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Funny / With This Ring

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  • Orange Lantern wants to buy some clothes. He decides on biker clothes, so he visits an appropriate looking establishment. It turns out to be the base of a gun and drug smuggling operation, but he doesn't notice! He just buys the clothes and leaves, despite the smugglers actually tripping over their own illegal goods!
    Orange Lantern: Hey, is that icing sugar?
    • The comments for that section are just one long argument over whether OL is Obfuscating Stupidity or just. That. Oblivious. Either way, it's pretty hilarious.
    • The initial incident is at least partially explained by the UK-native OL having pretty much no knowledge of American gun laws beyond the existence of the Second Amendment. And, uh, not knowing what crystal meth looks like.
    • This becomes a Brick Joke MUCH later on when it's revealed that authorities eventually raided the place and arrested the bikers.
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  • While having dinner with Alan, Diana and her apprentice Donna Troy, whom he's first introduced to here, Donna immediately picks up on the Ho Yay between Paul and Kon because of the way Paul talks about him. As Paul leaves to check on the dessert, he hears this:
    Donna: I guess that explains why he was staring at your armor when you first met.
    Diana: Donna, that's not helpful.
  • There's also a much later scene when Paul and Donna are talking about Themyscira, and Donna mentions with embarrassment how happy the Amazons were when Diana first brought her to the island, because they assumed Diana had taken a teenaged lover as per ancient tradition. Tying into that is the Amazons' increasing frustration that their beloved princess has remained essentially celibate despite being well into her 80s, immortality or not.
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  • When Alan is showing Paul his photo albums from the Justice Society days, his Ho Yay with Kon comes up again, made especially funny by Alan's old fashioned bluntness about it.
    Alan: You know, Donna thinks you're a fruit.
    Paul: [internally] What?
    Alan: You know, it's fine if you are, I'm just saying the way you and Kon are reminds me of Jay's support. Two men can be close without-
    Paul: Alan, Kon is a month old. Even if I was, no.
    Alan: Right, right.
  • Another Ho Yay moment, before one of their early missions, Paul offers to clean up Kon before they head out, since he's still sweaty from his spar with Donna. The ring won't cooperate at first, because Paul's desire for Kon is increased by seeing him in that state. The orange coloration of the narration and Paul having to force the ring to obey really seals it. Kon's confusion and total obliviousness about the implication just makes it better.
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  • Everyone Can See It, even Kon and M'gann's classmates after they start high school. When Paul visits the school, they see him and Kon talking on the bleachers, and Kon overhears the conversation and asks Paul what "alternative relationship" means.
  • After he recovers from merging with the Ophidian, Paul finds out that Kon and M'gann have begun dating. Rather than being jealous, it ends up making both of them more attractive to him, and enforcing the already rather heavy Threesome Subtext. It really doesnt help that Kon and Paul are in the shower when this comes up and Paul is desperately trying to avoid ogling him.
  • Orange Lantern honestly (initially) believes that Sportsmaster is Casey Jones, AKA the guy in the hockey mask from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He begins freaking out about the ninja turtles being on Kobra Venom. In all fairness, the Young Justice Sportsmaster really DOES look a lot like Casey Jones and almost nothing like the traditional Sportsmaster.
    • Wally's reaction when he finds out.
    • CHESHIRE'S reaction when she finds out.
  • When M'gann asks him about the song he was muttering, Paul immediately gives her Never Split the Party reenacted by orange constructs of the team. When the spectacle is finished, he realized their teammates saw it all... and found it hilarious, except for Robin who feels salty about being cast as the thief.
  • Orange Lantern is elated when Green Arrow tells him his chili is "okay". However, he's a bit befuddled by Arrow mentioning that he usually serves his chili with crackers (an American tradition born out soup normally being served with them), while most of the world uses rice.
  • When he captures Cheshire, he uses massive octopus tentacles. Cheshire tries escaping, so he says:
    "I wouldn't try it. I've seen this movie, and it doesn't end well for the Asian woman."
    • When he tells her exactly what he said at a later time, she finds this hilarious.
  • Whenever Orange Lantern zonks out. The first time, he's been drugged and he decides to give Cheshire a 'present' of 'pretty feathers' (arrow constructs). The second time is in Bereft, and he thinks he's dreaming. Long story short, Bialya now has a giant indestructible statue of a naked orange Lantern in their desert. By Episode 15, this has become a running gag of sorts, with the readers taking a great deal of fun at the SI, and author's, expense.
    People are getting a lot of mileage out of that, aren't they?
