Note: Spoilers for events prior to and during individual Funny Moments below are unmarked.
The main story
- In Shell 4.1, we find out that there is an in-universe fast-food restaurant called Fugly Bob's.
- In Hive 5.2, Kaiser of all people gets one that gets chuckles from some of the assembled supervillains:Grue: Exactly. Same with [Bitch]. Word gets around that youre someone who hurts dogs, shell fuck you up. Its kind of common knowledge here.
Kaiser: Not something Id pay attention to. Im more of a cat person.
- In Hive 5.9 (followed up immediately from the first line being in Hive 5.8):
- In 5.10, after Taylor removes her costume:When Bitch reached for my face, I startled. She put one hand on the side of my face, and for just a fraction of a second, I thought something incredibly awkward was about to happen.
Then she wrenched my head to enough of a tilt that it was almost horizontal.
"You look like someone tried to hang you."
"What?" I asked.*
- In Tangle 6.3, when Taylor is over at Brian's apartment helping put furniture together, and intensely conscious of the fact that she's right next to a really hot guy — who, naturally, doesn't notice the signals he's sending.
- In 6.6, when Armsmaster and Miss Militia have the team largely disabled:Armsmaster: Grue. You've shown you can dismiss the effects of your power. Do so now.
Grue: Somehow, I'm not seeing a major reason why I should listen.
Regent: Um, got a sword pressing against my neck here, guy.
Grue: ...Not seeing a major reason.
Regent [chuckling]: Fuck you.
- In Extermination 8.1Taylor: [thinking] A pre-battle speech from Legend. It almost made the lousiest, most painful and dangerous situations I'd put up with since putting on my costume worth it.
Legend: But you should know your chances going in. Given the statistics from our previous encounters with this beast, a 'good day' still means that one in four of the people in this room will probably be dead before this day is done.
Taylor: Or not.
- In Infestation 11.1, when Taylor is looking over her shiny new Supervillain Lair, she pauses in front of an abstract painting that she placed on the unused wall of her terrarium-room, a painting she had chosen for the way its black lines on a red-and-yellow background seemed spidery.I stared at the painting for a minute, seriously worried that I would see the abstract image from a different angle and realize I'd had Coil get me a eight-foot by five-foot painting of a hairy wang or a headless chicken or something.
- In Snare 13.1, Grue and Imp are having an argument, and Grue abruptly stands up to yell at his increasingly angry sister right as she says she's about to leave. Then he stops, and everyone stares at him for a moment, confused as to why he stood up in the first place.
- More Taylor/Rachel: in Snare 13.5, Skitter tries everything to get Bitch to come back with her and help in the new plan to oppose the Slaughterhouse Nine: helping her rescue Bentley, pointing out how unacceptable it is to give in to the Nine's demands, emphasizing that Bitch needs to work with the team to have a chance of victory, explaining how she too suffered social isolation and mistreatment, revealing that she's still willing to be Bitch's friend ... but the argument that finally works?Skitter: They killed your dog, hurt Bentley, killed my people and torched my territory. I want to take these fuckers down, no holds barred, and we're going to need your help if we want to pull it off. Screw going on the defensive, I—
Bitch [growling]: You had me at no holds barred.
- From Interlude 14.5: How does Kid Win deal with heckling teens? He pulls a gun on them. And the teachers sent notes to the Protectorate praising him about it.
- In Prey 14.11, Taylor curing Bitch's infection with the mind-altering parasite by kissing her. And Bitch's predictable response.
You couldnt have waited until after youd cured me before you put the bugs on your face? Tattletale asked. She was smiling as she asked it. Unless you want me to drink that water.Sorry. No, Ill help you out.She gave me a stern look, pointed at me, and said, No tongue.
- Even funnier is Tattletale's response:
- In Colony 15.2 After our hero shoes pity for poor Mind controlled Shatterbird. Regent gives them a reason on why not to pity her.Shatterbird: Hi! Ive killed hundreds of people and maimed thousands.Taylor: I get your point, Regent. Stop that.Shatterbird smiled wide, the expression so fake and cheery it was disturbing to see. I tried to ignore her as she continued staring at me
- Two in Monarch 16.4
- Regent (and Shatterbird), Imp, and Skitter need to get to Bitch's territory in the Trainyard in a hurry. Skitter gets an idea to make a sled out of a door covered with glass that Shatterbird can then move with her power. At forty or fifty miles an hour. Through half-flooded, half-ruined streets. With nothing to keep them from falling off but a few silk cords to hold on to. Oh, and Regent as a pilot.Taylor [narrating]: Maybe not my best idea in retrospect.
- When they arrive, they find Bitch, her dogs, and her minions beating up one of Dragon's suits. Bitch advises them that it, quote, "won't fucking die", closequote. In what follows after Regent and Skitter have joined the fight, they figure out that it can repair itself using scrap metal from the environment; then they figure out that without scrap metal from the environment it can completely rebuild itself into a new, undamaged form.Skitter: You could have explained.
Bitch: I did. I said it won't fucking go down.
Skitter: You could have explained why.
Bitch: I don't understand why!
