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Like An Old Married Couple / Live-Action TV

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  • The Adventures of Sinbad (1996). Sinbad and Maeve are arguing.
    Caipra: Alright you two, that's enough. Stop acting like an old married couple.
  • During the Ashes to Ashes (2008) Grand Finale, Shaz mentions that she's amazed that Chris and Ray never tied the knot.
  • A memorable scene in Babylon 5 had Londo and G'Karnote  arguing, to which a newcomer to the station remarks, "I wonder how long they've been married."
    • Of course, jokes about G'Kar and Londo being a married couple go all the way back to the first season, in a weird form of Everyone Can See It.
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    • Doctor Franklin and Marcus Cole tended towards this when working together, most particularly when they were undercover in a Smithical Marriage.note 
    • Also Captain John Sheridan and his exec Commander Susan Ivanova, who had worked together even before he was stationed at Babylon 5. Because she's his Number Two (and also his best friend), they go back and forth like this a lot, especially when she's playing Commander Contrarian. Unlike many examples of this trope, however, there is no risk of this relationship turning romantic; Sheridan is desperately in love with Delenn, and in any case he and Susan acknowledge openly and comfortably that there's absolutely nothing of that sort between them anyway (in the middle of a bickering match that could easily make new viewers think they actually are siblings). This doesn't stop them from interacting like they've been married for decades, though.
  • The Big Bang Theory:
    • Raj and Howard are called out on this multiple times, most notably by Leonard's incredibly blunt scientist mother who asserts that Raj is afraid of women and Howard has unresolved Oedipal issues, so it's not surprising they've formed "an ersatz homosexual marriage."
    • When Leonard wanted time alone to Skype with his girlfriend, Sheldon patiently waited at Penny's apartment. They were both doing their own things, reading on the couch and chair and Penny mentioned how it feels like they are an old married couple (they are friends but no one can annoy each other the way the other can). They get into a mock fight where Sheldon demanded she get a treat, Penny asked for a divorce and Sheldon said to get the treat on the way to the lawyers office. They both briefly laugh over their "argument."
    • Leonard and Penny tried to hang out as merely friends and found that they had a lot of unresolved issues between them that caused them to argue. It really surfaced when they went to a bar and both of them tried to chat up other people, leading to embarrassing secrets being discussed openly.
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  • Bones and Booth argue about everything, but no one doubts that they love each other. They are aware of it, too; they're just terrible at timing.
  • Boston Legal has Denny Crane and Alan Shore, who make more jokes about their own Ho Yay than the rest of the cast put together. When Denny catches Alan doing their Once an Episode balcony routine with another man, he reacts as though Alan were cheating on him. In the finale, they actually do get married and literally become an old married couple, which is to say they are "old" (Denny is 75) and married.
  • Detectives Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago in Brooklyn Nine-Nine fulfill the "constantly-bickering-yet-have-UST" part of the trope, but it's also reinforced in more subtle ways. In particular, both frequently give off the vibe of having spent so much time together and gotten to know each other so well that they've picked up on all sorts of weird little bits of trivia and character tics about the other apparently without even realizing it; Peralta, for example, knows all about Santiago's "special routine" for brushing her teeth, while Santiago is aware that Peralta's grandmother called him "pineapples". In one episode, they pretend to be a bickering couple to get the drop on a couple of crooks, leading to this exchange when they finally drop the act:
    Peralta: [To Santiago] Nice work.
    Santiago: Thanks. You too.
    Crook: I'm sad y'all arrestin' me... but I gotta say, I'm glad you're back together.
  • Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel:
    • Angel and Spike in spades, especially during Season 5 of Angel. They argue over absolutely everything, but for some reason always hang out. This scene basically sum it up.
      Spike: Least I got company, eh? You and me. Together again. Hope and Crosby. Stills and Nash. Chico and the man.
      Angel: Yeah, are we done?
      Spike: Never much for small talk, were you? Always too busy trying to perfect that brooding block-of-wood mystique. God, I love that.
