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Main Story

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  • Oda explains away Kiryu's familiarity with the Yakuza during his first day as a real estate agent by introducing Kiryu as a "Yakuza otaku".
    • The whole business meeting is pretty funny, particularly if you miss the button prompt when giving Yamanoi your business card. Oda slaps Kiryu upside the head, then goes in for another slap when he realizes the business card is upside down, except Kiryu blocks him the second time.
      • Before the meeting, when the two meet each other outside the cafe, Oda briefly berates Kiryu over his choice of suit, saying that he'd told Kiryu to pick something businesslike. Kiryu's quick to point out that Oda isn't one to talk with his own flashy getup, to which Oda reacts like he genuinely had no idea until it was pointed out to him.
  • Majima's introduction as the owner of a lavish Cabaret. An angry drunk tries to start a ruckus, but Majima turns the potential disaster into impromptu entertainment for his other customers, complete with the club's band playing as he evades attacks and tries to placate the drunk before subduing him and having some bouncers show him the door. Doubles as a Moment of Awesome.
  • How Majima meets the blind woman. He tries to fool her into thinking he's not a thief, but she's not convinced.
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    • Before that, he's forced to press himself up against the wall so she doesn't bump into him, with her missing him by just a couple of inches. What makes the scene is the utterly golden horrified look on Majima's face.
    • The somewhat Innocently Insensitive comments she makes when her boss, who Majima is there to kill, walks in are rather funny too.
  • Near the end of Chapter 4, Majima manages to help Makoto escape from the Yakuza forces hunting for her, hiding in a back alley. Exhausted and terrified, Makoto collapses to her knees and clings to Majima's leg as she bawls her eyes out. That in itself would make for a completely serious scene... were it not for the flailing Majima does to try and get his leg free at first.
  • Dojima's men spot a man dressed exactly like Kiryu, they beat the shit out of him not because of the confusion but because they thought he was pranking them.
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  • During the fight between Majima and Nishikiyama, Reina will throw a Staminum X for Nishiki to use. Majima can shove him out of the way, grab it and use it for himself.
  • Kiryu and Majima learn their fighting styles by watching other people and becoming inspired. For each of them, Kiryu's reaction is "That's rad!" Majima's reaction, on the other hand, is "Holy shit!"
  • The Mew Shoes turn your footsteps into a cat's mews. The best part is that this works during cutscenes too, so you can remove the tension of a scene by equipping the shoes.
  • Majima's appearance in The Stinger when he finally meets Kiryu.
    Majima: ...Yo...KIRYU-CHAN!!!

Mini-games

  • When the High-Tech Land Sega girls challenge Kiryu and Majima to beat their best scores in OutRun and Space Harrier respectively, they promise to reward them with an offer that sounds too good to be true. Luka is willing to take Kiryu on "the ride of his life", while Kyoko offers to show Majima her "fantasy zone". Both guys get the wrong idea, and the game hilariously shows where their minds are going, and they eagerly accept. If they win, Luka shows Kiryu a newly set up Super Hang-On arcade machine, "the ride of his life", while Kyoko shows Majima she ordered some Fantasy Zone arcade machines. The incredible look of utter and total disappointment on Kiryu's and Majima's faces has to be seen.
    Kiryu:...Guess this is the only action I'll be getting tonight...
  • During the Imagine Spot segment of "Judgement -Shinpan-", which shows Kiryu and Nishiki dressed up as rock stars providing vocals and guitars and switch depending who is singing, after he's introduced in the main story, Kashiwagi is the guy on the synthesizer, looking just as serious as evernote . Also somewhat heartwarming that they view their mentor as part of their goofing around.
  • The Imagine Spot segment for "24 Hour Cinderella" is pure, raw and unapologetic cheese, and has Majima in his most bizarre outfit ever. Not only can he wear it in Premium Adventure mode with an updated patch/free DLC, but he later dons the outfit in Kiwami.
  • Basically any karaoke song you do with Majima counts as this. Rouge of Love in particular stands out for nearly bringing Mad Dog Majima to the surface.
  • In a more meta sense, the trophy you get after watching an erotic video? "...I did it for the Trophy."