- Regent (and Shatterbird), Imp, and Skitter need to get to Bitch's territory in the Trainyard in a hurry. Skitter gets an idea to make a sled out of a door covered with glass that Shatterbird can then move with her power. At forty or fifty miles an hour. Through half-flooded, half-ruined streets. With nothing to keep them from falling off but a few silk cords to hold on to. Oh, and Regent as a pilot.
- In Monarch 16.5, Skitter tries hitting Azazel (the latest of Dragon's AI suits) with a random paradox. In response, Azazel quotes Wheatley.
- 16.6. Grue and Skitter admit to Bitch that they're dating. She manages to convey smugness with a single "Hm."
- From the same chapter, Grue is nagging Imp about spending too much time with Regent, so she activates her power in the middle of the argument. Grue goes from exasperated lecturing to awkward silence as he can't remember what he was talking about or who he was talking to.
- In 18.1, when the doctor is assigning rooms at the hospital and Dinah doesn't want to be alone.Skitter: We'll share a room.
Doctor: Neither of you are bashful?
Skitter: I'm blind. And no, I guess I'm not bashful.
[Grue's and Bitch's heads whip around]
Skitter: Tattletale didn't mention it?
Grue: No. And you didn't either.
- In 18.5, when the Undersiders meet the Chicago Wards.Tattletale: Your names and powers?
Tecton: Tecton. This is Wanton and Grace. Our ranged attacker here is Raymancer.
Regent: Isn't Wonton a kind of noodle?
Imp: And Raymancer? They're really running out of stuff to call superheroes.
Grue: Play nice.
Tattletale: Yeah. A wonton is a kind of dumpling, not a noodle. Get it right.
- The snarkfest continues in 18.6, with the entire conversation between Undersiders and Chicago Wards following Eidolon's "Leave Her to Me" order.
- First, when Grace tries to jump in to the conversation:Grace: He's the top hero in the Protectorate. His agenda is doing the right thing. Is this what you guys do? You analyze the situation until you've twisted it into a scenario where you just have to do something?
Regent: Yeah. We're really good at it, too.
Grace [without humor]: Ha ha.
- When Tattletale decides they should just go:Skitter: Tecton?
Tecton: I don't know. Are you willing to disobey the order and have Miss Militia okay a kill order on you?
Imp: Try to okay a kill order on us.
Tecton: Oh, well then. That's not a problem.
- And finally:Grace: Tecton?
Tecton: They believe it enough to go this far. They've either got an unhealthy amount of conviction or they're insane-
Imp: Or both.
- First, when Grace tries to jump in to the conversation:
- Interlude 18 (Donation Bonus #1). In which we meet the most powerful man in the world: a homeless man with a failing liver and broken soles in his shoes.
- Interlude 18 (Donation Bonus #2) The Pure stop by the university and ask the TA how to induce Theo's trigger event.Peter Gosley: I don't know what you want. I can't give you an answer because there aren't any!
Justin [i.e. Crusader]: Think.
Peter: You expect me to do in five minutes what the best scholars in the world haven't figured out in thirty years?
Justin: Well put.
- Interlude 18 (Story), in an otherwise horrifying sequence of an Eldritch Abomination suffering Sanity Slippage, we get this gem.Regent: Hey. Monster girl.
Regent: When you make my clone, do you think you could give him a goatee?
- She declines to dignify his comment with a response and just eats him.
- In 19.2, in a sort of echo of 18.1, when Scapegoat uses his power on Skitter's injuries (up until this point, Skitter had kept quiet about the fact that she was blind, using her bugs instead to 'see'):Scapegoat: She's fucking blind!? [starts coughing heavily]
Tattletale: Could've sworn I mentioned it.
Skitter: What's going on?
Tattletale: Oh. He takes on whatever injuries he removes from others. The eyes youre using right now are essentially a blend of his eyes and the ones he was able to find by paging through alternate Skitters. Kind of. Hard to explain.
Scapegoat [rasping]: How the fuck am I supposed to operate like this? [starts coughing again]
Tattletale: You visit my other teammates, make sure they're ship-shape. Then we accompany you, and we create a situation where you can use the offensive effect of your power.
Scapegoat: Fuck me.
- Not to mention this little scene afterwards:Grace: You're blind?
Skitter: I was.
Grace: It happened after we parted ways?
- Not to mention this little scene afterwards:
- In Interlude 19 (Donation Bonus #2), the Entertainingly Wrong speculation about the June 20th event (i.e. Echidna's attack) being an invasion by capes from another dimension reaches a climax when XxVoid_CowboyxX makes a comment about how terrifying an alternate-universe Endbringer or Alexandria could have been.Robby: In brief: I doubt we have to worry about Endbringers and an evil Triumvirate. This isn't the movies, and evil alternates are so overdone.
- In 20.2, when Greg explanation of how he pegged Taylor as Skitter was that he was "thinking what Skitter must be like in real life, and then it clicked."That was just about the most horrifying thing he could have said, barring near-impossibilities like, 'I got powers and I ate your hair to get pregnant with your child.'
