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Hypocritical Humor / Live-Action Films

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  • From Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy: "Don't you know I would never say the word fuck?! I would never fucking ever fucking say that! Ever!"
  • Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery: Austin Powers is collecting some of his things from a clerk. The clerk gives him a penis enlarger. Austin denies it is his and claims he would never need such a thing. "This sort of thing isn't my bag, baby!" The clerk then proceeds to hand him his credit card receipt of purchase of a Swedish-made penis enlarger. And a photograph of him endorsing the enlarger. And a copy of the book Swedish-Made Penis Enlarger Pumps and Me (This Sort of Thing IS My Bag, Baby) By Austin Powers.
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  • Austin Powers in Goldmember. The eponymous villain is the Dutchman Johann "Goldmember" Van Der Smut.
    Nigel Powers: There are two kinds of people that I can't stand: People who are intolerant of other peoples' cultures... and the Dutch.
  • Back to the Future: When Marty goes over the game plan with his father-to-be George to court Lorraine at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance while George hangs up laundry, Marty mentions that he will “take advantage” of Lorraine to get her angry with him and George, holding a bra, asks “You mean you’re going to touch her on her...?” To which Marty quickly responds “no”, and then takes the bra and throws it on the ground.
  • In Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, when Bill and Ted get drafted into Billy the Kid's poker game, Bill gently admonishes Ted to "have a poker face, like me". Not ten seconds later he looks at his cards and exclaims "Woah, three Aces, dude!"
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  • Blues Brothers 2000:
    Buster: It smells like dog shit in here.
    Elwood: Don't say "shit", kid.
    [Buster attempts to light a cigarette, which Elwood confiscates]
    Elwood: You don't need that shit, kid.
  • Bridesmaids: Rita shouting "Hey! Shut your filthy fucking mouths!" to her children.
  • In Bridget Jones' Diary, Bridget has been receiving a series of flirty e-mail messages from her Handsome Lech boss Daniel Cleaver talking about her skirt, and she replies by pretending to take offense. Daniel sends her one final message:
    Mortified to have caused offense. Will avoid all non-P.C. overtones in future. Deeply apologetic.
    P.S. Like your tits in that top.
  • A classic version would be from Casablanca, when Chief Inspector Renault shouts "I'm shocked, SHOCKED! to find that gambling is going on in this establishment!" before pocketing his roulette winnings. The juxtaposition is used to illustrate how flimsy a justification there is for shutting down Rick's Café. Compounding the hypocrisy is that it's demonstrated the roulette wheel can be rigged, and briefly stated the 'winnings' he earns are a form of indirect bribery for turning a blind-eye to the illegal gambling in the first place.
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  • Sally's to-do list, in The Cat in the Hat's Film Of The Book:
    1. make a to-do list;
    2. Practice colouring;
    3. Research graduate schools.
    4. be spontaneous...
  • Played unconventionally for awesome in the finale of Chappie. After Vincent guns down his "mummy" Yolandi, Chappie hunts him down to the Tetra Vall offices and delivers a violent Curb-Stomp Battle to him which breaks almost all of his limbs and leaves him near-dead, all the while ranting about how violence is wrong.
  • Charlie Wilson's War: Gust, when describing one of his CIA colleagues in negative terms.
    Gust: Harold Hold is a massive tool, Congressman. I mean he's a cake-eater, he's a clown, he's a bad station chief, and I don't mean to cast aspersions on the guy, but he's gonna get us all killed.
  • In Clerks:
    • An unscrupulous gum salesman incites a near-riot among Dante's customers by accusing him of being equivalent to the Nazis because, like them, he's 'only following orders' by selling cigarettes. When he's exposed, one of the customers who was previously stirred into self-righteous outrage by this slinks up to the counter and sheepishly asks to buy... a pack of cigarettes.
    • A relatively subtle one: Jay says that his Russian cousin Olaf knows English, but "he don't speak it all good like we do".
  • In Clue, this is the basis for a Running Gag: whenever one of the other guests' crimes or indiscretions is revealed, Mrs. Peacock is not at all shy at loudly expressing her moral disapproval. Meanwhile, she spends her days working as a bagman for her husband, a politician who takes bribes in exchange for awarding defense contracts. This is especially pronounced with The Reveal that Colonel Mustard was a war profiteer and Miss Scarlet bribed a police officer to keep her brothel open.
  • In The Comedy of Terrors, after Vincent Price's undertaker character learns that the widow of a man he killed in order to bring business to his funeral home has taken her husband's money and split for Europe without paying for the funeral services, he looks skyward and laments "Is there no morality left in this world?"