      Angel: Not as much as I love your nonstop yammering.
      Spike: The way you always had to be the big swingy, swaggering around, barkin' orders.
      Angel: Never listening...
      Spike: Always interrupting.
      Angel: And your hair, what color do they call that? Radioactive?
      Spike: Never much cared for you, Liam. Even when we were evil.
      Angel: Cared for you less.
      Spike: Fine.
      Angel: Good. [silence] There was one thing I liked about you.
      Spike: Really?
      Angel: Yeah, I never told anybody this, but... I liked your poems.
      Spike: [with feeling] You like Barry Manilow.
    • Buffy and Spike had shades of this themselves during seasons 4 through 5 of Buffy. It wasn't until later it escalated to something more than friends.
  • It has been noted by several observers that the frequently-bickering-yet-intensely-close friendship that Castle's Richard Castle and Detective Kate Beckett have become embroiled in is like, well, they're already married (or at least in a relationship). In one notable example, a suggestion that they brainstorm from the perspective of a married couple ended up with the two of them arguing like a married couple about being a married couple.
  • Cheers. Three words: Sam and Diane.
    Sam: You know — while we're talking about problems, you wanna know what really, REALLY bugs me about you?
    Diane: Fine!
    Sam: The way you eat pretzels! [beat]
    Diane: Pretzels!
    Sam: Yeah, that's right — three bites! Not two, not one like the rest of us — but THREE BITES!
    Diane: Do you want to know what "bugs" me about YOU?!
    Sam: Oh, I'd love to. What?
  • Partners Jay Halstead and Erin Lindsay on Chicago P.D., and they've only been working together for a relatively short time. She never lets him drive and he complains that he feels like a house husband, he beats up a guy who catcalls and rudely flirts with her, and they argue a lot, especially about Erin's father figure (and their boss) Voight. Heck, they even argue about their maybe-not-so-professional relationship.
    Jay: Did you see the look on his face?
    Erin: Yeah. So?
    Jay: So?
    Erin: We haven't done anything.
    Jay: Don't I know it.
    Erin: Would you just spit out whatever fit is that you're trying to spit out?
    Jay: Okay. Maybe this last month I don't wanna be the guy you use to get a rise out of your father figure.
    Erin: You wish I was using you.
    Jay: Oh, I'm serious. You have issues, you need to work them out. Work them out without me.
    Erin: I repeat, we haven't done anything. And if you wanna keep it that way—
    Jay: Hey, that'd be great.
    Erin: [annoyed] All right, perfect.
    Jay: Fantastic.
    Erin: You done?
    Jay: I was done long before this conversation started.
    Erin: Really? Then shut up.
    [and then later on...]
    Erin: Dinner at The Purple Pig? It's got the dump.
    Jay: Those things suck.
    Erin: I don't think so.
    Jay: Besides, you just told me to shut up and that we're done.
    Erin: No, you told me we were done. But a girl's gotta eat.
    Jay: [annoyed] Now you're hungry.
  • Covert Affairs: Annie and Auggie, definitely. It's lampshaded in the season 2 episode "Half a World Away". Auggie is in Turkey, not answering his phone, and Annie is getting very worried with good reason. Cue the random stewardess Auggie is with at the time getting an unexpected phone call:
    Annie: [annoyed tone of voice] Hi, can I talk to Auggie, please?
    Franka: It's for you. I think it's your wife. She sounds rather upset...
  • Dark Angel: Alec and Max in Season 2. Alec loves teasing her while Max gets royally pissed off by even being around him. They argue and spark off each other constantly yet somehow spend a lot of time together. Some fans speculate it was heading towards a romance if the show hadn't been canceled.
    [on ropes trying to steal the same famous baseball]
    Max: Read my lips, pretty boy. Get a life, get a job, and stop sticking your nose into mine! [pushes him] Don't make me kick your ass!
