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Golf Clubbing

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Bonus points if the wielder first shouts, "FORE!"

"Okay, you guys, it's dangerous, so we need to be prepared. So I brought a golf club!"
Yosuke, Hiimdaisy: Persona 4

When you think of sports equipment-as-Improvised Weapon, you probably think of a baseball bat. But thugs who want to be a bit different, perhaps show a bit more class, reach instead for their 9-iron. Where the former is essentially a big stick, your golf club is more like a hammer, with all the weight concentrated on the point of impact.

The Weapon of Choice of the Corrupt Corporate Executive, because they're likely to have one lying around anyway. They might even have several, in which case you can expect them to consult their Number Two on the best club for the shot. Alternately, the Number Two might make a recommendation of their own volition part way through the assault.

This trope displays varying degrees of realism. While pretty much anything you hit with a golf club is going to feel it, golf shafts are lightweight and liable to break if you hit something too heavy with too much force, or hit something with the shaft, having the club head swing beyond the point of impact. While a broken metal shaft would leave an end sharp enough to serve as a stabbing implement, the fragility of golf clubs compared to baseball bats or solid metal poles make them a poor choice for zombie defense or the like.


Has nothing to do with Not My Driver.


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    Anime & Manga 

    Asian Animation 

    Comic Books 

    Films — Live-Action 
  • Starsky & Hutch: Reese Feldman slaps Huggy Bear while he's posing as a caddy, for forgetting the nine iron. Later, Huggy whacks him in the head with it.
    Huggy Bear: Found your nine iron, bitch.
  • Anger Management: Jack Nicholson's characters uses one, reflecting a Real Life incident of his a little while before shooting the film.
  • In Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990), Casey Jones, who is known for using sports equipment as his Weapon of Choice, uses a driver to good effect against Tatsu.
    Casey: I'll never call golf a dull game again.
  • Batman Begins: Alfred knocks out a member of the League of Shadows with this.
  • Wasabi is a French-Japanese action comedy. A golf culb is used by the hero (played by Jean Reno) in a scene where Yakuza brings him to a "negotiation" on a golf driving range.
  • In Funny Games, Peter uses a golf club to break George's leg, and Paul later kills the family dog with it.
  • Suicide Kings: The Denis Leary character uses an iron to severely admonish a minor character, then complains loudly about these damn flimsy plastic shafts.
  • Dogma: Silent Bob whacks Azrael in the chest with a golf club, which Azrael believes to be a futile gesture... until it smashes his chest open. Turns out Cardinal Glick is the kind of pompous person who would bless his golf clubs for a better game, and being hit with a blessed object doesn't do a demon like Azrael any favors.
  • In The 51st State, Samuel L. Jackson's character, Elmo, manages to destroy a gang of (5?) Skinheads with one of his Golf clubs, apparently without straining himself.
  • Evoked and made more badass in Don: The Chase Begins Again, where you think for a moment that a man is going to be clubbed to death... Before Don kills him by hitting a golf ball right into his face at close range.
  • In Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels, Dog raids a pair of small-time drug dealers and tortures the whereabouts of their stash out of them by pelting golf balls at one while using the other's mouth as a tee.
  • "It's time to do what doctors do best!", quips the eponymous villain in Dr. Giggles when he picks up a golf club to attack a cop with. It eventually gets bent out of shape, and he muses that he "should have used an eight-iron".
  • In the prologue of The Butchers, young Simon cracks his abusive father over the head with a gold club, then keeps whacking him once he is on the ground.
  • In When Evil Calls, Samantha beats Daniel's undead stepfather to death with a golf club.
  • The Gravedancers: When Harris first suspects someone is in his house, he grabs a golf club as a weapon when he goes to investigate.
  • In 68 Kill, Chip takes a golf club from the motel office when he goes looking for payback. However, it is taken off him and used by Amy to knock him out, and later by Monica to torture him.

  • Used at the end in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. Given a stealth Call-Back in the dedication in Mikael's book;
    To Sally, who taught me the benefits of the game of golf.
  • In The Hobbit, it is said that the game of golf was invented by hobbits at the Battle of the Green Fields, in which Bullroarer Took scored a decisive blow by knocking off Golfimbul's head with a wooden club for a hundred-yard drive into a rabbit hole.
  • Subverted in World War Z; one character recalls that he saw a man trying to fight a zombie off with a golf club, but he missed hitting the zombie with the head of the club and only bent the shaft around the zombie's head. That left the man weaponless and afterward he had a very bad day indeed.
  • In P. G. Wodehouse's Leave it to Psmith, Lord Emsworth thinks his secretary, Baxter, has gone insane and sends Psmith round to knock some sense into him. Psmith, always the sort to come prepared, takes Freddie Threepwood's golf club with him. (However, since he finds Baxter unconscious, all he does is poke him with it.)

