X-Men: Apocalypse / Funny

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The Movie

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Some things don't look good in slow motion.

Scott, a modern young American, doesn't like the British Stuffiness aura of the X-Mansion, and whines about it to Alex.
Scott: It smells pretty old in here. Is this a school or a museum?
- And later in the film, he tells Kurt:
  Scott: The only thing American about this place is that it used to be British.
  - What makes this comment even more hilarious is that Professor X is half-English on his mother's side (and has been played by two Brits^note). By mocking the house, Scott is mocking Xavier as well.
After Scott expresses his irritation at Jean for reading his mind, she replies:
Jean: Don't worry, Scott, there's not much to see.
- Alex has a Funny Background Event because he's laughing at her observation.
- Scott then protests that he never gave Jean his name. Alex looks like he's two seconds away from telling him "Did you just ask the telepath how she knows your name?"
Scott demonstrates his mutant power to Professor X for the first time, and he ends up ruining one of the beautiful trees on the estate.
Charles: My grandfather planted that tree when he was five years old. I used to swing from the branches of it myself. [tree finishes falling apart] I think that was probably my favourite tree.
Scott: (worried) Does that mean I'm-I'm expelled?
Charles: (smiles) On the contrary. You're enrolled.
- Strictly speaking, Xavier didn't have to say anything about the history of his beloved tree, so he was trolling Scott just to scare the teen a little bit! The Professor did something similar to Logan in X1 when he played on Wolverine's confusion and fear at being in an unfamiliar place while telepathically guiding his guest from the infirmary towards his office.
- In a follow-up to this scene, Hank takes Scott back outside to test if the ruby-quartz shades he invented can pacify the latter's powers. Before Scott can open his eyes, Hank nervously repositions him after realizing that if it didn't work, Scott would blast some of the students facing his direction.
- "You're a genius, Professor!"
  Hank (proudly): Heh, I'm not a professor...
Professor X subtly acknowledges that he's somewhat like Mary Poppins because he uses her line "Spit spot" when he orders the children to go back to bed—he's a (half-)Brit with an authoritative maternal side.
This exchange between Hank and Charles while the latter is using Cerebro and Comically Missing the Point.
Hank: Moira MacTaggert?
Charles: (with a goofy grin on his face) Uh huh.
Hank: Give me the details.
Charles: She looks amazing. She has barely aged a day.
Hank: No, I meant, what is she doing there?
Once Charles finds out that he'll have to visit Moira to determine the cause of the unusual energy surge in Cairo, he lets out a Freudian Slip in front of Hank. The latter's Fascinating Eyebrow and knowing reactions also show that he's definitely laughing on the inside.
Xavier: I want to go check her out—check out the situation. (awkwardly clears his throat)
Professor X tries to deny to Havok that he's a Chivalrous Pervert, until he can't.
Alex: So you really haven't see her in all these years? You never looked her up? Not even in Cerebro?
Charles: Alex, what do you take me for, some kind of pervert? Yes, I looked her up once, twice. But not in a long time, alright?
As Xavier expresses his regret and sadness to Alex that he felt it was necessary to erase parts of Moira's memories to protect themselves from the CIA, Charles is also readjusting some of his hair so that he looks his best before he enters Moira's office. He's even holding back tears when he says, "It didn't really matter what was best for me," but Xavier is so concerned with his appearance that not even strong emotions can distract him from fussing over it.
Charles isn't even trying to hide his attraction towards Moira when he greets her with, "Moira MacTaggert, hellooo." He's no longer a cad, but he hasn't forgotten his old flirty habits.
To ensure he goes undetected to Moira's office at the CIA, Charles paralyzes everyone by making them "take a break"... and once everyone's loose again, they're understandably startled — especially the guy who was in the middle of pouring a cup of coffee and spilled it all over his hand.
Charles goes into full nervous-and-lovestruck-teenager mode when he meets Moira again. Because he gave her Laser-Guided Amnesia 21 years prior, he has trouble conveying how he seems to know her and/or got the necessary info.
Xavier: It's wonderful to see you again—to, to meet you again for, for the first time, uh—you've got a son?!
Moira: (puzzled) Yes.
