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Lame Last Words

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"Y'know, if you want my personal opinion, 'kikoho' is a pretty poor choice of last words. But to be fair, it's far from the worst decision you've made today."

You all know about people's dying moments, how they'll give you a plea to take care of the boy, train the boy, or how they love the protagonist (who may be a boy). Some of these quotes can go down in history as some of the greatest lines of all time.

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Well, This Is Not That Trope!

Lame Last Words are last words that nobody would want to go out on. They may be such things as an unwitty response to an insult, dying in the middle of your sentence, or others.

Some last words only sound lame without context. If the last words Bob said were "Man, Alice is gonna kill me." then it could be this trope. However, if Alice is a deity and has powers over death, then Bob's last words made sense in context.

Note that they can turn into Famous Last Words if they're memetic enough. If they just contain swears, they're Profane Last Words.

A subtrope of Undignified Death. Compare Grave Humor.

Since this is a Death Trope, spoilers are left unmarked.


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Examples:

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    Anime & Manga 

    Comic Books 
  • In Cerebus the Aardvark, a being that thinks it's the personification of Death learns that it's actually an insignificant minor entity, that the gems it believed were the source of its power were actually leeching its very essence away, and that it is just about to be completely obliterated from existence. It has just enough time to say "Well, fuck me." before vanishing.
  • Jour J: One Alternate History scenario starts with King Louis XVI of France and his family escaping the royal palace in a hot-air balloon. However, the attempt fails and the king takes a bullet, his last words being the unimpressive "I'm slightly hungry."

    Fan Works 
  • Dragon Ball Z Abridged: After Tien's heroic attempt to kill Cell via repeated Ki Ko Ho fails (although he did manage to stunlock him for quite a while) and Cell floats out of a hole, he contemptuously tells Tien he could've chosen better last words (before Goku teleports in, rescues everyone, and teleports out).
    Cell: Y'know, if you want my personal opinion, "kikoho" is a pretty poor choice of last words. But to be fair, it's far from the worst decision you're made today.
    Tien: Ki ko fuck yourself.
    Cell: Aww, see? That's the spirit.
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    Films — Live-Action 
  • The Devil's Rejects: Invoked by Otis Firefly as he tortures Adam Banjo. Banjo tries to be Defiant to the End by telling Otis "fuck you" and Otis points out that it doesn't intimidate him and doesn't paint Adam as any kind of badass.
  • Heathers: Heather Chandler chose to go out on a weak "Corn nuts!" before she choked to death on drain cleaner.
  • John Wick: When John Wick finally gets his hands on Iosef, the Smug Snake wannabe gangster that stole his car and killed his dog; the sorry little bastard whines out in Russian "It was just a fucking—" before Wick shoots him.
  • The Matrix: Cypher starts unplugging the team one-by-one after his Face–Heel Turn. When Switch's turn comes all she can say is a fearful "Not like this!"
  • Speed: Conversed by Howard Paine, the Mad Bomber Big Bad, in the opening sequence when he grabs Officer Harry Temple and he tells him "fuck you". Payne makes clear that he thinks using that specific insult as a way to showcase you're Defiant to the End has become an unimaginative cliche.
    Howard Payne: In two hundred years, we've gone from "I'm sorry that I only have one life to give for my country" to "fuck you"?
  • In Tomorrowland, seconds before his Monitor crashes down on him, all the normally prim and proper Nix can muster is an undignified, "Oh, bollocks."

    Literature 
  • Aru Shah and the End of Time: As Aru and Mini pass through the Halls of the Dead, they can hear the final words of dead people, which include: "No, not yet!", "Please make sure someone remembers to feed Snowball", and "I hope someone clears my Internet browser."
  • Going Postal: "Albert Spangler", standing on the gallows after his prison break is foiled, rather lamely says "I wasn't really expecting to die". Subverted when the hangman allows him a do-over and he comes up with some well-received Famous Last Words. (Unknown to the public, "Spangler" survives his execution and discards the alias anyway.)
  • Old Man's War: The protagonist's wife has a stroke while making pancakes. Her last words are "Where I did I put the damn vanilla?"
  • In the Vorkosigan Saga novel Barrayar, the Pretender Vordarian's last words were "You're a Betan! You can't do-" Also an example of Killed Mid-Sentence.