  • The fact that one of your opponents in the Bed of Styx is an actual bear is simultaneously awesome and hilarious. Its fighting style is also described as "Right to Bear Arms."

Side Content - Kazuma Kiryu: The Awakening Dragon

  • When Emiri challenges Kiryu to get a Turkey in bowling, she promises to reward him with an actual turkey to eat for the Christmas season, which he's never tried before. If he wins, instead of presenting him with a fully cooked meal, she presents him with a raw, actual living bird. It's also a not a turkey, but a chicken. Then there was the stare-off between a nonplussed Kiryu and the clueless chicken. Upset at her mistake and not wanting Kiryu to miss out on a meal, Emiri offers to take the chicken in the back and cook it for him right there since she grew up on a poultry farm. Uncomfortable with the idea of having the chicken killed on the spot, Kiryu decides to keep it and call it "Nugget". The funniest part? Nugget joins your Real Estate team as a manager, with three stars in savvy to boot!.
  • Kiryu finds a shady-looking man named Kitajima in an alley who offers to sell him the finest quality mushrooms, which is Exactly What It Says on the Tin, except everyone seems to think he's a merchant for the hallucinogenic kind, requiring Kiryu to save him from punks, the yakuza, and even The Mafia. After Kiryu beats down the mafia goons, Kitajima laments he simply wants people to know he's selling the tastiest mushrooms in Japan. Hearing this, the Mafia Boss is eager to try one. When he does, he quickly gushes how delicious it is and recalls of the time when he was a chef in Naples trying to make the best pasta in Europe, but couldn't find the right mushrooms for the perfect sauce, gave up and took over the family business (which just happened to be The Mafia). The boss then offers to take Kitajima back to Italy with him to take Europe by storm, and Kitajima accepts. Kiryu can later find the Mafia Boss back in town, who tells him the business boomed and Kitajima ended up becoming his boss and came back to where it all started out of boredom.
  • Pocket Circuit Racing, an activity primarily enjoyed by children which became Serious Business for 20-year old Kazuma Kiryu. Although he's not the only adult to enjoy it, it's funny to see a grown brawler face off against opponents literally half his age and size.
    • Whenever Kiryu sees his car fly off the track or get lapped, he strikes the most melancholic pose like a Saturday morning cartoon protagonist who watches as he suffers a loss against his opponent.
    • At some point, Kiryu is challenged by a little girl named Mika who promises to become his girlfriend if he could beat her. Pondering how Sick and Wrong the idea is while the Sexophone music is playing in the background, he still accepts due to his refusal to back out of any challenge. Once she's beaten and declares herself Kiryu's girlfriend, a man named Satoru calls out Kiryu for being a pervert and challenges him. And once he's beaten, he admits defeat to the point where he allows Mika to be Kiryu's girlfriend. It's her father. Thankfully, Satoru and Kiryu go out to eat and clear up the misunderstanding.
    • After Kiryu defeats the second of the elites, Harumi the Professor, he says some flattering things that, unsurprisingly, wins her heart. Mika appears and asks how her "boyfriend" is doing. Harumi's reaction? She suddenly goes full Green-Eyed Monster on her, calling the little girl a hussy and tells her to go home. Poor little Mika is terrified, leaving Kiryu confused where Harumi's response came from.
    • After Kiryu defeats the three elites, he's challenged by the fastest racer in all of Kamurocho: Pocket Circuit Fighter himself, who declares that if Kiryu wins, he'll be given the title of Pocket Circuit Fighter. The music abruptly stops as Kiryu declines, killing the moment for his opponent before it starts up again. It happens again if he's victorious and wins the title he didn't want. It happens again in Kiwami when Fighter tells Kiryu he could be his successor.
    • Early in the substory Kiryu muses that there is even intrigue among little kids when he realises three of them are in a Love Triangle.
  • One of Kiryu's sidequests starts with a boy waiting in line for a hot new RPG that's essentially a Dragon Quest Expy. Unfortunately, a high schooler steals his game. Kiryu confronts the high schooler, but learns that a thug stole the game. Kiryu then confronts the thug, but learns that the game was stolen by yakuza. Kiryu finally confronts the yakuza, but learns that he's actually the father of the boy who bought the game in the first place (for whom he was stealing the game). Oops!
