Choosing Death
is a non-fiction story written by gelefant.
It is about Jermaine's ongoing struggles with depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts.
Artwork for the story can be found here, here, here, here, here, and here.
Tropes:
- Bullied into Depression: The bullying that Jermaine endured in grade school is what kickstarted his self-harm and suicidal thoughts.
- Driven to Suicide: Jermaine has dealt with suicidal thoughts since seventh grade.
- Fire and Brimstone Hell: Jermaine and his family believe that Hell is like this.
- Fluffy Cloud Heaven: Jermaine believes that Heaven is like this.
- Forgiveness Requires Death: Jermaine believes that the only way he can be forgiven for all of the stupid things he's said and done is to die/be killed.
- Haunted House: Jermaine began reading books about these during sixth grade.
- Mental Health Recovery Arc: Jermaine is still going through one and likely will for the rest of his life.
- Nothing Is the Same Anymore: In the chapter of the same name, Jermaine believes this about his own life because of the effects that his psych ward evaluation and subsequent diagnoses of depression (and later autism) had on him and his family.
- Our Angels Are Different: Jermaine believes that Heaven is filled with angels flying around.
- Our Demons Are Different: Jermaine and his family believe that Hell is ruled over not just by Satan but also hordes of demons.
- Our Ghosts Are Different: Jermaine has believed in ghosts for pretty much all of his life, and they're his favorite supernatural creatures. As mentioned above, he started reading books about them in sixth grade.
- Paranormal Investigation: Jermaine wanted to be a paranormal/supernatural investigator in sixth grade because of Danny Phantom.
- The Pearly Gates: Jermaine believes that Heaven has this as its entrance.
- The Penance: In the chapter of the same name, Jermaine engaged in Self-Harm if he got a bad grade, didn't pass off his music, made a marching mistake, or said something stupid.
- Pocket Dimension: Jermaine believes Limbo/Purgatory is this and that it exists alongside Heaven and Hell.
- Purgatory and Limbo: Jermaine believes in Limbo/Purgatory and views it as a pitch-black pocket dimension existing alongside Heaven and Hell.
- "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Jermaine’s sisters each deliver scathing ones to him because of his attitude and behavior both before and after his mental hospital stay.
- Satan: Jermaine and his family believe Hell is ruled over by the Devil.
- Scars Are Forever: Jermaine still has scars on his arm from when he engaged in Self-Harm. He also still has scars on his wrist from his suicide attempts.
- Self-Harm: Jermaine started self-harming in eighth grade and continued to do so until well into his college career. He started out by stabbing his arm with a pencil before gradually moving on to cutting his arm with scissors.
- Shout-Out: Several.
- Jermaine is/was obsessed with Danny Phantom, which is what kickstarted his above-mentioned love of ghosts and desire to be a paranormal/supernatural investigator in the first place.
- Jermaine's view of Heaven is heavily influenced by Looney Tunes, Tom and Jerry, and All Dogs Go to Heaven.
- Jermaine's view of Limbo/Purgatory is influenced by Pokémon, the above-mentioned Danny Phantom, and Being Human (US).
- During his stay at a mental hospital in "Nothing is the Same Anymore," one of the things Ayla brought Jermaine was a Scooby-Doo plushie.
- Suicide by Cop: Jermaine wants to die like this.
- That's All, Folks!: Jermaine wrote this on a doodle of his grave in ninth grade.
- The Theme Park Version: Quoted word-for-word by Jermaine in regard to his beliefs about the afterlife.
- Who You Gonna Call?: As mentioned above, Jermaine wanted to be a ghost hunter/investigator during sixth grade.
