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"I need to use the little fillies' room."

Everybody has to use the bathroom (except when they don't), but sometimes "I have to use the bathroom" doesn't exactly cut it in terms of polite conversation. In cases like this, sometimes a euphemism will suffice. Generally speaking, these euphemisms are intended to get the point across in a hilariously creative way, so some of the descriptions can be very unconventional.

Common phrases include "see a man about a horse,"note  "use the little boys/girls room", and "powder my nose".

Sub-trope of Unusual Euphemism. Contrast Calling Your Bathroom Breaks. Compare Deadly Euphemism, Gay Euphemism, and Sexual Euphemism. Contrast with I Need to Go Iron My Dog. May come as a result of a Potty Emergency or overlap with Technical Euphemism. If the character has an accident, then this can devolve into Potty Failure, or, if they were scared, Bring My Brown Pants. If no one ever "goes to the euphemism", then Nobody Poops. Not to be confused with Gosh Dang It to Heck!.


Examples:

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    Advertising 
  • The PooPourri ads use a bunch of euphemisms for pooping and needing to poop, such as "kiester kangaroo/casserole", "love potion number two" (for needing to poop during a date) and "download a brown load".

    Anime & Manga 
  • In episode 8 of Blend-S, Hideri has a Potty Emergency and says he has to go "pick some flowers." Miu repeatedly corrects Hideri by saying he's going off to "use the restroom," but Hideri doesn't agree, claiming that as an Idol Singer (Hideri's role at the Cosplay Cafe), he doesn't "use the restroom."
  • Episode 9 of Nyaruko: Crawling with Love! combines this with body-swap shenanigans: Nyarko, in a boy's body, uses a girl's euphemism ("Sprinkle water on some flowers"), Mahiro, in a girl's body, tells her to just say it straight, and is chided by Nyarko for not having more delicacy now that she's a girl.

    Comic Books 
  • At the Russian culture camp Vera goes to in Be Prepared, the outdoor, non-flushing outhouses are called the "Hollywood."
  • In the graphic novel Box Office Poison, when Sherman needs to use the bathroom at work, he tells his co-worker James that he's going to use the euphemism.

    Fan Works 

    Films — Animated 
  • In Finding Nemo, the dentist who took Nemo says "I have to see a man about a wallaby" before going to the bathroom.

    Films — Live-Action 

    Jokes 
  • In French, there's at least one joke which punchline is based on this trope.
    During a dinner at a classy restaurant, a man who needs to go to the bathroom tells this to his date: "Please excuse me, my dear, but I need to go out and shake hands with a very old friend, whom I hope I can introduce you to later this evening."
  • There's an old English-language joke that makes use of a potty code word for its punchline.
    A mother and her son go to church and the son says, "Mommy, I have to go pee!"
    She replies "You shouldn't say that in church. It's rude and disrespectful. From now on just say you have to whisper."
    The next week when the boy's father takes him to church, the boy says, "Daddy, I have to whisper."
    The father replies, "Okay, okay — no problem. Just whisper into my ear."
  • Another joke based on this:
    An elderly man goes to a doctor's office.
    When the receptionist asks him the reason of his visit, he answers "there's an issue with my penis."
    The receptionist answers he should rather use an euphemism to not upset the other patients, and suggests "there's an issue with my ear."
    The conversation starts again:
    "What's the matter, sir?"
    "There's an issue with my ear."
    "What is the issue?"
    "I can't use it to piss!"

    Literature 
  • In The Berenstain Bears, the Bear family refer to Little Lady the dog's droppings as her "calling cards".
  • Cheaper by the Dozen: Dad and Mother consider public restrooms so diseased that they take the children into the woods to relieve themselves instead. To maintain delicacy, they come up with two euphemisms for it: "visiting Mrs. Murphy" (which is the name of the chapter) and "examining the rear tire."
  • Diary of a Wimpy Kid:
    • In the first book, Greg says that Fregley has his own "language". When he wants to go to the bathroom, he screams "juice". The kids figured out the meaning behind the word, but the teachers take it literally. The PE teacher gives him a bottle of juice.
    • In "Hard Luck", Greg refers to Rebel the dog's poop as his "landmines". Also, he refers to a horse pooping as it "unloading".
  • In the Mog book "Mog's Bad Thing", the eponymous cat pees on Mr. Thomas's chair, yet the narration never outright says so, referring to it instead as "doing a bad thing".
  • In the kids' book Penny the Prolific Pooing Cow, Penny's excrement is referred to as "black gold" once it gets made into fertiliser.
  • In Stardust, one character refers to pooping as "attending to [his] guts".
  • In the Star Trek Expanded Universe novel Battlestations!, the lead character Piper finds that she suddenly and urgently needs to use the head while on the bridge during a tense situation. She asks Spock, who is currently in the captain's chair, "Permission to step updeck?" and is very thankful that he (almost) immediately understands the request.
  • In Warrior Cats, Clan cats use the phrase "making dirt" to refer to relieving themselves; the spot they do this gets called the "dirtplace".
  • Stephen King's Skeleton Crew: In "Here There Be Tygers," the students at the Acorn Street Grammar School like to say "go to the basement" instead of "the bathroom," to avoid embarrassment.note  Third-grade teacher Miss Bird, however, doesn't care for the euphemism and insists that poor Charles say "bathroom." She humiliates Charles further when she asks if he needs to "urinate." (It's implied that she's sadistic and enjoys humiliating students.)