    Live-Action TV 
  • In the Law & Order: Special Victims Unit episode "Lead" a child molester is beaten to death with a golf club.
  • In Burn Notice, a guy takes a baseball bat to the man who tried to rape his sister. Fiona tells him he should have used a golf club instead, he'd get more velocity concentrated on a smaller impact area.
  • In Higher Ground, Daisy is sent to Horizon after hitting her father in the head with a seven iron.
  • The Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode The Screaming Skull has an intermission segment where Crow disguises himself as a skull and scares Mike. Mike completely freaks out and hits Crow with a variety of weapons, with his golf club being the last one. What makes the scene particularly amusing is that Mike brings his entire golf bag and spends a few minutes carefully considering which club would make the best weapon—screaming in a panic the entire time. And Tom Servo, who's trying in vain to stop Mike from further hurting Crow, gets distracted admiring Mike's nice driver.
  • Major Crimes: The Body of the Week in "All In" is found at the bottom of a water hazard on a golf course, his head having been beaten in with with one of his golf clubs.
  • The Glades: The Victim of the Week in "Breaking 80" was done in by a blow to the head with a nine iron.
  • NCIS: In S11 Ep 19, "Crescent City" McGee collects the wrong end of this from a perpetrator's father.
  • CSI: Cyber: The Victim of the Week in "Why-Fi" is killed when an intruder snatches a golf club off him and beats him to death. Because he was using a game system to improve his swing at the time, the murder is caught on a motion-capture video.
  • In the CSI: Miami episode "Blown Away", a flashback shows that the Victim of the Week was killed this way—she walked in on her assailants robbing her house and while one distracted her, the other picked up a golf club and bashed her head in. note 
  • Wiseguy. John Kousakis beats Harriet Weiss with a golf club, then provides the following Bond One-Liner.
    "Harriet can't come to the phone right now. She's in the rough."
  • Murder, She Wrote: The Victim of the Week in "How to Make a Killing Without Really Trying" is a stockbroker who gets brained with his own putter.
  • Amen: A fantasy sequence shows Ernie preparing to kill his son-in-law Rueben this way after the latter interrupts a liaison.
  • New Tricks: The Victim of the Week in "Good Work Rewarded" was 10 year old boy killed with a golf club on a golf course.
  • Father Brown: In "Flower of the Fairway", the first Victim of the Week is cracked over the head with a five iron and then has his body dumped in the water trap.
  • Mythbusters used a robot-driven golf club to explode cigarette lighters.

    Professional Wrestling 
  • In 1999, WCW repackaged Barry Darsow as "Mr. Hole in One" Barry Darsow, an evil wrestling golfer. The gimmick involved him challenging his opponent to hit a putt... setting up Darsow beating him up with a club.

  • A golf club is the murder weapon in the Agatha Christie play Spider's Web.

    Video Games 
  • Silent Hill 4: Henry can pick up a couple of golf clubs as weapons, they're rather fragile and not practical to haul around given his limited inventory slots.
  • Dead Rising: One of the survivors you can rescue in the second game is a pro golfer who's using her favorite club to keep zombies at bay. She's very nonchalant about the situation, saying that this is good practice for her swing and she hopes her favorite club won't fall apart. While you can use a club in the game, all you can do is drive golf balls into zombies' faces until you run out. It apparently never occurs to your character to use it as a melee weapon.
  • Shin Megami Tensei:
    • In Persona 4, the main character's traditional weaponry is two-handed swords... or, alternatively, golf clubs.
    • What the page quote deliberately leaves out is that Yosuke had to put together fighting gear from just the stuff in his possession — unlike the party of Persona 3, there weren't any multimillionaires in the group to supply them with weapons. They still get arrested.
  • Halo 3 got a 7-wood golf club with the Mythic Map Pack, which is a reskin of the Gravity Hammer. It goes along with the golf ball and golf hole Forge items. It returns in Halo: Reach, and can be used in Firefight.
  • BioShock
    • In BioShock, a main character is killed with his own golf club... at his own request, by the brainwashed player character.
    • BioShock 2: While not actually a usable weapon, while in the "Journey to the Surface" ride in Ryan Amusements, you come across a animatronic Andrew Ryan. Behind him is one of his golf clubs. If you use Telekinesis, you can use it as a weapon by throwing it at something. If you throw it at the Andrew Ryan animatronic, you get an achievement: 9-Irony.

