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Princesses of the Pizza Parlor is a series of novels by Maikel Yarimizu, that is only available through Amazon.

It starts when Helen, having seen a game on television, gathers her four friends for a fantasy role-playing Tabletop Game every Sunday over the course of the summer, to play a campaign where all five girls are princesses of one stripe or another.

And her uncle is the gamemaster.

The players are, by order of their princesses' introductions:

  • Helen, playing Princess Gwenevrael, half-elf ranger princess.
  • Shelby, playing Princess Selvi, half-orc barbarian princess.
  • Claire, playing Princess Cassandrella, human moon cleric princess.
  • Cynthia, playing Princess Flora, human druid princess.
  • Katelyn, playing Princess Bianca, human witch princess.

The current stories in the series are, as sorted by omnibus:

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First Collection

  1. Princesses Don't Do Summer School
  2. Princesses Are Never Lost: (Everything Else Is Simply Misplaced)
  3. Princesses Don't Play Nice

Second Collection

  1. Grandmothers and Other Fearsome Encounters
  2. Boyfriends and Other Minor Annoyances
  3. Banquets and Other Social Disasters
  • Pasta and Penalties: The Redemption of Princess Isabel #1 (Only available as part of the second collection)

Uncollected

  1. Princesses in the Darkest Depths
  2. Princesses on the Broken Sea
  3. Princesses on the Lonely Isle

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These books provide examples of:

  • Air Guitar: The sixth book has Cynthia doing it on the cover, although, more likely, Air Lute, given that that's what her character plays.
  • Alliterative Name: Multiple:
    • Cynthia's wanted spell, "All-out Animal Apocalypse".
    • Gnomish enchantress, Penelope Penskill.
    • Doña Dulcinea Delarosa de Rinconete y Cortadillo, daughter of the Cortes de Canellon, from Book 4.
    • Lord Runcible Rubantaga, from Book 4.
  • Alliterative Title: "Princesses of the Pizza Parlor"
  • all lowercase letters: From Princesses on the Lonely Isle, Painting the Medium to reflect Soledad's voice that was "even-toned and colorless":
    greetings my sister i wish thee well this day
  • All Witches Have Cats: The witch princess of the group has a cat as a familiar.
  • Ammunition Conservation: played with. In the second episode, Bianca only has 5 bombs to use against enemies, so she is implied to conserve them unless needed.
  • Animal Lover: The princess Cynthia plays, Flora, is keen to make animals like her and describes them as cute and cuddly. Cynthia herself is likely an animal lover too as she gives Flora animal-related spells and Flora seems like a self-insert.
  • Back-to-Back Poster: The players and their respective player characters are presented back-to-back in the covers.
  • Badass Bookworm: Mistress Heyerwif, half-giant librarian with a mental library, with a formidable psychic presence that scares off an Enemy Mime that was Curbstomp Battling the party, and wields a "long-bladed polearm" that she summoned out of a book.
  • Bad Mood Retreat: Whenever one of the girls feels really angry or sad, she goes into the ladies restroom, like in the second story, when Katelyn was Running Away to Cry:
    Katelyn turned bright red and, releasing her clutch from the tablecloth, ran off sobbing. The door on the ladies restroom slammed hard behind her.
  • Bookshelf Dominoes: The Academy's library, according to Book 1, it looked:
    like a children's game of dominoes. All it would take was one push and it would all come tumbling down. From the look of things, this may have happened in the past, on more than one occasion.
  • Bottomless Magazines: Gwen's quiver that Helen chose, as said in Book 1 when discussing heirloom items:
    "I picked a magic arrow-holdering thing," Helen added.
    "A quiver."
    "Yeah, that was it. Thanks, Uncle. It never runs out of arrows."
    Uncle had been more than happy to let her have that one, too. There were enough things to pay attention to that he didn't want to add keeping track of arrows in a big fight.
  • Chromosome Casting: All the players of the game that's being played, are girls.
  • Cool Gate: The Wayhouse network Portal Network is referenced multiple times:
    • In the first episode, Princesses Don't Do Summer School, a network failure is why the titular princesses can't go home for the summer.
    • One of their installations are seen in the seventh episode, Princesses in the Darkest Depths, and some Teleportation Sickness is indicated:
      The Wayhouse of Bargoczy was among the newest wave of civic construction to wash over the city, [...] it was solidly built of quarried chalkstone fitted with dark mortar, then stained with strong primary colors. [...] the Wayhouse network's convenience was hampered only by its range. In order to go any appreciable distance, one had to suffer through a daisy chain of transfer points. Few people were willing to pay the cumulative costs, and a larger number of stomachs were unwilling to deal with the stress of so many transfers.
  • Cute Witch: Katelyn, who always goes as a witch on Halloween, and her princess, who is a pretty witch princess.
  • Curtains Match the Window: After Princess Rosalind gets Glowing Eyes of Doom and Red Eyes, Take Warning in Episode 2, to match her "deep red" hair.
  • Ear Ache: Selvi's threat to Gwen, a half-elf, who has Pointy Ears, when Gwen snarked that the librarian might by afraid that Selvi, a half-orc would rip all the pages of their library books:
    Selvi: I prefer ripping ears. Pointy ones make for good handholds, too.
  • Enemy Mime: The Stalker in Silence of the fifth book, wielding Your Mime Makes It Real powers, and hunting Gwen, Dual Wielding "concentrated bar[s] of kinetic force".
  • Expy: From Princesses Don't Play Nice, Princess Isabel Cœur de Lion Solaire, who, before a few edits, is effectively Wonder Woman:
    celestial heritage [...] flying unicorn mount, the bridle of invisibility, the lasso of truth
  • Familiar: Witch princess Bianca has a cat for a familiar.
  • Family Theme Naming: For those of the Rose Throne of Baragoccia, as said in Episode 3:
    Most women in my family had names that were a variation on rose
  • First-Name Basis: Max of "Max's Pizza" where the stories take place, is referred to as just that, usually, until referred to as Maxine Tolliver, by Senora Hernandez in Episode 4.
  • Flavor Text: In the first episode, Princesses Don't Do Summer School, when talking about index cards of spells to be selected:
    It had taken Uncle most of an afternoon and evening to fill out the necessary information in a way that was clear, and he'd tried to make it funny as well, with descriptions like "Makes a magic snowball that you can stuff in someone's ear, down their pants, whatever. Good for getting people to chill out." He'd hoped their giggles were for the jokes he'd actually intended.
  • Flipping the Bird: As a non-verbal "[expression of] annoyance", from Shelby in Book 5.
  • Floral Theme Naming: From the Plant Persons of Episode 2, Thistle, Sweetbriar, Princess Rosalind
  • Flying Broomstick: Katelyn's character, a witch princess, has one of these.
  • Garden Garment: From Episode 2, multiple, due to multiple Plant Persons:
    • Thistle:
      She was wearing a mess of old leaves that might charitably be called clothes.
    • Sweetbriar:
      A pink-topped girl dressed in [...] ragged leaves
    • Princess Rosalind:
      Delicate, pale skin was tinged a light green where it was not covered by a cascade of white rose petals, somehow fixed together to provide a veil over her otherwise bare body.
  • Glowing Eyes of Doom: In Episode 2, in combination with Red Eyes, Take Warning when Princess Rosalind is enraged:
    Princess Rosalind's eyes glowed brightest, in a deep bloody scarlet.
  • Good Princess, Evil Queen: The protagonists are princesses, and at the end of the first story, an antagonistic force known as the Red Queen is mentioned.
  • Green Is Gross:
    • One of the potions in the first main story of the series is a green potion of jumping boosts:
      The stuff tasted like pure, concentrated awful.
    • In the ninth main story, the color is connected with clouds of magical stink.
      • One of the magical items is a wand that shoots out stinky gas, the light of its casting is green, and the wand itself is painted green.
      • A stink cloud of green gas is emitted from a staff.
  • Green Thumb: In Episode 2, Thistle, and the other Plant Persons:
    Clumps of undergrowth that would defy any number of swords parted at the touch of the girl's hand, and even heavy branches seemed to turn away.
  • Half-Breed Discrimination: Selvi, half-human, half-orc princess, orc father, human mother, who also was "looked down [...] for her mixed blood", as said in the first book.
  • Half-Human Hybrid: Multiple:
    • Selvi, half-human, half-orc princess; orc father, human mother
    • Gwenevrael, half-human, half-elven princess; elven father, human mother, as said in Book 1, and described as from a "natural liaison between [her] parents", in Book 5.
    • The Stalker in Silence of Book 5, created by a human couple, whose liege changed "their child in the womb" as said in Book 5.
    • Mistress Heyerwif is assumed to be a half-giant, due to her small size of three yards, and confirmed by narration.
  • Hand Gagging: From Episode 3, along with Speak in Unison, to prevent Bianca from saying something that would get them in a fight, after she inquired about Rosina and Rosalind's similar names:
    Why do you ask?
    "No reason!" Flora and Gwen shouted in unison, their fingers firmly engaged around the witch's face.
  • Hedge Maze: In Episode 2:
    a little path appeared beneath their feet. Pale green bricks fitted together in a complicated blocky pattern that led them through twists and curves. Without it, Gwen realized, they would be in trouble. The garden was a maze of hedges, with splits and forks leading every which way.
  • Head Pet: A Justified Trope, from the first story, Bianca's cat, Jinkies, lands on Selvi's head, and specifically her head, because it smells nice:
    Bianca looked up to find her kitty dangling from the parlor's unlit chandelier. "Jinkies! Get down from there this instant!"
    "Mrrow?"
    "Yes, right now!"
    The witch would later claim that the cat's choice of landing spots was completely out of her control, but Selvi still didn't forgive her for a long time after. If anyone had asked the cat - which of course no one had - they would have learned that the little feline liked the smell of the half-orc's hair. That's why he'd aimed directly for her braided scalp with all four sets of claws leading the way.
  • Idiosyncratic Episode Naming: A more accurate trope name than usual, as each book is called an episode, in the text.
    • The first three books have titles that start with "Princesses" and are phrased negating something: Princesses Don't Do Summer School, Princesses Are Never Lost: (Everything Else Is Simply Misplaced), Princesses Don't Play Nice
    • The fourth, fifth, and sixth books have a "[X] and Other [Adjective] [Z]" pattern: Grandmothers and Other Fearsome Encounters, Boyfriends and Other Minor Pests, Banquets and Other Social Disasters
    • The seventh, eighth and ninth books have a "Princesses [Verb] the [Adjective] [Noun]" pattern: Princesses in the Darkest Depths, Princesses on the Broken Sea, Princesses on the Lonely Isle
  • Invisibility: From Princesses Don't Play Nice, as part of Princess Isabel Cœur de Lion Solaire, who, before a few edits, being effectively a Wonder Woman expy before a few edits, she has:
    flying unicorn mount, the bridle of invisibility
  • Invisibility with Drawbacks: From Boyfriends and Other Minor Annoyances, Priscilla has:
    a ring of invisibility, but one of the cheaper ones, probably made [...] as a practice run. [...] there was a catch. The darn thing only worked right when no one could hear her.