Xavier: Does he have a husband? Uhm...
- Alex then partially covers his own face in sheer embarrassment over his ex-mentor making an utter fool out of himself.
- Also darkly hilarious for those who remember that in the comics, Moira's only known son is Kevin MacTaggert, a.k.a. the future supervillain Proteus.
Professor X sounds just a little bit too pleased when Moira reveals that she's divorced.
Xavier: (smiles smugly) Good, good.
Charles stares longingly at Moira, and Alex has had enough.
Alex: Professor?
Xavier: Yes? (Alex gives him a "You're here to ask her about Cairo, remember?" look, and Charles finally snaps out of his daze. Meanwhile, Moira gives both men a confused look as if saying "So, why are you guys here... again?") Yes.
As Mystique and Nightcrawler are leaving Caliban's underground office, she calls Kurt "Crawler." Obviously, she wasn't paying close attention to the announcer at the East Berlin fight club, and Kurt insists on correcting her.
After Apocalypse calls Caliban "my child," the latter's response is:
Caliban: You don't look like Caliban's father.
As Apocalypse, Storm and Psylocke come to the abandoned warehouse where Angel is drowning his depression in, the latter shoos them and throws his beer bottle at them. It's made funnier by the Suspiciously Apropos Music that plays in this scene, Metallica's "The Four Horsemen."
- The funniest thing about this scene is that you don't see Angel throw the bottle. You just see it land at Apocalypse's feet, and are left to contemplate the fact that Angel just threw a bottle at a guy who really enjoys embedding people into solid concrete. And he gets away with it.
The Precision F-Strike when Magneto is visited by Apocalypse ("Who the fuck are you?"), which is a bit of Mood Whiplash as he was in the middle of mournfully threatening to kill his coworkers for ratting him out and causing the death of his family. Apocalypse actually seems a bit confused and thrown off by it. Along with some Black Comedy: Magneto, still turned towards Apocalypse, asks him not to prevent the planned slaughter of the steel mill. The villain proceeds to make everyone get sucked into the floor by the time Erik looks forward again.
- Darkly, the worker who tries to convince Magneto not to kill them. Xavier's been trying to convince Erik to give peace a chance for years, using sincere compassion and moral arguments worthy of the greatest philosophers. Then, after Magneto finishes his rant of despair (in English), one of his co-workers walks up to him and says (in Polish) with the most deadpan expression:
  Dead man walking: You don't have to do this.
Moira finds the X-Mansion familiar (Charles and Alex share an awkward Meaningful Look regarding her reaction)... and she's weirded out by the fact Raven recognizes her.
This conversation between Raven and Hank, while he's showing her the new jet.
Raven: How are you gonna get it out?
Hank: (briefly facepalms; then) Well, it's okay, I added a retractable ceiling in the basketball court.
Scott, Jean, Nightcrawler and Jubilee walk out of Return of the Jedi:
Jubilee: I'm just saying Empire is still the best. It's the most complex, the most sophisticated. It wasn't afraid to have a dark ending.
Scott: Yeah, but come on, if it wasn't for the first one, you wouldn't have the rest of the movies.
Jean: Well, at least we can all agree that the third one is always the worst.
- What's more is that Sophie Turner - who delivers the line - is the third actress to play Jean.
- Could also be a case of predicting the future.
Moira's Oh, Crap! expression when Charles activates Cerebro.
Apocalypse, being a Generic Doomsday Villain, launches every available nuclear missile on Earth... into space, so that they can't be used against him. Sadly, he tried to destroy the world through other means and the stockpiles were rebuilt anyway, but for a moment, there was the hilarious paradox of an Omnicidal Maniac achieving a global nuclear disarmament, as if he were an anti-Skynet.
When Charles wakes up on the rocky ledge, Apocalypse and his Horsemen are all standing dramatically around him. Apocalypse, who is overly fond of theatrics, must have commanded his followers to look cool and intimidating before his prisoner sees them.
Because there is some Female Gaze going on with Xavier, James McAvoy pokes fun at how out-of-place it is for his character to be attractive in the abovementioned scene with his '80s costume. (Also see the Meta section below for fan art that encapsulates the actor's quote.)
