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And now, This Troper, with more Vital Information for your everyday life.


  • Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue... And I'm partially color blind.
  • Treat others the way you want to be treated. Unless you're a masochist, then it's considered assault.
  • If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, who gives a crap?
  • You can fool some people all the time, and you can fool all of the people some of the time, but that comb-over ain't foolin' anyone!
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  • Holding door for a lady is a courtesy. Holding a lady for a door gets you maced.
  • It is considered bizarre to cover yourself in sour cream, run out into the streets and yell, "I AM THE MIGHTY SOUR CREAMO! GIVE ME YOUR ONIONS AND CHIPS!"
  • If your neighbor's dog poops on your lawn, your neighbor is an irresponsible pet owner. If your neighbor's dog poops on your face, remind me to NEVER ask about your weekend!
  • Keep your elbows off the table... And my shoulder when I'm trying to watch the movie.
  • When you go out to eat at a restaurant, and you need to give your server their tip, don't yell, "I got a tip for you: Stop being so ugly, and THEN I'll give you my money!"
  • All roads lead to Rome. All Jaywalkers lead to injury.
  • If your feet smell and your nose runs, PLEASE respect my personal space!
  • I scream, you scream, we all scream, and violate noise ordinances.
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  • Do you like Green Eggs and Ham? If so, you are SO getting food poisoning!

This has been This Troper With Vital Information.
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