    We're never going to let him live it down.
    I sighed as I read this and recognised the truth therein.
    -Tiroth, Gore17 and Mr Zoat (the author)
  • Paul explains the concept of internship to Sephtian, his reaction:
    Paul: We do it all the time on the surface. Interning, we call it. Most of the time they don’t even get paid.
    Sephtian: Uuuuu, slavery is illegal in Atlantis.
  • Orange Lantern does not appreciate the Team's idea of using kinetic force on a creature made of clay (when it had been made abundantly clear that this was not working, yet the team kept. On. Trying).
  • Whenever Teekl gets mad or annoyed, the author links her growling to a video of an angry cat. The funniest is arguably her reaction to Hal Jordan, which is portrayed by the infamous man-hating cat.
  • Teekl's reaction to getting the designation C01.
    Teekl: Teekl number one? Teekl queen?
    Paul: Teekl, it doesn't work like th- *Teekl nose-boops him with her paw*
  • Troia walking in on Wally and Paul playing baseball with an indestructible lab rat.
  • Orange Lantern introducing himself, on occasion, when this happens:
    "Have you confirmed his identity?"
    Alki looks at me for a moment, then back to his superior. "He's glowing orange."
  • Paul's thoughts when he sees Hawkwoman tangled up in the Injustice League's vines.
    Paul: [internally] DontThinkAboutHentaiDontThinkAboutHentai.
  • Theodore Adam is trying to boast about his great feats to the gods that give him power. His incredible feat? He once took on the Wisconsin National Guard! And he didn't even win! He just ran away when Captain Marvel showed up. This is especially embarrassing since he's trying to prove that he's a more worthy champion than the original inheritor of the power, Teth Adom, who spent decades as pharaoh of Kahndaq and champion of the Gods and has defeated armies, demons and sorcerers.
    OL: Pppfffffffffffhahahahahah! What, was Maine a bit of a trek? Hawaii too hot for you? Or are you just really lactose intolerant? You're seriously boasting about fighting Wisconsin?
  • At one point, Paul offhandedly brings up Batman as an example of being "constructively insane". When Wonder Woman protests calling him insane, Paul points out that Batman DOES fulfill the standards of insanity; childhood trauma which has led to massive aberrant behavior as an adult.
  • When Paul gets possessed by the Ophidian, he starts seeing the base desires of everyone around him. Zatara's? John Constantine choking as Zatara squeezes his throat with both hands.
  • The giant cake made over New York City.
    • We later find out that when a News helicopter flew by to find out what was happening, he made a platform for them to land on and gave them an interview.
    • While singing and dancing. Apparently, one of the songs he sang was "New York, New York."
    • Months later, people still only remember him as the Cake Guy. Even south of the border. He'll never live it down.
      OL: I remember the cake. The internet remembers the cake. Two hundred years from now, alien civilizations that have never met a Human before will address me as 'The Cake Man'.
    • It gets to the point he's ecstatic that someone (Fire) remembers him for having countless construct eyes spying on everything in the world rather than the cake.
      OL: This is the first time anyone's opened with that!
  • Renegade!OL interacting with the Forever People.
    Bear: Don't pretend to be nice. What are you doing on this planet?
    Renegade!OL: Before you got here? I was baking a cake.
    Bear: [eyes narrow] I'm sure it was an evil cake.
  • In a conversation with Diana, OL makes a quip about Athena possibly dating outside of her pantheon.
    Diana: I'm not going to try- To try and persuade the goddess of wisdom to.. to 'hook up' with a Viking god to satisfy your desire to play musical pantheons!
    Paul: Persuade? Wait. Aphrodite or someone has had a chat with her, right? She does know people don't normally spring fully formed from their fathers' foreheads.
    Diana: I don't- I don't think-
    Paul: Ooh. Right. Amazons. Got it. I think Sekhmet's single. [Diana splutters] You know, if gods aren't her thing. She's got a bit of a temper, but get some beer in her and she's a real pussycat.
    Diana: Haahahahaha!
    • It comes up again later in a conversation with Adom.
      Teth: Before we go, the gods have asked me to pass on a message to you. It is from Sekmet. She tells me that while she appreciates the consideration, she simply isn't interested in Athena in that way.
  • The Team having to get used to the fact of Captain Marvel's newly revealed status.
    Wally: Y'know, for Oh El that's like second base.
    Billy: What's second base?
    Wally: Uh...
    • Poor Beautia Sivana, who had a romantic interest in Captain Marvel. She ends up finding out who he really is during the demon invasion of Fawcett City, and is absolutely horrified and insanely embarrassed that she's effectively been a sex offender by kissing Captain Marvel.