    Live-Action TV 
  • House of Anubis: During the "Donkey Day" festivities, one of the money-raising events is a challenge called the "Wonky Donkey"; it requires two characters to spend the day with their legs tied together. Alfie and Amber attempt it together, but the situation is complicated by Amber having drunk a lot of water that morning. She calls her bathroom shots by awkwardly whistling, which Alfie later copies when he has to explain why Amber is no longer tied to him.
  • It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Thoroughly spoofed in "Mac And Dennis Move to the Suburbs" when Mac (who is too stupid to understand subtlety) excuses himself with "I have to piss. Out of my penis."
  • Subverted in an episode of My Family And Other Animals: Gerald's teacher keeps claiming he needs to go and see his mother and Gerald initially thinks that's a euphemism for going to the bathroom, but when he tries saying it himself, it turns out to be literally true.
  • In The Odd Couple (1970) episode "The Laundry Orgy", Murray gets up in the middle of the poker game, saying that nature is calling. Speed snarks that a man his age shouldn't beat around the bush.
  • Seinfeld: George once had a girlfriend who excused herself to "freshen up" after every meal they shared together. He suspected that she was going to the restroom for bulimic purging, but after going to great lengths to discover the truth, it turns out she really was just freshening up.
  • In the Sesame Street episode "Elmo's Potty Time", the Bear family uses "woo-woo" as a euphemism for poop.
  • A The Two Ronnies sketch has Robbie Corbet, as a party guest, attempt to ask his host, Ronnie Barker where the lavatory is, but foiled by the Literal-Minded Barker (the "smallest room" is a utility cupboard, the "little boy's room" is his son's bedroom, and even the bathroom only contains a bath), until he finally shouts "I want to go to the lavatory!" Barker then responds "Ah, sit on a doughnut in Granny's greenhouse."
  • Played with in the White Collar episode "Hard Sell"; If you had any doubt as to how criminal Caffrey is, his vernacular breaks the silence thusly:
    Neal: I'm gonna go rummage through your drawers and steal your most precious belongings.
    [Peter glares disapprovingly]
    Neal: I'm kidding. I need to go to the bathroom.
    Peter: Upstairs, first door on the left. Put the seat down when you're done.
    [leaves]
    • This is immediately followed by Neal snooping amongst the Burke family photos, for signs of Peter being the man with the ring.
      Elizabeth: Everything alright?
      Neal: Never been better. [points up]
      Elizabeth: First door on the left.
  • In a Terry Gilliam segment from Monty Python's Flying Circus, a woman excuses herself from a conversation by saying she has to "powder her nose". The camera follows her to the door, and then sits there as we listen to about twelve seconds of horrifying bathroom noises.

    Music 
  • "Lobachevsky" by Tom Lehrer contains an obscure one by way of Bilingual Bonus. Izvestya's review of his book, which he translates as "It stinks," actually translates, loosely, to "I must go where even the Czar goes on foot!" note 
  • Tom T. Hall's "Salute to a Switchblade," talking about being in a bar with a friend while they pick up girls, includes the line, "Later on, I went to be excused." He doesn't have to say exactly where. The listener can guess.

    Theatre 
  • This exchange from Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? shows Honey and George using standard code words for the bathroom and what one does there.
    Honey: I wonder if you could show me the...
    George: Martha!
    Nick: Are you all right?
    Honey: Of course, dear. I want to... put some powder on my nose.
    George: Martha, won't you show her where we keep the euphemism?

    Video Games 
  • In Theme Park World, if the player’s park doesn’t have enough bathrooms for the visitors, The Advisor will tell them, but he’ll only say features, the building category that bathrooms belong to, and then try to drop a couple hints as to which feature he means, using the “powder my nose” and “take a load off” euphemisms.
  • In Zanki Zero, Rinko uses the Japanese euphemism "Pick flowers" when she needs to go.