  • Takes a dark turn in Crash: Ludacris' character Anthony is insulted by the sight of a white woman clinging to her husband's arm as she passes him and his friend and proceeds to go on a brief rant about how, being surrounded by over-caffeinated white people and trigger-happy cops who will think the worst of them even though they don't appear the slightest bit intimidating, he and Peter should have more reason to be afraid than anyone else. Why aren't they? Peter replies that it could be because they have guns. Anthony agrees, and the two proceed to carjack the couple.
  • In Deadly Advice, Major Armstrong, Mrs. Webster and Dr. Crippen sit in the front row of the church singing along with the hymns after having pushed Jodie to murder her mother.
  • Death Race: The warden of the prison (Joan Allen) has a guard beat Jason Statham's character for saying the word "ass." She does this because, for her, "language is an issue." Later in the film, she says the phrase, "Okay cocksucker. Fuck with me, and we'll see who shits on the sidewalk."
  • Don Jon explains new technology items to his family and friends, incredulous that they haven't heard of them yet. Then, halfway through the movie, the tables are turned when his girlfriend has to explain that his web browser has a "history".
  • In Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood, Angry Black Man Preach lambasts Ashtray and Loc Dog for using "nigga" in their vernacular, arguing that it demeans their entire race. Immediately after this he asks them to remind him that he still needs to pick up his laundry from "that chink motherfucker up the street".
  • Don't Think Twice: Miles constantly belittles the TV show Weekend Live, at one point asking "was it ever good?", but he also constantly brags about his audition for it 10 years previously, and is still working on submitting to it as a writer.
  • Dr. Strangelove: "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!"
  • Duck Soup:
    • After rattling off jokes to Mrs. Teasdale:
      Groucho: You know you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.
    • Later, during movie's first major musical number, "Hail Freedonia":
      "No one's allowed to smoke, or tell a dirty joke, and whistling is forbidden! [starts whistling]
      If chewing gum is chewed, the chewer is pursued, and in the hoosegow hidden! [starts visibly chewing gum]"
  • In Due Date, when Ethan tells Peter that he has his father's ashes in a coffee can, Peter calls him out on how misfitting it is. Then Ethan replies with this:
    Ethan: That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. [Ethan then starts to sneeze] I shouldn't have come here. I'm allergic to waffles.
    • Also, when Peter accidentally drops the coffee can:
      Ethan: It's like I'm traveling with a child!
      Peter: Remember to use the bathroom?
      Ethan: Good point. I need to take a pee-pee.
  • In A Face in the Crowd, Marcia is watching Lonesome Rhodes's morning show, on which he is delivering a sermon to an Arkansas couple about the virtue of "An Old-Fashioned Marriage" (accompanied by a Tastes Like Diabetes song sung by a Lennon Sisters-like trio), when Lonesome's hitherto unacknowledged wife comes up to her penthouse and warns her about his philandering tendencies.
  • A Fish Called Wanda has this rapid-fire example:
    Otto: You pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scumbag, fuck-face, dickhead, asshole.
    Archie: How very interesting. You're a true vulgarian, aren't you?
    Otto: You're the vulgarian, you fuck!
  • In the surrealist gangster/Samurai movie Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai, the Italian mobster's conversation goes off on an incredibly racist tangent about how black guys and native Americans keep naming themselves after animals and mock the silliness of it... and at the end of the conversation:
    Mobster: Go outside, get Sammy the Snake, Joe Eggs and Big Angie.
  • In The Hangover Part III, Alan constantly criticizes Stu for being "useless" and "an idiot." Said from the same guy who has caused nothing but problems constantly and is a complete idiot himself.
    Alan: We've been on a lot of adventures together but it seems like you haven't learned anything. Anything!
  • Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle: After stealing the car of the sports junkies hassling them all movie, the two discover the "extreme" guys have amazingly wussy taste in music... and as they drive along, get into said "poser" music. Breaking into full on sing-a-long before it's over.
  • Harry Potter:
    • In a deleted scene from the first available on the DVD:
      Hermione: And what, may I ask, do you plan to do if this comes up on the final exam?
      Ron: Copy off you!
      Hermione: No you won't! Besides, according to Professor McGonagall, we're to be given special quills bewitched with an anti-cheating spell.
      Ron: That's insulting! It's as if they don't trust us!
    • Professor Umbridge is a living embodiment of this, in a disturbing sort of way..."here, write into your flesh the phrase 'I MUST NOT TELL LIES' over and over while I spew a continuous stream of lies and misleading propaganda!"