      Beautia: oH gOd, I'm A pEdOpHiLe.
      • Paul's attempt to comfort her doesn't really help.
        Paul: Your expected lifespan is at least three times that of a normal Human so by the time he's old enough-
        Beautia: Please… Stop.
        Paul: -for it not to be creepy you'll still be a young woman.
      • Made even worse when it's revealed that Dr. Sivana already knew Marvel's real identity, and had let his daughter make a fool of herself on purpose.
  • A later chapter mentions that Captain Marvel/Billy recently had a birthday, and Guy wanted to plan the party, but Paul managed to catch him in time and explained that Marvel was actually turning 11, and that Guy's idea of a party for the guy really wasn't appropriate.
  • OL jokes, when first meeting Selina Kyle, that the reason he's in Holly's apartment is to burgle the place. Literally before he can finish the sentence, Catwoman starts relentlessly attacking him; even though she can't hurt him, she doesn't know that, until he can get out that he's Orange Lantern and apologizes for his bad joke.
  • He eventually hires Catwoman to help him track down the Ace of Winchester, which she had originally sold. She's happy for the chance to put on her costume and get out and about again, as her current accumulation of loot lets her live comfortably with no risk.
    Catwoman: And I notice you're happy to see me walk around in my suit.
    Paul: That's not walking. That's... That's strutting.
  • In an Omake, the League's reactions to the question of whether Paul should join the League.
    Batman: I have been assured that there will be no more statues naked or otherwise.
    Dr. Fate: He made cake... and he danced. Such is the way of chaos.
  • Absolutely nobody in the hero community likes John Constantine. In canon, Guy Gardner was up for consideration as part of the Justice League and got a "No. Just... No" Reaction. Here, he actually got reasoned discussion about his possible entrance... but Constantine got a near-unanimous "NO" from the Justice League.
  • Artemis catching Paul checking out her mother Paula, restored to her top fitness, when she arrives for Thanksgiving dinner.
    Artemis: Did you just check out my Mom?!
    Paul: She's a very attractive woman!
    Artemis: Seriously! Uuuuurgh!
  • Everything about Firebrand working at the Logan animal sanctuary. From Garfield asking her rapid fire questions, to Paul giving her a flower and a kiss for reasons that are not typical to kissing and flower giving.
    Firebrand: I have been told the experience itself has value intrinsic to it beyond pleasure or utility associated to it, and that this is just as important as the extrinsic value. Also, I had nothing better to do today.
    • And then, to test her emotional system, she asks Miss Martian if she would like to try kissing her. Paul's reaction:
      Paul: [internally] Ring, I'm awake, right?
      Ring: [internally] Confirmed.
    • Not to mention Miss Martian's own reaction. She's first too shocked to respond properly, then stammers out that she's dating Kon and she can't kiss other people. Firebrand just shrugs and asks her to tell her if she changes her mind. This gets even funnier if you remember that for all the Les Yay, neither Firebrand nor Miss Martian correspond to human sexuality. Firebrand is a gynoid and her attraction to others is mostly intellectual and emotional (she eventually becomes romantically involved with Marie Logan), while Miss Martian is from a telepathic race who doesn't really make the same physical distinctions as humans, but because HER attraction is mixed up with the traits she has adapted from 1980s TV culture, she's got heteronormativity mixed with a biology that makes no real distinction.
    • How Firebrand ended up becoming involved with Marie: she walked up to her in the nude.
    • During a card game between her, Paul, Alan Scott and Wildcat, she mentions that she moved on to Marie because Paul was "frustratingly slow on the uptake," continuing Paul's history of comically missing romantic cues. Fridge Brilliance if you think about it, she likely resorted to drastic measures with Marie because of how bad Paul was at responding.
  • Every time Deadshot opens his mouth. And of course, since he keeps mouthing off to Paul, he keeps suffering for it.
  • The Green Lanterns' initial disbelief that there's something called Starro the Conqueror.
    • Then Salaak gets in on the fun from the center of the universe. He first tells them that no, Star Conquerors are in fact a thing, and they need to get ready. Then he chews out Paul because whenever he transfers a data file to Green Lantern Rings, he's not doing it right and Salaak needs to go in and fix the data so it is archived properly.
  • John, Zatanna, OL, and a couple of Atlanteans summon up demons to test the Ace of Winchester, a gun that can kill them. All the demons know John.