- In 20.3, during the scene at the principal's office, when the existence of a Reasonable Authority Figure leaves Taylor wondering if she's somehow been caught in a Lotus-Eater Machine.
- In 20.5, the PRT's reaction to spotting a single butterfly in Taylor's house is to instantly scramble in all directions to hunt her down. They're right, of course, but it's still hilarious that the PRT's reaction to spotting a single insect is to instantly go to full alert.
- 21.1: the conversation between Tattletale and Parian.Skitter: I'm asking about their goals. Any clue what they're thinking? Are they going to come after us?
Tattletale: Probably. We seem weak and unbalanced right now, especially with Parian not doing the absolute best job protecting her territory.
Parian: I'm trying.
Tattletale: You'd be doing better if you'd accept help. Except you don't want to do that because you haven't committed to this.
Parian: I will. I'm still figuring out the more basic stuff you guys figured out ages ago.
Tattletale: Commitment on a mental level, P. That's more than just coming to meetings. You don't have to like us, but respect us, get to know us, trust us and maybe allow for the occasional intimate moment.
[Parian's head snaps around to stare at Tattletale]
Tattletale: Not that kind of intimate. Sorry hon. Trust me when I say we're all pretty accepting here, and there's no reason to lie; none of us girls here bat for the other team.
Parian: I didn't say anything.
Tattletale [smiling]: Of course.
- Regent and Imp snarking in 21.3. Two classic examples:
- When Skitter is briefing Regent on what to do in the upcoming conflict with Haven.Skitter: I'm going to ask you a question later, and I'll have my arms folded. I want you to lie.
Imp [aghast]: Lie? So dishonest!
Regent [sternly]: We're honest villains, Skitter. We earn our victories the right way, not through deceit and dishonesty.
[Skitter rolls her eyes]
- When Regent somberly suggests that they could hand Valefor over to the PRT, because they know how to deal with villains.He didn't manage to hold it in for long. He chuckled in near-silence, his shoulders shaking.
- When Skitter is briefing Regent on what to do in the upcoming conflict with Haven.
- Also during 21.3, the way Skitter convinces Imp to be silent while they hand Valefor over to Haven.Imp: What's in it for me?
Skitter: I'm supposed to bribe you?
Imp: Fo' sho.
Skitter: Ice cream. I'll pay for it, you pick it up.
- 21.6 has this little moment when Skitter is swarming an apartment full of unsuspecting Teeth with bugs, just as dinner gets ready:No! Hemorrhagia shouted, trying to cover her chili with a lid, No, no, fuck you, no!
- From 22.1:
- In a very black-humor sort of way, when Skitter is eavesdropping on the PRT planning session while being strip-searched and is disappointed by what she hears:Back in the cell, I sighed. I could see the uniform flinch in reaction. She had her fingers in my mouth, feeling beneath my tongue and around the base of my gums. When I didn't bite like she'd feared, she finished and removed her fingers from my mouth.
- When the Wards, including their newest member, Crucible, discuss Skitter's plan.Crucible: But she can't know she'll escape. What if we did have Dragon and Defiant move her halfway across the country?
Clockblocker: She used my power to cut Echidna in half. She could deal with that, too.
Crucible: Again with the Echidna thing. Can't you tell—
Clockblocker, Kid Win, and Vista [in chorus, with Kid Win not even looking up]: Classified.
Crucible: Fuck you guys.
- In a very black-humor sort of way, when Skitter is eavesdropping on the PRT planning session while being strip-searched and is disappointed by what she hears:
- In 22.5: Defiant has the following reaction after Taylor breaks out of her cell, arms herself (before being disarmed) and then, as a last ditch effort, almost throws Defiant off a six-story-building:Defiant: Stop that.
Defiant: Stop trying things.
- In 22.6, when Taylor and the PRT hammer out a deal.Calle: Then it seems I need to draw up some paperwork. For formalitys sake, if nothing else.
Miss Militia: Do it in five minutes. We're out of time. The media's here.
Calle: Five? [brief pained look] Paper, fast.
- Interlude 22 Bitch's approach to Puppy Therapy.Bitch: You miss her?
Char: Um. Yes?
Bitch: [all but shoves a puppy into Char's arms] It's a loan. [turns to Danny] You?
Danny: No, thank you.
Bitch: [narrows eyes] You don't miss your daughter?
Danny: I do, I mean, I think I'll see her soon, probably, but—
Bitch: [shoves another puppy at Danny] Then take it.
- 23.1 — When meeting some of the Wards and Protectorate, Weaver gets mocked by Jouster, the captain of the New York Wards. Clockblocker finds this amusing. Simultaneously a Crowning Moment of Funny and Awesome.Jouster: A lot of hassle for a little girl.
[Clockblocker starts chuckling.]
Hoyden: She beat Alexandria. He's laughing because you're putting down the girl who killed Alexandria.