  • In the prologue of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, Frodo tells Bilbo that people think he's becoming "unsociable". Bilbo scoffs at this, and then orders Frodo to put up the sign "No Admittance Except On Party Business".
  • In Horrible Bosses, Kurt yells at Dale for hitting him in the car... before proceeding to smack him repeatedly while Nick holds the wheel.
  • Indiana Jones:
  • In Jack the Giant Slayer Wicke asks Roderick, after just pushing a soldier to his death, "Why do people always bother screaming before they die?". Ironically, a giant grabs him moments later, and he screams until said giant bites his head off.
  • In the beginning of John Tucker Must Die, when a 7th grade Kate spells "anonymous" wrong, the announcer proceeds to spell the word "wrong" as "w-o-r-n-g".
  • In A Jolly Bad Fellow, Mrs Pugh-Smith spreads a rumour that Clarinda Bowles-Otterly is a secret drinker, when she is the one who keeps a bottle of gin in her purse, and adds a slug to almost everything she drinks.
  • Jojo Rabbit: Deertz tells Elsa not to draw attention to Jojo's "hideous physical deformity."
  • Judge Dredd. Fergie's and Dredd's discussion while on the transport to the Aspen Penal Colony.
    Herman Ferguson: Dredd? What are you doing here?
    Judge Dredd: I was convicted of a crime. Wrongly.
    Herman: (laughs) That's kinda weird! What are the odds? Two wrongly convicted guys sitting right next to each other?
    Dredd: You received the sentence the law required.
    Herman: Five years? Just for saving my own ass? That was a mistake!
    Dredd: The law doesn't... make mistakes.
    Herman: Really? Then how do you explain what happened to you?
    (Dredd pauses)
    Herman: You can't, can you? Great. Mr. I-am-the-law can't. So maybe this is some kind of typo. Maybe it's a glitch. Or maybe it's poetic justice.
    (Dredd looks at him in shock)
  • In Keep Off My Grass!, the sandalmakers object to You Know's use of the phrase "got laid." One of them says, "A customer could be wanting to buy a pair of sandals, and he hears language like that, and he says 'What kind of fucking store is this anyway?' and he goes away!"
  • Kingsman: The Secret Service:
    • Valentine mentions he has a hard time understanding the way Harry and other distinctively British people like him talk. This coming from a man who speaks with a very noticeable lisp.
    • Valentine, who is plotting to murder billions of people, is outraged when Merlin blows the implants of all the people involved in the scheme.
      Valentine: You killed all thothe innothent people!!
  • Lolita (1997). Pedophile Humbert does his Overprotective Dad routine when he sees Dolores talking to a strange man.
    Humbert: Lo, you're very young and you don't realise that people could take advantage of you.
    Dolores: Very hard to imagine.
  • The Love Bug: All through the El Dorado race, Thorndyke goes out of his way in cheating in order to make Jim lose. But towards the end, Herbie is leading but also literally falling apart, and is blocking Thorndyke's car, making him say "Rotten sportsmanship if you ask me!".
  • In Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior, the Gyro Captain, upon learning the man he was planning to ambush and kill has been bluffing him with a unloaded shotgun: "Empty, all this time! That's dishonest! Low."
  • Marvel Cinematic Universe:
    • In The Avengers (2012), Tony Stark ridicules Loki for being a 'full tilt diva'. He catches himself mid-sentence.
    • Strucker in the second one. Under siege by the Avengers, he assures his men there will be 'No Surrender!' Then he turns to his chief scientist and whispers 'I'm going to surrender.'
    • Avengers: Infinity War once again sees Tony engage in this, telling Spider-Man to can it with the pop culture references after a second Alien reference—which Tony is guilty of himself throughout not just the franchise, but in IW itself as he called Ebony Maw "Squidward"—and even after telling Peter to knock it off, Tony himself calls Drax and Star-Lord "Mr. Clean" and "Flash Gordon" respectively.
    • Avengers: Endgame: Thor explains to the team that the Reality Stone isn't actually a stone and tells them to stop calling it that... then calls it a stone himself soon afterwards.
  • A small (and possibly justified) one in Mary Poppins. Mrs. Banks comes home from a suffragette rally and sings a song about how the suffragettes are fighting against men for women's rights then immediately tells the maid to hide the sashes since Mr. Banks doesn't approve of them.
  • Mean Girls has Regina George, who gained weight, told to "Watch where you're going, fatass!" by a very tall and fat girl.
  • In Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day, the frequently adulterous Delysia and another equally adulterous friend are complaining about the friend's fiancé breaking it off after only suspecting her of having an affair:
    Delysia: Men are so untrusting. I can't think why.