    Live-Action TV 
  • In the Big Bang Theory episode "The Cruciferous Vegetable Amplification", Sheldon states that he once had an uncle named Carl whose last words were "I think that there is a badger in our chimney. Hand me that flashlight."
  • Chuck: Narrowly averted in "Chuck Vs The Suitcase". When Chuck thinks the Time Bomb strapped to his hand will kill him and Sarah, he confesses he still loves her despite her Commitment Issues about being unable to unpack in their house. When they survive, she's pissed at him that his last words to her were going to be nagging her about it.
    Sarah: Chuck if we hadn't stopped that bomb, your last words to me would have been about my weird unpacking thing!
  • Dead Like Me: Discussed when a team of Psychopomps record decades' worth of people's last thoughts in a database. Daisy is deeply disturbed by how banal and repetitive they are; but the team still finds them very relatable in the basic elements of humanity they portray.
    Mason: "I should've apologized to Mr. Roy about the broken phonograph." Now what the fuck am I supposed to file that one under?
  • Doctor Who: In "The Doctor Dances", the Doctor disperses the advancing monsters by yelling "Go to your room!" (It Makes Sense in Context). He then comments that he is really glad that worked, because those would have been terrible last words.
  • In Game of Thrones, when Sandor Clegane kills some rogue Brotherhood Without Banners members, all one can say is a whimpering "Fuck you". When Sandor mocks him for his rather uncreative choice in last words, he follows it up with an equally pathetic "...Cunt," causing Sandor to snark "You're shit at dying, you know that?"
  • The Good Place: Though he didn't actually die, Glenn's last words before he was blown up by the "lie detector" were simply stating his name.
    Janet: What's your name?
    Glenn: Well, everyone calls me Glenn, but the name on my demon certificate is actually Snakes Pour Forth From His Anu— [explodes into blue goo]
  • How I Met Your Mother: When Marshall's father died of a heart attack, the last words that he gave to his son personally were "Rent Crocodile Dundee 3. I caught it in the cable last night and it totally holds up." During the funeral, Marshall is upset that these are really his father's last words to him and is expecting something very meaningful. Later, he listens to his last voice mail which is a pocket dial turned on until his father tells him he enjoys his visit at his home and says, "I love you". Then, the message continues with him asking for his foot cream as his rash had started to act up again. During the procession, Marshall decides to share that his father's real last words to him which is renting Crocodile Dundee 3.
  • Late Night with Conan O'Brien: an audience member stated that the host wouldn't shoot him, saying "There's no way my last words would be 'Dollars to donuts.'" Conan then shoots him.
  • Mad About You: Paul is filming an interview with his uncle when he has a heart attack, and the last words he says are "Hoooo mooos!" Paul and the other characters try to find the meaning of those words, but can't find a satisfactory answer. In the end, Jamie happens to look at the serial number of the camera Paul was using - Hoo-Moo5.
  • Married... with Children: In their lone Halloween Episode, Death (in the guise of Peg) discusses with Al how disappointing William Shakespeare's last words were upon dying being a simple utterance of "Argh, argh, argh!"
  • Mystery Science Theater 3000: In The Day Time Ended, Jonah uses his newly-invented Fortune Meal to skip ahead and see the end of his own life. Allegedly, he'll tag the person next to him and say "You're it," just before he passes.
  • Scrubs: An early episode sees JD about to be grilled by hospital higher-ups. He keeps thinking to himself "I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay," eventually misthinking it as "I'm a K." It then switches to an Imagine Spot where he's blindfolded and getting a last cigarette lit as though about to be executed by firing squad, when Dr. Cox asks for his last words.
    JD: I'm a K. That was bad. Can I have a do-over? (BOOM!)
  • The Studio C sketch "Man's Last Words Before Execution" takes this to its logical extreme, with the man in question coming up with increasingly worse and worse last words. Even the executioner thinks they're the worst last words ever.

    Video Games 
  • In Alpha Protocol's "Thorton Inc." ending, if you choose to kill Leland, then Mike tells Leland that the data disk he gave Leland was actually a mine. Leland's last words are a confused "What?"

    Web Animation 
  • In Red vs. Blue, several character deaths are preceded by them literally saying "Herk... bleah!". This was most prominent during the first five seasons, "The Blood Gulch Chronicles", before the show shifted to more serious writing.
  • In RWBY, the last thing Adam Taurus says after he is fatally stabbed and before he falls to his death is a simple "Oh."

    Web Comics 
  • Gunnerkrigg Court: The Realm of the Dead records the final statements of the newly deceased, which Annie and Kat use to investigate the Court Founders. One's is an eloquent statement about his hopes for the future. The other's...
    Steadman's recording: I really wish I hadn't tripped over that damned dog.
    Annie and Kat: Huh.
  • Darths & Droids has some fun with the climax of The Phantom Menace with this trope.
    Qui-Gon: I get heroic last words, right? ...I just want to say something important. You know, some real "roleplaying drama" stuff.
    GM: Okay, I'll alow that.
    Qui-Gon: Obi-Wan... I'm fading... come here... There's something... I have to tell you... before I die...
    Obi-Wan: You want me to train Anakin as a Jedi?
    Qui-Gon: Ooooh, yeah, that's even better.

    Web Original 
  • Daithi De Nogla, while playing Grand Theft Auto V once shouted "I'm the swinger for the LA Lakers!" before being immediately gunned down.
  • The Last Podcast on the Left: In part three of their series on Ed Gein, the hosts can't help but find amusement in the last words stated to have been said by Gein's second victim, who was looking out her store's window just before he shot her from behind.
    "I don't like Chevrolets."

    Western Animation 
  • Final Space: Infinity Guard member Chuck would have had a heroic death if he didn't go out on "I am not a douche-canoe!"
  • At the beginning of The Simpsons episode "Days of Future Future", Homer suffers heart failure while walking up the stairs, and as he lays on the floor, he notes, "All that's left are clever last words." He ironically dies right afterward.

    Real Life 
  • General John Sedgwick's last words are often reported as "They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance." before being killed by a sniper (or even "They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-"). While he did say the full sentence shortly before being fatally shot, his actual last words were telling a soldier to return to his position.
  • The almost final words of writer Roald Dahl, were "You know, I'm not frightened. It's just that I will miss you all so much," to his family. After appearing to fall unconscious the nurse then injected him with morphine to ease his passing and he said his actual last words: "Ow, fuck!"
  • Invoked by Pancho Villa, whose last words were "Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something!"

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