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Literature / I Knocked Up Satan's Daughter

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She came for his soul, but left with his heart...

Jonathan Vandervoo lives a carefree life in a house made of legos, spending his days building lego sculptures and his nights getting drunk with his only friend—an alcoholic sumo wrestler named Shoji. It's a pleasant life with no responsibility, until the day he meets Lici. She's a soul-sucking demon from hell with red skin, glowing eyes, a forked tongue, and pointy red devil horns... and she claims to be nine months pregnant with Jonathan's baby.

Now Jonathan must do the right thing and marry the succubus or else her demonic family is going to rip his heart out through his ribcage and force him to endure the worst torture hell has to offer for the rest of eternity. But can Jonathan really love a fire-breathing, frog-eating, cold-blooded demoness? Or would eternal damnation be preferable? Either way, the big day is approaching. And once Jonathan's conservative Christian family learns their son is about to marry a spawn of Satan, it's going to be all-out war between demons and humans, with Jonathan and his hell-born bride caught in the middle.

I Knocked Up Satan's Daughter is an adorable, violent, fantastical love story. A romantic comedy for the bizarro fiction reader by Carlton Mellick III.

This work provides examples of:

  • All Amazons Want Hercules: Candiru is very impressed with Shoji after he is the one to take down Joseph. In the epilogue, they're engaged to be married.
  • All Myths Are True: The afterlife is described as being as diverse as Earth.
    • Heaven is described as being like a first-world country that treats its human slaves nicer than most, but with little hope of earning their freedom.
    • Hell is described as being like a former prison-colony for Heaven, now populated by the descendents of their population. They use human slaves (even retrieving more through succubi), and are even famous for treating them poorly, but they are sometimes set free by their masters.
    • Valhalla would use its human slaves for gladiator-based entertainment before they decided not to use slaves anymore.
  • Ambiguous Innocence: After hearing about Lici's childhood from her mother and seeing her room for herself, he realizes just how alike the two of them are and just how sweet Lici really is.
  • Annoying Younger Sibling: Chuck likes to think of himself as the family's comedian, usually cracking mean and not-particularly-funny jokes at Jonathan's expense.
  • Arrogant Kung-Fu Guy: At the climax, Joseph boasts of all the styles he's mastered and all his martial arts achievement. Shoju proceeds to demonstrate just how little all that means against a true master of sumo!
  • Badass Preacher: Joseph turns out to be a lot more accomplished at kung fu than he's let on, even effortlessly taking out Candiru, who had seemed all but unstoppable up to that point.
  • Big Red Devil: Demons in general.
  • Bizarro Fiction: A man living in a house of legos receives a paternity suit from a succubus who he can't remember seduced him nine months ago. That's how it starts, and it just gets weirder from there. The climax involves a fight against "Jesus cyborgs," who have replaced parts of their bodies with Christian-themed kitsch in order to better fight demons.
  • Built with LEGO: Jonathan has lived with a mild obsession with legos for most of his life. He built a house out of legos, made all of his furniture out of them, even a lego girlfriend. He is even so good he can build a full-sized tyrannosaur out of legos in mere minutes. When Lici enchants the legos, anything he builds out of them becomes real (animals, motorbikes, etc).
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: The climax involves a long sequence of the heroes and villains exchanging them. First Candiru goes through a bunch of Joseph's top kung fu students like a knife through butter. Then Joseph effortlessly knocks out Candiru. Then Shoji absolutely crushes Joseph.
  • Department of Redundancy Department: Joseph's church is called Christ's Holy Church of Jesus.
  • Drunken Master: Subverted. Shoji is an excellent sumo wrestler and a heavy drinker, making him initially look like this trope. However, it turns out that all his skills desert him when he's drunk, which is practically all the time. Played straight in the climax, where Joseph aims a kick at Shoji, but Shoji is too drunk to even feel it and just keeps moving forward, breaking Joseph's leg with the impact.
  • Evil Is Burning Hot: Demons have very high body temperatures, to the point where they tend to leave scorch marks on everything they touch. They can render humans resistant to the heat so that they can touch them without harm, but because of Lici's inaccuracy with magic Jonathan has his penis scorched permanently black the first time he has sex with her.
  • Face on the Cover: Lici is pictured on the cover.
  • God and Satan Are Both Jerks: If you go to Hell, you'll spend a very long time as the slave of some demon, who will likely torment and abuse you (because Hell is not a nice place to live in, and most demons are miserable and looking for someone to take it out on). The only upside is that you might earn your freedom one day (though you'll still be living in Hell, which is, again, not a nice place). If you go to Heaven, you'll be treated slightly better, but you'll still be a slave, and you'll never be free, ever.
  • God Is Evil: All that stuff about how you go to Heaven if you follow God's laws? Technically true, but the old bastard neglected to mention that you'll be unpaid labour there for all eternity.
