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Literature / The Kingdoms of Evil

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"Modest worm!" Sneered DeMacabre, "can your puny intellect encompass the concept of 'public works project'? For that, you parasite, is what the Lord of Misery demands to know."
The Kingdoms of Evil is an online serialized novel about Freetrick Fiend, a college student who finds out he's the new ruler of the Kingdoms of Evil.

As the new focus of all evil in the world, Freetrick must survive court intrigues, well-justified foreign invasion, internal rebellions, and a looming environmental catastrophe that might just kill everyone anyway. Because in a land of constant shadow, what do the monsters eat?

This web-novel provides examples of:

  • Action Girl: Madene.
  • Alien Lunch: Most of the plant-life in Skrea is toxic; however, Freetrick just needs to kill an animal before eating to avoid poisoning himself.
  • Amazon Brigade: The Warrior Maidens of the nation of Virgin Soil.
  • Banana Republic: Although The Kingdoms of Evil resemble Mordor, they are actually set up so all the do-gooder nations have someone to point at and say; "we're not like *them* so we're not evil".
  • Battle Couple:
    • Freetrick and Bloodbyrn.
    • Also Istain and Madene.
  • Becoming the Mask: A central theme is how much is being evil a role, and how much is personality.
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  • Belligerent Sexual Tension: Freetrick and Bloodbyrn.
  • Berserk Button: Kendrick and anything from Skrea.
  • Bespectacled Bastard Boyfriend: Inverted, with Freetrick and Bloodbyrn. He's got the "bespectacled" and "boyfriend" parts down, but Freetrick's a Nice Guy. Bloodbyrn can't figure out why he won't do the "bastard" parts. He's said to have a "tenderness fetish".
  • Big Bad: Subverted since the main character is forced to be the Big Bad.
  • Big Bad Friend: Exploited. Istain is sent to Skrea as a spy by the Rationalist Union specifically because Freetrick and him were friends since kindergarten.
    • Same story with Zethara and her parents.
  • Body Horror: Skrean monsters.
  • Bondage Is Bad: Thus, it's the standard Skrean mating custom.
  • Brilliant, but Lazy: Istain.
  • By-the-Book Cop: Professor-Colonel Phinneas.
  • Cain and Abel: Freetrick and his half-brother, Feerix.
  • Call to Adventure : In the form of an evil letter.
  • Crapsack World: Maybe not the whole world, but certainly the Kingdoms of Evil.
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  • Culture Clash: Everyone and everywhere.
  • Cursed With Awesome: Freetrick is forced to rule half a continent.
  • Daddy's Little Villain: Feetrick meets one at his first Council of Villainy meeting, where all the villains with unwed daughters send them to meet him. She's about 6 and would be a Cheerful Child if not for being evil. She's the only young lady there not dressed in something revealing, terrifying, or both.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Mr. Skree.
  • Decoy Protagonist: Pon, who appears to be a Farm Boy on his way to seek his fortune, before he's slaughtered.
  • Deliberate Values Dissonance:
    • Everyone in the book versus each other.
    • Skreans versus the reader.
  • Designer Babies: Skreans have their children engineered through Blood Magic at conception. They can choose everything "down to what desserts they preferred". The high amount of Skreans who are raging madmen is often blamed on mistakes in this process, although it could be because everyone's distant-to-close cousins.
  • Evil Cannot Comprehend Good: Most of the population of Skrea has this problem.
  • Evil Is Sexy: In-Universe. Skrean ladies fashions tend toward armored lingerie and Spikes of Villainy. With the occasional garment made out of live bugs.
  • Evil Minions: Most of the population of Skrea, subverted for some characters.
  • Eye Glasses: Freetrick ends up with a pair of Pince-Nez spectacles when his Word-Magic vision correcting spells are deep-sixed by his natural Necromancy. Apparently, pince-nez' were chosen because they're painful to wear.
  • Fantasy Gun Control: Averted, thanks to Universal Science (basically real-world physics, chemistry, etc.).
  • Festering Fungus: Everything Evil!Freetrick touches during his time in the RU gets this growing on it. According to Word of God, it's the result of good and evil magic reacting to each other.
  • Foreign Cuss Word: Strike it out, this is gibberish!
    • Tempest above!
  • Formulaic Magic: Word Magic, but it uses sentence structure instead of math as the formulae in question.
  • God-Emperor: The Skrean king ("Ultimate Fiend") is both the head of government and the earthly manifestation of the local God of Evil.
  • Good Is Bad And Bad Is Good: The Skrean mindset. Thus, "Unspeakably ghastly to meet you" and "hideous morrow" are polite greetings.
  • Grey-and-Gray Morality: The main character is put in charge of all the evil in the world. Next step, figure out what the hell evil actually is.