    Alec: You know, this whole 'tough chick act' is really unbecoming. "I'm gonna bounce you on your ass." "I'm gonna smack your bitch head". It's so unfeminine.
    [Max kicks the ball out of his hand and triggers an alarm]
    Alec: Great. Now look what you did.
    Max: [kicks him] God, I hate you!
  • Lucien and Jean in The Doctor Blake Mysteries are mistaken for husband and wife on several occasions. They don't always bother to correct this.
  • Doctor Who:
    • This will almost always happen if two or more incarnations of the Doctor meet each other, but special mention goes to the Third and Second Doctors, who appeared together twice onscreen, and bickered as if it was the end of the world.
      • Jon Pertwee and Patrick Troughton probably liked doing that so much that every time they met each other at a convention, they would pretend to hate each other and (drumroll please!) bicker like an old married couple.
    • The Fourth Doctor and Romana in the classic series. True for both of her, as Romana I's book-smart personality clashed with the Doctor's street-wise nature and Romana II... well... yeah.
    • "The Android Invasion" gives us Kraal Mad Scientist Styggron and his colleague Chedaki, who do nothing but snark and snip at one another throughout the story.
    • The Sixth Doctor and Peri seemed to do this a lot. Every episode with them has them exchanging insults and arguing about the stupidest things.
    • The Tenth Doctor and Donna Noble. There had to be a reason why everyone kept mistaking them for married. It's ironic since Donna was the first long-term female companion in New Who who wasn't hot for the Doctor.
    • In "Forest of the Dead", one of several arguments between the Doctor and River Song is interrupted by a character remarking that they're "squabbling like an old married couple". Unbeknownst to the Doctor, but not to River, they are, in fact, married.
      • "The Time of Angels": The first time Amy Pond met River, she eventually asked if River and the Doctor were married.
      • "The Pandorica Opens":
        The Eleventh Doctor: You graffitied the oldest cliff face in the universe!
        River: You wouldn't answer your phone!
      • The like-an-old-married-couple-factor is taken to the next level in "The Big Bang". When the Doctor saves River from a constant time-loop, he teleports into the TARDIS and saves her life that way. The following dialogue occurs:
        The Doctor: Honey, I'm home!
        River: And what sort of time do you call this?
    • And now added onto the list of girls who argue provocatively with the Doctor, we have the old girl herself in "The Doctor's Wife".
      The Doctor: You are not my mother!
      TARDIS-Idris: And you are not my child!
  • Downton Abbey: Carson and Mrs Hughes have been working together for years as Team Mom and Team Dad. They bicker a lot, but show a great affection toward each other. They used to be Just Friends, until Mr Carson proposed to her in Series 5 (They Do).
  • Fargo: The hitman pair of Mr. Numbers and Mr. Wrench. Their actors were specifically told to interact like an old married couple, and the arguments witnessed between them (coupled with their obvious ease around each other) certainly give off that impression.
  • Frasier.
    • In the episode "Bla-Z-Boy", Frasier becomes upset that he's been living with his father for 8 years, and 26 if his childhood is included. Things come to a boil when Daphne mentions that the two could be considered common law spouses. After Frasier snarks at Martin an umpteenth time, Roz muses, "Just like an old married couple!", which makes Frasier absolutely fume. This ends up causing a bit of friction over the episode, since Frasier isn't particularly thrilled with the implication that the most significant relationship he's ever had or is likely to have is with his father.
    • Also, Martin and Daphne on a constant basis. While their relationship is strictly father-daughter/doctor-patient, whenever they argue they really do sound exactly like an old married couple. Beautifully played with in the episode "Three Valentines". When Daphne and Martin find themselves having dinner together on Valentines Day, Daphne starts talking about their relationship, and how she enjoys looking after him, and it's almost like Martin is her ... then breaks off. It eventually turns out that she was thinking "It's sort of like you're my pet". Cue them arguing ... like an old married couple.
