A 2009 novel by Catherine Jinks about a group of Vegetarian Vampires. In this universe, vampires are not sex gods, or even particularly powerful. In fact, being a vampire is basically like being chronically ill for all eternity. The vampires in the titular group don't want to harm humans, so they survive on guinea pigs and enzyme supplements. They have support group meetings every Tuesday. Then, one day, Casimir, the vampire who sired most of them, doesn't show up. He's found staked in his apartment. It's up to the Reformed Vampire Support Group to investigate the murder.
As of 2011, there is a sequel, The Abused Werewolf Rescue Group. It focuses on a boy named Toby, with Reuben and some of the vampires in supporting roles.
This work provides examples of:
- Ascended Fanboy: Nefley, at the end, though playing errand boy to a bunch of undead invalids is the last thing he'd expected.
- Asshole Victim: Casimir. He turned most of them and was kind of a prick, so nobody's actually sad that he's dead — only concerned that the slayer will go after the rest of them.
- Badass Normal: Father Ramon (a priest who looks after the vampires) and Estelle (the protagonist's mother).
- Boomerang Bigot: Nina, the main character, often complains about her fellow vampires' (and her own) frailty, apathy, revolting eating habits and constant bickering.
- Color Me Black: Barry and Dermid, who look down on paranormals and make a living exploiting them in gruesome ways, are turned into vampires by the end of the novel.
- Good Shepherd: Father Ramon is a friendly Catholic priest who, having discovered the existence of vampires (and later werewolves), offers them spiritual aid.
- Her Codename Was Mary Sue: Zadia Bloodstone, the conventional sexy vampire heroine in Nina's novels.
- I Hate You, Vampire Dad: The reason nobody's sad Casimir died. Being a vampire is extremely unpleasant, and he's the one who inflicted it on most of the group.
- Jerkass: Barry and Dermid, who run an illegal werewolf fighting business. Horace has his moments too.
- Lemony Narrator: Nina, who often passes judgement on characters (including herself), skips over details she feels would gross out the reader, or adds in scenes that happened while she was absent which she was told about later.
- Literal Metaphor: Part of the process of becoming a vampire involves puking one's guts up — that is to say, something really nasty (Nina spares us the details as to just what) happens to the lining of the stomach, and it has to come out.
- Not Growing Up Sucks: Nina is over fifty but eternally trapped in the body of a sickly teenager.
- The Shut-In: Nina comments that many vampires become this eventually, hiding inside their homes watching television. Nefley is a human example.
- Our Vampires Are Different: In short, they have all of the disadvantages and none of the perks.
- Our Werewolves Are Different: Unlike the vampires, they're pretty similar to how pop culture depicts them. They only change on the full moon, are completely rabid and have no memory when they wake up the next morning.
- Tropaholics Anonymous: The whole premise is that the vampires have a support group to deal with their problems.
- Vampire Hunter: Nefley is a wannabe vampire slayer.
- Vegetarian Vampires: They eat guinea pigs and take enzyme supplements.
- Weakened by the Light: To the point that street lights can make their eyes bleed if they don't wear sunglasses.
The sequel provides examples of:
- Alternate Identity Amnesia: Werewolves don't remember anything about when they transform. This actually leads to one common criticism of the book: we never actually see a werewolf transformed, since the story is from Toby's POV and he doesn't remember anything.
- Happily Adopted: The fact that Toby is adopted is only mentioned briefly, and he's a bit of a Momma's Boy.
- Magical Seventh Son: Werewolves are all seventh sons, born into certain families that were originally from Spain and Portugal. Toby is a bit of an exception: he apparently has six biological older brothers, but was raised as an only child.
- Massive Numbered Siblings: All werewolves have this, being Magical Seventh Sons. Toby's friend Amin as well.
- Mayfly–December Romance: One-sided example. Toby seems attracted to Nina, and even creates a Fake Relationship with her for a cover story, but is a bit freaked out to learn that she's actually more than fifty.
- Naked on Arrival: The plot kicks off when Toby is found one morning unconscious and naked in a dingo pen, for reasons that he can't remember himself.
- Tropaholics Anonymous: At the end of the book, Reuben, Toby and Sergio start their own spin-off of the vampire's support group.