  • Living Figurehead: In Princesses on the Broken Sea, the protagonists' Tabletop RPG brings them to cross the sea aboard the Princess Ouragonea, which has a mermaid as living figurehead. She likes to play the lyre. Presumably, its sister ships the Typhonea and the Kyklonea, which are also living ships, have similar figureheads.
  • Long Title: Usually the titles are about 5 words long:
    • Princesses Are Never Lost: (Everything Else Is Simply Misplaced)
    • Pasta and Penalties: The Redemption of Princess Isabel #1
  • Lunacy: Cassie, the moon princess, has powers that can only be used when the moon is full.
  • Meaningful Appearance: In the first book, in the description of Claire, who plays a Sailor Senshi Send-Up, using Sailor Moon, whose Japanese name means "Rabbit / Bunny", and from the Princesses Don't Play Nice onwards, it also indicates her character's ability to transform into a rabbit-based melee attacking form:
    A single oversized bow stuck out from the back of her dark brown hair like a pair of floppy bunny ears.
  • Modest Royalty: Princess Flora, which has been mentioned twice:
    • As said in the first story, Princesses Don't Do Summer School, she wears:
      homespun cotton and simple leather, not looking a bit like a lady of high birth.
    • The second time is in the sixth story, Banquets and Other Social Disasters:
      The usual homespun clothes had been replaced with a medley of green and tan satin embrodiered with the outlines of leaves from many different trees.
  • Multistage Teleport: How the Wayhouse Portal Network of Cool Gates works, for any useful distance, coupled with high costs and Teleportation Sickness, as said in the seventh episode, Princesses in the Darkest Depths:
    The Wayhouse of Bargoczy was among the newest wave of civic construction to wash over the city, [...] it was solidly built of quarried chalkstone fitted with dark mortar, then stained with strong primary colors. [...] the Wayhouse network's convenience was hampered only by its range. In order to go any appreciable distance, one had to suffer through a daisy chain of transfer points. Few people were willing to pay the cumulative costs, and a larger number of stomachs were unwilling to deal with the stress of so many transfers.
  • Naked People Are Funny: To Cassie's audience in her nightmare in Episode 4, as part of her "Not Wearing Pants" Dream:
    she'd been about to make a presentation for her final exam at the Moon Temple's seminary, only to realize halfway through that she was completely naked. When she'd turned to run and hide, everyone had seen the bunny-tail right over her royal bottom, and had laughed even harder.
  • Named Weapons: From Episode 3:
    • From the knight Selvi duels:
      this is the blade Starsinger
    • Selvi's scimitar:
      "...Wityula." Selvi said. "It means 'Whistler'. No one's ever asked before."
  • New Powers as the Plot Demands: Defied, as said in Episode 1:
    You can't decide a few hours in that she knows kung-fu or anything, just because it's convenient.
  • Night and Day Duo: The third book has the paladin of a religion based around the sun, travelling with a priestess of a religion based around the moon. Both had powers that could only be used during the day or the night, respectively. It's Moon Princess Cassie and her cousin, Natalie's character, Solar Paladin Isabel.
  • No Fathers Allowed: Part of Witch culture, as said in the third episode:
    "I didn't know wi... your people had fathers." said Cassie. "You all seem to be girls." The cleric blushed with embarrassment.
    "Oh, we got fathers," said Bianca. "We just don't have much to do with them. Our moms pick guys with good magic backgrounds, have us, and then they're gone."
  • No Name Given: The gamemaster, usually called some variant of "Uncle", but in Episode 3, we learn he's not named "Rob".
  • "Not Wearing Pants" Dream: Cassie's nightmare in Episode 4, combined with Naked People Are Funny:
    she'd been about to make a presentation for her final exam at the Moon Temple's seminary, only to realize halfway through that she was completely naked. When she'd turned to run and hide, everyone had seen the bunny-tail right over her royal bottom, and had laughed even harder.
  • Out of Character Is Serious Business: When the shy Katelyn shouts, everyone takes notice.
  • Omnibus: The first six ebooks have been collected in sets of three into paperback books, called Princesses of the Pizza Parlor: The [Ordinal] Collected Episodes.
  • Once Upon a Time: How the blurb at the back of the paperback collection of the first three episodes starts:
    Once upon a time,
    a niece asked her uncle to manage a
    fantasy game for her and her friends.
    The girls had no idea how to play;
    the uncle had no idea what he was getting into.
  • Our Elves Are Different: They have some hierarchical society, and they have Pointy Ears.
  • Our Fairies Are Different: Fairies are at least referable in the imagination of the game's world:
    • In Episode 2, Dryads are described as "fey tree-women", and woods with a Year Inside, Hour Outside, are called a "fey-wood".
