Funny / WrestleCrap

• When describing the horribly trashy match where Scott Hall and Kevin Nash were booked against a trio of actual porn stars, Hall has one of the women corner him and slam her crotch into his face:
  ...which he sold like he'd been hit by a car. (He had, after all, suffered a head-on collision with a used Vulva)
• The summation of the 1995 Royal Rumble, where Shawn Michaels and Davey Boy Smith had started at #1 and #2, respectively, and were the last two standing after a Rumble made up almost entirely of horrible gimmicky jobbers (mostly from horrible tag teams):
  Essentially, this Rumble was a one-on-one match between Michaels and Bulldog, albeit one with constant interference by big muscular guys in garish colors, wild makeup, cowboy boots, and thongs. If Shawn and Davey Boy had ever wondered what it would be like to wrestle in the middle of a gay pride parade, they got their answer on this night.
• When describing Michaels' subsequent entrance to his WrestleMania XI match against Diesel, where he was supposed to be accompanied by Pamela Anderson:
  Come title match time, challenger Shawn Michaels was accompanied not by Pamela Anderson, but by another stunning blonde, and in addition to Sycho Sid, Shawn had Jenny McCarthy on his arm. I guess she was the booby prize.
• "D-did I just hear that right? Did Eric Bischoff just threaten to castrate me?! Over THIS BOOK?!
  • Years later, Eric is still grinding an axe over Reynolds. To the point that even Vince Russo thinks Eric heaping verbal abuse on him is going too far.^note Russo has actually cheerfully admitted to getting quite a lot of mileage out of signing copies of The Death of WCW for people at conventions and such; it's even his page quote.
    Russo: (via Twitter DM screenshot) A BOWL OF DOUCHE WATER?!
• Their induction of the WWE's promotions of Netflix films Army of the Dead and Red Notice starring Batista and Dwayne Johnson respectively doesn't have said superstars stepping into the ring and promoting it themselves, instead they send something in their place. From The Rock, it's a MacGuffin from said movie. From Batista, it's literal zombies.

  Instead, he sent sent some of his "friends". And by "friends", he meant zombies. I haven’t actually seen the movie, but Wikipedia suggests the zombies were actually his enemies.

  • They point out that Damian Priest being surprised by zombies suddenly showing up means that "the zombies simply showed up to the building that day, where some WWE higher-up let them in, gave them their own locker room, and told them to wait there until the third match of the card".

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