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Haiku / Half-Life

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Glasses, a crowbar
And a PhD that he
Never gets to use.

I thought I told you
No-one goes to Ravenholm
You went anyway.

— Communist Bob

Quiet protagonist
I can see what you did there
Checking out her ass.


Headcrabs everywhere
The only solution here
Crowbar them to death.

Plot for Half-Life 2
Written with many haikus
Warning of Spoilers

Seven hour war
Humanity has fallen
Freeman is our hope

A red letter day
Boarding Nova Prospekt train
Freeman has returned

Get to Kleiner's lab
Housing complex is raided
Miscount detected

Get help from Alyx
Decision to leave the city
Teleport testing

Teleport gone wrong
Civil Protection abound
Here is your crowbar

Trainyard to canals
Combine in over their heads
Gordon cuts a swath

Airboat for transport
Resistance is mounting fast
Hunter Chopper down

Safety finally
Made it to Black Mesa East
Freeman gets The Gun

Combine sneak attack
Tunnel collapse cuts you off
Go through Ravenholm

Zombies are coming
Once more, Gordon cuts a swath
"To the mine, brother!"

Ascending from hell
Dodge the snipers and soldiers
Winston has gone down

Catching a breather
Alyx relays the bad news
Eli was captured

Take the dune buggy
Station Six to Lighthouse Point
Freeman is coming

Highway Seventeen
Barricades and ambushes
Break through to freedom

Pin guard to billboard
Shut down the force field power
Climb under the bridge

Arrive at Lighthouse
Repel the the Combine attack
Enter the Sandtraps

Stay off of the sand
Vibrations drive them crazy
Antlion Guard fight

Finish off the Guard
Vortigaunt gets pheremones
You control the bugs

Storming the prison
Infiltrate Nova Prospekt
Antlions distract

Meet up with Alyx
Stand-offs with auto-turrets
Locate Eli's pod

Find Doctor Mossman
Confront her and recruit her
Prepare teleport

Mossman betrays you
Eli is taken with her
Escape just in time

Appear in the lab
You have been gone for a week
Fighting in the streets

Into the firefight
Rally the rebels to you
Follow the Freeman

Snipers all over
Short sprints into the building
Say hi to Barney

Kill all the snipers
Bring down the suppression gun
Enter the Striders

Freeman has triumphed
D0G opens the way inside
The Freeman descends

Ride in on a pod
Security malfunction
The Gun becomes Death

Blast through the soldiers
Gordon is unstoppable
Take a pod upwards

Captured by Combine
Breen gloats over his captives
Mossman threatens him

Breen panics and fires
The Gun destroys your prison
The duo gives chase

Interrupt a call
Breen flees and leaves you The Gun
Too stupid to live

Climb the reactor
Destroy vital components
Breen is defeated

"Great job there Gordon!
We have to get out of here
Maybe we still have-"

"Time, Doctor Freeman?"
G-Man puts you in stasis
Rest until next time


“We’ll see about that,”
Says the man with the brief case.
Vortigaunts are cool.

Crowbar always pwns
Various parasitic
Zombifying crabs.

Grandchildren, he wants.
You’re busy fighting Combine.
Too bad he dies first.

We grow impatient.
Gaben, please stop trolling us:
Where is Half-Life 3?


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