    • In Episode 4, Bianca's headache is described by involving fairies:
      Behind her forehead, a tiny little fairy with a whomping big hammer was ringing her skull like a bell.
  • Our Kobolds Are Different: Kobolds appear in Princesses in the Darkest Depths, and have their own language, which is revealed to be the language that some words in the common language came from, but they have forgotten that bit of their history. Their children only get names when they do something spectacular and are named after that.
  • Our Mermaids Are Different: Never stated in-story, but the cover of the eighth episode, features a Living Figurehead as a mermaid.
  • Our Orcs Are Different: They have a fantasy version of soccer traditionally one of the Severed Head Sports, but now it's a weighted ball of rags; tusks, and a Warrior Heaven called Gronyard.
  • Our Nymphs Are Different: Dryads are connected to elves, appear to be Plant Persons with plant manipulation powers, and are called "fey tree-women". In Princesses on the Broken Sea, it's revealed that elves exploit them by turning them into items.
  • Our Vampires Are Different: Described in the fourth book. It's implied they're created though special spells and potions. Some of Bianca's great aunts "went that route with their magic." The end of the process is described:
    "drank some concoction with a name like Eternal Rest or Big Sleep, and then woke up after your heart stopped."
  • Painting the Medium: Katelyn, who is shy, has her soft speech done in a smaller font.
  • Plant Person: The dryads first mentioned in Episode 2, "fey tree-women", with the implication that they are this trope, as green-skinned Garden Garment wearing females are discussed, with plant manipulation powers.
  • Plot Armor: Referenced in book 8, to assuage worries that Selvi was going to die from falling into the rough seas.
  • Pointy Ears: Elves are marked by them, even half-elves, as Gwenevrael has "lightly pointed ears", as said in the first book.
  • Portal Network: The Wayhouse network of Cool Gate is referenced multiple times:
    • In the first episode, Princesses Don't Do Summer School, a network failure is why the titular princesses can't go home for the summer.
    • One of their installations are seen in the seventh episode, Princesses in the Darkest Depths, and some Teleportation Sickness is indicated:
      The Wayhouse of Bargoczy was among the newest wave of civic construction to wash over the city, [...] it was solidly built of quarried chalkstone fitted with dark mortar, then stained with strong primary colors. [...] the Wayhouse network's convenience was hampered only by its range. In order to go any appreciable distance, one had to suffer through a daisy chain of transfer points. Few people were willing to pay the cumulative costs, and a larger number of stomachs were unwilling to deal with the stress of so many transfers.
  • Portal Picture: The paintings in the mansion in the fourth book, take the princesses to other parts of the mansion.
  • Pun: In the first episode, Princesses Don't Do Summer School, when talking about the Flavor Text of a snowball spell to be selected, using a double meaning of "chill" as in "calm down" and "be cold":
    "Makes a magic snowball that you can stuff in someone's ear, down their pants, whatever. Good for getting people to chill out."
  • Prehensile Hair: Princess Bianca's Skunk Stripe, when she infuses it with her magic, like in the first story:
    the singular lock of pure white that hung down the front of her face. There was a trick her grandmother had taught her, a way to focus a bit of her magic through that lock of hair and make it stretch, extend, and reach
  • Princess Protagonist: The stories is about a group of girls who play a fantasy role-playing game together. Every girl that plays in the game has a princess for a character. These include:
    • Princess Gwen, daughter of King Artundus of the Fifth Court.
    • Princess Selvi, played by Shelby, is the "youngest daughter of the Great Khan of the high plains of Dungivadim"
  • Rebellious Princess: As said in Boyfriends and Other Minor Annoyances, Princess Priscilla ran away to avoid going to school.
  • Red Eyes, Take Warning: In Episode 2, when Princess Rosalind is enraged and gets Glowing Eyes of Doom:
    Princess Rosalind's eyes glowed brightest, in a deep bloody scarlet.
  • Rock–Paper–Scissors: In the fifth book, Cynthia, Shelby, and Katelyn play a game to decide who goes first, in relating what happened with their characters, Flora, Selvi, and Bianca, respectively.
    A three-way bout of rock-paper-scissors resulted in a happy whoop from Cynthia.
  • Running Away to Cry: Katelyn, to the Bad Mood Retreat of the ladies restroom, when emotions from events that occurred between games, comes to a head, and she needs a place from everyone else, to calm down:
    Katelyn turned bright red and, releasing her clutch from the tablecloth, ran off sobbing. The door on the ladies restroom slammed hard behind her.
  • Sailor Senshi Send-Up: Princess Cassie. She's a princess with moon powers who fights for "love and justice and happiness and the future of the Moon Kingdom!". Her creator, Claire, is mentioned to like Japanese cartoons, making her a fairly obvious send-up.
  • Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness: Uncle's description by Claire when he calls her over to discuss her princess's abilities:
    Claire: Yes, o inimitable maestro of the grand game of the imagination?
    Uncle: ... save it for the roleplay, kid.
  • Severed Head Sports: Mentioned multiple times in the first episode, Princesses Don't Do Summer School, all relating to how Our Orcs Are Different:
    • Princess Selvi, half-orc princess, is described by her creator, as "Strong, tough, and plays soccer with the heads of her enemies."
    • êl-sakhar, a sport of the high plains played traditionally with the severed heads of one's enemies, though nowadays, it was usually a weighted ball of rags instead.
  • School Forced Us Together: The titular party comes about because they were stuck at school and left together, as the only students there.
  • Shout-Out: To Quidditch from Harry Potter, from the first story, explaining how Princess Bianca got her broom locked away:
    there was an incident a couple of weeks ago involving some silly game with enchanted, weighted balls, and a fellow princess got sent to the infirmary with a concussion, so the broom's currently locked in a closet in the teachers' lounge.
  • Signature Instrument: Flora has a magical lute as a gift from her Uncle. In a First-Episode Twist, it turns into a spiked club, with a trigger phrase. This is also a Shout-Out to Quick Draw McGraw, using "El Kabong!" as the trigger phrase, a.k.a By the Power of Grayskull!.
  • Skunk Stripe: Princess Bianca's lock of white, magically Prehensile Hair, among her otherwise black locks.
  • Speak in Unison: From Episode 3, along with Hand Gagging, to prevent Bianca from saying something that would get them in a fight, after she inquired about Rosina and Rosalind's similar names:
    Why do you ask?
    "No reason!" Flora and Gwen shouted in unison, their fingers firmly engaged around the witch's face.
  • Sue Donym: Shelby's princess that she's roleplaying as, is called Selvi. Selvi is a distortion of Shelby, with the removal of the 'h' and the /biː/ sound turning into a /viː/.
  • Teleportation Sickness: The Cool Gates of the Wayhouse Portal Network seem to induce some, as seen in the seventh episode, Princesses in the Darkest Depths, and some of this trope is indicated:
    the Wayhouse network's convenience was hampered only by its range. In order to go any appreciable distance, one had to suffer through a daisy chain of transfer points. Few people were willing to pay the cumulative costs, and a larger number of stomachs were unwilling to deal with the stress of so many transfers.
  • Transferred Transformation: In Grandmothers and Other Fearsome Encounters, when Flora is about to undergo involuntary Transflormation due to a spell-casting accident, an enemy steals the spell, and undergoes that transformation instead.
  • Transflormation: Can happen involuntarily with some spells, as seen in the fourth episode, Grandmothers and Other Fearsome Encounters, when Flora is affected, but leads to a Transferred Transformation to an enemy that stole the spell.
  • Transformation Sequence: In The Redemption of Princess Isabel #1, when one happens and the players are surprised, and the gamemaster states it explicitly.
  • The Trees Have Faces: In Grandmothers and Other Fearsome Encounters due to some Transflormation:
    Upon the the trunk of the newly grown tree, the bark was formed in the shape of a face, with blind eyes and a mouth set into a silent scream
  • Unicorn: They seem to exist, in the game's world, as Gwen thinks about them when she hears deer.
  • Vampire Vords: From Vilhemina Natasha Badinova von Volmorten, of book 4, and promptly lampshaded. It's deliberate, and made up on the spot to engage Senora Hernandez:
    "Vell," said the woman with an odd, thick accent. "It vould seem zat you are varriors of greater wigor zan I had zought." She smiled, baring fangs almost as long as a pinky finger. "I am Vilhemina Natasha Badinova von Volmorten, and you shall be a delicious snack—"
    [Transition to outside the game]
    "Ridiculous! What sort of accent is that supposed to be, Russian? Transylvanian? And that name! Really, is that complicated rigmarole the best you can do? And the entire "I vant to suck your blud" schtick..."
  • Warrior Heaven: The orcs have one, called Gronyard, based on Norse Mythology's Valhalla.
  • Wedding Episode: In Banquets and Other Social Disasters, the titular party are hiding out in a church, where, coincidentally, there's a wedding being planned. The book then has them create a Wedding Smashers situation as the bride isn't as she seems.
  • When Trees Attack: Princesses Don't Play Nice has the final battle involve a big undead tree attacking the players.
  • The X of Y: The series title, which is also a Team Title mixed with Protagonist Title, talking about the Princess Protagonists.
  • Year Inside, Hour Outside: In Episode 2, a "fey-wood" is discussed, but, it's revealed to not actually be true:
    Time runs faster here, so a few years may only be a matter of weeks to my Marti.

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