  • Guile Hero: Freetrick Feend.
  • Hidden Buxom: Skrean undergarments consist of bandage-like wrappings.
  • Human Resources: The existence of this trope is used to make a joke about where Skrea gets it's slave population, and raw materials for human-based monsters.
  • Hypercompetent Sidekick: Mr. Skree.
  • Killed Off for Real:
  • Magitek: Word Magic, due to it's Powers as Programs nature, can be used to turn pocket mirrors into Smartphones. There is also mention of Word Magic cybernetics.
    • Skrean monsters are basically Organic Technology created by using a necromantic "life twisting" spell on people or animals.
  • Maligned Mixed Marriage: Freetrick and Bloodbyrn, and all of the associated Culture Clash.
  • Manipulative Bastard: Zathara.
  • Matriarchy: The nation of Virgin Soil.
  • My Eyes Are Up Here: Freetrick's spends most of his time in the company of female dark aristocrats trying desperately not to look down. Mostly because he gets a slap if he does.
  • Names to Run Away from Really Fast: Skrean names follow this.
    • Love Wielding. You may as well wear a big sign that says "Everything coming out of my mouth is an attempt to manipulate you, seduce you, or seduce you so I can better manipulate you".
  • Not So Different: Every country has a Decadent Court; however Skrea's more honest about it (ironically).
  • Obfuscating Insanity: DeMacabre suggests "insane" as Feertrick's "persona".
  • Obviously Evil: Subverted with every Skrean character.
  • Ordinary High-School Student: Although he's in college, Freetrick and most of the other main characters before they hear the Callto Adventure.
  • Our Vampires Are Different: Many different types. Mr. Skree, for example, is rather like a three-way cross between a bat, a snake, and a human, but is still called a vampire, whereas Bloodbyrn's father, Lord DeMacabre, looks like a week-old corpse. Bloodbyrn herself is of the sexy variety.
  • Planet of Hats
  • Raised by Orcs: Inverted, Freetrick was raised as a Rationalist citizen, despite being heir to the throne of Skrea, a nation composed entirely of evil psychopaths.
  • Religion Is Magic: Magic only works in the country the god/dess associated with it patronizes. Thus, Word Magic only works in the Rationalist Union, Love Wielding only in the Nation of Love, Virgin Magic in Virgin Soil, and Necromancy and Blood Magic in Skrea.
  • Religionof Evil: one.
  • Rightful King Returns: Freetrick is the prophesied king of Skrea who will shatter the foundations of good and evil. He hates his job, by the way.
  • Right-Hand Cat: Bloodbyrn, after some convincing.
  • Shout-Out: Feetrick wonders if he should keep an eye out for midgets with enchanted rings after being attacked by three wanabee heroes in as many days.
  • Simultaneous Arcs: Arcs that follow the main characters.
  • Slap-Slap-Kiss: When a Skrean woman slaps a man, she fully expects to be hit right on back. Freetrick's adamant refusal to do so makes him come across as a bit of a pantywaist.
  • Stupid Evil: Discussed.
    "What we need to do, ladies, gentlemen, and reptiles, is to take a good long look at ourselves. We must each ask ourselves this question: How Evil do I want to be? Do I want to chop up my brother into little pieces? No. Because, intact, my brother can give me advice and lend a hand when I’m in trouble. Do I want to eat my own children? No. Because my children can work and support me in my old age. Do I want to betray my friends, spread poisons across my land, and blot out the sun with never-ending darkness? No. Those things are not Evil. They are Stupid."
    • When Freetrick tries to get his subjects to stop being like this, he's met with appalled silence.
  • Subverted Trope: The main good guy is the king of evil, the bad guy is the hero.
  • The Chosen One: Kendrick, when he becomes the Paladin.
  • The Jeeves: Mr. Skree
  • The Necrocracy: Skrean government is ruled by Vampires, Necromancers, and Fear-mages.
  • Tin Tyrant: Skrean men's fashion.
  • Treacherous Advisor: DeMacabre for certain, and possibly everyone else in Skrea.
    • DeMacabre especially
  • Verbal Tic: One Skrean despot always ends his sentences with "-ah".
    • Zathara often talks to herself as if addressing a class of schoolchildren, and usually ends on "boys and girls".
  • Villainous Incest: Every Skrean Ignoble is related in some way, even before un-marriage. Explains why they're all striking bugnuts.
  • You Keep Using That Word: Love Wielders use "esteem" (which for the record, is a synonymn for "pride") to mean anything from positive energy to brownie points in an argument, including a slang term for ejactulate ( which leads to some uncomfortable imagery when Zathara greets her father).
  • Walking Wasteland: Evil!Freetrick's presence causes plants to die.
  • Wendigo: A Skrean monster, created by using life twisting to mass-manufacture cannibalistic sociopaths who look human.


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