A thriller novel by Robert Ludlum published under the pen name Michael Shepherd which satirizes his own works. General MacKenzie "The Hawk" Hawkins (Mac) is a renowned American war hero who gets involved in a diplomatic faux pas in China. After being discharged from the US Army, he gets involved in international capers with the end goal of kidnapping the Pope for a ransom of $1 from every Catholic in the world. The Road to Gandolfo combines Ludlum's Conspiracy Thriller and Gambit Pileup Signature Style with Farce, featuring a wide array of characters such the military lawyer Major Sam Deveraux, Mac's 4 ex-wives, and zany figures from across the globe. Has a sequel called The Road To Omaha.
This book includes examples of:
- All for Nothing: After all he goes through, when Mac tries to demand his ransom, he's stunned that the Vatican refuses as the "Pope" is perfectly safe. Hawkins realizes they much prefer dealing with the Body Double they put in more than the real Pope. Not only that, the real Pope decides he enjoys this "vacation" and settles to giving his double lessons via radio how to act the part so Hawkin's grand scheme doesn't net him a dime.
- Arab Oil Sheikh: One of Mac's "investors".
- "Blackmail" Is Such an Ugly Word: Mac gets the funding for his scheme by using the intelligence files he obtained to give 4 international crime lords An Offer They Can't Refuse as "investors" in his shell company.
- Body Double: Hawkins' plan to abduct the Pope includes having him briefly replaced by his cousin, a lookalike opera singer. It turns into Gone Horribly Right as the Vatican decides they prefer the imposter over the real Pope.
- Buxom Beauty Standard: Mac's ex-wives are ogled by every male character around them for the large size of their breasts.
- Code Name: The agents Mac recruits for his plan are given names of French colors.
- Crack Fic: As he explained in a later reprint, Ludlum had gone into the novel planning it as a straight-in thriller. It was halfway into writing that it struck him how ludicrous the premise was and impossible to take seriously. Rather than give up, Ludlum went ahead to turn the whole thing into a comedic romp.
- The Don: Angelo Dellacroce is one of the men Mac contacts for an "investment" in his company.
- Evil Brit: Lord Sidney Danforth was an Arms Dealer who sold to both sides in World War II, and becomes a "stakeholder" in Mac's company.
- Kangaroo Court: The Chinese court sentencing Mac to thousands of years of imprisonment in Mongolia for defacing a statue. Sam gets them to agree to "probation", with Mac being free but discharged from the US Army.
- Land of Dragons: How Red China is portrayed with its simple-minded and easily-flustered inhabitants, governed by obsequious bureaucrats and kept in line by state security.
- Middle Eastern Terrorists: Sam's flight is hijacked by armed turban-wearing Arabs, making a demand of landing in Algiers, which was its destination anyway.
- Nazi Grandpa: Mac's Berlin "investor" was a veteran spymaster who wielded the secrets as a means to power.
- Neologism: "Pricky-shit", used to refer to those who are sticklers for rules and bureaucracy.
- Qurac: The portrayal of Algeria in the book, as an overtly religious and underdeveloped backwater.
- The '70s: The novel's Cold War setting.
- Spy Speak: Portrayed to a ludicrous extent.
