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Machinima / A Day in the Life of a Commissar

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A Warhammer 40K's Dawn of War Machinima that uses the Steel Legion mod as well, available on YouTube here.

Meet Commissar Steven Alexander. He's been sent along with a detachment of Cadian 8th shock troops to some planet in the back end of nowhere because the regular guys can't do their jobs properly . Here's when the funny stuff starts, for Commissar Steve is remarkably unenthusiastic in his job. Among is complaints are that the beds in the HQ ("It totally sucks just like everything on this planet.") are hard as rocks and that he sleeps next to the regiment's psyker who "just won't stop frickkin' screaming". He even complains about the men not liking him (before he even finishes this sentence he delivers such a blistering rant to one of the rank-and-file that the man bursts into tears).


The show follows Steve and his Rag Tag Bunch Of Misfits on a quest to get some coffee. Hilarity Ensues.

Show includes examples of:

  • A Father to His Men: An emotionally and physically abusive one, but Steve has his moments...
    Damn those orks! Trying to kill my men - and more importantly, me? CHARGE!
  • Aluminum Christmas Trees: Steeve vows to eat Nathan Johnson's heart, excrete it, and process that into coffee. There actually is a kind of coffee made from poo, Civet crap coffee. Civet cats eat coffee berries and excrete the beans, which have reacted favourably to the cats digestve processes. It's still gotta taste better than the digested remains of a Space Marine's two hearts.
  • Armed Farces
  • Amusing Injuries: Steve gets gassed in episode 2.
    • And blown to pieces in episode 4 part 2.
    • A Steel Legion lieutenant falls into a puddle of lava.
  • Big "NO!": with a Skyward Scream. Parodied.
    Galactic Starbucks employee: Sorry, but we're out of coffee.
    GSBE: Oh, wait, we do have coffee.
    Commissar Steve: Oh really? what kind?
    GSBE: Decaf.note 
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  • Back from the Dead: In one episode, Steve escapes an Ork camp, only to be blown up by jumpy guards at his own camp. In the next episode, he's alive and well, albeit confused as to why he's not "pinin' for the fjords".
  • Chirping Crickets: The episode after he's killed has Steve Frankensteined back to life from his squad member's organs. When they all tell him what they gave him, one trooper tells him: I gave you an STD!. *chirp-chirp, chirp-chirp*. He is promptly shot.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: Steve challenges the Space Marine Force Commander, Librarian, and Chaplain to a three-on-one fight. It does not go well for Steve.
  • Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon: Steve vows hideous vengeance upon Nathan Johnson.
    I'm going to find this 'Nathan Johnson'. And when I find him, I'm going to rip his fucking heart out! Then, I'm going to eat it, and poop it out, then turn it into coffee. So I can drink it. And finally get some fucking coffee.
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  • Cut Short: Series ends with Steve demanding to borrow a Baneblade so he can steal coffee from the local Space Marine fortress. The General laughs in his face and... that's it. fade to black, end of series.
  • Freak Out: Steve goes completely nuts when he learns there's no more coffee, killing an entire squad of his own men.
  • Gas Mask Mooks: The Steel Legion guardsmen. Promptly lampshaded.
    Why are they wearing gas masks? What do you know that I don't?
  • Gilligan Cut: Lampshaded
    Steve: Can I have my tank back? I have a cookie in my pocket...
    Grot: We ain't givin' it to ya for a cookie!
    ten seconds later, Steve drives away in his Chimera
    Grot: Damn. He's persuasive...
  • Jerkass: Steve
    • Nathan Johnson, the guy who bought all the coffee on the planet.
  • Long List: Steve assumes that the Grotz are in charge of the Ork camp, but he's told otherwise.
    It goes da Boss, da boss' gunz, da boys, dere gunz, squigs, da squig's poops, and den us.
  • Mean Brit: The General. He makes fun of Steve for being a "Poor person".
  • Must Have Caffeine: Steve is willing to take on a Space Marine Chapter because they bought all the coffee on the planet.
  • Running Gag: "I changed the tyres!" (tank goes boom).
  • Sitcom Arch-Nemesis: Ivan, a commissar from the Steel Legion mod, who has a cooler Chimera than Steeve does (the SL Chimera has a hull-mounted autocannon and a turreted heavy bolter, while the vanilla Chimera has a multilaser and no hull gun), and a bolt pistol whereas Steeve is stuck with a laspistol. Basically, if Steve has something, Ivan gets a better version of that thing, seemingly just to piss off Steve.
  • Tanks, but No Tanks: Steve's Chimera IFV is misidentified as a tank.
  • Unfriendly Fire: The Guard Artillerymen don't care that they're shelling their own men as long as they hit something.
  • Unfortunate Names: Private Partz, the Guardsman Steve brings to tears over an improperly secured bootstrap.
  • Uriah Gambit: The General has sent Steve to the front 42 times in a row, simply because Steve's "poor". Subverted, however, because he has Steve Frankensteined back to life when he does finally die (Must have fun tormenting him, see Mean Brit above).


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