McAvoy: I look like a Miami Vice reject. What I love is that I'm on this mountaintop, you guys look like superheroes, and I'm just in a lilac sweater. (touches his hair to allude to Charles' vanity) I'm like (fans himself), "I'm hot, but I look good." So yeah, it's weird to be that sort of Miami Vice in the middle of a superhero movie.
While the conversation is intense, Charles tells Apocalypse that he can't telepathically send his message to all people in the world without Cerebro. Then Apocalypse makes an expression that basically says, "Duh, you don't need that machine when you have me."
Stryker's reaction to Wolverine's rampage seems like he wished he had brought his brown pants.
Scott hoping his team will never see Wolverine again. Especially if it's a Call-Forward to their antagonistic relationship in the original trilogy.
Beast sarcastically calls Apocalypse's pyramid a "Seventh Wonder" as he's piloting the jet. He's then noticeably startled when Quicksilver abruptly appears with his super-speed right next to Beast's seat.
When Apocalypse walks out of his temple and sees that the only Horseman of his to fall is Angel. You can just see him thinking "Why did I let them convince me that the guy whose power is 'having wings' could be one of my power houses?"
Apocalypse: Hrrrrrn. Useless.
The Battle in the Center of the Mind between Professor X and Apocalypse is no laughing matter, but it is very amusing that Xavier, who is now bald, conjures a projection of himself which still proudly has a feathered mullet on its head! Oh, Charles, you are so vain even when the fate of the world is at stake! As we saw in X-Men: First Class, the guy really loves his hair.
Beast looks like he's about to jump out of his fur when Nightcrawler unexpectedly yells "HOLD ON!"
Quicksilver again is a goldmine of those.
- The scene where he saves everyone in the exploding school, throwing them all out in improvised safety nets or in the school's pool. The Soundtrack Dissonance courtesy of Eurythmics makes it even funnier!
  - First, he notices the explosion from afar with a big "Huh?!" and leaves the Twinkie he was eating in mid-air to rush directly to the explosion's source.
  - Before any rescuing is done, he artfully arranges a few pieces of debris and stretches his arms.
  - The first to be saved is Hank, who makes a hilariously scared face.
  - Quicksilver then takes a pose as if he were dancing with Moira (complete with a couple of air kisses) before he saves her. He thinks she's a MILF, and he's attracted to the same woman Professor X is interested in!
  - He sees a student who was combing his hair, throws the comb away, puts some saliva on his hands, straightens the boy's hair himself and saves him.
  - He is visibly disgusted when he has to save a boy with his tongue out who was about to kiss a girl (who was also disgusted!). This is pictured above.
  - He positions a dart in the path of a dartboard being pushed off the wall by the explosion.
  - He wraps a student in his duvet and throws him out of his room's window.
  - He even takes the time to moonwalk before saving several kids.
  - He saves a girl who was drinking a can of soda then drinks from the can and puts it back in mid-air.
  - He saves a girl's goldfish and a French bulldog that was about to eat a pizza slice (after saving the rest of the pizza first), with a close-up on the dog's face as it is transported to safety (with the slice still in its mouth). The dog resumes eating the pizza slice after the explosion.
  - When returning into the mansion after rescuing the dog, he breaks through a door and makes a stereotypical kung fu pose.
  - All the while wearing a T-shirt for a popular '80s band... Rush.
- Ms. Maximoff has probably expressed numerous times to her Manchild son that she's exasperated that he's a Basement-Dweller.
  Ms. Maximoff: You're going after him, aren't you?
  Peter: You wanted me to get out of the house more, right?
- Once he wakes up in captivity and sees Hank in full Beast mode, he gets scared and asks "AAAH! What's wrong with you?! Is that going to happen to all of us?!"
- Peter reveals to Mystique who his father is:
  Quicksilver: [Magneto]'s my father.
  Raven: (turns her head around in shock) What?!
  Quicksilver: (makes the hand gesture for sexual intercourse) He and my mom, they did it —
  Raven: (visibly trying to avoid thinking about it) Yeah, I know!
- Frustrated by Stryker's interrogation about a topic that Peter knows absolutely nothing about, he unabashedly lets out his inner Large Ham: "WE DON'T KNOW, BRO!!"