  • Another Kiryu sidequest finds our hero witnessing a dominatrix try, and fail, to please her patron due to being an overly polite Extreme Doormat.
    Ayu: Please come again, you...you customer!
    • A similar sidequest features Kiryu dealing with a popular Yanki band who ask for Kiryu's help because they have a Q&A and aren't remotely close to how they present themselves. Kiryu even makes one cry by screaming that his hobbies are exactly the same as a typical schoolgirl.
  • Kiryu meets a beaten foreign woman named Samantha in an alley. She tells him that the man who makes her work the "sexy yob" did that to her and also took her bassport. Moreover, given her bizza is also expiring she'll end up being deported anyway and become unable to provide for her family. Comedic music flares on as Kiryu misinterprets her pronunciation issues and assumes she somehow needs a pizza to work happily. He buys one, amazed at the innovations of home delivery, and is embarrassed to learn that no, what Samantha really needed was a visa. Her pimp comes to force her to either show a new visa or work for him forever. She just hands him the pizza, and he wonders who'd be stupid enough to make that mistake. A brawl ensues and the story takes a turn as the pimp confesses he loved Samantha all along and promises to make amends by marrying her and treating her right. As they celebrate by sharing the pizza, the delivery man from earlier is seen looking on from a distance, in complete approval of Kiryu's actions.
  • One of Kiryu's substories has him roped into going to a telephone club in order to deal with a woman who is confusing the club's clientele and driving off business. The woman calling in offers to do a favor to Kiryu's "little guy" for "50" in front of the fountain at West Park. As it turns out, the caller was actually a crook using a voice modulator. The "little guy" was a boy he had kidnapped, and the favor he was talking about was releasing him for a fifty million yen ransom. The boy had given his captor the number of a telephone club so he wouldn't worry his parents, thus leading to the confusion.
    • Even funnier is how the story ends. The man is Easily Forgiven by his captive, who then turns himself into the cops without a second thought. Even someone as forgiving as Kiryu is completely baffled by it all.
  • In one of Kiryu's substories, he comes across two people making a shady deal, but the dealer won't say a thing to him unless he knows the password. Kiryu seems torn at first, until he tracks down the buyer and tries to get it from him. He's put through a few tasks involving other passwords before he finally gets the one he wants. After relaying the correct password to the dealer, Kiryu walks away feeling victorious. Except it turns out he went through all that just to satisfy his curiosity and learn what the password was, and forgot why he even wanted the password in the first place.
    Mysterious Merchant: Hey, aren't you buying anything?
    Kiryu: Oh. Maybe later.
  • Kiryu has a fortune teller tell him about his future in a substory, and he's anything but excited at the idea of raising eight kids and being a taxi driver. If she tells him that he'll land in prison for ten years, he's not surprised at the least, pretty much saying it was bound to happen someday. After the woman tells him he'll meet a young man whose fate will intertwine with his, he tells the woman she's full of it. Then he bumps into a large dark-skinned blonde kid from Osaka.
  • The "Miracle on Tenkaichi Street" subquest, in which Kiryu reveals to Papillon Kato just how little he knows of the entertainment world.
    Kato: Kiryu-chan! Are you telling me you haven't heard of the Pop Prince until today!? He's WORLD FAMOUS!
    Kiryu: Maybe to the world, but this is Kamurocho, Japan. Why should that matter?
    Kato: KAMUROCHO IS PART OF THE WOR— Fine. Fine. It's not important. C'est la vie.
    • Really most of Kato's dialogue can be this.
    Kato: Introducing the powerhouse producer with the biggest brains, brawns, and balls in modern mass media, heeeere's Kiryu-chan!
  • In a follow-up substory where Kiryu heads to the disco club where Miracle Johnson was secretly hiding out, he's challenged to a dance-off. Though Kiryu loses horribly to the Prince of Pop, he's given a reward. Afterwards, Miracle ends it with his special dance finisher (kick, spin, and pose), with Kiryu imitating it perfectly.