    Tanis: Should I be concerned that he was the third one who could identify you by name? Out of three?
    John: Par for the course, really.
    • Later on, he's actually surprised that there are a few who don't know of him and he starts counting off the ones who he didn't piss off. It's a very short list.
    • Even Melinoë, a nymph of Hades, knows him in a disdainful manner. OL just thinks it's not surprising.
  • Paul gets very annoyed at Red Arrow's insistence that there's a mole despite him personally investigating everybody. So he calls Red Arrow in, turns the lights off... and turns on a Whack-A-Mole game with moles dressed up as the team mates. Artemis cannot help but laugh. And then actually play the game.
    • To get back at him, Red Arrow and Artemis rig the Mountain's speaker system to play the British national anthem any time he sits down, so he'll have to stand at attention.
  • When getting Guy's help to fight the mind controlled Justice League, Barda asks Gryaven in Godspeech why he cares.
    Barda: Why do you care what happens to him?
    Grayven: He's my anger management coach.
    [Barda raises her eyebrows in surprise]
  • Grayven's reaction the first time Tawny talks to him.
    No, seriously. What?
  • Whatever being grabbed Paul out of his universe clearly has a sense of humor, as the Earth -14 version of Paul proves. In the main universe, he has a ring powered by greed, which would be an obvious setup for a super villain, but he becomes a hero. In Earth -14, he gets a ring powered by hope and becomes a villain, although given that it's the Crime Syndicate Universe, that should be expected.
  • Kadabra referring to Kobra as Lord 'Snake Snake'.
  • Paul being so flippant and nonchalant when apprehending Sportsmaster a second time. He even goes the extra mile to be condescending by calling him Casey Jones to his face.
    Paul: Couple of messages, Casey Jones-.
    Sportsmaster: What did you call me?
    Paul: Casey Jones, because you fight people while wearing a hockey mask and armed with sports equipment. I told Jade about it, she found it hilarious. [shotgun goes off] Your mum says 'hi', your dad's going to carry on pretending you don't exist-
    • He goes even further by taunting him over how his family feels about him.
      Paul: Your daughter's comments vary from 'fuck off' to 'fuck off and die'. I think Jade's actually going to make a go of going straight this time. Paula's healed up nicely… Not that she's going to be visiting you. Ever.
  • OL trying to explain how the ancestral grooming response works in humans after telling M'gann he spent the night with Zatanna combing her hair to help her fall asleep (due to the stress of losing her father to Nabu). Having no natural body hair, M'gann is utterly confused, since the instinct does not exist in the Martian species.
    Paul: Our distant ancestors came from equatorial Africa. They were covered in hair to keep the sun off. Unfortunately for them, this made them perfect hosts for blood drinking parasites. Since this was before combs were invented they groomed each other. You get the same thing with modern apes.
    M'gann: Parasites?
    Paul: Those aren't so much of an issue these days with modern hygiene but the instincts are all still there.
    • The clash between Earth and Martian intimacy becomes something of a Running Gag, especially later on. DC Martians do not have a hormonal based sexuality like humans do, theirs is heavily telepathic, but because so many Martians adopt human characteristics as a form of rebellion, there's a lot of widespread confusion and misunderstandings. For example, Paul and M'gann technically shared a telepathic exchange during Clueless, which by Martian standards is considered the rough equivalent of a one-night-stand, much to both their embarrassment when they visit Mars and M'gann's parents find out.
  • Zatanna names the Beast, a terrifying creature that has the ability to kill all of humanity, Barney the Dinosaur. The cherry on top is that she actually defeated it by doing so, because it was no longer nameless and the Shadow Dog was able to destroy it.
  • This gem when they were deciding on which God Paul and Kon should take as their patrons:
    "And what of you, Paul?" Menalippe appears to be taking my impiety with good grace. "Do you think the gods can offer you useful guidance? Or do you intend to try to convert us to the worship of your giant orange snake?" On the other side of the table Donna screws up her eyes and bites her lip and Doctor Sandsmark develops a sudden cough.
  • Paul picking Eris as his patron goddess. And his Munchkin reasons on his suggestions of a patron god to Kon (namely, he's a sun god and doesn't get many worshipers, so he'll be more likely to respond when Kon needs him).
  • When introduced to the Amazons, the Ophidian asks Paul if they are new toys.
  • How Amazons Orana and Dyctinna try to get gossip out of Paul about Diana's love life. How they want Diana to settle down with a nice girl, or guy if she swings that way. And how Dyctinna was so disappointed that Barda was married.
