All spoilers are unmarked.
- In the Pilot, Joe says that you have to buy something else to mask the fact you enjoy Dan Brown.
Joe: Bro? You waste of hair.
- Joe's reaction to Benji calling him "bro" from the same episode.
Joe: Isn't every young writer in New York?
- Joe's complete lack of self-awareness while stalking Beck, from being aghast that she has a huge window looking into her apartment ("Haven't you ever seen a horror movie?") to chastising her for walking to the train drunk because some "sicko" could have followed her.
- During the cab ride near the end of the Pilot, when Joe mentions Beck's poetry and Beck wonders how he knew she was a poet, the look on Joe's face as he fumbles for a believable answer is priceless.
- At the party when Joe and Beck have a talk on the balcony. She smiles at him, the romantic music swells, she leans in closer... then she plops her head on his shoulder and tells him that she's glad they're friends.Joe: For the love of Christ.
- While holding Benji hostage, Joe makes him do a blind taste test with three cups of soda to see if Benji can spot his own brand. Benji samples all three and says they all taste like cheap run-of-the-mill sodas. Joe states that they were all Benji's. Cue Benji throwing a hissy fit.
- Joe is utterly appalled that Peach is stalking Beck. Blissfully aware that not only is he doing the same thing, he actually crosses way more boundaries.
- This exchange, after Beck's made her friends aware of her and Joe's eight-second first time together.
- After braining Peach with a rock Joe starts freaking out and is either justifying his actions or coming up with convoluted reasons as to how he wouldn't be caught.That's right [she] fell. An accident. It happens all the time. She fell. Into a rock over and over again. Okay, let's be real, she was attacked someone attacked her. But maybe they had a good reason, you ever think of that, detective? Shit! Detectives are real and DNA is a thing and I just hit that girl with a rock.
- A lot of Joe's narration is darkly hilarious. For instance, when he takes up jogging to stalk Peach:...and now your best friend is a stalker and a sociopath, and oh God, a liar. Runner's high is a myth. Why the hell did I take up jogging again? I'm in hell, Beck.
- When Joe is concussed and on medication, his narration suddenly takes on a sing-song tone.
- When Claudia is detoxing, Karen and Joe don't want Paco to see it (or Ron to find her), so they move her to the bookstore's basement... where Joe killed Benji months ago. Soon, Claudia starts rambling about seeing someone else in the cage.Karen: She thinks it's haunted.
Joe, thinking: Impossible. Benji was too lazy to run his own business, let alone haunt mine.
- From "You Got Me Babe", Joe runs all the way to Beck's house lamenting that it's not raining because it would have made for the perfect romantic movie moment. He tries calling out to Beck, but she can't hear him so he taps her window with a pebble. It shatters and she screams.
- One of Joe's very first interactions with Love.Love: Does this peach look like a butt to you?
- After seeing the Hannibal Lecter-style setup Joe is keeping the real Will in, Jasper actually cracks up a bit, and says, in the most casual voice:Well, this is a first for me. You do realize you need psychiatric help, right?
- Joe meets Love's mom, Dottie, and she immediately starts talking about her vagina. In particular, she mentions that it suddenly became "drier than the Sahara Desert".
- "Murdered by an unhinged dominatrix. Remember me, Love."
- The entire scene is this, making us think that he was caught and about to be tortured by Candace, only to find out it was just the houseowner who was into bondage.
- His excuse that the whole thing is a misunderstanding because his girlfriend was into rape play. She checks his bags, finds a home depot receit and concludes that he's very vanilla and that this isn't his type of thing.
- Ellie wants to assure Will that he didn't do anything wrong regarding Delilah.Im sorry, Will. My sister's a little upset and shes also a bitch.
- Ellie finds out that Joe and Delilah made love and threatens to run away if they do it in the laundry room.
- Joe: Forty's a good guy.Forty: You're not one of those self-hating Jews, are you?Joe: I spoke too soon.
- Love's new makeout buddy is a dude named Milo, who is described as having an Avenger's body. Joe wants to deal with him the same way he dealt with Peach, by ambushing him on a hiking trail while jogging. However, Joe's physical incompetence prevents him from even keeping pace with Milo.
- Gabe offers to do some acupuncture therapy on Joe, to which Joe snarks to himself that one of the needles in his neck might slip and turn him into Sloth from The Goonies. By the end of the session, Joe's blubbering like a wuss.
- That night, Joe throws up some "healthy" juice all over Delilah.
- Joe and Delilah get picked up by the cops for having sex in an alley. Joe calls Forty for help, who gladly provides it, but is cracking up the whole time.I'm So Proud of You! [hangs up, still cackling] In an alley!
- Forty is discussing his script with Ellie and she suggests Beck doesn't feel real. This is his defense.Forty: Beck was real. She humped a pillow multiple times!
- The entirety of Joe's acid trip and the circumstances leading up to it.
Forty: Of course I have a safe word, I'm not crazy!
- Forty and Joe are kidnapped by Russians, Joe freaking out that they were Jasper's friends seeking revenge. Forty explains that it's because he's not who Joe thinks he is. He reveals he's an addict and Joe angrily points out he already knows. Forty explains he's a gambling addict and Joe laments that his end is a result of someone else's stupidity.
- It turns out Forty planned the entire kidnapping and posted a Russian guard to kill them if they tried to leave the room. Meanwhile, Ellie is around and can come and go as she pleases.
- Prior to being dosed with four times the usual amount of acid, Forty heads to the bar by jumping off the window into a dumpster and Joe has to follow suit.
- It turns out the above was entirely unnecessary because there was a safe word.
- Joe is freaking out because he sees hallucinations of blood on his hands. He asks Forty about it and he responds he couldn't tell because his hands were lobsters.
- Joe is attacked by Calvin for breaking into the store and trying to steal things. The funny part is that Calvin is laughing it off the next day, as though it were nothing.
- Apparently, Joe was ranting that the peaches were mad at him. Well, one Peach was.
- Forty lampshades that incredulous fake name that is Amy Adam.Was Britney Spear taken?
- The ironic turn of events that Joe is trapped in his glass cage by a person madly in love with him.
- Love's plan to pin the blame of Henderson's death on Ellie, knowing that she won't actually be arrested because of her family's connections. Joe is very skeptical about it.Joe: Nope.