- As the X-Men are running towards the hangar, Nightcrawler suddenly teleports in front of Scott, who gets very startled ("AAH! Jesus!"), and Kurt apologizes, naturally. Behind Scott, Peter continues staring at him, presumably because he had never seen a mutant with such a strange appearance before (and one with a superpower that could somewhat rival his Super-Speed).
- When we first see the interior of the jet that the X-Men have commandeered, Quicksilver blows a large bubble with his bubble gum.
- Peter claims (along with Jean and Kurt) that watching Mystique save President Nixon on TV changed his life.
  Quicksilver: Mine too. I still live in my mom's basement, but you know. (makes Blowing a Raspberry sound) Everything else is uh... well, it's pretty much the same. (laughs) I'm a total loser. (laughs)
- Just before he holds Mystique's head to avoid whiplash in Bullet Time, he spits out the bubble gum he was chewing.
- Quicksilver has a cocky smirk when he's face-to-face with Apocalypse. The speedster's overconfident body language reads, "This guy should be easy to beat up."
- Peter uses his super speed to punch Apocalypse repeatedly. Until he catches on and traps one of Quicksilver's feet in the ground, then breaks his leg. Consequently, in the final scene that leg is in a cast, covered in funny writings.
Nightcrawler is simply Adorkable.
- As he's walking towards Caliban's photographer, his tail hits a fellow customer in the face, much to the latter's annoyance.
- Mystique accidentally calls him "Crawler" and he very politely, though somewhat snobbishly, corrects her.
  "Actually, it's 'Nightcrawler' and my real name is Kurt Wagner."
- His genuine attempt to smile for a fake passport photo is atrocious, but he nevertheless seems quite pleased with the results, likely because it's the first time he's ever had his picture taken.
- His intro in the X-Mansion acts as a Moment Killer: Hank and Raven briefly talk about how they're not blue anymore, and Kurt rushes in and exclaims in the cutest manner possible, "I'm blue!"
- His Funny Foreigner status is used fairly well too. His gleeful "It's my first time in America, I'm very excited to see your culture" sounds (perhaps appropriately) like something Balki Bartokomous would say.
- He's the only student to not have a comment after seeing Return of the Jedi, mostly because he looks like he just had a religious experience.
- When rescuing the rest of the X-Men from Alkali Lake, he messes up the countdown ("On 'three!'") because he's distracted by the fact that he only has two fingers (not counting his thumb). And previously, the struggle for him to convey the message (first, the soundproof glass; then, the faulty PA system — although once everyone understands, they run like hell).
- Kurt ends up knocked out for the majority of the climax after collapsing from exhaustion, and just as it looks like Charles and Moira are going to kiss, he suddenly jerks awake and then shouts "HOLD ON! What did I miss?" Even Charles, who has just survived the worst torture that anyone can imagine, smiles at Nightcrawler's confusion.

Blu-Ray Bonus Features

The Gag Reel, which is over 8 minutes long!
Beast: SCHOOL'S FOR SHITHEADS!
In this deleted scene, Hank notices that Charles is wearing cologne and asks him about it, and Xavier replies with a flimsy "No." McCoy's face then quietly communicates, "Uh huh, I know you're pulling all the stops to impress Moira." Shortly afterwards, Charles readjusts the sleeves of his blazer and shirt even though the car hasn't even left the mansion yet—it's quite plain that he enjoys being flawlessly handsome even when the people around him don't care if he is or not.
- Havok knows his unruly brother all too well.
  Alex: Try not to get into too much trouble while I'm gone.
  Scott: I'll do my best.
  Alex: Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.
- While waiting for the Summers brothers to finish their farewell, Professor X is drumming his fingers on the car door like an impatient child. He attempts to get things moving along by bossing Havok like a spoiled, well-educated rich kid who doesn't want to wait a second longer for his chauffeur.
  Xavier: Alex! Avante!
- Of course, Alex hasn't forgotten that he was once very immature.
  Alex: He [Scott] remind you of someone?
  Charles: (chuckles) Just a little bit.
This exchange between Jubilee and Nightcrawler:
Kurt: Where are you from?