- Weaver, previously known as Skitter, meets Glenn Chambers, now in charge of enslaving her to PR. An experience Clockblocker finds more than hilarious enough to justify the extra patrol shifts he took to be present.Clockblocker: Lucky, lucky you. You get his attention right from the start, and I'm willing to bet he's not going to leave you alone. It almost makes me feel better about the time you crammed those bugs into my mouth and ears.—Weaver [having just summoned a mass of butterflies to replace her usual (useful) insect swarm]: I just want you to realize that this is what you'd be asking me to—
Glenn [interrupting]: Yes. Excellent! They did say you were smart.
Weaver: You're serious.—"They're really going to make me the butterfly girl?" I asked.
Clockblocker only laughed harder. I was pretty sure he was faking it, at this point. He couldn't find it that funny.
- Also amusing is how just about the only thing all the Wards can agree on, even with Taylor, is how annoying it is to get worked over by Glenn in the PR department.
- And later on:Clockblocker: You kicked their asses with butterflies.
Weaver: I cheated. The butterflies are superficial, decorative.
Clockblocker: No, no, no. If anyone asks, you kicked their asses with butterflies.
- In 23.2, when Weaver learns about Leister's inexperience:"Sorry. I mean, Prefab was talking about opponents we couldn't hope to fight, and I've only had two real fights so far. One of them wasn't even a real fight."
"You're new?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.
"I've only been a Ward for a month."
Only two fights in a month. I felt a pang of envy.*
- Shortly after this Taylor opens the boxes containing her new butterflies (and only butterflies) and there is the following priceless quote:Weaver: [in a monotone] Go, my pretties. Go, seek out my enemies and smother them.
- Prompting the squad leader to inform her that under no circumstances is she to smother people with butterflies.
- Then Taylor runs into Bambina in the field, who mentions part of her incentive for the attack: her patron, a body snatcher, is providing her a favor, which means she can have him enter a hunky Hollywood celeb and do what she wants. Which she proceeds to describe in explicit detail. Taylor shuts off her senses as best she can, only paying attention again when Bambina finishes, "...with my feet."
- 23.3: In the midst of a series of emotional letters written to her by the Undersiders reacting to her defection to the Protectorate, Weaver comes across Imp's message: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! what the fuck???" That is the entire message.
- In 23.4, while Taylor is talking to the middle schoolers.
- Taylor's anti-villainy talk. Particularly the reactions to her anti-villainy talk.Taylor: I always hated the speeches when I was in school, the preaching in auditoriums, the one-note message. Stuff like saying drugs are bad. It's wrong. Drugs are fantastic.
Taylor [narrating]: This was probably going to hit the news as something like, 'Ex-supervillain Wards member recommends drugs to kids'. Whatever.
- ...and later, after she's done with the drugs metaphor:Taylor: It's the same, being a villain. I went there, I did that for a few months. Risked my life, hurt people, made an incredible amount of money, but I look back, and it wasn't worth it. I value the people I got to know and love far more than I do the money, the power, the fame. They're the only thing I regret leaving behind.
Maggie [grinning]: How much money?
Reynard: You're missing the point.
Taylor: Fifteen or twenty million.
one of the other heroes: Shh-ugar.
- ...and then, when she starts the kids playing an improv Simulation Game about being heroes or villains:Weaver: I don't suppose you'd have any dice?
[The goggle-hero hands over a handful of dice.]
Ned: Oh shit, you conned us into playing dungeons and dragons!
- Taylor's anti-villainy talk. Particularly the reactions to her anti-villainy talk.
- In 24.1, Weaver takes to the air to reconnoiter for the Chicago Wards, flying in short bursts and reorienting at each pause.Flitting here and there, I thought.
No, I thought, banishing the idea from my head. Not flitting. Never let that word slip in conversation. Makes me think of fairies. It'll make Glenn think of fairies.
- Later in 24.1, Cuff starts freaking out a little realizing that she's wearing a metal costume with no insulation between it and her skin to a fight against a lightning-thrower. Weaver tries to, in the words of her narration, "inject a note of confidence into the discussion".Weaver: I don't think you're any safer or worse off than anyone else. His lightning doesn't follow regular channels. We're all lightning rods to him.
Wanton: Not reassuring.
"I get it. Youre calling Behemoth a big vagina.
- The Chicago Wards and Weaver manage to build a giant lightning rod in the shape of a hand with the fingers making a big V. Regent's response?
- In 24.2, Regent and Imp react to Weaver and the team's discovery of Alexandria's apparent survival:"You murdered Alexandria," Regent commented. "Remember? You're a horrible person, doing things like that."
"You leave her alone!" Imp said, uncharacteristically. "She feels so bad she's seeing things."
- In 24.3, Weaver updates Tattletale on the situation, which is getting worse by the second. Tattletale, who at that point is communicating by writing messages, spends a fair bit of time writing a response. What's the response?
- In 24.4, while Weaver has been talking to Phir Sē, she has offered occasional corrections to the latter's English (e.g. judge's gavel, not hammer). Then, right after foiling Particulate's plan to disable the time bomb:"Don't kill him," I said.
"You would feel... blameful?" Phir Sē asked.
Blameful? "Guilty," I corrected him, before I realized what I was doing.
- 24.5 has several:
- This conversation after they make it to the field hospital in the Behemoth fight:Bitch: I don't like [Eidolon].