  • Kiryu's postcard substory involves him coming up with a pen-name before he writes in. Your choices are "Kazuma Kiryu", "Judgement Kazzy"... and "I Heart Nishiki".
    • One of the substories that can get on are is the one where you buy a porn magazine to a kid. The announcer has a brief Flat "What" moment when he reads it.
  • The Tax Lady substory continues Kiryu's tradition of running into eccentric characters. Marui, a tax fraud investigator for the government organization Marusa, recruits Kiryu to help her investigate his neighbour. Let's just say she has an... interesting way of encouraging him.
    Marui: You can do it, Kiryu-san. You're a man with the balls to do this, and Marusa gets men by their balls!
    Kiryu: That made no sense.
    • In the same substory, Marui takes Kiryu with her to tail her target, and to not blow their cover, has Kiryu pretend they're a couple. During the act, Mauri gets more flustered than she should be and tries to jump Kiryu's bones right there, with him trying to fight her off.
  • Picking the wrong prompts in the Telephone Club sidequest can make Kiryu sound like a complete nutcase due to his nervousness. For example, he can misrepresent himself as a twelve year old with a fetish for mice, who demands that the woman at the other end of the line gets back to work, before finally ending the conversation by asking if they're a drag queen.
    • Any of the "successful" calls on a bad line is this, once Kiryu manages to score a meeting with the woman on the line. The ladies he meets are total ganks who immediately lust for him, much to his horror. To add to it, Kiryu actually loses health once they amourously jump him and drag him to a hotel.
  • One sidequest has Kiryu investigate a high schooler's girlfriend, to find out that she sells her underwear in Kamurocho's Red Light District. One wrong dialogue choice has Kiryu, after being called a pervert, declare "What's wrong with being a pervert?" before lecturing the girl on kinkshaming people who are into girls' used underwear.
  • One of the Mr. Shakedown enemies Kiryu encounters is Hiroki Egashira, a man obsessed with becoming the most powerful organism on Earth. That requires training, which requires money, which requires shakedowns. As Kiryu defeats Egashira, he doubles down on his training, using money from his shakedowns to fund trips to dangerous locales, and even buy mountains and private islands. At one point, it seems Egashira comes to terms with the fact that he can't beat Kiryu, since he had trained under every dangerous condition on earth and that there was nowhere else he could go. Kiryu jokingly mentions that there's always outer space. Egashira takes him completely seriously and resumes his shakedowns so he can fund a trip into space.
  • When Kiryu purchases real estate, he brings a briefcase with him and, in dramatic fashion, opens it to reveal a big pile of cash.
    Kiryu: I'll make an offer...in cash!
  • When Kiryu defeats one of the Five Billionaires, he snatches some of the cash flying in the air and fashions a fan from the yen bills, waving it as he stands triumphantly over his fallen rival. Perhaps most ludicrously, this basically confirms the money you can see flying out of the people you're beating is real in-game.
    • This pose can be immortalized as a golden statue in Kiryu's office after defeating the Five Billionaires. Marina's not too pleased.
    • Even better is the statue cost ten billion, roughly what Dojima invested in the redevelopment project scheme. Kiryu could have refunded him into dropping the plan but preferred a golden statue.
  • When Kiryu puts a dent in the Pleasure King's real estate profits, the Villainous Crossdresser challenges him to a "Telephone Club Battle": convince the girl on the phone to date him, and he wins a chunk of the Pleasure King's share of profits. If he wins, he discovers that the girl he was talking to on the other hand was actually the Pleasure King.
    Kiryu: I won...but somehow, I feel as though I lost...
  • When Kiryu decides to hire an extra employee to lighten the workload, Marina insists that he put his glasses on so that he doesn't scare the interviewee. He also has zero idea about the etiquette behind interview sessions and for a moment thinks Marina is just screwing with him.
    Marina: There is something about a well built man wearing glasses you know?
    Kiryu: No, I don't.
  • During the "Help Wanted" substories, Kiryu has to interview prospective employees for his real estate side-business. One of the first questions you can ask the first (male) interviewee is "What color is your underwear?" It becomes a Brick Joke later on in the second interview when a female interviewee comes in, and in her introductory speech listing her skills and credentials, mentions that she's wearing plain white underwear since she gets asked about it so often in job interviews.

Side Content - Goro Majima: The Caged Dog

  • Majima and the Obatarian.
    • The Obatarian can later be recruited as a hostess. Despite her age and personality, she's probably one of your best women right after the Platinum hostesses. She also continues to wear her ridiculous outfit to work.
  • Two words: Mr. Libido. Majima's is especially hilarious: he's clad in nothing but shoes and underwear, his text box introduces him as "Walking Erection", and he can optionally be seen doing a hilariously weird dance in the Odyssey club before his first appearance, which is bound to leave first-time players in stitches. Majima's inner thoughts sum it up best:
    Majima: "(What the shit is THAT!? Dude is like a lust machine! Is Odyssey popular with that crowd? Is there even a crowd for... whatever that is?)
  • One of Majima's Substories is him befriending a street performer, whose act is just being a statue. Later on, when you come back to him he's surrounded by an audience. He beckons Majima to come near and whispers to him that he should distract the audience so that he could go to the "little performer's room". The most hilarious part is the lengths Majima has to go to distract the audience.
    • One of the most infamous scenes is Majima just dancing behind the crowd while unsuccessfully trying to capture their attention. Saying that the dance itself plus the audience apathy towards the dance is hilarious is an understatement.
  • The fact that as a kid, Ryuji Goda beat up high school punks and took off with their bonton pants. After Majima beats him, Ryuji swears he won't rest until he steals his pants too. Which aren't bonton.
  • One of Majima's sidequests involves him infiltrating a cult to rescue someone's daughter. Said cult is full of odd, nonsensical phrases, gestures, and practices that annoys the living hell out of the then no-nonsense cyclops. But later, he's given a test to see if you remember what their practices are and stuff. One includes a question about their greeting, which if you incorrectly answer with "Do the hustle", you're treated to the sight of Majima doing Mr. Libido's absurd dance! It's so gut-busting that it's almost even worth picking that option just to see it.
    • At the end of the substory, after Majima exposes the cult leader for the fraud he is, then beats the crap out of him. The leader screams in pain, demanding for an ambulance. His followers barge into the room and attempt to "heal him through their healing ritual", which was nothing more than kneeling before him doing those dumb prayer gestures. The leader angrily yells at them to get an ambulance and not waste time with that useless "healing ritual".
  • One of Majima's substories has him rescue a politician named Taiyo for wanting to introduce a 3% sales tax throughout Japan, which would be the first of many. Taiyo then speaks to Majima hoping to develop a more agreeable taxation policy with a civilian's perspective. However, Goro's business sense gets the better of him and he ends up giving Taiyo advice to raise taxes even higher and in a way most people wouldn't take notice, which he doesn't realize until after the meeting's over. Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!
    • It goes even further when you realize that Japan's Bubble Economy ended up bursting after the game's events. That's right folks, the one who helped bring about the following recession was none other than Goro Majima.
    • It burst so badly in fact that the 1990s went down in real Japanese history as "The Lost Decade". If you'd just so happened to have been reading up on that period before playing this sidequest, the realisation at what Majima just set in motion (given the game is set in December of 1988) makes it all the more amusing.
  • Majima's surprisingly insightful inner monologue at the end of the Crossed Words substory.
    Majima: Your own words are what get ya through life's toughest spots. Even when ya gotta... cross words. Heh... High five, brain.
    • Majima might have his violent side toned down but depending on your choices in substories you can see he kept his goofy attitude.
      Majima: Wanna avoid dangerous cults? Just practice Safe sects!
      Iori: ...
      Majima: (AW C'MON, even I'm dyin' at that one! I'm blinkin' back the tears here!)
  • You didn't think running a Cabaret Club as a one-eyed man wouldn't be without its comical moments, did you?
    • Upon completing Yuki's training, Majima and Youda learn that she's seeing someone outside of work, and while Majima's bummed at the idea she's gotten a boyfriend so quickly, they both fear it's someone duping her and taking advantage of her. They end up following her throughout town, peeking on her from a distance the entire time in a Scooby Stack. When they follow her to a restaurant, even a waitress notices as she walks past them. They go back and forth assuming the worst, until they realize the old man isn't Yuki's boyfriend but her dad.
    • In the same substory, Youda keeps hammering that there's no way a plain flat-chested girl like Yuki could get a boyfriend and it's clearly a scam. Majima then asks why Youda hired her as a hostess and what kind of women he's hiring.
    • Much of Majima's conversations with Yuki are filled with comic gold due to her being so Innocently Insensitive toward him. Many of the other hostesses usually remark how delighted they were to find out what kind of man Majima really is, and never would have guessed because of his intimidating appearance. He can't help but take it as a Backhanded Compliment.
    • When Majima saves Ai from unhappy customers, Yuki arrives to see the beaten up assailants and accuses Majima of beating them up. Majima takes offense that she assumes he is just a violent thug, but concedes that is what happened.
    • Often times when Majima goes to check out a rival club, he'll be accompanied by some of the girls. He'll often be peeking from behind a lamppost, while the girls stand out in plain sight and aren't concerned about being seen. Yuki even briefly glanced at Majima's poor hidden spot once.
    • When Majima decides to check out Club Mercury, Yuki asks him to grab some vinegar for her on the way. The town's sold out of it and when he does come across it, for one reason or another he keeps forgetting about it.
    • At the end of Hibiki's training, her little brother Yuta goes to the club and pleads for Majima to give him a job there. Majima's Big "WHAT?!" draws out Yuki, who politely says hi to the cute kid before asking her boss if he kidnapped him. Majima decides to take the conversation elsewhere, putting Yuki in charge of the club (who delivers her own Big "WHAT?!"). After Majima talks Yuta down and reminds him how his mom and sister are working hard for him, he decides to head back to the club before Yuki-chan burns it down. Then he finds Hibiki in tears hiding behind him, having heard the whole thing.
    • During the Club Venus challenge, Kanehara has Yuki kidnapped the whole time, and everyone's concerned about her whereabouts. Following his defeat, the club's top hostess Chika joins them, everyone is excited to have her on board, and head inside to celebrate their victory with drinks. All is well, except for the fact that they all forgot about Yuki, who's been tied up above the club the whole time. The poor girl ends up freeing herself and returns to work on her own.
      Ai: Hm? Aren't we forgetting something? Eh, it couldn't have been important!
    • The ending. Yuki arrives late because she overslept and declines Ai's offer to do her hair, saying she doesn't want her hair to look like a pompadour with a seagull's nest in it. Saki realizes she's been working for 20 days straight and is starting to feel a bit tired. Hibiki gives her a massage but goes past Saki's comfort zone. Mana says she made a snowman outside that looks like Majima, but Chika points out it wasn't snowing, and Mana used ice from the ice machine. Majima finally arrives, has everyone gather around, prompting Yuki to pop back out, and they start the night cheering "Sunshine!"
    • Like Kiryu, Majima can also commission a golden statue of himself as well. Leave it to Yuki to kill the moment by complaining how tacky it looks.
  • Majima's secret boss fight, Jo Amon, begins with Majima's pager sending out odd messages saying "Amor" and mentioning a bull-fighting ring. He eventually comes to the conclusion that Sotenbori is in danger.
    Majima: (A bullpen and an Italian word. Italian's kinda like Spanish, right? And they got bullfights in Spain! Hey, I think I'm gettin' somewhere with this.)
    • When Majima gets to the place, he sees Jo Amon deciding what Pre-Asskicking One-Liner he should say.
      Mysterious Man: I swear upon the honor of the Amon Clan that I will wipe you off the face of the earth, Goro Majima! No, no, that still lacks flair... My peerless fighting technique shall be the last thing you ever see! Yes, yes, much better.
    • Majima's reason for wanting to save Sotenbori from the threat isn't exactly noble or heroic.
      Majima: I know what yer up to, and no one screws with my turf unless I'm doin' the screwin'!
    • Once Majima wins, he thinks this line:
      Majima: (What's that Jo guy's deal? What a bizarre adventure. Well, at least the, uh, "threat" to Sotenbori is gone!)
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