  • Groin Attack: Axlox gets a splash of holy water to his dangly bits at one point. It's painful enough to incapacitate even him.
    Axlox: You hit me in the jonathan!
  • Happy Ending: Jonathan's family accepts Lici, Jonathan and Lici are happily married with two kids with a third on the way and Lici's sister Candiru is engaged to Shoji.
  • Hell: It exists, but it's really just a particularly unpleasant country in another dimension.
  • Holy Burns Evil: Items associated with Christianity (no matter how tasteless and commercialised) burn demons upon contact.
  • Imperiled in Pregnancy: Lici, towards the end.
  • Inept Mage: Lici isn't the most accurate of spellcasters. Aside from the bungled make-human-man-ejaculate-his-soul-instead-of-sperm spell that kicks off the entire plot, she also at one point completely fails at casting a spell to send Jonathan to Hell. So she just strangles him to death and then resuscitates him when she wants him to return to Earth.
  • Laser-Guided Amnesia: The reason why Jonathan can't initially remember Lici is that she erased his memory of her.
  • Manchild: Jonathan has spent many years absolutely refusing to grow up, avoiding things like real jobs and steady relationships like the plague. Partly it's because he won't give up on his dream of somehow spending his life working with legos, partly it's because he's terrified of responsibility. The ending has him accept responsibility as a husband and father, while also succeeding in making a solid living from building lego sculptures.
  • Never Trust a Title: He may have knocked her up, but she is not Satan's daughter.
  • Obnoxious In-Laws: This applies to both sides.
    • Lici's sister and brother barge in and kill everyone in the bar Jonathan was in (except for Jonathan and Shoji, who was passed out drunk at the time) and scare him into committing to Lici.
    • After finding out that their potential future daughter-in-law really is a demon, they try and kill her, only for his mother to accidentally nearly burn herself to death because of it. Later on, Jonathan's brother-in-law Joseph organizes his "religious institution" in a plot to capture Lici and purge the world of her "evil," using their expansive franchise products as holy weapons against Jonathan and Lici's family.
  • Otaku: Apart from wanting to be a sumo wrestler, Shoji also carries a Dragon Ball Z backpack and has a sketchbook full of anime characters. "Demon Girls" are apparently his favorite.
  • Our Demons Are Different: The demons presented here exist in Hell (portrayed as an ex-prison country much like Australia), have a well-established monarchy and apart from the whole "enslavement of humanity thing", they are actually pretty well-rounded, and can be very inviting and loving when they want to be.
  • Our Nudity Is Different: In Hell, people do not wear clothes. Staring is considered rude and so is trying to cover yourself.
  • Pregnant Badass: Despite her delicate condition, Lici wields considerable magical power and is not to be trifled with. She also remains pretty athletic, though she mentions that when she's not pregnant she can perform downright superhuman feats. Essentially, pregnancy has rendered her Brought Down to Badass.
  • Savage Piercings: They seem to be popular in Hell. Lici has a pierced lip, and Axlox has piercings all over his body.
  • Shotgun Wedding: Except Jonathan is threatened with far worse than a shotgun if he doesn't marry Lici.
  • Sinister Minister: Joseph is a philandering, money-grubbing sleazeball who nonetheless insists on acting Holier Than Thou.
  • Slave Race: Humanity was apparently created by God soly as an extensive work-force for the realm in which he resides in. The number of sins and religions that the humans in question decide where in this realm they go to after their death. Even Heaven makes them slaves, at least in Hell they have a slim chance of being granted their freedom.
  • Succubi and Incubi: A subclass of demons known as succubi are charged with going out to the mortal-realm and retrieving human souls via sucking their souls out of their dicks and bringing them back to Hell. The problem is though is that Lici sucks as a succubus and ends up getting pregnant instead.
  • Unfortunate Names: In the language of Hell, "jonathan" means "penis."
  • Teleportation: A handy succubus power that Lici still has access to, despite technically not being a succubus anymore.
  • Third-Act Misunderstanding: Naturally, given that this is an Affectionate Parody of romcoms. Lici catches Priscilla making the moves on Jonathan and thinks that he's cheating on her. Unusually for this trope, the misunderstanding is cleared up almost immediately, but it still leaves Lici in a foul mood that has some unfortunate consequences...
  • Theme Naming: It is common for demons to name their children after parasites. Whether they think it's cute or is meant to be a jab at the idea of children in general is never really given.
  • Weird World, Weird Food: Demons prefer their meals to be not only raw but still moving, and dine on such things as living frogs and caterpillars. This is a problem for Jonathan when visiting Lici's family, especially since he's (mostly) a vegetarian and considers even dead, cooked meat to be slightly gross.
  • What Measure Is a Non-Human?: Jonathan is greatly unnerved with how casually Lici takes apart the lego creations she's imbued with life, especially since they scream in pain and beg for mercy while she does it. Before the book is over, though, he's started doing it himself.