    • And Frasier and Niles, of course, do this constantly, what with the nitpicking, unwarranted commentary, and the barrage of swiftly and pitch-perfectly thrown insults so easy and practiced that it's almost a reflex. Whenever they don't sound like Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, they sound like Fred and Ethel Mertz, to the point of Does This Remind You of Anything?.
  • The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Will invoked this about his bickering with Jazz. Jazz's response, naturally, "Oh, now I'm 'old'?!"
  • Friends: One of the biggest running gags of the show is Joey and Chandler arguing like this. This is taken up to eleven when they get a chick and a duck, often treating the said bird-pets like their own children.
    Joey: Anyways, I gotta go change. I'm meeting some of the cast for drinks. note 
    Chandler: Excuse me?
    Joey: What?
    Chandler: I stayed home from work today while you were at rehearsal so somebody would be here with our chick.
    Joey: Hey, who was up from 2 o'clock this morning until 5 o'clock this morning trying to get her back to sleep?
    Chandler: You don't think I get up when you get up?
    Joey: Oh, here it comes!
    Chandler: Yes! Here it comes! I'm stuck here all day, and then you come in and spend two seconds with us, and then expect to go gallivanting with your friends?! Well, I don't think so, mister.
    Joey: Hey! I need to relax, okay? I was working all day.
    Chandler: And you don't think taking care of our chick is "work"?
    Joey: That's not what I said, okay? I just meant—
    Chandler: I know what you "meant"!
    Chandler: Have you noticed that ever since we got this chick, we've been fighting a lot more than we used to?
    Joey: I don't know. Maybe we weren't ready to have a chick.
    Chandler: I'll sure want them someday, though.
    Joey: I know. I know.
    • Also, Chandler and Monica at times. Interestingly, they actually went on to become a couple. A hilarious scene has them seriously discussing how to organize their CDs while Rachel, who has actual romantic problems, almost explodes with frustration.
    Chandler: Well, if we're gonna do that, we should come up with some kind of order. Y'know, alphabetically or by genre?
    Monica: Hmm, I don't know. We really have to talk this through.
    Rachel: Oh my God! You guys have such problems! I feel so terrible for you!
  • Lenni from Ghostwriter gets pissed off at her dad after he remarks that she and the boy she's working on a school project with are acting "like an old married couple."
  • Gilmore Girls:
    • In the episode "Happy Birthday, Baby", Lane witnesses one of Rory and Jess's arguments and even says as much. Jess is noticeably pleased.
      Jess: Hey.
      Rory: Hey.
      Jess: I got the video for tonight.
      Rory: What'd you get?
      Jess: Almost Famous.
      Rory: No, not again.
      Jess: I can't help it, I'm addicted.
      Rory: Fine, but if I'm going to spend two hours sitting there watching Kate Hudson commit suicide again, then we are ordering Indian food.
      Jess: Oh, come on.
      Rory: Hey, last night when we watched Ed Wood, we got burgers like you wanted to.
      Jess: Okay, fine — tonight, Indian food, but tomorrow, Saturday Night Fever and Thai food.
      Lane: That's so cute. You’re like a really sweet old agoraphobic couple.
      Jess: Thank you very much.
    • Ironically, Jess's uncle Luke and Rory's mother Lorelai have the same dynamic, much to the amusement of the other characters.
  • Glee has Blaine and Kurt, who, in their own words, are "like a fabulous old married couple".
  • Aziraphale and Crowley of Good Omens are this in spades. Not many couples can say they've been bickering since the Earth itself was created.
    Just drive the car, please.
  • The Goodies had an episode in which Tim and Bill bickered about dinner in this fashion, complete with snarky hissing and turning their backs on one another. Context: Tim was giving a gourmet meal to a guinea pig. (It Makes Sense In...uh...further...contexty...things...)
    Tim: ...Ruddy 'ell!
    Bill: Surely you're not resentful toward a little kindness for one of our dumb friends?
    Tim: The only dumb friend I've got is you!
    Bill: Well, thank you, after I make supper for you—
    Tim: Look, we can hardly afford to feed ourselves, and you start giving four-course meals to flaming guinea pigs!