      In the multiplayer, a golf club is the signature melee weapon of the Businessman, Buck Raleigh. Also, the "Kill 'em Kindly" mode gives everyone a golf club and limits them to melee only, regardless of their chosen character.
  • Fallout: New Vegas has a 9-iron weapon, and it has a special move in VATS called "Fore!", where you hit the enemy in the groin. This is also the Weapon of Choice of Driver Nephi, one of the Fiend leaders, who carries a unique driver. Killing Mr. House with a golf club completes the "A Slave Obeys" challenge.
  • Super Smash Bros. series: One of Peach's randomly-selected weapons for her forward smash attack.
  • Grand Theft Auto series
    • Grand Theft Auto: Vice City: In "Four Iron", Tommy Vercetti is asked to 'persuade' a businessman to do a deal. During the mission he lacks his usual weapons. note  So he has to get persuasive with a golf club. The club can be used as a melee weapon during the rest of the game.
    • Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas: Golf clubs can be used as a melee weapon. If CJ knocks someone down, he will then uses a golf swing.
      • If you hit a taxi driven by a man in just his boxers and a green hoody, he'll automatically come after you with a golf club.
    • ''Grand Theft Auto IV: The Ballad of Gay Tony: Roko uses an entire shooting range for improvised torture, by tying someone to a golf cart and having a Mook drive the poor guy around wherever Roko feels like practicing his swing.
  • The Hitman series has golf clubs among other things as available weapons.
  • In Ragnarok Online, the Priest class can be armed with Iron Drivers.
  • In MadWorld, Jack can use a golf club as a weapon, including in the Man Golf minigame.
  • In Wandering Hamster, getting a perfect score in mini-golf course earns Bob a golf club to use as a weapon.
  • There is a game called Itchy and Scratchy in Miniature Golf Madness. Three guesses whether it features this trope.
  • Left 4 Dead 2 provides the page image. The Golf Club is exclusive to a single official campaign and custom campaigns, however.
  • In Team Fortress 2, there's a golf club available as one of the Demoman's many melee weapons. It's a re-skin of the Eyelander, meaning you can in fact decapitate opponents with a golf club.
  • This is the signature weapon of Seto in Fragile Dreams: Farewell Ruins of the Moon, although there are better alternatives available. It even shows up on the cover art.
  • In Unturned, golf clubs are fairly common and make a decent weapon with good damage and reach.
  • In Project Zomboid, golf clubs are fairly common and make a subpar weapon, with good damage and reach, but poor durability. Better than a pool cue against the bogeyman, but if you're green and still want to get your kills the fair way, the real Caddy of blunt weapons is the baseball bat.
  • In South Park: The Stick of Truth, Kyle's weapon is a golf club, though rather than hitting people with it, he uses it to hit golf balls at his enemies.
  • A regular in the Yakuza series, golf clubs (like every other solid object a Yakuza protagonist gets their hands on) can be used as a melee weapon with a unique attack: in this case, swinging it into an unfortunate thug's chin to flip him onto his ass.
  • One of the weapons you can find in Naughty Bear is a golf club. You can thwack bears to near death reliably with it, and its execution is forcing the victim on their face against the ground as Naughty Bear sets up a careful golf swing that uppercuts them in the chin before slamming the club back down on their head, killing them. Also an invisible sports commentator and crowd of spectators quietly clap and cheer for Naughty's good form when swinging.

    Web Animation 
  • Homestar Runner: Crazy-Go-Nuts University has the Golf Club Team, which just seems to be an excuse for The Cheat to whack things like "Pile of Electronics State" and "Homestar's Knees Tech" while people cheer him on.
    Fighting, and sometimes striving / Wondering what the Dumple is / Excellence, and what is valor? / And The Cheat will hit stuff with a golf club! / C! G! N! U!
  • Not Web Animation exactly but the student film Working Late on YouTube involves a golf club being used during the middle of a Zombie Apocalypse in Britain.

    Western Animation 
  • ReBoot: during a dream episode Bob has Glitch turn into a golf club which he used on Hack and Slash. He made a hole in one.
  • In King of the Hill, Hank is not afraid to use golf clubs to defend himself. He keeps a bag full of them by the front door. In The Buck Stops Here, Hank pulls his club against the bouncer who's after Bobby's given wristwatch which Buck waged on.
  • In the Gravity Falls episode "The Golf War", Mabel and Pacifica use putters as rather effective weapons when the Lilliputtians turn against the both of them.
  • In the Ed, Edd n Eddy episode "For Your Ed Only", Sarah tries to find something to hit Ed with; she finds a golf club with a large dent in the shape of Ed's head, and she remarks "Used it."
  • The Loud House: In "No Guts, No Glori", Lola knocks Lincoln out with a golf club.
  • Mr. Cat from Kaeloo frequently does this to Quack Quack and Stumpy, especially in the Minigolf Episode.
  • Family Guy: In "Patriot Games", Stewie beats Brian with a golf club during his second attack on him over an unpaid gambling debt.

    Real Life 
  • Golf Clubs are ideal improvised weapons for dealing with venomous snakes. Since they're designed to hit things at ground level anyway, they're much easier to reach a snake's head with than a bat would be, and long enough to keep the user out of the snake's reach, unlike most sticks. Even better, the club end can be used as a hook to pick up and move the snake (use a second club to pin it securely) more easily than most tools if the situation is controlled enough that the snake can be moved without killing it.
  • They're also a favourite weapon against cane toads in Australia.

Alternative Title(s): Golfing Fore Fighting


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