    Webcomics 

    Western Animation 
  • Arthur: In "Arthur's New Puppy", D.W. refers to Pal the dog's urine as "excitement" because Arthur mistook his Potty Dance for being excited.
  • Big Mouth: While Andrew is dealing with an impacted poop due to a psychological inability to use the bathroom for four weeks, Maury lets out a multiple euphemisms to explain the severe consequences of "poop madness". Which also happens to be the episode's name.
  • Bob's Burgers: Gene says he's so excited that he has to "talk to Uncle Ernie". Moments before, Gene said that "talk to Uncle Ernie" would be a good euphemism for having to poop.
  • Camp Lazlo: In "Snake Eyes", Skip says he needs to go to the "little campers' room" after everybody except Lazlo and Patsy ends up stranded on a tree.
  • Cow and Chicken: "Chicken in the Bathroom" has several examples of potty code words. In the episode, Chicken doesn't want to take a bath and occupies the bathroom in the process. Outside the room, Mom, Dad, and Cow urgently need to use the facilities, with the former two describing their situation with euphemisms such as "I have to squeeze my sponge" or "I need to water the ducks".
  • The Fairly OddParents!:
    • "Fairly OddBaby": Jorgen Von Strangle, suffering from gastrointestinal distress after eating food at Cosmo's baby shower, claims he has to "file a report with the Great White Round One"
    • "Fly Boy": Mr. Turner lampshades how "powder my nose" is a ladies' euphemism for using the bathroom. Later in the episode, Mr. Turner announces that he "powdered [the] nose in [his] pants."
  • The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius: Sheen says he needs to "use the little Crash Survivor's room" after crash landing on Earth with Jimmy and the rest of the gang.
  • Halloween Is Grinch Night: Euchariah says he needs to "go to the euphemism" after Grandpa Josiah tells him the story of the Grinch. This is the Trope Namer.
  • The Loud House:
    • In the pilot, Lincoln enters the bathroom while saying "Now, if you'll excuse me — pressing engagement!"
    • "Rocket Men": Lincoln and Clyde call the bathroom the "little astronaut's room", because they were at a space-themed summer camp.
  • My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic: In "Sweet and Elite", Rarity lies that she needs to use the "little fillies' room" as an excuse to go from one party to another.
  • Robot Chicken: A Star Wars spoof has Stormtrooper Gary take the helm of the Death Star, because the rightful helmsman needs to void his rectum. Or as he puts it: "I'm sittin' on a cigar here" and "Oop, I'm growing a tail."
  • Rugrats:
    • "Dil Saver": Grandma Lulu sees Dil pooping and says that he seems to be "working on a little something".
    • "Spike Runs Away": Didi refers to the escaped gerbils' poop as "presents". The babies think there really are presents, so they're disappointed when they find out the truth.
  • South Park: In "Death", the parents of South Park protest against The Terence and Philip Show for its Toilet Humor, but are also suffering from a stomach ailment that is giving them all diarrhea. In a blatant case of Hypocritical Humor, they keep using jokey phrases to describe their diarrhea, like "I just dropped the kids at the pool" and "I just had a brown baby boy."
  • Teen Titans Go!: In "Accept the Next Proposition You Hear", Brother Blood's bathroom is marked as the little boy's room.
  • Wander over Yonder: "The Fancy Party" features a dinner party attended by most of the show's Rogues Gallery. When Commander Peepers needs an excuse to talk to Lord Hater, he drags him off to "the little villains' room."
  • What's with Andy?: In "Emergency Spew Relish", Andy pretends he has to poop when really it's just a stink bomb. He says, "I have to lay a bomb!"

    Real Life 
  • For bonus irony, note that "bathroom" is itself somewhat euphemistic, and may not always be understood by, for example, people for whom English is not their first language.
    • One can "go to the bathroom", without actually "going to the bathroom". This also works the other way around.
    • "Bathroom" can even confuse native English speakers if they are unused to the concept of the toilet being in the same room as the bath. Particularly in older houses in the UK, the toilet would be in a separate room (in "the toilet"), and asking to go to "the bathroom" may yield directions from your host to the room that contains a bath/shower and hand sink...but no toilet.
  • Women's bathrooms, or bathrooms without showers and tubs, are sometimes called "powder rooms". The rooms were named as such, as these rooms were either reserved for powdering hair in the 18th century, or for applying makeup in the early-to-mid 20th century.
  • The standard American "restroom" can certainly confuse visitors from other English-speaking countries. (Oddly enough, "restroom" wasn't always a euphemism; there really used to be public bathrooms with rooms attached where women could rest on couches, as it was assumed at the time that women were too delicate to spend a whole day out of the house without needing to stop and rest. That's why "restroom" today is used to refer to public facilities, while "bathroom" can be used for a public one or one in somebody's house.)
    • Said confusion over the word "restroom" surfaces periodically on Not Always Right, as here, involving a baffled Icelander whose grasp of American idiom wasn't as strong as he thought it was.
  • "Water closet" (or just "WC") can confuse Americans who have never heard the term before.
  • Even "toilet" was originally a euphemism, as the word previously referred to the process of and a room for hairdressing/grooming.

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