    Bill: [turns his back] Temper, temper...
    Tim: Well, since when have we eaten that well!
    Bill: Since when indeed, yes...what did we get last time you cooked supper, eh? [Tim turns his back as well] A bowl of corn flakes! Yes, and they were burnt...
    Tim: Well, better than your soggy lettuce and potato peelings...
    Bill: [turns back around, snapping] On the money you give me, you're very lucky to get anything at all, I can tell you! [turning his back, hands on hips] Oh, I've a good urge to go back to mother's...
    Tim: Well, go.
    Bill: I shall.
    Graeme: Now listen!
    Bill and Tim: AND YOU KEEP OUT OF THIS!
    Graeme: Tim, you are being very, very silly!
    Tim: Oh, you always take sides with him, don't you...
  • Gotham: The Penguin and the Riddler have a bit of this dynamic, as befitting their Vitriolic Best Buds and Villainous Friendship relationship. They bicker over food, the other getting home too late, sharing their workload, correct each other over petty things, and are absolutely still protective (and somewhat possessive) of each other. Not that they'd ever admit it.
    Oswald: Ah, how's my SS Gertrud coming along?
    Ed: OUR submarine is coming along just fine, thank you. I've been working on the sonar, which, turns out, is far more complex than I anticipated.
    Oswald: Well, I am confident you will figure it out.
    Ed: Of course I will "figure it out." Because I figure everything out - the navigation system, the oxygen exchange. I will figure everything out BECAUSE I'M THE ONLY ONE WORKING! This was supposed to be a partnership!
    Oswald: IT IS! I already did my part, stealing everything valuable in Gotham, of which you get half!
  • In the new Hawaii Five-0, Steve and Danny have this in spades. They spend nearly every minute of screentime bickering and it has been lampshaded by other characters several times. ("How long have you two been married?"/"Are you talking to your wife?") They even managed to bicker while confronting a serial killer who had a hostage on a clifftop (though the argument is partially staged as a ploy to distract the criminal).
    Danny: [talking to the criminal] Listen to me. I know what’s it like to have someone you love walk away from you.
    Steve: [to Danny] What are you doing?
    Danny: What?
    Steve: What are you doing? The guy’s clearly a psychopath; you’re trying to make friends with him? You’re trying to connect?
    Danny: He’s standing right here in front of us!
    Steve: Danny you’re a cop, not a therapist.
    Danny: Hey, hey, I've been trained for this kind of thing, okay!
    Steve: What, to bore people into submission?
    Danny: [to the criminal] Don’t listen to him, okay? His idea of communication is he drops a witty one-liner and shoots you in the face!
    Steve: You know what? Maybe I should just shoot this guy, so he doesn't have to listen to you talk!
    • Also notable is the "Sexy Eyes" cargument:
      [Steve turns on the radio; "Sexy Eyes" is playing]
      [pause, in which Danny's face is a CMOF all on its own]
      Danny: Are you serious?
      Steve: What?
      Danny: You’re not going to change this?
      Steve: What's wrong with this?
      Danny: You're going to leave this; you’re not going to do something about this?
      Steve: It's okay.
      Danny: It's okay?! Alright, listen. I know you have been trained to endure torture, okay, but this is unbearable! This is not right. Songs this bad make stable people wanna kill other people, understand?
      [Danny turns the radio off]
      Steve: I think it's kind of catchy... [turns it back on]
    • In the season four episode "Kupu'eu", Danny tries to start an argument with Joe White about the shocks on his car (the two are traveling down a dirt road at the time). Joe invokes the trope by name while asking if that's all Danny and Steve do in the car.
    • In the season five premiere, Steve and Danny go to therapy. It was technically part of the mandatory psych evaluation, but it ends up looking more like marriage counseling.
  • Dr. House and and his bromantic best friend Dr. Wilson in House. They even live together for the better part of season 6 and for a few episodes in season 2.