Dispatch: Nobody does.
Bitch [turning towards Behemoth]: And why won't this motherfucker die?
Weaver: He's been fighting us for twenty years and he hasn't died yet.
Weaver: So...he's tough.
Bitch: We're tough. Let's fuck him up.
Grace: I was arguing for that.
Weaver: (thinking) Oh great. They're of like mind.
- And this, when Weaver is discussing respect for Regent's sacrifice:Weaver: So maybe we respect [Regent] by respecting that.
Imp: Yeah. I'm going to fucking kill his dad for him.
Weaver: That's not what I meant. I meant we should remember the best part of him.
Imp: That part of him would've killed his dad too.
- This conversation after they make it to the field hospital in the Behemoth fight:
- In Interlude 24 (Donation Bonus #1), Wanton talking about getting used to his missing hand.
- In Scarab 25.1 the Chicago Wards decide to prank Weaver by making it look like they have extra large penises.Campanile: I'm going out in an hour, meeting some kids at the hospital. If you don't mind the detour, we could swing by a park or something.
Weaver (thinking): You'd need to change. Or wrap something around your waist.
Annex: She's not reacting, and I'm feeling really dumb.
Annex: Please don't sue me for sexual harassment.
- When Taylor is watching the recording of the first fight with Bohu in 25.6 and remembering what she didn't say when one of the spikes tore through her armor and cut along the underside of her right breast.
- Also in 25.6, Imp messing with Taylor.Imp: This is fun. Come on, butterflies, I see you over there. Do your worst, I know you want to kill me.
- The interaction of Weaver's team and Nice Guy in 26.1 is simultaneously terrifying and hilarious.Revel: This is what hell is like.
- The Brockton Bay Wards and the Undersiders bonding in 26.3. Moments of note: Clockblocker talking about how much he hates people that ship him and Weaver, Vista and Imp's Odd Friendship, and the question of whether Imp uses her powers to look in on people during sex (she does).
- In 26.5, while Weaver is on the radio recruiting capes to take the fight directly to Jack.Chevalier: I'll come as well.
Weaver: You're injured.
[beat as everyone remembers that Chevalier is the guy who went toe-to-toe with Behemoth scarcely an hour after being critically injured in an assassination attempt]
Chevalier: I'll come.
Weaver: Glad to have you.
- Jack challenging Weaver to a fight in Sting 26.6.Jack Slash: Eh, I can take you.
- In Interlude 27, from the conversation when David (who would become Eidolon) first met Doctor Mother:David: I wanted to go do something of my own will. Take charge, take action. Stop living a life where everything is decided for me.
Doctor Mother: By joining the army?
- In 27.2, on the Custodian:Weld: And did you brainwash her [the Custodian] to keep her servile?
Doctor Mother: No. For one thing, she doesn't have a brain.
- In 28.1, Aisha, full-tilt. A highlight:Tattletale: You coming, Despairy Canary?
Canary [hesitating]: Yeah. I'll come. Might not be, uh, knocking heads, but maybe there's something we can resolve with my power. Nonviolent resolution.
Aisha: With a song and dance number. [leaning forward to take Canary's hands] Like a kid's movie! Sing a song and fix problems!
Canary [looking between Tattletale and Taylor]: Um. How am I supposed to respond to that?
Aisha [sagely]: Just ignore me. Everyone else does.
- Tattletale repeatedly telling Doctor Mother that Cauldron fucked the dog.
- In Cockroaches 28.2 we get this:Saint: Petty.
Tattletale: Says the guy who's apparently hot for Teacher.
- From the same chapter, Imp ending all her conversations with Narwhal (who's Canadian) with "eh?".
- Also from the same chapter, we have this beautiful gem:Aisha: Defiant? Serious question, you can't lie to me on this.
Defiant: What is it?
Aisha: Robot poontang. How does it rate?
Tattletale: Jesus Christ.
Defiant [giving Aisha a silent glare of death]: ...
Aisha: Hey. Im Im not one to judge. Im asking seriously, while the others do the strategic thinking theyre so good at. Im not necessarily interested in the robot ladies, but I figure I need a guy whos not going to ignore me. Robots are immune to my power, so Im just thinking, if I get myself a tin man, well, they say a toy feels better than-
Taylor [covers Aisha's mouth with her hand]: Im sorry. She doesnt have all of the necessary filters. I think she was trying to inject some levity into the atmosphere and she failed badly. [gives Aisha a silent glare of death]
- Then, during the recruiting spree in 28.3, Tattletale tries to take advantage of Lung's vindictive nature by emphasizing they might be fighting the Yàngbǎn.note Lung: Yes. No need to manipulate me, Tattletale. If you want me to join the fight, you only have to ask.
[A funny look flashes across Tattletale's face. She turns to Taylor, who nods.]
Lung: Good. Let me collect my mask. I will be back.
Tattletale: Doorway. Um...?
Taylor: To Shadow Stalker.
[The portal opens. Tattletale gives Taylor a look.]
Tattletale: I brought up the Yàngbǎn because I figured he'd be ticked they attacked this spot. I'm getting credit for brilliant insights I didn't have.