  • Paul convinces Hera, Goddess of Marriage, to get a divorce. Without even realizing who he was talking to. And she was completely ecstatic at the thought of being free of Zeus.
    • A despondent, drunken Hera wondering how Zeus keeps finding new lovers, despite Hellenism having been basically extinct outside Themyscira for thousands of years. Dr Sandsmark confesses later that she didn't know he was THAT Zeus, she thought he was just kidding.
  • Renegade!OL has gone through anti-telepathy training with notorious anti-hero and British government operative Chester Black, but he doesn't appear much himself. He does have a really great scene in the Renegade storyline after Grayven blackmails a British official with knowledge that she participated (unwillingly in her case) with other high-ranking officials in the horrible depravities of the Caligula Club. Apparently, other groups eventually find out what Grayven knows and tries to have Black go after him (without telling him WHY).
    Manchester Black: Have you bin' bein' a naughty boy?
    • Black's sister eventually turns up trying to kill Grayven, thinking he's done something to her brother because he's gone rogue. Turns out Black's been using the material Grayven gave him to go after the politicians involved in the Caligula Club.
  • Ixy being every bit as clueless about societal norms as Kon and M'gann... but more so!
    • She tries to undress in public when Miss Martian points out that her Cadmus-jumpsuit really doesn't work among other people. Miss Martian has to stop her and explain that being dressed is mandatory around humans.
    • And then there's this line:
      Ixy: Hello Grayven! How was your murder?
  • When Niko Parish asks who Grayven and his friends are, Grayven takes a moment to look at Robin before responding: "Batman's little helpers".
  • Grayven's reaction to Face (THE Face, as he insists). He's an Un-Man Cranius created from a fire-manipulator metahuman who had destroyed most of his original head in a shotgun accident. When Cranius fixed him, he moved all his vital parts to his chest, creating a huge face on his torso.
  • Grayven taunting Kobra by repeatedly calling him Jeff.
  • Hera flirting with Paul, much to his discomfort.
    • He gets her to leave by buying her a suite in Australia, paid for for the next two years; but not before explaining modern contraceptive devices and marital aids.
  • OL, Robin, KF, and Artemis have fun calling one of Green Arrow's bases the Arrow Cave.
  • Paul being oblivious to Dana's advances.
  • Zatanna misunderstanding Paul's initial explanation of his encounter with Dana.
    Zatanna: Did I hear a voice when you answered the phone?
    Paul: Probably. I was having breakfast a with woman named Dana Dearden.
    Zatanna: O-oh.
    Paul: I don't know if I told you about it, she was the one who phoned me after the Roanoke interview. Turns out they did fire her.
    Zatanna: Oh. Then, how did..?
    Paul: She somehow found out that I was staying in Metropolis and broke into my room. She ended up spending the night-
    [Zatanna's eyes widen]
    Paul: -tied up on the floor-
    [Zatanna drops her mug into the sink with a crack]
    Paul: -after she triggered one of my entangler traps. I only found her this morning.
    [Zatanna Jaw Drops]
    • Then he recounts his meeting to Zatanna
      Zatanna: You.. booby trapped your room.
      Paul: My passive defences aren't good enough to stop a determined attack if I'm asleep. Obviously the outer defences weren't particularly dangerous. When I found her I just.. felt bad about her losing her internship so invited her to join me for breakfast. Oh, that reminds me; she wants to do interviews with everyone on the team. I said that I wasn't sure if anyone would be up for it but I've got her number if you are.
      Zatanna: You got her number.
      Paul: Yes.
      Zatanna: Did she.. by any chance.. say anything about meeting up later?
      Paul: To continue the interview, yes. Given everything-
      [Zatanna Face Palms]
      Paul: -that's happened in the last seven months we couldn't cover more than a fraction of it in under an hour. What?
    • Zatanna then has to spell out the obvious.
      Zatanna: Paul.
      Paul: Yes?
      Zatanna: She was asking you out.
      Paul: Are you sure, because that wasn't what she-.
      Zatanna: Yes. Do you really not notice?
      Paul: Um.
      Zatanna: I'd understand if you just didn't find me attractive, but Artemis said you didn't pick up on it when she hit on you either. And you actually kissed Danette Reilly.. but then you didn't do anything else… You know… If you're just not into girls, you can tell me, right?
  • Teth Adom gets lessons about democracy. From Captain Marvel. The entire chapter is filled Adom's righteous snark at the system as Billy explains it. Since Marvel is, you know, 10 years old, he just cheerfully regurgitates the details of democracy like its advantages is self-evident, rather than actually arguing for them. Adom, being a former absolute ruler, sees little good in the chaotic and inefficient aspects of democracy since Marvel forgets to actually point out why they exist at all.
