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Literature / The Adventures of Pat O'Neil

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Not exactly what you'd think someone who fights ninjas, ice giants, lobsterpeople and drug abuse would look like, is he?

"Pat O'Neil, a regular guy from Iowa, somehow wandered into fighting Clan Platypus, a group of ninjas trying to take over the world by selling meth. At his side are his friend Douggy (himself half ninja), a group of genetically altered squirrel monkeys and, giving support and advice, Charles Lindbergh."
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"They took a journey to the foot of the mountains and into a swamp. It took a week of searching, and they lost four ninjas to poisonous swamp bears. They would have then named themselves 'Clan Poisonous Swamp Bear,' but the embroiderer told them that an poisonous swamp bear embroidered onto a uniform looks almost identical to a grizzly bear embroidered on the uniform. This would have been very bad for them because Clan Grizzly had recently angered the demon Kal'Ah from the land of wind and ghosts by telling his wife she looked fat in a pair of coo lots, and the demon had vowed to wipe out the clan. This wouldn't have been a problem, but the demon Kal'Ah is incredibly near sighted."
PC/ComputerWorld, chosen excerpt for their ''"Lamest Fictional Premise Blog"'' award


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This web novel provides examples of:

  • Alternate Universe: Explained here, along with any other important infromation about Planet Meth. Strangely enough, all versions of Pat appear to have beards.
  • Busman's Holiday: When Pat ends up vacationing in (a)Maui, he ends up still doing the same thing he's been doing for for a long time now, that being "avoid getting killed by ninjas".
  • Drugs Are Bad: And how.
  • Dystopia: Meth World
  • Earth All Along: Not discovered until later, but "Meth World", where Pat finds himself after being flung across the universe by McClawenstein's flatulence.
  • Faking the Dead: Charles Lindbergh
    • Also Amelia Earhart
  • Funetik Aksent: Only lightly, usually limited to things like "somethin"(something), "fer"(for), and the like.
  • Government Drug Enforcement: The status of meth on planets like Meth World. But is it really being inforced if people are addicted to it?
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  • Mega-Corp: Clan Platypus
  • Take Over the World: The goal of Clan Platypus, except replace "World" with "the entire Universe, including all dimensions/alternate realities".
  • The Aggressive Drug Dealer: Clan Platypus. Seeing as it's their main vehicle for universal domination, it's likely they don't always "play nice".
  • Trojan Prisoner: Near the end of this entry and the rest of this one, except that they're pretending to be junkies so Clan Platypus won't suspect them.
  • Unlikely Hero: Pat O'Neil.
  • Voluntary Shapeshifting: Amelia Earhart
  • Wall of Text: Honestly, you could almost consider half the text as Filler.

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