- Cockroaches 28.5 is full of these.
I dont follow the cape scene. I dont know how close teammates get. I just figured, shitty situation, life and death, maybe you cling tighter to any buoy in a storm oh god. I asked if I could come with them.Imp: I can see where youd get confused. Were very close, here, after all.Imp: Lustrum the feminazi was in charge of your cell block and you still didnt pick up on the thing between Parian and Foil. Isnt that, like, Sappho central?Sappho? Canary blushed again. I uh.
- Canary innocently asking Parian and Foil if she can go with them for their alone time. The exact wording is "come with" them. She is then slow on the uptake, despite being only recently released from the part of the Birdcage ruled by a man-hating militant lesbian.
- After Simurgh stab-upgrades Leviathan, Doctor Mother is left in shock for the first time in the entire series.
- In 29.1, when Imp comes up with a plan to mess with "Dr. Baby-talk"'s head by having Rachel rattle off scientific jargon from a notepad.Taylor [wincing]: There's a flaw in that.
Imp: It's brilliant.
[Imp turns to Parian and Foil; Parian extends a hand towards Rachel.]
Imp: What? I don't get it... Rachel... oh.
Rachel: I don't read much.
Imp: Annnd now I feel like a dick.
Rachel: I don't care.
- ...and then Rachel offers a solution to fix Imp's plan:Tecton: Maybe if I come with? I'll distract whoever Dr. baby-talk is, and you can talk to Miss Militia about dosing your dogs.
Rachel: Or you can tell me what you were going to write down and I memorize it.
[A few people in the group exchange glances]
Rachel [speaking to the group like they're idiots]: Really simple solution.
Tecton: I'm not sure I could memorize it.
Rachel: The kid that's running the lap said you weren't that smart. Try me.
- ...and then, when that plan is interrupted by the army moving out:Imp: No. No, no. We had such a good joke going, don't you dare ruin it.
- In 29.4, Imp continues to be hilariously awesome as she goads Lung by calling him impotent with the most innocent face possible.
- In 29.6:
- Right off the bat, when Cuff tells Weaver that she's "doing that crazy mastermind thing again", Weaver's response is to ask which one.
- When Rachel is getting fed up with the Vegas capes:Rachel [whispering to Taylor]: I don't like him.
Imp [also whispering]: You do know that Leonid can hear everything that's said in a certain area around him? There's no point in whispering.
Rachel [out loud]: I don't like him.
- In 29.7, Taylor's reaction to having her arm destroyed by one of Sveta's tentacles is to think, "I just got a new one."
- In 29.8, we get this gem while the Undersiders, Cauldron, and the Chicago Wards watch Scion maul Eden's corpse:Taylor [through her swarm]: He's killing it.
The Number Man: It's already dead.
Swarm-Taylor: He's killing it deader.
Later, after hearing Doctor Mother killed Eden after a long time harvesting her shards:
Imp: What did she do before that, have tea parties with it?
- Speck 30.1. - Someone volunteered herself for noninvasive brain surgery from the lunatic with a sister complex. Or, just as likely, she asked the lunatic psychopath for invasive brain surgery and the other lunatic stepped in. Now Skitters broken. - Tattletale's brilliant summation of the situation.
- In e.1, Legend says this:Legend: I'm direct, like my lasers.His lasers literally turn corners.
- In e.2, Imp uses her power to set up an elaborate fish-themed deathtrap for a supervillain named Nero. Why? She thought his name was Nemo. Imp's reaction when she realizes the mistake is priceless.
- She then tries making a Roman-themed joke but the Heartbroken are not impressed. So she repeatedly uses her power to make everybody forget the old joke and tries a new one until she's satisfied.Nero: I think this chain might be cutting off circulation... Ive got spotty bits in my memory.
- She then tries making a Roman-themed joke but the Heartbroken are not impressed. So she repeatedly uses her power to make everybody forget the old joke and tries a new one until she's satisfied.
- Everything past when she shows up, really. Especially after Nero starts singing the Teapot song.Imp: Listen, Nero. Every time you —
Nero: Tip me over and pour me out!
Imp: — meet the criteria we set, you're going to do this all over again.
Nero: I'm a very special pot, it's true!
Imp: Oh, wow, there's more lyrics?
- And immediately afterward, she establishes a compulsion to make him toss aside his weapons and recite the Illiad for an hour straight anytime he tries to order anyone hurt.
- At the very end of the chapter, it is revealed why Imp was dropping so many literary references after the Time Skip: she's been on a project of giving herself a classical education, a project that she returns to by picking up the next book on her list: 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.note
- Extermination 8.1 gives us a comment from Psycho Gecko that starts off as a reasonable discussion and ends in a humorous extension to Legend's speech before the battle against the Endbringer Leviathan:Legend: "Aside from that, I would just like to say that I know we all have our differences, but if enough of us survive then Im sure we can set aside enough time to throw one hell of an afterparty. Bambina, dont think Ive forgotten about those bodyshots from last time. Hey, Susie dear, remember we dont talk about this to mommy, alright?