  • A depowered Paul vs. second-rate Captain Marvel villain Ibac. Ibac, similarly to Captain Marvel, can call upon the power of historical and mythological figures, in his case historical conquerors and killers. Problem is, while that power SHOULD be dangerous, Ibac is so dumb he basically needs to be reminded to blink and swallow.
  • When Holly is asking Karon for permission to invite Paul for a threesome while he's busy in the kitchen, you can read their muffled dialogue if you look closely.
    Karon: Are you serious?
    Holly: You said if-
    Karon: It was a big 'if'!
    Holly: It might not be that big.
  • Grayven's first reaction to being on Earth-50.
    Grayven: [internally] But their chins look so normal!
  • Grayven trolls Earth-50 Supergirl by asking her to marry him. And calls all her attacks "love taps".
  • Karen asks Paul if Kon was cheating on M'gann after seeing another woman hug him and kiss him on the cheek. He has her describe the woman to him, only to reveal that woman as Kon's ''mom''.
  • This gem from Kaldur while under the effects of an artificial Fear Elemental.
    Kaldur: You will not take me! I will not be bacon!
  • The reactions to learning that Talia was now Batwoman and engaged Batman.
    OL: [internally] Batman… Getting married… I realize that's a thing people who aren't contractually obliged to be miserable do, it's just… A little weird.

    Speedy: Who's the Batman cosplayer?
    Robin: Talia al Ghul. My soon-to-be stepmother. [Roy looks at him to try and tell whether or not he's serious] Oh, I'm not kidding. I don't think there's anything I could say to make this more weird than it already is.
    • Unfortunately for Speedy, she could hear them.
      Speedy: Batman's marrying-?
      Batwoman: Speedy. Do you have some problem with my marital relations?
      Speedy: Noma'am.
      OL: [internally] She's totally Batwoman! She's got the voice and the glare off pat!
  • The fact that Paul keeps offering people superpowers and they keep refusing. To quote one reader:
    OL is like a superhero drug-dealer/smuggler. "Maybe you are feeling like adding some power-armoured goodness in your day? Hm? You don't like all this fancy equipment? Well, what about a bit of Ye Olde Superstrength? Too mainstream? Well good thing I've got just the right super speed formula for you!"
  • Canis Minor, as a member of the Fourth World pantheon, is utterly flabbergasted by the reveal that Earth still has Old Gods (the Greek Pantheon), which were supposed to have been destroyed upon the creation of New Genesis and Apokolips, yet they're not members of the Justice League. That the divine survivors of the Third World is NOT a part of Earth's superhero team is completely alien to him.
  • Lois Lane is completely not bothered by the fact that the Trickster tries to throw her off the top of a building. Why? Because villains have done that around 30 times to get Superman's attention. She just wants him to get it over with already so she can go back to her business.
    • And while Superboy (filling in for Superman) catches her, OL tosses the Trickster off the roof, catches him an inch before he hits the ground, then drops him on his face. Then, he grins before using their Brown Note inducing ray guns on the rest of the minions (their plan was essentially make Superman crap himself when he got there... seriously).
      OL: Ironic punishment time, chaps.
  • Grayven needs to use his Yellow Ring to cure an old woman who has Alzheimer's Disease. He needs fear to use it, so he has to scare her. While that isn't funny, the execution was:
    Grayven: Hey June! We've never met! I'm big and scary! Rarr!
  • Orange Lantern's dating life in general:
    • When he decides that he needs a girlfriend and starts making moves at Melinoë, a nymph of Hades, she's a complete Tsundere.
    • When he asks Selina if she wants a date to the wedding, she turns him down on the fact that she's several years older than him, not realizing he's Older Than He Looks. He only has himself to blame.
      OL: Drat, drat and double drat.
    • When he's trapped by the Queen of Fables' story, he ends up asking Donna to "spend the Dionysia" (which equates to having sex). Her reaction sells it for a number of reasons.
    • When Harleen's dating preferences come up and then she suddenly asks if he was seeing Jade and he mentions he's not, there's literally hope coloring her words. He can't catch a clue.
    • And when he shoots himself in the foot by bringing up that he was checking out Jade's mother while talking to Jade herself. He silently starts praying to Eris, but then quickly remembers she's the sort who would want that to happen.