    House: Please have an answer to this question: what's for dinner?
    Wilson: You STILL haven't done the dishes?!
  • Lily and Marshall in How I Met Your Mother. In one episode, where the couple remains in the bathroom after their friend Ted and girlfriend Victoria don't realize they are home after staving of their anniversary vacation, Lily says that her and Marshall seem like an old married couple...
    Lily: And we're not even married yet!
  • iCarly: Freddie and Carly act like this, but more the "familiar and comfortable with one another" side than the bickering one.
  • Inspector Lynley: The eponymous Inspector Lynley and his partner Sergeant Barbara Havers, at least once they've got comfortable with each other. By the end of the program, they practically are married—it's just not sexual. Yet.
  • In It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, roommates Mac and Dennis are described this way In-Universe.
  • A Law & Order/Homicide: Life on the Street crossover has one of the Baltimore detectives theorizing that Briscoe and Munch were "married in a former life."
  • Law & Order: SVU: Olivia Benson and ADA Rafael Barba end up developing this dynamic. In one episode, Barba asks Benson what she thinks she'll be doing when she's 85, to which she replies, "Squabbling with you." It doesn't hurt that a large portion of the fandom ships them together.
  • The Nanny: Niles and C.C. Babcock, even before they actually married in the finale, they seemed to secretly care for one another, despite their perpetual Snark-to-Snark Combat.
  • NCIS, "One Shot One Kill": Kate is bickering with DiNozzo about his driving.
    Gibbs: Brings back memories.
    Kate: Memories of what?
    Gibbs: Marriage.
    • Tony and McGee, in "Guilty Pleasure".
      Ziva: You know what, you two? I have actually heard of this. You two are having a seven-year bitch.
      Tony: Itch, and yes, we are.
      Ziva: You two are like a married couple.
      Gibbs: No they're not—they're still speaking.
    • Tony and Ziva themselves can be like this.
    • Gibbs and Jenny Shepard often resembled this too. She stole his coffee, he used her glasses, and they generally acted comfortable around each other, though they also had amazing arguments.
    • Oddly, Gibbs and FBI's Tobias Fornell also qualified as this sometimes. That's what happens when you share an ex-wife...
  • Sam and Callen from NCIS: Los Angeles are frequently referred to as a married couple, both by their teammates and by various guest characters.
  • Psych:
    • Shawn and Gus. So married, they're legally domestic partners.
    • Shawn and Lassiter occasionally fall into this trope in the later seasons.
  • Royal Pains has Divya and Evan set up on a "kiss and make up date" by Hank.
    Divya: Here's an idea—let's have dinner, but absolutely no conversation.
    Evan: Yeah, like we're married.
  • J.D. and Turk on Scrubs. For instance, when Dr Cox sees J.D. welcoming Turk and Carla back from their honeymoon:
    Dr Cox: Ghandi, Mrs. Ghandi...Carla.
    • They even do it to themselves:
      Turk: When Sam gets older I teach him about sports and stuff, and you're in charge of Izzy's emotional crap. We agreed, that's how we'd raise our kids.
      J.D.: "Our kids"? Turk, we're not married.
      Turk: Dude, we're a little married.
      J.D.: I know, I love it.
    • This hasn't escaped Carla's notice either, for that matter.
      Carla: Tell me my husband loves me more than he loves you.
      J.D.: It's about the same.
      Carla: [sighs, smiling] I'll take it.
  • The Not That There's Anything Wrong with That Trope Namer episode of Seinfeld has the reporter who thinks Jerry and George are a gay couple include the line "The two bicker about the cleanliness of a piece of fruit like an old married couple" in her article about Jerry.
  • In Seven Days, Frank and Olga needed to infiltrate a cult holed up in a country house. Their superiors suggest they go in as husband and wife. Some arguments ensue, and we get...