- For Plague 12.2, Psycho Gecko brings us Miss Militia presenting an extended list of what Armsmaster has suffered from the fight with Mannequin while the canon discussion of how to deal with the Slaughterhouse Nine plays out. bruised left nut, sprained right nut, amputation of his middle nut, emergency circumcision
And their whole reason for being here is recruitment, Coil spoke, Perhaps the plan would work if we could trust one another, but we cannot, when many here were scouted for their group, and may turn on their potential rivals to prove their worth. We would be vulnerable to an attack from within, and we would be easy targets.
oil change, removal of left foot from anus, hormone replacement therapy and gender reassignment surgery
- In the comments to Plague 12.5, Psycho Gecko writes a stirring (and hilarious) eulogy to The Chubster, one of the capes killed by Leviathan, including a joke about his three Ukrainian Mail Order Brides ordered off an imaginary website. Which qualifies in and of itself, but then he notices that the joke URL he included was automatically formatted into a link and asks the site owner to edit the link out. Then he discovers the link is really for a site of that kind.Psycho Gecko: oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit
Does anyone know the Russian word for "Annulment" or "Divorce"?Psycho Gecko: You call that a memorial? Where were the Ukrainian mail-order brides?!
troper: Didnt you buy them all years ago?
youre welcome. :)
- In the comments to Snare 13.10:The next part of their plan was very important, and relied on Regent and Grue working together, both of them making use of Regents abilities. Shadows emanated forth from Grue, concealing him, Regent, and the captured heroesThe following evening:Action News 3, Gex Burgundy reporting.This morning, the 1st National Bank in Brockton Bay was robbed in what some are calling, A cult classic of a robbery! 4 stars, and who knows how many felonies! and Cross dressing and crossing the line, heroes gone naughty, but oh so nice.As witnesses go on to describe, the bank was robbed by four heroes and a big cloud of smoke. I had too many beans this morning, Legend is quoted as saying. However, it was noted that the heroes were not in their usual costumes. The full impact of this was realized when assembled police and reporters began to hear music from hidden speakers around the exterior of the bank.The felonious turncoat heroes burst out of the bank one by one. With outrageous makeup, feather boas, fishnets, and high heels, four members of the Protectorate and Wards proceeded to sing portions of the Floor Show scene from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Miss Militia took on the role of Columbia, even recreating one of the accidental nipple slips of the movie. Weld tried on the role of Rocky Horror, though many agree that his description of only being able to trust his orgasms seemed to fall somewhat flat. It was also generally agreed that he didnt have the legs for the role. Legend performed admirably as Brad, singing for his mommy and wondering about how he now feels sexy. Batterys lustful, moaning singing as Janet is suspected to be the cause of increased pants dry-cleaning bills among the Brockton Bay PD that responded, as well as 4 domestic disturbances that night, and 1 officer getting a divorce. The officer in question, Caitlin Rapach, claims to have discovered something about herself and that while she cant go on being married to a man, she still cares greatly for him. General consensus is that this revelation was sad, but rather hot.It was at this point, when the male officers were unable to run easily, that notorious supervillain Regent revealed himself, singing Frank N. Furters role and attempting to escape with the heroes by swimming away, which quickly reverted to general cavorting and groping in the water. Another voice was heard attempting a German accept, possibly as Dr. Scott! (or should I say, Dr. VON Scott!)Unfortunately, the entire show was broken up when Kid Win and Flechette, dressed as Riff Raff and Magenta respectively, appeared and jumped the gun on their cues, Kid Win attempting to blast Regent before hed even got to sing Im Coming Home. It really was unsporting and ruined the entire production. Oh, and Regent got away with $3.7 million dollars. In other news, Legend has been offered a role in the traveling production of Cats while Battery is reportedly the subject of a bidding war between several local topless bars.We now go back to Will Mc Avoy in the studio.
- In the comments to Interlude 15 (Donation Bonus #2), when ereshkigala speculates about a relationship between Regent and Imp:Psycho Gecko: I've been getting that vibe too. Doesn't hurt that he and Grue were maybe getting to be friends before Taylor shows up, and now here's a female, less uptight Grue.
If they ever get caught together in bed, Aisha can just activate her power and Regent will yell at whoever it was for walking in him during his "alone time".
Anzer'ke: Grue will still get him, by this point they're probably starting to figure that if they suddenly forget something and have no idea why they're doing something then Aisha did it.
Alec-"Why are you hitting me!"
Brian-"I dont know! I'm pretty sure I had a good reason though!"
- After Colony 15.10, in the aftermath of Skitter's fight against Triumph and Prism at the mayor's:tieshaunn: also, second the interlude with civillians discussing Skitter. But I'd also like to hear Triumph's and Prism's debriefing and Piggot discussing the results with someone.
Anzer'ke: Triumph's and Prism's debriefing:
I also love the idea of random civilian forum perspective.
