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Literature / Plonqmas

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Plonqmas is a series of Web Original Fiction Christmas-themed short stories written by Plonq and featuring the author’s alter ego, a Funny Animal-style snow leopard morph. The hapless character’s single-chaptered Yuletide experiences are invariably of the Crappy Holidays variety (occasionally veering further into Twisted Christmas territory), with Plonq normally winding up as the story’s Butt-Monkey (though a few examples do end happily for him). All exhibit an irreverently acerbic wit and a penchant for Black Comedy.

Stories in the collection have been produced irregularly at year’s end since 1998, and the series is ongoing. Eight fics have appeared as of August 2020, and can be found at Archive of Our Own:

  • “A Plonqmas Tale — 1998”
  • “A Plonqmas Tale — 1999”
  • “A Plonqmas Tale — 2009”
  • “A Plonqmas Tale — 2011”
  • “A Plonqmas Tale — 2012”
  • “A Plonqmas Tale — 2017”
  • “A Plonqmas Tale — 2018”
  • “A Plonqmas Tale — 2019”


  • The Alcoholic: Played with in the series. While Plonq frequently spends his Christmases in various stages of inebriation, he doesn’t appear to have a classic hard-core drinking problem. The holidays just seem to bring this out in him, perhaps understandably so given his luck.
  • Bad Santa: Plonq encounters several sinister bell-ringing storefront Santas in “A Plonqmas Tale — 2019,” as well as another less-then-pleasant example in “A Plonqmas Tale — 2012.” The not-so-jolly old elf himself is referenced at times:
    • Santa skips Plonq’s house entirely on Christmas Eve in “A Plonqmas Tale — 1999.”
    • In “A Plonqmas Tale — 2018,” it is revealed that Santa and Plonq had a reciprocal agreement not to punch each other out that year.
  • Black Comedy: Consistently encountered in this series, with the dark humor always coming at Plonq’s expense. “A Plonqmas Tale — 2018” sees him get punched in the face by one of the visiting holiday spirits, while he manages to set himself on fire in “A Plonqmas Tale — 1999.”
  • Butt-Monkey: Happens to Plonq in all these stories to varying degrees. His Christmases never go well.
  • Cats Are Superior: In “A Plonqmas Tale — 1998” and “A Plonqmas Tale — 1999,” Plonq’s feline pets are depicted as stereotypically detached, self-absorbed, quarreling, and food obsessed. In other words, typical cats.
  • Christmas Episode: All these stories are set at Christmas time. Tales featuring Plonq also exist on non-holiday subjects.
  • Christmas Light Chaos: In “A Plonqmas Tale — 2009,” the snow leopard morph decorates his holiday tree by pulling ornaments from their tangled mess in a box.
  • Christmas Miracle: Plonq inadvertently provides the meal he was preparing to a group of donation center workers in “A Plonqmas Tale — 2017.”
  • Crappy Holidays: Applies to every story in the series, sometimes degenerating to Twisted Christmas level. Not surprising given that he has gotten punched in the face by a visiting Christmas spirit, been stuck eating an Indestructible Edible holiday meal, and set himself on fire at various times.
  • For Inconvenience, Press "1": Plonq’s 911 phone call unhelpfully devolves into a labyrinth of Button Mashing in “A Plonqmas Tale — 1999.” It's especially inconvenient given that he's on fire at the time.
  • Fully-Dressed Cartoon Animal: Applies to Plonq and the other animal morph characters in this series, all of whom wear standard human clothing.
  • Funny Animal: Applies to Plonq and all the other characters except for Santa Claus, who is the only human in these stories. They wear clothes, walk upright, consume human food, have human jobs, and generally behave like humans.
  • Furry Confusion: In “A Plonqmas Tale — 1998” and “A Plonqmas Tale — 1999,” Funny Animal snow leopard Plonq owns two non-anthropomorphic pet cats.
  • Gay Best Friend: Plonq's best friend, an otter morph named Giblet, is gay. He’s very much out of the closet and at times teasingly flirts with Plonq, but is not seen in a relationship of any kind.
  • Genetic Engineering Is the New Nuke: The chicken Plonq purchases in “A Plonqmas Tale — 2012” appears to have been heavily engineered given that is has six legs and three breasts.
  • The Grim Reaper: Plonq inadvertently hosts Death for Christmas in “A Plonqmas Tale — 2011.” He later gets the character drunk and has a besotted one-night stand with them.
  • Idiosyncratic Episode Naming: All stories in the series are titled “A Plonqmas Tale,” followed by the year written.
  • Indestructible Edible: Almost invariably applies to Plonq’s holiday meal, which is usually a variant on “Christmas Dinner-in-a-Bag.” Inverted at the end of “A Plonqmas Tale — 2019,” when he enjoys a standard sushi meal at a nearby restaurant.
  • Lethal Chef: Many of the stories in this series involve Plonq attempting to prepare an Indestructible Edible for his holiday meal, which are normally variants on “Christmas Dinner-in-a-Bag.”
  • Man on Fire: Plonq manages to set himself on fire, necessitating a trip to the hospital, in “A Plonqmas Tale — 1999.” This problem apparently runs in the family, as his mother is described as having set herself ablaze baking a turkey when Plonq was a youngster in “A Plonqmas Tale — 2018.”
  • Mature Animal Story: While these stories do not indulge in smut or extreme violence, they are not meant for kids given their mature subject matter (copious drinking, implied sex, some violence) and Black Comedy usage.
  • Noodle Incident: In “A Plonqmas Tale — 2018,” it is revealed that Santa and Plonq had a reciprocal agreement not to punch each other out that year. This implies that there was some sort of ugly incident between the two previously, the details of which are not revealed.
  • Scatterbrained Senior: Plonq’s mother is revealed to be suffering from dementia in “A Plonqmas Tale — 2018.” He is urged to call her for the holidays, and does so at story’s end.
  • Sexy Whatever Outfit: Plonq’s gay otter morph friend Giblet dresses in a feminine slutty reindeer costume for a holiday party in “A Plonqmas Tale — 2019.”
  • What Did I Do Last Night?: Invoked by a badly hungover Plonq the morning after partying drunkenly with The Grim Reaper in “A Plonqmas Tale — 2011.”
  • Wholesome Crossdresser: Plonq's gay roommate Giblet dresses in a feminine slutty reindeer costume in “A Plonqmas Tale — 2019.” It's for a good cause, though — he's a self-described "Sexy Santa's Helper" at a Christmas party to benefit needy families.
    Giblet was dressed in what the snow leopard could only describe as a red-sequinned onesie with white faux fur lining the openings for the legs, armless sleeves, and a low cut V down the front. He complemented that with sheer fishnet stockings and black, knee-height, high-heeled boots. Across the back of the costume, split by the zipper were the words, Santa's "Helper" (Plonq chose not to wonder why the word "Helper" was in quotes). He completed the costume with thin, elbow-length black gloves, clip-on antlers, and plastic mistletoe tied tastefully above his tail with a piece of red ribbon.
  • World of Funny Animals: The series takes place in one. The only human referenced in the stories is Santa Claus.
  • Yet Another Christmas Carol: “A Plonqmas Tale — 2018” invokes this trope, featuring a visit from three irreverent spirits acting as Christmases Past, Present, and Future — the last of whom is an older version of Plonq himself.