    • And then there's this gem when Guy Gardener asks him to be his wingman:
  • When Grayven tries to help Maxima find a suitable mate (her preferred choice being a strong, telepathic male), he shows her the few available telepaths on Earth; Martian Manhunter (not human and doesnt find humans attractive like Miss Martian does), Henry King AKA Brainwave Jr (too old) and Manchester Black (the most fitting option but Grayven shows her a picture of Black as drunk and disheveled as possible). He also tries to show her Dr Psycho, but she turns him down before he's even done talking; aside from the fact that Psycho is a sadistic misogynist psychopath, he's also a stunted, dwarf-like man with a ridiculous afro.
    • Grayven pointing out how ridiculous Maxima's strategy of finding a mate has been, since she's been trying to find one by fighting them. What she actually should look for is a mate that compliments her own leadership skills rather than someone who's the same as she is. Maxima takes this to heart and decides to just marry her current adviser... who incidentally happens to be a woman.
  • An alternate Paul tells the Teen Titans what they can do if they object to his actions as a Red Lantern:
    Red Lantern Paul: If you wish to register a formal complaint about my conduct, travel to Ysmault, request and complete form seven zero one b and then prove your worth by defeating Senior Lantern Kultonius in single combat. Then submit the form as directed.
  • This gem upon finding that a clone of Hitler was in Brazil, married to a black woman, and had three children:
    OL: [internally] ThE nAzIs ReSuRrEcTeD hItLeR aNd He'S nOt A nAzI!
    • Which of course makes perfect sense since there's absolutely no reason for a clone of Hitler to actually BE Hitler, especially since the plans to raise the man into Hitlers successor fell through, now he's just some guy who happens to have famous genetics.
  • Paul learns that Ted ended up creating an invisible chimpanzee with telepathic powers.
    OL: What did we say, Ted? What did we say, when we first started this?
    Ted: Ahhhh... No mad science?
    OL: Because our aim is to make people's lives better, improve the lot of the Human species and make enough money that the project is self-funding. What else?
    Ted: You're… Fed up with well meaning scientists creating their own villains?
    OL: Completely fed up, Ted. Completely fed up.
  • Jade is more than a little upset that Paul decided to invite Harleen to Bruce Wayne's wedding. At least until Paul mentions it was her, or Jade's mother. Her reaction:
    "Doctor Quinzel!" Jade pulls away and strides towards my car. "How are you?"
  • Eris interrupts Paul's date with Harley Quinzel just as she's about to invite him in for "coffee", and does so dressed up in full dominatrix gear, partly because she's annoyed with Paul for being about to just go with the flow for a sexual encounter being offered rather than making an aggressive decision to pursue someone.
    • Eris helps Paul meet Shivering Jemmy, a Princess of Chaos, who agrees to help him take down Klarion. Why? Jemmy, who takes the form of a small girl just as Klarion appears as a small boy, and even though both are eldritch abominations of chaos magic, hates Klarion for pulling her pigtails and pushing her off the swings.
      "̵Kl̸ar͝iòn ̢p͡u̸ll͏e͜d͝ ͜I's͟ ha͡i҉r and ̷p̛us͜he̵d͠ ͏I͠ of́f̧ th͞e̶ swi̷ng͡s̀.̷ ͏Yo͠u̸ ͞c̷a͘n hav͟e ͟I͢'̵s҉ fi̛sh҉."
  • Satanus jibs on Paul's naming conventions.
    Satanus: Not at all! He got nearly everything he asked for. I simply retained the ability to take it back once he failed. If he couldn't capitalize on the opportunity, then the fault was his! Perhaps he should have been less devoted to the idea of evil and a little more to rationality and intelligence! Did you like the Polyhedrite?
    Paul: I was just calling it 'Ball Demon'.
    Satanus: Yes, and you call the sublime work of alchemy which gives mortal Humans a taste of demonic power 'Devil Jizz'. I fear that naming things is not your strength.
  • Nylor Truggs returns with his need to monologue.
    Truggs: Ah, hello? I got a monologue to do here? A little.. professional.. hero-villain courtesy too much ta ask?
  • The Penguin makes it clear he's far more terrified of Paul than Robin.
    Richard smiles faintly. "He's scarier than me? I think I'm offended."
    Mister Cobblepot nods nervously. "Call me again when you've set a Demon on fire on national television. Even his baking is more intimidating than some sort of.. circus acrobat like you."
  • Paul decides to monologue once he captures Klarion. He's learned from Truggs.
    Paul: One thing I learned from Mister Truggs; if you're going to monologue, make sure that you're not going to be interrupted. And you're not going to interrupt me.
