Funny / Zoolander

• When Derek returns to his loft after losing the award, he sees a banner that his roommates had put up: "Congradulashons Derek! 4 Yeers In A Row!", with the 4 crossed out and a hastily written 3 in place. Yes, that's what the banner says.
• "God? What the shit are you talking about?!"
• This:
  Mugatu: Do not be distracted by the beautiful celebrities...
  (cardboard cutouts of Lance Bass, Lil Kim, Fred Durst, and....Garry Shandling pop up)
  • Comes back again during the actual assassination attempt, with all of the aforementioned celebrities sitting in the front row. Even Shandling.
  • Also from the brainwashing segment:
    Mugatu: Obey my dog!
• Derek's and Hansel's epic staredown, trash talking and subsequent "walk-off."
  • And shortly beforehand, there's the arrival of David Bowie, for which the film stops to introduce him while "Let's Dance" plays. It's fun to imagine this was how he entered a room in real life.
• The unveiling of Mugatu's model for the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good.
  Derek: What is this? (smashes model on the floor) A center for ants?!
  Mugatu: ...what?
  Derek: How are we supposed to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building?
  Mugatu: .....Derek, it's just a mo-
  Derek: I don't want to hear your excuses!!! The center has to be at least... (thinks for several beats) ...three times bigger than this!
  Mugatu (wanting to move on): He's absolutely right! *shrug*
• Matilda admits to Derek and Hansel that she was a bulimic teenager.
  Derek: .....you can read minds?
  • The tender moment of Matilda opening up to Hansel and Derek screeching to a halt by Derek offhandedly going "Ew!" when she mentions she used to be fat (though he's tactful enough to apologize immediately after).
• Maury Squicking Mugatu out with his prostate troubles.
  • And Maury telling Mugatu about how Derek wants to "Teach underprivileged retards or some shit."
• The famous merman scene. The sheer narminess of his line, the motions of the obviously photo-edited tail, the way he moves on screen...
  Merman!Derek: Moisture is the essence of wetness...and wetness is the essence...of beauty. (awkwardly wiggles away offscreen)
• Derek's "Magnum" look is so beautiful that everybody is stunned, his father instantly takes pride in him despite hating everything he represented up until then, and a shuriken stops in midair.
• Derek's "eugoogoolizing." Big word + stupid person = comedy gold.
  "A eugoogoolizer. You know, one who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I was too stupid to know what a eugoogooly was?!"
• "But why male models?"
  • ".....you serious? I just... I just told you that a moment ago."
    • "Oh."
  • Made funnier as this was the result of Stiller forgetting his next lines, causing Duchovny to ad-lib.
  • And before that during the exposition where he says that all male models are gullible and stupid enough to be brainwashed into doing just about anything.
    Derek: That is not true!
    J.P. Prewett: Yes it is, Derek.
    Derek: Okay.
    • "You're a monkey, Derek!"
• The "Unfortunate gasoline fight incident."
• During his Villainous Breakdown, Mugatu points out an elephant in the fashion industry's room:
  "Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigre? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody else notice this?! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! I invented the Piano Key Necktie! I invented it! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT, DEREK?! NOTHING! YOU'VE GOT NOTHING!! NOTHING!!!"
  • What's more hilarious is that Mugatu's own reaction to Magnum completely defies his screeching, barely seconds later.
• Spoofing the world of conspiracy theories, by offering the alternate history of male models as assassins:
  • John Wilkes Booth: the first model-slash-actor! (He even gives the camera a Face while shooting Lincoln)
  • Lee Harvey Oswald wasn't a model, "but those two lookers on the Grassy Knoll sure as shit were!"
  • Also during the bit about Lincoln:
    J.P. Prewett: But who do you think made the powdered wigs and leg stockings worn by our country's early leaders?
    Derek: (looks up with great realization) Mugatu!
    J.P. Prewett: ...slaves, Derek.
• Derek, Hansel, and Matilda decide to have a threesome. Then they are joined by two Finnish dwarves, a Maori tribesman, and a Tibetan monk.
• Derek's attempt to work the coal mines with his family back home. "Attempt" being the operative word here - he poses and struts through his shift and generally looks completely out of place.
  Derek: (Coughs once) I think I caught the black lung, pop.
  Larry: Christ, Derek, you've been down there a day! Talk to me in thirty years!
• The Running Gag of Hansel failing to pronounce Malaysia correctly, with each attempt more pathetic than the last.
  • Apparently, Derek can't get it right either - he addresses the prime minister of Malaysia as "Mr. Prime Rib Of Propecia"... In subtitled Malay no less.
• The computer scene.
• Derek speaking to his reflection in a puddle.
  "Who am I?"
  "I don't know."
• Hansel smashing the computer that holds evidence they need.
  Hansel: Where'd all the files go?
• Maury calls his wife to bring the zip drive he's stored all the evidence against Mugatu on...and then everyone has to sit through their argument as she was about to put dinner on and doesn't want to deal with the traffic. "IT'S A CASSEROLE SHEILA! IT'LL KEEP!!!"
• When Derek and Matilda go to Hansel's home to hide, he answers the door and gives a completely dry "Are you looking for a rematch?"
• Matilda trying to convince Derek that he has been in a day spa for a week and the Derelicte show is the following night.
  Answering Machine: You have... twelve... hundred... messages.
  Derek: ...that is a bit above average.
• Will Ferrell's delivery of ... "I'm sorry did my pin get in the way of your ASS!?"
• Derek's Fictional Disability. "I'm not an ambi-turner."
  • The fact that Derek's inability to turn left somehow makes even less sense than it did in the skits, where it was a result of his being left-handed.
• One of Derek's first lines is revealing that as a child he got the idea to be a male model from staring at a reflection of himself in a spoon. This is after he says that he had to repeat the second grade.