  • In Mystery Team, Jason, Duncan, and Charlie are attempting to prove to Kelly that they're adult and professional enough to solve her parents' murder:
    Jason: We are mature and legitimate detectives.
    Kelly: What the hell is that smell?
    Duncan: I drank dog urine.
  • The Naked Gun:
    • Used to hilarious effect in the first movie. After Officer Nordberg (O.J. Simpson) narrowly survives an attempt on his life, Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen) assures Nordberg's wife that the men responsible for the attack will be brought to justice.
      Lt. Drebin: Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute until he's behind bars. [turning, to his partner Ed] Now, let's grab a bite to eat.
    • And in the second movie, Drebin and his boss Ed Hocken are making police inquiries in a sex shop:
      Drebin: We're looking for Hector Savage. Where is he?
      Woman behind the counter: Why should I tell you, copper?
      Drebin: Because I'm the last line of defense between sleaze like this and the decent people of this town.
      Male shop assistant: [emerging from the stockroom] Oh, hi, Frank. Say, we finally got that model D83 Swedish sure-grip suck machine that you ordered.
  • Office Space has Tom Smykowski, in a conversation with a group of interviewers asking what he actually does at the company. Turns out, his "job" consists of relaying instructions from customers to engineers—but he doesn't actually really do that, he mostly leaves that work to his secretary. When they question his purpose, he starts shouting "I have people skills! I am good at working with people! What the hell is wrong with you assholes?" Yes, he just called the people who get to decide if he keeps his job "assholes", right to their faces.
  • A film version of Oliver Twist has the Work House's owners stuffing their faces full of rich food while whining about how the poor people are so greedy, with their talk of wanting more than one bowl of porridge and a bit of dry bread! How dare they!
    • Similar scenes (with varying degrees of subtlety) can be found in most media dealing with the rich-vs-poor dynamic.
  • OSS 117: Lost in Rio: 117 believes that All Germans Are Nazis, but criticizes his love interest for believing that all Nazis are members of the SS. "Don't generalize!"
  • Out Cold:
    Luke: Guys! A little sensitivity here. God! Can't you see this is a dejected man? Well, Rick get your dejected head out of your ass.
  • From The Pink Panther (2006), with Steve Martin as Clouseau:
    Nicole: Would you like me to stay behind and help you?
    Clouseau: That is a generous offer, Nicole. But I am quite sensitive to office gender politics. And in today's world, the slightest gesture can be misinterpreted as harassment. And it is late, and I would prefer not to put you or me into that delicate situation. Agreed?
    Nicole: Yes, I agree.
    Clouseau: [kisses Nicole] Well, lets seal it with a kiss. And I'll get back to work. [he casually slaps Nicole on her buttocks a moment later]
  • Pirates complaining about the pirateness of other pirates is a Running Gag throughout the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. In Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Jack Sparrow's crew steals the Pearl in the final battle. The event is witnessed by two pirates, Rigetti and Pintel.
    Ragetti: Our ship's sailing away! Is it supposed to be doing that?
    Pintel: They're stealing our ship!
    Ragetti: ...BLOODY PIRATES!
  • The President's Analyst: A self-described "liberal" character mentions that his next-door neighbors are "real right-wingers, American flag up every day. Real fascists. Ought to be gassed!"
  • In the film of The Princess Diaries Clarice gives Mia a Genovian ornament. Mia says "don't worry, I will take good care of it"... exactly as she is haphazardly stuffing it into her school bag.
  • In Hitchcock's Rear Window, Stella (Thelma Ritter) spends most of the film helping Jeff (Jimmy Stewart) and Lisa (Grace Kelly) prove that neighbor Raymond Burr, who they've been snooping on from afar, has murdered his wife. In the film's penultimate scene, after a cop asks Stella if she'll help them dig up the body, she replies: "No thanks, I don't want any part of her!" (This might also be a Double Entendre, since the implication is that the body has been dismembered and possibly decapitated.)
  • In the Tony Hancock film The Rebel, Hancock has escaped from his office job to try and make it as an artist in Paris. He complains that everyone in his office dressed identically in pinstripe suits... to a group of identically dressed goth types who react with horror to the idea of a place where everyone dresses the same.
  • The Room: "I cannot tell you, it's confidential. Anyway, how's your sex life?" As with everything else in this movie, it's very unclear if it was meant to be funny.
  • Whilst inside the theater in the first Scary Movie, Brenda warns the rest of the audience not to talk during the movie, while merrily doing so herself. Her behaviour is so obnoxious that they resort to murdering her so they can enjoy the remainder of the presentation.