Jubilee: Beverly Hills.
Kurt: Ah, the hills! It must be beautiful, I've never been to the mountains.
(Jubilee reacts with an "Ooooooh kaaaaay" expression)
The song playing in the background of the deleted mall scene is Men Without Hats' "The Safety Dance"; the band is from Montreal, and Apocalypse was filmed there.
- Nightcrawler is mesmerized by footage on a TV screen of women performing aerobics in skimpy exercise outfits. Jubilee grabs him by the tail to force him regain his focus.
- For audience members who take malls for granted, Kurt's enthusiastic description sounds ridiculous.
  "This place is like a temple. I've never seen anything more beautiful!"
- After Scott runs out of quarters at the arcade, Jubilee uses her mutant ability to give him and Jean a free rematch.
- Nightcrawler plays two video arcade games at the same time! A boy nearby is impressed and says "Rad."
- The four friends drink Slush Puppies at the food court, and Kurt freaks out over "brain freeze" with a panicked "I froze my brain?!" He sounds almost exactly like Brad Swaile!
- Scott thinks that Jean looks like the androgynous Boy George. Although she feels insulted by the comparison, he's not wrong—see the Meta section below for Jean's record cover "School of the Telepathic Mind."
- Nightcrawler offers a thumbs up to a kid in the shoe store, and the boy gestures, "Tone it down."
- Kurt admires sneakers that he can't wear because of his large, clawed feet, and the salesperson pats his shoulder in sympathy.
- Nightcrawler attempts to break-dance, and is actually rather good! (Sadly, the visual effects at the end weren't completed.)
One scene further explores Moira's confusion and bemusement over the mansion as she's still trying to figure out if she's seen it before.
Moira: I swear I've been here before.
Hank: Ah, all these old houses look the same.
- McCoy then gives Alex a "Help me out" Meaningful Look, but Havok scowls in response, his silent message being, "It's one thing for me to keep the memory-wipe a secret from her, but I'm not going to play this charade and further confuse this poor woman."
Scott finds the visor Hank has designed for him a little ugly.
Scott: It's just one big visor.
Beast: It is, yeah.
Scott: You want me to wear it on my face?
- Scott tempts fate once again.
  "I just hope the other kids don't start calling me Cyclops."
The last deleted scene shows Moira arresting Stryker for "kidnapping/assault on a federal officer" and "unlawful corporal punishment of minors."
Moira: And those might cause... (Stryker gets handcuffed) a little discomfort.
In the "En Sabah Nur: Setting the Stage for Apocalypse" documentary, there's footage of Apocalypse swatting at Quicksilver, who had been grasping at the former's clothing.
Apocalypse: (angry) Don't you touch my skirt! Off, off, off!
In the next chapter ("Clan of Akkaba: Apocalypse and his Horsemen"), James McAvoy jokes that because he's a Long-Haired Pretty Boy, a gorgeous woman like Olivia Munn can be his double.
McAvoy: (stands next to Munn) Is this my stand-in? She has a wig on to match my natural locks.
- It seems that Professor X being a Proud Beauty has inflated the ego of his actor.
  Munn: (touches McAvoy's lilac shirt) This colour looks amazing on you.
  McAvoy: (rubs his chest and smiles) Thank you, I know.◊ Lavender... ladies and lavender.
  - There's even a Funny Background Event because Bryan Singer pets McAvoy's hair;◊ lavender isn't just for the ladies!
In the "Unlimited Powers: VFX, Stunts and Set Pieces" segment, Michael Fassbender suggests that Magneto be the one who's responsible for Xavier's baldness.
Fassbender: Can we get somebody in a green suit to shave his head and I'm standing by like this? (laughs evilly and performs Magneto's hand gesture) With the helmet on.
- As McAvoy is driving a golf cart to the hairstylist's trailer, he spoofs the franchise's habit of using the letter X as a prefix.
  McAvoy: This is Professor X's golf buggy. We call it the X-Bug.
- While McAvoy is shaving his head, it's witnessed by Patrick Stewart on Facetime, who requests for the hair to be sent to him!

Funny / X-Men: Apocalypse

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Funny / X-Men: Apocalypse

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