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Literature / The Morbidly Obese Ninja

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These days, if you want to run a successful company... you're going to need a lot of ninjas.

Neo Tokyo, California is a city built so high that none of its residents have ever seen the ground. It is a place where citizens cosmetically alter their bodies to look like Japanese anime characters. It is a place where ninja battles determine the fate of corporate business ventures. It is the home of Basu, a 700 pound killing machine who uses his grotesque excess weight as a deadly weapon. In this city, there is no ninja more deadly than Basu. He's well-trained, well-armed, and well-fed. And if you work for one of his competitors, he's coming to kill you.

The Morbidly Obese Ninja is a work of Bizarro Fiction by Carlton Mellick III.


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This work contains examples of the following tropes:

  • Acrofatic: Basu is an extreme example. He's 500 pounds overweight, but he's so strong that he can still do the sort of physics-defying ninja stunts that the genre requires, albeit not as well as he could back when he was in shape.
  • Affectionate Parody: Of Cyberpunk, particularly anime of the same.
  • Artificial Human: Oki, the Kakera Corporation's "piggy-bank," was grown in a lab and made to resemble and think like a Cheerful Child. Most of his body is metal, and he has to be periodically winded up with a key.
  • Badass and Child Duo: Basu and Oki.
  • Big Eater: Basu, who has to ingest over 45,000 calories per day or the nano-poison in his blood will kill him.
  • Bittersweet Ending: The final paragraph acknowledges that neither Oki nor Basu are going to live much longer - the former because he was designed that way, the latter because his weight is killing him - but they're going to be together and live free for whatever time they have left.
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  • Conservation of Ninjutsu: Inverted with Crow's Elite Mooks. They have trained to fight as a team, making them almost impossible to defeat as long as all four of them are standing, but as soon as Basu takes out one of them, the other three get wrong-footed and Basu makes short work of them.
  • Darkest Hour: Basu has one in the last fight against Crow, when he's exhausted, outnumbered and feeling his failing health start to drag him down. Then he rallies.
  • Elite Mooks: Crow's team of four elite ninjas, who are Color-Coded for Your Convenience and each have a special power.
  • Everyone Has Standards: Cutthroat as the corporations are, their ninja follow a strict code that prevents them from hurting civilian employees, and most corporations Would Not Hurt A Child.
  • Evil Former Friend: Basu and Crow used to be best friends until Crow, driven by jealousy of Basu being seen as the better ninja, killed the board of directors they had both sworn to serve and infected Basu with an incurable nano-poison.
  • Fantastic Slur: "Bug-eyes" for animese people, since their Big Anime Eyes bulge out from their heads.
  • Fragile Speedster: Animese people have had the density of their bones reduced, making them very quick and agile. However, those bones also break very easily.
  • Gag Boobs: It's noted that unlike most animese women, Chiya has breasts that are not in fact larger than her head.
  • Honor Before Reason: Basu believes strongly in this, claiming that everyone must do their duty without question.
  • I'm a Humanitarian: After incapacitating a particular foe, Basu realises that he's hungry and chows down on the foe, ending up eating him to death.
  • Kevlard: One of the ways Basu makes his obesity work for him. His opponents find it difficult to target his vital organs, since the layer of fat around them is so thick.
  • Loophole Abuse: It would be against the ninja code to kill the director of a rival corporation without having been issued a formal order of execution, something Crow counts on to keep him safe from Basu. Turns out, the ninja code says nothing about dismembering the director of a rival corporation.
  • Loving a Shadow: Chiya claims to be in love with Basu, but Basu notes that they've never even really talked that much, and that she must have filled in her own conversations in the silence.
  • Non-Human Head: Crow has had cosmetic surgery to make his head resemble that of a bird's.
  • The Quiet One: Basu doesn't speak much. He usually just grunts.
  • Rule of Three: Three times over the course of the story, Crow attacks Basu with his Signature Move of hooking someone with his chain sickle and pulling them off balance. The first time Basu dodges and we get to see how it works on the Gomen ninja Crow hits instead. The second time, in a flashback, Crow does hit Basu and pulls him off balance. The third time Crow hits Basu and tries to pull him off balance... and discovers that's a lot harder now that Basu weighs 700 pounds, and Basu ends up pulling Crow off balance instead.
  • Screw the Rules, I'm Doing What's Right!: Basu eventually breaks his life-long adherence to duty after finding out just how pointless the invention is that scores of ninja have died in the war over, and that Oki is about to die to reveal. He beheads his boss, saves Oki and leaves the city with him.
  • That Man Is Dead: Both Basu and Crow express this sentiment about their past identities as Keigo and Susumu.
  • Would Not Hurt A Child: Most corporations, which is why the Kakera made their piggy-bank in the form of an artificial child who would die if opened. Unfortunately, the Gomen Corporation has no such scruples.
  • Wrench Wench: Chiya is a high-tech version, making a living by repairing electronic weaponry like the iKatanas used by corporate ninja.
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