  • Much to his embarrassment, Paul's first real sexual experience is with the Queen of the local Spider Guild during his time in the Vega System. Due to him misunderstanding her biology, they technically got to third base. His other alien allies get a lot of mileage out of this incident.
    • His second time, or first official time, is with Cheshire after he returns to Earth and takes her up on a previous offer. However, due to his ring-enhanced abilities, she ends up passing out after two hours or so. Especially funny since she had assumed she'd have to do most of the work.
  • While working on liberating Tamaran, as well as afterwards, Paul drops several lines about the Tamaranians' role as Green-Skinned Space Babe in the DC Verse, much to the Tamaranians' confusion.
  • Paul's visit to Korugar, homeworld of Sinestro, in the hopes of recruiting Soranik Natu for the Corps. Due to the planet's hatred of Lanterns, he didn't want to risk using the ring's translator initially, and instead had to rely on a much less sophisticated universal translator, which turned all his speech into stunted You No Take Candle dialogue, much to Soranik's bafflement. She's especially confused when he tries to explain the concept of a "headhunter" to her, as in the business term.
  • Paul being offended when he learns he's not the most significant hero in the time period when a time traveler tries to kill Superman for street credit.
    Empathic vision reveals… Someone with a lot to prove and who came back in time to kill the most significant historical hero in order to do it.
    Well, fuck you, future historians.
  • Mandated!Paul and Jade Yifei being mistaken for a couple because of their interactions.
    Jade shakes her head. "It's no good; I still can't fight properly like this. Blindfold me."
    I look around in mock astonishment as she turns away from me. "Ah… In.. public..?"
    She freezes, and Prince Kassam bursts out laughing.
  • Paul giving his understanding of Christianity and Christmas to his adoptive family and the Amazons on Themyscira on Christmas Eve. It's as unflattering and insulting as you would expect from him. Reactions range from shock to amusement to resignation.
  • Almost every conversation involving Joseph Hamill. He is clearly uncomfortable with his new body and just wants his old one back.
    • He honestly thinks women always wear lingerie under their clothing.
    • When he dries himself off, he shoves the towel up his cleavage.
    • When he finally transforms back, he checks himself.
    • Just for context, said Gender Bender was caused by accidental use of the Hero Dial from Dial H for Hero, which transforms the user into a randomized superbeing, and Hamill just happened to get the body of a superpowered babe.
    • Paul uses the Dial to give Clayface a human body again, which was really pure luck, since not all the Dials transformations are human, and some are even more alien than Clayface.
  • Paul convinces Hinon to come to Earth with him to check on some things. She agrees and then asks if Alan Scott will be there. This leads to a humorous conversation between them.
    Paul: You like younger men, do you?
    Hinon: I… Beg your pardon?
    Paul: Well… There's nothing wrong with that. You're both single adults, and I'm sure he's a fascinating case study on the results of long term light exposure in a high magic environment.
    Hinon: Are you implying that I wish to mate with him or that I wish to study him in detail?
    Paul: Is there a difference for a Maltusian?
    Hinon: Yes there most certainly-. [stops and frowns more deeply] Hm. There used to be. I admit that as I am now, a really thorough investigation would most likely represent the most intimate thing I've done since… [looks up] Since I checked your tattoos. Yes, that was it.
    Paul: Abandoned for an older man.
  • Zatana ends up under the effects of mind-altering gas in Hoard. Paul's reaction to her argument with the Star Sapphire is worth a chuckle or two.
    Zatana: [to the Star Sapphire] No, I'm not going to freeze him in a giant block of crystal! How can he marry me if he can't speak to the priest?
    Paul: [internally] Oh no, she's gone full Silver Age. Ring, armour.
  • Black Manta has a conversation with Grayven about how he is uncomfortable with Clea coming on to him.
    Grayven: [internally] His face remains calm, but I can feel how uncomfortable he is telling me that. Big tough male supervillain making a sexual harassment complaint. But, if she's making him uncomfortable…
    • The conversation is later derailed by Adom asking for help in his and Circe's battle with Oggar. Grayven has this to say:
      Grayven: By Apokoliptian standards, this is a perfect date for you and Circe and I'd be a heel to involve myself.
      Adom: Da.. te..? I…
      Grayven: She wasn't exactly being subtle, Adom. Hunky super powered god-king like you seems to be just her type.
      Adom: That… I will.. consider your words.
  • Kara 50 having breakfast with Grayven and the various children in his care. She is clearly out of her element and uncomfortable, which amuses Grayven.



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