Homer: I like you.
Drill Sergeant: Uhm, alright... You like me, but I don't like you!
Homer: Maybe you'd like me if you got to know me?
A common Stock Phrase.
In comedies, it tends to be a sign of Vitriolic Best Buds and/or The Friend Nobody Likes situations or subverted by the characters mangling the stock delivery (as seen in the page quote and many of the below examples).
- One Calvin and Hobbes strip involves Calvin saying this to his bicycle before pulling out a wrench and a hammer and threatening to tear the bike apart. The bike runs him over in response.
- Meet the Fockers
Greg Focker: [to Little Jack] What? You don't like me. I don't like your little red outfit. It makes you look like a little demon baby.
- 48 Hrs.:
Jack: Now, get this! We ain't partners. We ain't brothers. And we ain't friends. I'm puttin' you down and keepin' you down until Ganz is locked up or dead. And if Ganz gets away, you're gonna be sorry YOU ever MET me!
Reggie: I'm already sorry.
- In Super Troopers, Grady responds to O'Hagen's use of this trope with "I like you..."
- A somewhat unusual version occurs in The Rocky Horror Picture Show right after Riff Raff kills Dr. Frank N. Furter.
Magenta: You killed him. But I thought you liked him. He liked you.
Riff Raff: He didn't like me! He '''never''' liked me!
- CIA Agent Ernest Paxton to John Mason in The Rock: "Get this straight, Pops; I don't like you any more than you like me, but I'm here to make you a legitimate offer."
- Mauser to police dog Lou in Police Academy 2: "Lou, you don't like me, and I'm not crazy about you!"
- Knight Rider (1982) episode "Knight of the Juggernaut"
Michael Knight: OK, so you don't like me. Except for the fact that you're the daughter of a man I respected, I don't like you very much either.
- Star Trek: Deep Space Nine used an elaborate variation for "Inter Arma Enim Silent Leges":
Agent Sloan: Let's make a deal, doctor: I'll spare you the ends-justify-the-means speech, and you spare me the we-must-do-what's-right speech. You and I are not going to see eye-to-eye on this subject, so I suggest we stop discussing it.
- Star Trek: The Next Generation:
- In "Family", Picard's brother tells him "I still don't like you, Jean-Luc" after helping him recover from his trauma over being assimilated by the Borg.
- In "Chain of Command", Riker and Captain Jellico give each other "The Reason You Suck" Speech that's based around this.
Jellico: Let's drop the ranks for a moment. I don't like you. I think you're insubordinate, arrogant, willful, and I don't think you're a particularly good First Officer.
Riker: Well, now that the ranks are dropped, Captain, I don't like you, either. You are arrogant and closed-minded. You need to control everything and everyone. You don't provide an atmosphere of trust, and you don't inspire these people to go out of their way for you. You've got everyone wound up so tight, there's no joy in anything. I don't think you're a particularly good Captain.
- A variation on That '70s Show:
Red: Look, I don't want to be here, and you don't want to be here.
Fez: I want to be here...
Red: Fine. I don't want to be here, and I don't care what you want...
- On Breaking Bad, Walt says a variation of this to Hector Salamanca before convincing him to team up with him to kill their mutual enemy Gus Fring, which he does with a bomb planted under his wheelchair.
Walt: I know you despise me and I know how much you want to see me dead. But I'm willing to bet there's a man that you hate even more. I'm offering you an opportunity for revenge.
- Firefly: After he tries to sell them out to the Feds, there's understandably some tension between Jayne, Simon, and River. However, when Jayne is injured on a job and Simon patches him up, Simon points out that it's dangerous enough without them making more trouble for themselves.
Simon: We could keep circling each other and keep one eye open, but that thought wearies me.
- Halo 2.
Sergeant Johnson: Listen, you don't like me and I SURE AS HELL don't like you. But if we don't do something, Mr. Mohawk's gonna activate this Ring! And we're ALL gonna die.
The Arbiter: Tartarus has locked himself inside the control room.
Sergeant Johnson: Well I just happen to have a key. C'mon, grab a Banshee and gimme some cover. They're gonna know we're coming.
- System Shock 2
Diego: Anatoly, there's only so much corporate calisthenics I can go through before I start to feel a little queasy, so let's get down to brass tacks here. We don't like each other. We each have our own motivations for undertaking this mission, so let me give you a little warning. I cannot be circumvented, I cannot be tricked, I cannot be manipulated, and I cannot be bought. You come at me straight and keep the fancy maneuvers for your next board meeting. Just because my father swam with the sharks doesn't mean that I do.
- The Inexplicable Adventures of Bob!'s first story arc:
Ahem: "Volly! Why this is an unexpected pleasure!"
Voluptua: "Oh stow it. I'm not happy to see you and you're not happy to see me."
- In the fifth part of Kickassia
- The Simpsons has a number of variants, including the page quote.
Moe: Listen, I don't like you and you don't like me. But we both want to stop Homer from shooting the turkey.
- Episode "Homer at the Bat"
Mr. Burns: All right, you ragtag bunch of misfits! You hate me, and I hate you even more.
- Episode "The Front"
Homer: Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.
- Episode "Simpson Tide", where Homer joins the Naval Reserve
Drill Sergeant: [addressing the recruits] Now I don't like you, and you don't like me...
Homer: I like you.
- More from The Simpsons:
Lisa: You don't like me? I like you.
Moe: You do? Then I like you too. Here, have a towelette.
Homer: All right, book, I didn't read you and you didn't read me. But we're both in this together, so say something smart or get ready to run like hell!
- Episode "Homer at the Bat"
- Futurama: Bender says this to Leela in "My Three Suns". Surprised, she replies, "I like you." Bender pauses his attempt to convince her to help Fry to ask what exactly Leela likes about him.
Amy: Well, is she coming?
Bender: I don't know. But I do know she likes my "in your face" interface.
- Proving it can play things straight when it wants to, an episode of Family Guy has atheist mouthpiece Brian deliver this word-for-word to Peter's harder-than-hardline Catholic father, before suggesting the only way to put a stop to his son's Church of the Fonz is by working together.
- In Johnny Bravo while dealing with a ghost.
Johnny: All right ghost. I don't like you, and you don't like me. So let's settle this once and for all.
Johnny: Of course, I could learn to like you.