A narrative poem by humorist author Richard Armour, published in "Family Circle" in December 1963 with illustrations by Gyo Fujikawa and adapted into a picture book published in 1964 with illustrations by Paul Galdone. One year, Santa Claus' foreman, an elf named Slick, ventures to tell him that the way things are done at the North Pole is not in keeping with the modern era and presses for change. Despite having been in the habit of doing things the old-fashioned way since God knows when, Santa does not want to be seen as backward and latches on to the idea. At Slick's instigation, he at first seriously considers trading in his sleigh and reindeer for one modern vehicle or another. He does eventually give up on this idea, but only after all the alternative modes of transportation he considers appear too impractical or dangerous to him. But things don't end there; Santa nonetheless decides to at least do something about his fat figure, and then things take a decidedly different turn...
This poem is a wry, somewhat irreverent, borderline cynical take on the Santa Claus trope. The humor is written from a rather adult perspective and Santa is given particularly fallible, human treatment. A reading of the poem can be found here
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This work provides examples of:
- Aesop: Change and progress are good and right, but traditions need to be maintained.
- Bad Santa: Well, not an "evil" Santa, but still a misguided one who is willing to dabble in utilitarianism and iconoclasm.
- Covers Always Lie: The cover of the Family Circle issue in which the poem appears advertises the poem with a picture of Santa embracing his reindeer, giving no hint of the fact that in the poem, he was actually considering giving them all up for a modern vehicle!
- Crappy Holidays: To a greater or lesser extent. Santa does decide not to maintain any of the proposed changes and salvages what he can of tradition for that year by making his round in his sleigh wearing "...a false beard that you’d think was real / And that felt real, too, if you chanced to feel" and "...a pillow beneath his belt...". Still, he has just been put through some weeks of dieting and other review of his image and way of doing things, which must not have been a particularly festive experience. And Slick, who has just been demoted for his part in the matter from foreman to back-door doorman a week or less before Christmas, is probably not having a very happy holiday himself (not that he seems to be well-versed in the spirit of the season).
- Facial Scruff: Slick sees Santa's beard as outmoded. Santa immediately obliges him by shaving it off.
- Ludd Was Right: It turns out that a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer is indeed a better means of bringing presents to the children of the world than any modern vehicle.
- Makeover Montage: After resolving to keep his sleigh and reindeer, Santa nonetheless decides to persevere in the course of updating things by going on a crash diet; Slick uses the opportunity to get the now slim jolly old elf to have a very stylish business suit sewn for him, and when this is done, easily convinces him to complete the update to his look by shaving off his beard. But when he sees the result, Santa realizes that the new look is antithetical to what he stands for. He instantly regrets the change but with only a week left until Christmas, he is compelled to do his rounds that year with a false beard and a pillow under his Santa suit while his beard and belly grow back.
- My God, What Have I Done?: When he sees himself in the mirror, Santa realizes that being "...whiskerless, slim, / Continentally clothed -" has given him the likeness of a "salesman or tax man", and thus someone in whose face people would shut their doors. It becomes clear to him that the "updated" look is not appropriate to his profession of annual gift-giver.
- Outdated Outfit: Slick insists that Santa's red, fur-trimmed suit is utterly out of date. At Slick's behest, Santa agrees to have his tailor elves sew him a trendy business suit from a Parisian newspaper.
- Santa Clausmas: An examination of the trope with a focus on its symbols.
- Significant Reference Date: In the Family Circle edition, an illustration shows Santa's calendar, with the dates aligned as for December of the year of publication, 1963, implying that that was the year that Santa went modern.
- Spoiler Cover: The book edition has a reindeer with Santa's clothing hanging from its antlers, strongly hinting at the Makeover that is about to take place.
- Status Quo Is God: The poem closes with the comment that "But the next year, I think it ought to be known, / His beard and his tummy were both his own."
- White-Tailed Reindeer: Played straight in Fujikawa's illustrations for the magazine version, which show reindeer reminiscent of white-tailed deer. However, the reindeer illustration done by Galdone for the cover of the book version (see above) is clearly based on an actual reindeer.