    "Sounds married to me"
  • John and Sherlock of Sherlock fit this trope perfectly. Their constant bickering over silly things, like whose turn it is to buy the milk and where Sherlock puts his experiments, comes off very much like a married couple—especially because they're flatmates, partners-in-crime-solving and Heterosexual Life-Partners. It's one of the reasons they're constantly Mistaken for Gay. Mrs. Hudson even refers to one of their quarrels as "a little domestic."
  • The titular Siskel & Ebert.
    • While not nearly as often, there were a few times where Ebert and Richard Roeper had this (though the generational gap made it seem more like a father/son disagreement). Also happened a few times after Roger left with Roeper and Michael Phillips.
  • In Smallville, Lois and Clark are all over this for years before they actually even admit having feelings for one another.
  • Star Trek: The Original Series seemed to have an old married threesome:
  • Stargate Atlantis: Sheppard and Weir. Their bickering about intergalactic space vampires and a mythological city comes across like arguing about washing-up duty.
  • Stargate SG-1:
    • Daniel Jackson and Jack O'Neill. This does help in at least three cases to help prove the identity of one of them:
      • In "Holiday", an old alien scientist switches bodies with Daniel, so Daniel has to convince the others that he really is trapped in an old man's body. O'Neill asks what color Daniel's sister's dress was when they went out last time. Daniel retorts that he doesn't have a sister, and if he did, he'd never let her date Jack.
      • In "Crystal Skull", Daniel is stuck out-of-phase and cannot be heard or seen except by his grandfather Nick. Daniel has Nick repeat everything he says exactly. Jack is being his usual smart-ass self and comments on how Daniel has "lost a few pounds". Daniel absently comments, "Jack, don't be an ass." Nick, of course, repeats the phrase verbatim, prompting O'Neill to realize that only Daniel would say that.
      • In "Fragile Balance", a teenager claiming to be Jack O'Neill (actually, a clone) arrives to the SGC and tries to prove he is who he says he is. Then arrives Daniel, prompting this exchange.
        O'Neill Clone: Daniel! Will you tell them who I am? Please?
        Daniel Jackson: Okay. Love to. Who are you?
        General Hammond: This boy claims he's Colonel O'Neill.
        Daniel Jackson: This is a joke, right?
        O'Neill Clone: Daniel!
        Daniel Jackson: Sounds like him, at least the loud grating part.
    • Daniel and Vala. When those two get started, it's best to just sit back and get ready to laugh, a lot.
  • Starsky & Hutch tend to bicker like this a lot.
  • During the "Rashomon"-Style episode of Supernatural, Bobby calls Sam and Dean out on this as they try to paint each other in the worst possible light. They don't really try to deny it:
    Dean: No, see, married couples can get divorced. Me and him? We're like, uh, Siamese twins.
    Sam: It's conjoined twins!
    Dean: See what I mean?
    • Called out again in the episode "Pac-Man Fever":
    Dean: Sounds like something you should read about. In a book. At home.
    Sam: I'm not leaving until we find out whatever is doing this.
    Dean: Whatever. [stalks off]
    Charlie: You guys fight like an old married couple.
  • The Tick (2001): Arthur and the Tick. Captain Liberty even starts to point it out but is interrupted by one of the Tick's insane dialogues.
  • Glitch and Cain of Syfy's Tin Man, starting pretty much immediately after they meet. And that's not where the Ho Yay ends, either.
  • All three presenters on Top Gear, but particularly Jeremy Clarkson and James May.
  • The Vampire Diaries:
    • Damon and Bonnie embody this trope literally, especially in Season Six when they were trapped in a Prison World for four months with just the two of them as a company. They went grocery shopping, ate dinner, and breakfast together. All they did was argue.
      (Damon and Bonnie shopping. They fight for control of the cart)
      Bonnie: We need strawberries. Eggs, milk, and ooh— candles.
      Damon: I know it's been a while, but you couldn't do magic as an anchor, so I'm curious what momentary lapse of reason makes you think you can do it now.
      Bonnie: You know, when this all started, you sucked at making pancakes but now they're somewhat edible. Milk. There's no reason to be Peter Pessimist. We have proof we're not alone.
      Damon: First of all, don't nickname. That's my thing. And this proof ... this mysteriously filled in crossword, could very easily have been you.
      Bonnie: I didn't. Fill. It. In.
      Damon: No, you don't know you filled it in. You also don't know that you talk in your sleep—- eggs.
    • Damon and Elena in the early seasons, ironically until they actually got together.
  • The West Wing:
    • Josh and Donna. At one point they spend an entire episode arguing over whether their anniversary is in February or in April (the anniversary of when she came to work for him, that is).
    • President Bartlet and Chief of Staff Leo also act like this on occasion. (Both actors admitted to this in interviews, but each claimed that the other was the wife.)
      Bartlet: Honey, if we're gonna have this fight, can we not do it in front of the Joint Chiefs? It just scares the hell out of them.
  • Parodied on a 1997 episode of Wheel of Fortune where, in the final segment, host Pat Sajak and hostess Vanna White are at a table, respectively reading a newspaper and knitting. They both joke that people often interpret them as a married couple (even though in Real Life, both are happily married to different people), with Pat nodding and bluntly finishing all of Vanna's sentences.
  • Teen Wolf: Lifelong best friends Scott and Stiles. They're completely comfortable sharing personal space, banter constantly about anything and everything, have an open dialogue most real couples would envy, casually discuss their sex lives and admit they can't imagine living without each other.
  • Vicious has Freddie and Stuart. Together 48 years at the start of a the series and they've used that time to perfect their bickering skills. They wind up an actual old married couple by series end.
  • On The X-Files, Mulder and Scully are frequently like this. In the beginning, it was bickering over scientific versus paranormal, but after a while it was just... married couple bickering. They are often mistaken for a married couple by non-recurring characters. And to put this in perspective, Mulder's nickname at the FBI is "Spooky". Scully's? "Mrs. Spooky".
    • From "Syzygy":
      Mulder: Eh, Scully, if I'm not mistaken, we're gonna be taking a left up here. Eh, there's an intersection up here, you're gonna wanna...Scully! You're gonna, just ran a stop sign back there, Scully.
      Scully: Shut up, Mulder.
      Mulder: Sure, fine, whatever.
    • Nowhere does it get more obvious than the season 6 episode "Arcadia", in which they go undercover as a married couple. The Fridge Brilliance of that episode is that it wasn't originally an X-File, it was simply a missing-persons case in a creepy neighborhood. Which means out of all the male/female FBI pairs, whoever headed this case felt that Mulder and Scully would be most believable as a married couple.
    • From "Bad Blood": Mulder and Scully are waiting for a meeting and both are very nervous and anxious because Mulder stuck a stake through a teenager's chest, and the Bureau might face a major lawsuit and obviously he might end up in prison. Scully tries to adjust Mulder's tie and he just angrily pushes her hands away. She then pesters him to keep reminding their supervisor that he was drugged, which he refuses, convinced that he has killed a vampire. When AD Skinner appears, the very first thing Mulder very eagerly says? "I was drugged!"
    • The conversation from the end of season eight's "Alone" is a great example too:
      Scully: Well, first of all, it was never actually proven that it was a spaceship.
      Mulder: It wasn't?
      Scully: Well, no, what happened, was that we fell off of something—
      Mulder: Something?
      Scully: —that rose out of the ice.
      Mulder: And what do you think that was?
      Scully: Well, I don't know what it was, but we never, we didn't actually see a spaceship.
      Mulder: I can't believe you're saying it wasn't a spaceship.
      Scully: No, I mean, it could've been a spaceship, Mulder.
      Mulder: Of course it was a spaceship.
      Scully: But we don't know that it was, you don't have a picture of it or anything.
      Mulder: You know it was a spaceship, you saw it.
      Scully: No, no, remember, I was unconscious, and when I woke up, there was no spaceship.
      Mulder: I saw a spaceship.


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