  • In Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, where Wallace and Scott are waiting outside Knives' school:
    Wallace:I hate you. Even I would think twice before dating a 17-year-old.
    Knives: (upon learning that Wallace is gay) Do you want to know who in my class is gay?
    Wallace: Yes. Does he wear glasses?
  • Sherlock Holmes (2009)
    • Holmes tells Watson to 'save your bullets', moments before he empties his own revolver at a wall multiple times in an attempt to subdue Blackwood.
    • In the sequel, Holmes accuses Watson of showing poor manners towards Simza after she offers them hospitality; Watson takes umbrage with being lectured on manners by the man who threw his wife out of a speeding train and into a lake (he timed it perfectly).
    • Holmes tells Watson not to drink anything their gypsy hosts give them... then takes a swig from the bottle of alcohol they've just handed him.
  • Sister Act, when the three main nuns are having a midnight snack of ice cream in the kitchen with Mary Clarence.
    Mary Clarence: I know we shouldn't be doing this.
    Mary Lazarus: It's a sin, a wicked indulgence. (looks in the cartons in disappointment) Didn't they have any butter pecan?
  • In Spaceballs, while they're escaping from the prison complex, Vespa is tossed a gun, but says that she hates guns. Then her hair is singed by stray blaster fire. She then proceeds to gun down all of the mooks trying to stop them.
  • Towards the end of St. Vincent (2014), Oliver shows Vincent how to get two snacks out of a vending machine when you only pay for one. Vincent tells him that it's technically stealing, but Vin is hardly one to talk given his previous antics in the film, including a scene where he steals medicine to sell to a drug dealer to get money to keep his wife in medical care.
  • Theodora Goes Wild: Lynnfield’s literary circle, consisting of almost all the most puritanical women in town, condemn a salacious serial, called The Sinner, running in their local newspaper. However, they all privately buy the newspaper to find out what happens next, reading it out loud during their meetings, much to their secret enjoyment.
  • The Three Stooges: In Shivering Sherlocks, the boys get a job at a diner, and the owner tells them she's had trouble with people signing their checks but not paying. Moe and Shemp see Larry's name on several and chastise him. Then they see Shemp's name on several more and Dope Slap him. Finally they get to the last batch.
    Moe: This guy musta had a tapeworm! "Moe Howard", "Moe Howard", "Moe—" [Larry and Shemp point accusingly at him] What are you guys lookin' at? [slaps them both]
  • Time Bandits
    Strutter: Right, we agreed, no leader.
    Randall: So shut up and do what I tell you!
  • In The Truman Show:
    • At the end of an interview, the interviewer thanks Christof for his time, noting how he values his privacy, which is, in fact the one thing (besides honesty) he has denied Truman his whole life, constantly broadcasting Truman's life to the whole world without Truman's knowledge, let alone consent.
    • In the 'behind the scenes' clips, the actors and producers stress how the appeal of the show is how 'real' Truman and everything around him is, when even a surface glance at Truman's life reveals it to be almost entirely artificial, engineered and programmed. In fact, throughout the movie whenever Truman expresses his true self and doesn't follow the choices the producers have preconditioned him to make things fall apart very quickly and chaos results.
  • The malt shop in Voyage of the Rock Aliens is full of graffiti, including "Please don't write on the walls!! Mgmt."
  • In the first Wayne's World, the two main characters say that it's wrong to sell out...while eating Pizza Hut pizza, Doritos, and covered in Reebok clothes.
  • In What a Carve Up!, Janet complains about Ernie being at the will reading; saying that he is obviously only there for Uncle Gabriel's money. This ignores the fact that the money is also the only reason she is there.
  • Daffy Duck and Donald Duck in Who Framed Roger Rabbit:
    Daffy: "This is the latht time I work with thomeone with a thpeech impediment!"
    Donald: "You darned stubborn little... why, I oughtta...
  • In Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, Violet comments "Spitting's a dirty habit!" with her finger up her nose. Immediately lampshaded by Willy: "I know a worse one."
  • In The Woman, after the feral woman Chris is keeping locked in his cellar bites off one of his fingers, he yells at her to tell her that what she did was uncivilized. Coming from the man who's keeping a woman locked in his cellar.
  • X-Men: Days of Future Past:
    Charles Xavier: I'm just not very good with violence.
    [the elevator opens, Magneto inside]
    Erik Lehnsherr: Charles...
    [Charles knocks him out]
  • Yellowbeard Tommy Chong does his best scenery chewing as "El Nebuloso", then says:
    El Nebuloso: Anyone caught overacting, I will personally scare to death!

Alternative Title(s): Film


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