her Serial Adulterer husband Peter that she doesn't care anymore: she's not going to divorce him for professional reasons, but he's welcome to sleep with whomever he likes as long as 1) nobody else hears about it and 2) he doesn't complain about her doing the same.
- Grimm: A characteristically weird version happens in season 4. Nick has been Brought Down to Normal after unknowingly sleeping with Adalind who had transformed into his girlfriend Juliette. It turns out the only way to reverse it and make him a Grimm again is to sleep with Juliette after she's used the same potion to turn into Adalind. Before they get started, she defuses the tension by joking that this is "your one chance to have an affair, with my blessing."
- M*A*S*H: In one episode, Henry gets a note from his wife, saying that she knows that as a man he has needs and if he should happen to meet a woman with whom he is compatible, he has her blessing to stray (which he has already done on a few occasions). Henry is initially thrilled with this situation until it occurs to him to wonder if his wife Lorraine has given her blessing because she has strayed as well therefore felt it would alleviate her guilt. It turns out Lorraine was tempted, but only attended a movie with a man, and Henry is left to comfort his distraught wife over the phone for her guilty conscience over that small infraction.
- Murdoch Mysteries: after finding her fiancé in bed with Detective Watts, Clara Cartwright says that she doesn't care what he gets up to after they're married, as long as he goes through with it to avoid the stigma of being a single mother in The Edwardian Era. That said, it's implied in later episodes that she keeps her husband on a short leash, likely to limit the possibility of his sexuality getting out (which would be its own kind scandal).
Clara: I am marrying you. [...] I am with child, and I will have a husband. And, after we're married, you can engage in whatever filth you like.
- What We Do in the Shadows (2019): In "P.I. Undercover New York", Colin Robinson visits his old friend Joe, whose wife Becky is clearly having feelings for Colin. Joe is aware of this and not only is okay with her wanting to make love to Colin, buthe actually asks Colin to do so as he hopes it will strengthen his marriage. Colin however has no desire to make love to Becky as he wants a normal friendship.
- Tim Minchin: "Song for Wossy"
has Tim jokingly ask permission of Jonathan Ross if he can make love to his wife Jane Goldman. He claims his own wife would be OK with it, as they have a "celebrity shag concession" which gives her his permission to sleep with football player Wayne Rooney.
- Book of Genesis: Sarah asked Abraham to have sex with her maid Hagar when Sarah learned she was barren and Abraham needed a son as an heir. This in turn led to Abraham having a son named Ishmael from the deed. However, Sarah grew jealous of Hagar and ultimately sent Hagar and Ishmael away after Sarah was able to give birth to Isaac.
- Bill Engvall has a bit where he references this where he says if Shania Twain showed up in a leopard-skin coat and a note from his wife saying "Have a good time", it would be "Awesome!" He also concedes that it's never going to happen.
- Zig-zagged in the h-game Yin-Yang Exchange, in one route the protagonist, after a Gender Bender, gets possessed by an evil ghost and "cleansed" by a miko, at which point her grandfather tells you that you're now engaged but says that since it's an arranged marriage you'll be free to run around on her as much as you want as a benefit. Your new fiance, however, makes it abundantly clear that she will not tolerate such behavior (and it of course winds up as a Perfectly Arranged Marriage).
- Kakyoin Waifu Connoisseur: Both Lois Griffin and Nicole Watterson were given "hall passes" in their respective episodes which they use to fool around with Kakyoin while their husbands use theirs to goof around (Peter beats Shinji up and steals his EVA and Richard eats an entire ice cream-themed amusement park).
- Real-Time Fandub: During his drunken rant in the Last Story, Eggman claims that he had attempted to curb his wife's infidelity by building a Sexbot and giving her permission to sleep with it. It didn't work, and by that point in the dub she's had offscreen affairs with at least half the main cast.
- American Dad!:
- In "When a Stan Loves a Woman", Stan gets upset when he realises that Francine had multiple partners before marrying him, while he was a virgin and saved sex for his wedding night. To cheer him up, Francine gets a temporary divorce so he can sleep with another woman guilt-free, expecting him to realise that sex without love is meaningless, and then they can get back together like nothing happened. Instead, he hits it off with a new woman, Joanna, and Francine gets paranoid that he'll make the divorce permanent and marry her.
- "A Starboy Is Born" has Hayley lusting after The Weeknd. Jeff is completely on board with allowing her to sleep with him because they both agreed to allow one freebie with any person that they want. Much to Jeff's chagrin for all the hard work he's putting in to make sure it happens, The Weeknd turns down her advances because all of his fame and talent are the result of his Virgin Power — which in turn immediately turns her off.
- Family Guy: In "Bill and Pete's Bogus Journey", Lois gets seduced by Bill Clinton, and reluctantly decides that letting Peter have sex with one other woman of his choice is the only fair way to get their marriage back on track. He chooses his mother-in-law, Babs (who's surprisingly ok with it, given the state of her own marriage), but he ultimately decides he loves Lois too much to go through with the deed. However Peter also ends up being seduced by Bill Clinton when he goes to confront him about Lois.
Peter: (to Bill) Wow, you're good!
- One episode of Harley Quinn has King Shark discover that he's been roped into a political Arranged Marriage. In the end, he explains to the rest of the gang that he and his new wife each agreed to see someone on the side.
- Miraculous Ladybug: "Felix" features a variation; Adrien has noticed how much time his dad has been spending with his assistant Nathalie lately and assumes that Gabriel has been seeking comfort from Nathalie as his wife remains missing. Adrien tells his dad that he doesn't mind if Gabriel needs someone else in his life as long as it makes him happy. Gabriel, whose actual secret is that he's the villain Hawk Moth and that he has his comatose wife in the basement on life-support, is aghast at the suggestion that he's been unfaithful to Adrien's mother.
- Ugly Americans: Mark discovers his girlfriend Callie has been sleeping with a lot of other men. She causally gives him a pass to sleep with another woman. As Mark literally wrote the book on being faithful, she didn't think he'd actually use it but he reconnects with his old college girlfriend Jaclyn. He temporally breaks with her to date and sleep with Jaclyn but when she finds out he has been dating Callie Maggotbone after being so strict with her in college, she flips out and kidnaps him. It turns out she experimented on herself to cure her food allergy but the side effect turned her into The Best. Grimes arrives to chase her off and he ends up back with Callie.