Psycho Gecko: Triumph's and Prism's Second Debriefing:
*a pair of leopard spot thong (Triumph's) and pair of panties (Prism's) are tossed out the window. Followed by a second and third pair of panties (also Prisms').*
- Also after 15.10, Psycho Gecko gives us a peek at the rest of the info sheet that Taylor didn't finish reading:Know where you are:
The area extending east of Captain's hill is believed to be under claim by the supervillains Grue and Imp. Both are members of a group known as the Undersiders, who have joined with the Travelers in an unnamed alliance. This villain will not attack civilians unless provoked, and clean-up is tentatively progressing throughout the area with no objections from the villain.
Grue has the ability to create clouds of darkness. Should you find yourself in one of these clouds, retreat to the nearest cover you remember seeing and assume there is immediate and present danger from vehicles, gunfire, moving pedestrians and fighting between capes, mimes, men in trenchcoats, women in petticoats, and roaming packs of feral chihuahuas.
Imp on the other hand...who was I talking about again? For some reason, it seems like there should be two villains in this territory, but I can only remember one. Since we have the extra space, we might as well throw in a recipe.
Chocolate No Bake Cookies
1 stick margarine or butter
1/2 cup of cocoa
1/2 cup of milk
2 cups of sugar
Mix together and bring to boil. Remove from heat, then add:
3 cups quick oatmeal
1/2 cup peanut butter (smooth or crunchy)
1 teaspoon vanilla flavoring
Drop by spoonfuls on wax paper.
- After 19.2, Psycho Gecko makes an alternate-reality version of the conversation between Skitter, Weld, and Miss Militia in which Weld apologetically mentions that Skitter has a superpower ranking of "Bitch 1".
- Chrysalis 20.1, The commenters are discussing Skitter getting PRT cops on the take for a variety of reasons. JN suggests getting Tattletale to scout for potential targets... with a telescope facing the local police station parking lot.Anzer'ke (imitating Tattletale): Corrupt... Affair... Saw his daughter at a strip club last week and still can't look her in the eye... Corrupt... Corrupt... Oh, a good cop... Corrupt...
- Skitter is the Worm-verse's Chuck Norris. One example out of the thread-ful:Gnarker: If you can see her, she can grievously maim or kill you. If you can't see her, she can grievously maim or kill you, while calmly drinking tea.
- In the same interlude, the theorizing as to how Accord planned to end world hunger. Highlights:Dustin: End World Hunger, 23 Year Plan: Go to world where there is not hunger, thus there is no world hunger.Fake Name: Alternatively: stay in this world, kill all the hungry people.The Sandman: Alternatively alternatively: feed the hungry people to the other hungry people.frozen chicken: Alternate alternate alternative: Create a never-ending set of Slaughterhouse 9 clones as a renewable resource, to be harvested for food. That is why theyre called the slaughterhouse 9, right?Veloren: The Crawler Combo is a bit chewy, but the Mannequin Meal is quite lovely, after you pop it out of the shell
- In the comments to Interlude 20 (Donation Bonus #1), after the revelation that the Slaughterhouse Nine is making a clone army out of old S9 members, commenter Ascaloth points out that Brockton Bay has already fought an evil clone army (courtesy of Echidna). Which leads to commenter Ellert imagining Jack Slash being nonplussed by the Brocktonites' lack of reaction.Wtf is wrong with this city? Everywhere else people freak when we show up and here they go oh it's lunchtime already.
- In the comments to Interlude 22, beyondperformant's take on Bitch's aforementioned approach to Puppy Therapy.
- When the Wards get the call about Behemoth's approach to New Delhi in Drone 23.4, Matthew K. gives us the pre-fight ENDBRINGERBRAWL 2013 Combat Commentary."Hey folks, this is your announcer Bob Genericson telling you to bring the popcorn, you won't need a microwave because Big Behemoth's TURNING. UP. THE. HEAT!"
- In the middle of a massive punnery thread on Interlude 24 (Donation Bonus #1), The Sandman has a bit of not-exactly-Fridge Logic.Wait a minute. When Golem was using giant hands to smack Behemoth around, wasn't he technically slap-boxing the one-eyed champ?
- In Extinction 27.1's comments we get this little gem from Matthew K:firstname.lastname@example.org: Defeated my arch nemesis. World still ending. FML.
email@example.com: U mad? LAWL, j/k.
- From 28.3, we have a pair:
- The countdown to the next chapter:Althalus: Epicness ensuing in 5, 4, 3, 2.....
endgame: (48 hours later).... Sorry, I spaced out there,where was I? Oh, yes; 1, go!
- Discussion of Taylor's idea of recruiting Endbringers.wash17: .....Are we headed to have tea with an eldritch horror?
Psycho Gecko: I prefer to golf with one. They never quite get the geometry right and it actually gives me a shot of winning.
- The countdown to the next chapter:
- In 29.1, after Psycho Gecko expressed his thoughts on constantly shipping female characters together, he attempts to even things out by shipping Leviathan. The following comment ensues:Robert: Dont blame Leviathan. Hes just lonely since Behemoth died. They used to meet up near those oceanic volcanoes, and pour all that heat into that watery abyss.
Nourjan: Dude ,this picture is so wrong!! Those guys were like siblings.
- In 30.6, well... just look: