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Funny / Whose Line Is It Anyway? (US Original)

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There have been so many funny moments in Whose Line Is It Anyway? that we had to separate the pages. Separated even more due to hilarity in the United States version itself. Here's the page for the series hosted by Drew Carey as originally shown on ABC and ABC Family.

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    In General 
  • During every intro to a taping with Ryan, everyone gets their own cheesy tagline, but Ryan gets the Butt-Monkey line in Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick fashion, with him being the "Squick".
  • Chip's spot-on impression of Snagglepuss? Amazing. Colin's attempted impression of Snagglepuss? Hilarious.
    Colin: [If cartoon characters were in famous films] Rosebud, even!
    • Something of a Moment of Awesome in there - when Chip goes "exit stage right" and breaks into a dash, his stool is left bucking back and forth in his wake. A stock Looney Tunes effect done for real, and likely unintentional.
  • The episode with the "Captain Hair" running gag (about Colin, of course), especially when Ryan said Colin's nickname in German would be "Herr Hair!"
    • The look Colin gives Ryan after he says that is priceless. Not to mention Ryan having to hold Colin back twice.
    • Then there's the Newsflash game mentioned below, where he made the bald joke comment. The two in conjunction...
    • "Well, another crisis solved! Now it's time to find the guy who made that suggestion!"
  • "Would you like some jello...Hitler?"
    • Especially throughout the whole episode how the guys weren't allowed to do anything on Hitler for some reason, so they took stabs at the topic occasionally, culminating in this bit from Hoedown:
      Ryan: Our director, he really is the boss,
      At yelling and screaming, he's never at a loss,
      He's the meanest guy that you will ever see,
      He should sprout a mustache and move to Germany!
    • He got a standing ovation for his Take That! at the director.
    • Fun Fact: This was also the 100th Hoedown aired (adding the UK and US airings).
  • In one episode, Drew brought a tape recorder in which he previously recorded "1,000 points" into it. Later on, Wayne steals the recorder, records his own message into it("My ass. My ass. My ass. My ass."), and yes, Hilarity Ensues. Drew's reaction is just hilarious.
  • Perhaps Drew's most infamous screw-up is when he apparently forgets what he learned in geography, and accidentally calls Africa a country instead of a continent. Naturally, the others made him pay dearly. Plus a Moment of Awesome to a contestant that got picked during Drew's The Price Is Right run with a custom T-shirt referencing the blooper and for Drew to make light of the incident. To this day, people never let Drew forget this.
  • Drew brings up the zippers on Wayne's pants after a Superheroes game, and Wayne responds "It's my tribute to Michael" and breaks into his trademark Michael impression. Greg, not to be outdone, says "Here's my tribute to Latoya.", pulls his nose up with his finger and makes a grimaced face.
    Greg: Just gettin' a shout out, man... she's not here, right?
    Drew: I love Latoya's just sittin' at home: "I think I'll watch some Whose Line tonight. [anguished] OHHHH!" [laughs]
  • In one episode, after coming back from a commercial break, Drew waved his hand in front of his face for some reason and said "Pew, welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway?, the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter..." Ryan interrupted by saying, "You know how that's gonna look when you come back from commercial and you go, "Whoo!" (indicating that Drew just farted, of course)
  • This:
    Ryan: Damn rolling black-outs!
    [Wayne starts rolling across the floor]
    Ryan: No, not that kind!
  • Anytime Greg laughs, it's pure joy. Notable instances:
    • Laughing at Drew accidentally calling Africa a country instead of a continent
    • Laughing at Colin's LMAD quirk of "his anger management thong tightens when he gets upset"
    • His brief but loud "HA HA!" when Drew read the "Hollywood Director" scene that he was playing Van Helsing, kicking down the door to confront Dracula
    • The "Party Quirks" when Drew said that Wayne was a "chicken with an attitude" (Greg briefly doubled over with laughter)
    • His laugh in "Let's Make a Date" when Drew read that Ryan was Colin's highly competitive uglier brother (this one made Greg laugh so hard he fell out of his chair!)
    • Before one "Questionable Impressions", Drew preemptively warned the performers that the impressions they do better be somebody the crowd knows. This caused Greg to emit a brief, "HA HA!" And during the game, Greg's very audible off-screen laughter at Colin's James Cagney impression.
    • After one of Drew's opening jokes: "The points are like whoever's behind you in the buffet line. Who cares." Greg: "HA HA!"
    • It's funny even when you can't hear the laughter: During one "Questionable Impressions", when Colin began to "sing" in gibberish, Greg is seen laughing hard in the background.
  • Drew, after a commercial break: "And by the way, if you're watching the show in Beirut, for God's sake, turn off your TV and move. I mean God, what do we have to tell you??"
  • After a "Weird Newscasters" where Wayne played a girl scout possessed by the devil:
    Drew: [to Wayne] This is gonna sound funny, but you're not the first girl scout I've seen possessed by the devil.
    Ryan: Those weren't real girl scouts; those were girls you paid to pretend they were girl scouts!
    Drew: ...Tell your wife I said "hello". [audience laughs] Let's just stop this; I love you, man.
    Colin: Hey, come on, make fun of the bald guy! I'll be your lightning rod of hate! [audience laughs]
    Ryan: [laughing] Lightning rod...
    Drew: You asked for it; this next game is for Ryan and Baldy!
  • All of Drew's various "That's ME!" remarks, said after he described a sordid individual:
    Drew: Hey, you know that disheveled-looking transvestite you always see leaning on a lamppost when you're driving home late at night? That's ME! :)
    • Another example:
      Drew: Hey, you know when you get on the internet and you get an instant message that's really disgusting and filthy, but it almost turns you on? That's ME! :)
  • Whenever Drew tells the audience to shut up. One example:
    Drew: The points are just like Father's Day at Madonna's house. (audience says "Ooooohhh") What, is she here? Shut up.
  • After a game, Drew awarded 500 points and Ryan whistled.
    Drew: Hey. 1,000 'cause you whistled.
    • Similarly:
      Drew: 1,000 points- [Ryan's holding up two fingers] What? Okay, 2,000 points. [Ryan looks pleased; Drew mouths, "I love you."]
  • One of the "winner gets to do a little something special with me" jokes:
    Drew: ...And the loser has to go back to CANADA where he belongs! [a stressed Colin rubs his eyes]
  • In one episode (from the same taping as the "Africa's a country" mistake), Drew initially said the next game was "Let's Make A Date" (which the performers just got done with), prompting Greg to call Drew "Captain Alzheimer". Later in the same episode, this issue of saying the wrong game came up again:
    Drew: Let's go onto... Song Styles! Greatest Hits! [audience laughs; Ryan shakes his head in disbelief]
    Greg: This is for all four contestants; Wayne is gonna be choosing a date, but they're not exactly what you'd think!
    Drew: [beat] ...Well, let's go onto a game called Greatest Hits!
  • The batch of episodes where Drew gave Halloween candy to the winners. In one of the episodes, he only had jellybeans to throw and, after a game, sloppily threw the jellybeans in their general direction.
    Greg: Jellybeans on the floor? This is the best Halloween ever, Drew!
    • Also funny: Ryan grabbed some jellybeans, pretended to cough, and threw them over his shoulder so he wouldn't have to eat them.
  • This "back from commercial" bit in-between games:
    Drew: Hey, I want to send a special thank you to everybody who sends in audition tapes. Tonight's winner is Riley Breen from Sandusky, Ohio, so congratulations, Riley. We're going to be taping the show tonight over your audition tape.
    • Another one:
      Drew: During the break, I had a cheeseburger, two pizzas and a six-pack of beer. Now we'll move on to- 'cause I'm a pig. Now we'll move on to...
  • After a "Hollywood Director":
    Drew: Thousand points to everybody, especially to you, Colin.
    Colin: Why, thank you, Drew!
    Drew: [laying it on thick] 'Cause, you know, you're the best director ever.
    Colin: [feigned modesty] Gosh.
    Drew: [to camera] I gotta humor him 'cause he's bald.
    Ryan: Jeez Louise.
    [audience awws]
    Drew: Oh man, never make fun of the popular funny guy, that's the thing you shouldn't do. Sorry, Colin.
    Colin: That's all right.
    Drew: Now, let's go on to a game called... (bleep bleep) Colin. Let's go on to a game called-
    Ryan: I don't wanna play that.
    Drew: I do!
  • The episode where Drew gave $100 bills to the winners of the games gave quite a few funny moments:
    • After "Remote Control" when Drew threw the first prize, Wayne examined the bill and was amazed that it was real. Ryan asked to see it, and dismissed, "It's not a real bill.", only to put it in his own pocket.
    • After a particularly "friendly" "Let's Make a Date" where Colin kissed Ryan and Wayne, Drew said, "Colin... Colin... another $100 here, buddy. Thanks." (kisses Colin on the mouth)
      Drew: How bad you want it, Mochrie? Come on, get your dirty money.
    • After "Sound Effects", Ryan and Colin gave their $100 prizes to the women who provided their sound effects. Cut to a surprised Drew.
      Drew: I was just about to-
      Ryan: I'm sorry, did you want that back??
      Drew: No, you just saved me $200. I was just about to do that, but now I don't have to anymore.
      Colin: Hey, that was our money!
    • After "Motown Group", Drew complimented Colin and offered him another $100. Colin turned it down, so Drew threw the dollar into the crowd.
      Ryan: [pretending to be one of the audience members; miming punching] That's MY dollar!!!
    • "The points don't matter, but the $100 bills sure do."
    • In another episode from the same taping, Drew threw another bill towards the performers, not caring who it went to. None of them went for it, until Ryan pretended to drop one of his cards and went to pick it up, which prompted Wayne and Jeff to make a run for the dollar.
  • Everyone just loves to mess with Drew
  • After a playing of "Award Show" where all the performers were supposed to moon the audience, Wayne says something to Brad over the audience applause, which Drew notices:
    Drew: Are you serious? Are you serious? (Wayne points to his ear) No, I read your lips, are you serious? (Wayne presumably nods off-screen) Wayne just said to Brad, "I would've done it with you, but I have a G-string on!"
    Wayne: (audience cheers) Yes, I... (some audience members sound audibly grossed out) Hey, it gives me support! What's up!
    Ryan: It's not like it's a leopard G-string, is-is it...? (Wayne hand waves this)
    Drew: I thought you were jokin' around.
    Brad: (sounding macho) It's a G-string!
    Wayne: Right. When I'm hangin' with my homies. Hold on... (pulls one of the straps out from his pants)
    Drew: Holy crap, he is wearing a G-string!
    (audience cheers)
    Wayne: You like that, huh?
    • For a follow-up to this, see the Party Quirks tab.
  • After a "Scenes From a Hat" with one of the suggestions being "mundane activities that might be improved with nudity", Drew gave points to himself:
    Drew: 1,000 points to me on that one, for doing this: [buzzes and smiles]
    Wayne: 2,000. [Drew buzzes again] 3. [buzzes] 4. [buzzes] Okay, that's too much.
    Drew: I'm in the lead right now, how about that? That's the kind of power you get when you're the supervisor.
  • After a commercial break:
    Drew: Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway?, where applauding loudly means you're great in bed! [audience cheers; Ryan and Colin tepidly clap] That was so cheap; I can't believe I did that.
  • That look Drew gives the performers whenever he's trying to do a Death Glare, but you can tell he's trying really, really hard not to crack up. If you've seen more than two episodes, you know which one we mean.
  • Wayne jumps in in response to Drew's description of the points.
    Drew: That's right, the points don't mean a thing. Just like when I say "I love you" when I'm drunk.
    Wayne: [shocked] No! [starts to cry]
  • After the first commercial break in the "Salute to American Television" episode:
    Drew: We really wanted to make tonight something special, but unfortunately, Mr. T wanted too much money.
    Brad: [sarcastic] Salute to television! [salutes]
  • "I'm Drew Carey, Lord of the Onion Rings..."
  • After a playing of "Superheroes" where Colin played the Staple Gun Kid (and made a crack at Geppetto), Drew awarded no points to Colin, but promised he would sing them to him later.
    Colin: I loooove you.
    Drew: What? I can't hear you; your shirt's too loud.
    Colin: [shakes head] What happened to you?
    Drew: [interrupting] Now let's go on to- I'm sorry, I can't hear you. What? [leans on buzzer]
  • In a season 1 episode, during "Props", the typical buzzer is replaced by the doorbell noise. After the game, Drew explains:
    Drew: In case you were wondering, [rings doorbell] why I was using the doorbell, instead of the buzzer, [taps buzzer and no sound comes out] is 'cause the buzzer... [taps again] is broken.
  • Another post-commercial joke from Drew: "And hey, aren't you glad everyone doesn't honk when they're horny?"
  • Before one "Two-Line Vocabulary", the scene involved three seamen on a Naval ship. The audience snickered, and Ryan made fun of them with a "grow up, people" look on his face and mouthing "Come on...". Drew got in on the fun when he emphasized, "Seaman Ryan or seaman Brad".
  • Before one "Boogie Woogie Sisters", Drew combined Wayne and Brad's names: "This is for... Wad... heh, "Wad"." Then Brad ran forward while pretending to have antlers or horns. Then Wayne gave a Call-Back to earlier in the show when a woman who knew sign language taught the group how to say "I'm sorry": "You better say... (rubs chest)"
  • "Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway?, the show that Nostradamus never saw comin'."
  • After the "Narrate" set at a market, which involved Ryan and Colin, Drew said, "1,000 points each to Wayne and Greg. Good job, guys." Wayne and Greg high-fived each other and Ryan looked mock-baffled.
  • In the first episode of season 2, at the start of "Greatest Hits", Drew said Wayne's going to make up songs... "If he can." Wayne looked mock-offended and drew a line across the floor with his foot.
  • After the "Weird Newscasters" with Wayne as a Jamaican sex god who hit on Drew, Drew reminded the audience: "He's married, ladies. Sorry. They're all married. Even Colin's married."
  • When Drew knocked over the camera by throwing the "Scenes From a Hat" hat against it.
  • In an intro to one episode, Drew parodied the then-recent Britney Spears mic problems by pretending that his audio was cutting in and out.
    Drew: Let's (start the s)how wi(th) a ga(me) ca(lled)... Just kidding around about the mic guy.
  • After one game, Drew said that Wayne's "got back".
    Wayne: I don't know what y'all talkin' about. [waves his butt in the air]
    Ryan: Hey Wayne, can I borrow that butt for the weekend?
    Wayne: Sorry, my brother, you gots to get your own.
    Drew: I love that commercial.
  • Whenever a joke almost causes Drew to spit out his drink. An example: "I'm your anchor, Lars Lars, Pants on Fars."
  • Before one playing of "Questions with Wigs", Wayne (who was in a very silly mood) began stroking a blonde wig while seductively looking at Drew. Drew noted: "You are just full of protein tonight. Yes, you are."
  • Two episodes had Drew playing with his role on the show: One had him playing "1,000 points!" on his tape recorder, and whispering "I'm trying to make it where I don't have to show up at all!" (Ryan: "Damn close."). Another episode had him holding up a framed picture of himself with a recording emanating from it: "Hey, that was great, 1,000 points for everybody." Then before "Party Quirks", he held the picture in front of his face, with the picture reading the game card.
  • In a season 3 episode, Drew gave points to Ryan, though admitted the points don't mean anything. Ryan disagreed:
    Ryan: Not to me. I'm savin' up, I'm gonna buy that desk. [points to Drew's desk]
  • The moment when Drew chokes on an Altoid mint.
    Drew: (after leaning over the side of his desk and coughing) Fuck, man.
    Ryan: He's choking on a $100 bill.
    Chip: Tombstone.
    Ryan: It's too rich for him.
    Drew: Oh my God. I almost choked to death on an Altoid.
    Ryan: Well, they are curiously strong.
    Drew: "Ha ha, he almost died."
  • Before one "Film, TV & Theater Styles" when Drew was getting suggestions from the audience, one person yelled "Documentary" but Drew either didn't hear him or didn't want to use his suggestion. After repeated attempts to get Drew to take his suggestion, Ryan helped out by shouting "DOCUMENTARY!" to Drew while pointing at the audience member. Drew finally accepted the suggestion.
  • Some of the commercials for the show.
    • In one, they state a new face is coming to Whose Line. Will he be able to think on the spot without a script? (cue clips of Robin doing just that) "Yeah, he'll fit right in."
    • The promo ABC made for the reruns that is literally nothing but Drew laughing really hard while his glasses are off. It was also a genius promo because it made you want to watch the show regularly to find which episode that came from. Note 
    • Another ABC Family promo put some scenes to slow motion and black and white while rousing orchestral music played, such as the "Infomercial" where Colin mimed pulling a piece of rope through Ryan's body.
  • It was a Running Gag that Ryan looks like a grown-up Doogie Howser, M.D., but now that Former Child Star Neil Patrick Harris has made his big return, it becomes Hilarious in Hindsight how Ryan was more than a little off on that end.
  • Before one game that involved Laura Hall, Drew commented on her sparkly outfit: "Liberace's sister." Laura gives him a catty look that is hilarious.

     90 Second Alphabet 
  • The exploding volcano one, particularly this run:
    Ryan: Xerox copies of the volcano will be available in the lobby.
    Drew: You think he's lost his mind?
    Colin: Zither music makes more sense than he does.
    Ryan: Africa was a place I visited many years ago.
    Drew: Bob, he's gone crazy, I tell you.
  • The restaurant one, where Drew is unsatisfied with his cold meal, especially this bit:
    Ryan: Oh, suddenly you want a free meal, is that what you're saying?
    Drew: Perhaps that's what I'd like, a free meal, yes, that would be one... a good place to start.
    [beat as Ryan stares inquisitively]
    Ryan: Que?
  • The one where Colin is bitten by a poisonous snake. Colin gets stuck with the letter "v", and he comes up with, "...Vuh... [faints from the poison]"

    Moments with Special Guests 
  • The episode with Richard Simmons has plenty of funny moments.
    • The Living Scenery game is notable as it is one of the few instances where Colin actually loses his composure. Richard winking at the camera multiple times didn't help.
    • After one of the games, Wayne remarked, "I feel ten pounds lighter, and just a little dirty."
    • Everyone in the studio was laughing nearly nonstop during "Living Scenery", but special mention goes to Drew right after the "Simmons acting as a tower viewer" gag, where his distinctive high-pitched laugh is clearly heard. It's contagious.
  • The whole episode with Robin Williams as the guest fourth player could count, especially that episode's Scenes From A Hat (seen 30 seconds into the video). Like the Richard Simmons one, it's also commonly cited as one of the show's greatest episodes.
    • During Props:
      Robin: Rick'em rack'em rock'em ruck'em
      Get that ball and really FIGHT!
      • And Wayne is freaking out the whole time, like "Oh dear God, please don't let Robin curse and ruin this game!" Even better, it looks like Wayne is about to try and clap his hand over Robin's mouth, only for Robin to do the word swap. Cue Wayne exhaling in relief and holding his hand to his heart.
    • Hollywood Director. After the normal style, Robin takes the show,
      Colin: CUT! CUT! CUT!
      Robin: I'm really having a hard time staying in character
      Colin: I KNOW YOU ARE! YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME! I've seen better character development on the Match Game!
      Robin: [pretend to take it offensive and makes mocking faces at him]
      Colin: All right, let's try to concentrate and work hard!
      Robin: [mocking] Oh, fine, "work hard work hard..."
      Colin: Now...
      Robin: Last night you didn't say that!
      [Colin freaks out, Robin and he quietly converse, then hug while Wayne and Ryan look in confusion as Ryan shows he wants an explanation]
      Colin: He's very special, he needs work.
      • Then the second style, which is Riverdance, it ends with Robin, Wayne, and Ryan striking dramatic poses. Then...
        Colin: [enter] CUT!
        Ryan: At the end, that seemed a little too Charlie's Angels.
        [audience laughs]
        Colin: I WISH! Now what we need to—
        Robin: Can I take a moment?
        Colin: [to Robin] Take it.
        Robin: Done!
        Colin: Alright! That's why I love working with you!
        Wayne: What about me?
        Colin: SHUT UP!
        Wayne: :(
    • Scenes From a Hat, "Famous Hollywood roles as played by Carol Channing":
    • "Things you don't expect to hear when you put your ear to a seashell":
      Ryan: "I'm Spartacus!"
      Wayne: PUTMEDOWN!!!
      Robin: Who's yer daddy?
    • "What Robin Williams is thinking right now":
      Robin: I have a career, what the hell am I doing?
    • Two other great Robin moments: At the very start of the show, Drew said the points don't matter, "just like Blair Witch 2." Instantly, Robin ran up to a camera and said, "Get out get out!" Later, after the first commercial break, Robin was hiding under Drew's desk and "scared" him by popping out.
    • Another funny moment: Robin abruptly shouted "YEEEEAAAAAHHH!!!" when Drew pulled up the "Scenes from a Hat" hat.
  • Florence Henderson in a session of Dubbing. Brad takes full advantage of the situation. Only three lines in and Wayne jumps out of his seat!
    Brad: I hope you can clean my leaf trap if you know what I mean.
    • Also Wayne jumping up in surprise and then walking closer to get a better look.
    • The The Brady Bunch parody skit featuring Ryan in a wig playing Jan.
      • "I don't feel pretty!" (Wig falls off)
      • Made all the funnier by Florence Henderson deliberately subverting her image as the perfect TV mom, calling Ryan-as-Jan a twit and "not very pretty" and slapping "her".
    • And of course there's Florence's introduction in "Song Styles", where Wayne calls her "Mom" and she declares he's the lost Brady kid ("the cute one"), with Wayne adding in the song that he's the one they didn't like to talk about.
    • And this:
      Brad: Oh come on Mrs. Brady / please give me a treat / I'll be Sam the Butcher / and then you can try my meat!
  • All of the Jerry Springer episode, but especially the Three-Headed Broadway Star song I Dream About Your Yarmulke.
  • Wayne (as David Hasselhoff) tells Colin he's one of the most exquisitely honed women he's ever seen in his life.
    Colin: You gotta get out more.
    • Also: "Look at this weapon I have in my hands!"
    • The other great Hoff moment: "I Can't Live Without Your Mother".
    • The best part of the song:
      Ryan: Mothers...
      David: Of invention...
      Wayne: ...Hyphenated...
      Ryan: Is...
      David: [long pause as David struggles to think of a word] HELP!!!
  • Who could ever forget the 'Chyna' incident?
    Colin: Oh it's so nice to have a woman on the show!
    [later, after Ryan is also kissed]
    Ryan: I had forgotten what that was like!
    • Especially good is Colin holding one finger, high in the air as if to say to his wife "It was worth it!"
  • The episode with the twin belly dancers, Neena and Veena Bidasha. Not only does a snake go for Wayne's crotch, but Ryan & Colin have more fun playing Living Scenery than they ever have before.
  • Whoopi Goldberg, after "Two Line Vocabulary":
    Whoopi: I feel like I should give my points back on that one.
    Drew: Nah, that's okay, you got it.
    Whoopi: I just don't know.
    Ryan: Y'know, sometimes you get points you didn't think you deserved, but other times, you think you deserved them, but you didn't get.
    Whoopi: Then I'll keep my points.
    Drew: So take 'em when you can get 'em is what I'm saying.

  • These four blooper reels contains many funny mess-ups. As it's better to have content than just pasting a link, textual examples will also be listed in case the links are removed.
    • A botched game of Hoedown:
      Brad: I was feeling frisky, I went for a drive/ I took all my handguns and shot myself alive, I...
      [Brad realizes what he just said, grins, then collapses on the floor]
      Wayne: [once the Hoedown resumes] I consider myself quite a fugal frella/ But sometime-
      [Brad cracks up]
      Wayne: Shut up! Keep it going!
      Colin: I went to the machine to take out some money/ And then I notice there was something funny/ As I came closer my heart boy it sank/ It was an ATM machine for a Sperm bank!
    • Then, after the Hoedown:
      Ryan: Tarzan think you no love him anymore. Must get back to roots.
      Colin: What do you mean?
      Ryan: Before you come, Tarzan only have animals. Animals think Tarzan forget about him now.
      [the audience gives a disgusted reaction, Brad cracks up]
      Ryan: [realizing] I mean as friends!
    • Also, during an attempt at 90-Second Alphabet:
      Drew: Bozo the Clown said they had the best desserts here.
      Ryan: Clowns!? We never serve clowns!
      Drew: Don't you deny it!
      Ryan: Good gracious, sir, I've tried to make your meal...
      [audience laughs, Brad hits the buzzer]
      Ryan: [realizing] Oh, shit! [collapses on the floor]
  • "We'll be right back to Happy Waldo and the Salty Monkey..."
  • Ryan's unaired Halloween Hoedown verse brings the entire hoedown to a complete halt.
    Ryan: [singing] I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day / When I open up the door, kids and mothers run away / I have no costume, I don't care in the land / I open up the door, I've got my penis in my hand! [the rest of the cast start cracking up, while the audience bursts out in riotous laughter] What do you want!? WHAT DO YOU WANT!? Everyone took mine!
    • You can tell Ryan fights to resist laughing on his final verse because he knows what he's about to say is well beyond crossing the line - and he facepalms himself even before he says what he says. And you can tell Colin found that last line painful - he just buries his face in his hands in laughter mixed with embarrassment. Yes, ironically, Ryan, notorious for absolutely hating hoedowns, managed to do with this one what he very rarely accomplished otherwise: he cracked up Colin.
  • "I smell like condiments."
  • The Ian Gomez taping bloopers feature two hoedown verses from Brad (and some suggestions from Drew) that would never make it to air:
    Brad: I went to an awful restaurant and I have to use these towels / Cause all the food taste something from your bowels / I have to leave right away cause it didn't really matter / What was I thinking ordering the 'Pu-Pu-Platter'!
    [this causes the game to completely stop as everyone seems to crack up on that joke while the director lectures him as Brad hides behind the wall before going back to his seat]
    Drew: I think the censor just exploded up in the booth. [singing] The waiter later blew me, I think that he was gay. Thought that he was gay!
    Brad: Exactly! You never heard of a 'Pu-Pu-Platter'?
    Ryan: You know how I like those Shiitake mushrooms on the sides? That's nice.
    Drew: [singing] So I can jack off on my salad. Jack off on my salad!
  • Another unaired hoedown that Denny sang:
    Denny: Well, I miss the '60s, I miss them quite a lot / I'd sit around listen to the music, it was really hot / Well I do a lot of yard work, that's what's come to pass / 'Cos it's a cheap way to get my hands on grass!
    [when it was Colin's turn he couldn't come up with anything until the director stops it as Colin mouths "Thank you"]
    Denny: THANK YOU! [starts tapping her wrist]]' Thank you very much!
    [singing while also tapping his wrist] While I was shooting 'H'!
    [singing] Because I love cocaine! (humming a bit) I do lots of yard work because I love cocaine! [cracks up]''
    • "Whatever it is, it's got six dicks."
      Drew: Thousand points apiece for keeping it clean.
      • "Whatever it is, it's got five dicks."
  • Brad and Wayne serenading an audience member in the style of a '50s crooner ballad. As Wayne pretends to pull a comb through his "hair" (with a mock gssssssh sound to imitate the gratuitous amount of hair product):
    Brad: BLIPBLIPBLIPBLIPBLIPBLIIIIDIP blipblip... we're really doing this??
    Wayne: [realizes Brad's crack and dies laughing]
  • Drew Crosses the Line Twice in an unused intro:
    • Something similar:
      Drew: Now we move on to the game called 'Fuck Me Silly'. This is for...
      [Colin and Ryan get up and leave]
  • In the outtake reel for the Patrick Bristow taping, Brad starts falling asleep and his uninterested reaction forces the producers to do a retake because it would look really bad in an actual episode. The cast and eventually the whole audience starts booing him and needling him for it. Then he becomes The Scapegoat for every misstep that occurs afterward because he threw off the groove of the taping until everyone jumps on the "Let's pick on Brad" bandwagon.
    Ryan: Brad - quit fuckin' around!
    Drew: Brad.
    Ryan: I think Brad should apologize to Drew.
    Heckler: Thanks, Brad!
    Drew: THANKS, BRAD!
    [whole studio is booing him, Brad looks back and sheepishly sips a glass of water]
    • Later:
      Drew: Let's go on to a game called, "Let's Make A Date". This is for all four performers and, uh- can I do that one more time?
      Director: Yeah, it should be the first game, Drew.
      Stagehand: First game.
      Drew: Oh, it's the first game?
      Ryan: Come on, Brad!
      Brad: [pretends to hang himself with an invisible noose]
      Drew: [pretends to hang himself with his necktie]
    • Later again, during Song Styles with, whoda guessed, Brad:
      [Brad is singing to Anna Lisa, a good-looking woman with her cleavage visible]
      Brad: Well I can't stop starin' at your breasts.
      [audience screeches and whoops with cheers. Behind, Colin is seen facepalming due to Brad's mistakes]
      [the woman flaunts her bust to the crowd as she walks offstage]
      [Brad saunters back to his chair, making pleading gestures at the woman]
      Ryan: [walks onstage] Goodnight, everyone!
      Drew: Nice goin', Brad.
      [Brad shrugs]
      Colin: [does his "Weird Newscasters" voice] This just in: Brad's still single.
      [audience goes "OHH!"]
      [Brad facepalms]
    • Yet again, with an older woman:
      Brad: I can't stop starin' at your breasts.
      Ryan: Speaking of two stools, is this gonna take much longer?
  • During one "throw to commercial" take, a camera lowered right in front of Drew.
  • One blooper actually made it into an actual episode: When Greg screwed up his first attempt at the "Scene to Rap" set in a school:
    Greg: [rapping] This is school as you can see / I'm a principal for thee / I'm the principal, that's true... [talking, and laughing with humility] and I'm fucking this up, man.
    [Wayne immediately breaks down in uncontrollable laughter]
  • When one "Weird Newscasters" started, the news fanfare played before Drew even got to read Wayne's and Ryan's quirks. Colin was naturally confused.
    Drew: Brad, you only have a 5-second memory. [news theme plays] Uh, yeah. Like the sound guy.
  • Before a game that Drew participated in Drew started flaunting his sexiness
    Drew: If you were single, you'd be... POW! [thrusts his hips forward] POW! [does it again] POW POW POW! [mimes spanking a woman while saying more "POW!"s]
  • An unused "Hoedown" verse from Ryan, which later was used in a season 8 episode:
    Ryan: [singing] Singing a song about a Vending Machine/ Don't you know that is really not my scene/ Try to think of something funny with a clever little twist/ If we do another Hoedown, I'll slit my fucking wrists!
    • Another one, about the IRS:
      Ryan: [singing] I don't file my taxes every single year/ I guess it's the IRS I really really fear/ I guess that's bad of me, doesn't show a lot of class/ But every time I do they seem to FUCK ME UP THE ASS!
    • Another one:
      Ryan: [singing] When it comes to hoedowns, they're doing another one/ After the first one I thought that I was done/ Feeling such a fool and a little twit/ This is what I have to do to please the fucking Brit!
    • After a Hoedown about bathrooms, Drew (who wasn't playing the game) made up his own verse:
      Drew: [singing] ...Blow job from the janitor! Blow job from the janitoooooooor!
  • In one unused "Greatest Hits":
    Ryan: We interrupt your movie, Men in Back, for just a few moments while you tell you about a special offer. Colin?
    Colin: I'm kinda tired, why don't you take it?
    Ryan: ....Aw, fuck you, then I will! You know, we've got so many CDs on this-
    Drew: I don't know if you know this, but there's a campus minister and a 17-year old in the audience.
  • Two rejected suggestions from "Super-Heroes":
    • The first is "Cross-Dressing Man" who was called to save the crisis of "Frizzy Hair" for Greg until the director halts the game.
      Director: Hold please.
      Colin: Can't use frizzy hair.
      Ryan: Can't use frizzy hair, people have frizzy hair.
      Drew: Sorry. "Cross-Dressing Man" didn't go with the censors.
      Greg: You know there's a lot of transvestite viewers and they wouldn't think this was funny!
    • The same taping includes a game of "Greatest Hits" that gets cut short before they can do "Songs of the Mortician."
      Greg: You don't want dead people calling in!
    • And the second one is "Blind Jim" for Brad. Once again...
      Director: Hold please.
      Brad: What? They're saying no? What a surprise!
      Ryan: How about Crippled Carl? Is that okay?
      Drew: Retarded Ricky!
      Brad: It's Herpes Hank!
  • There are two unaired "Sound Effects", which Ryan provided the sounds for Colin:
    • The first being Colin as a space astronaut trying to fix the spaceship rear. However, the sound effects that Ryan make is flatulent sound. This causes Colin to mime that he can't stand the smell, takes off his helmet, his head explodes and dies floating.
    • But the best one is the second one where Colin is an Eskimo who's about to go hunting. Unfortunately, Ryan makes an animal sound which Colin has no idea what it is, causing Ryan to crack up. At the end of the game, this is what Ryan says:
      Ryan: We need a place where there's absolutely nothing to make a sound.
  • "Dead Bodies". There are some notable unaired scenes.
    • An attractive female audience member plays dead in a chair and her legs fall completely open. She shuts them and starts laughing at the accidental display (luckily she was wearing jeans). Greg offers a comment on the side.
      Greg: SECURITY!!
    • These lines when Colin plays with Ryan, much to Ryan's displeasure:
      Colin: Want to limbo? [then starts flapping his ears] I'm getting some altitude!
    • Colin miming Drew while doing the Can-Can dance and later a pole dance.
    • "Have I mentioned my penis yet?"
  • Before one "Film, TV & Theater Styles":
    Drew: So, start out like you're normal...
    Ryan: (amused by how Drew phrased that) Gonna be tough.
  • Ryan spilled water on his shirt during a scene. Instead of changing his shirt, he tried to hide the wet spot by sitting strategically and covering his shirt with his arms.
  • Brad: "Welcome to the six o'clock news. I'm Loose Bowels."

    Action Replay 
  • The whole point of this game seems to be Wayne performing hard-to-do physical moves that Ryan and Colin will have to suffer through. So imagine Wayne's surprise when Colin successfully imitates his "stop drop and roll" maneuver (which involves kicking your legs up in the air while doing a belly flop onto the ground).
  • In one instance, Greg and Wayne are given the prompt of a tourist on an African safari and his guide. When they start the scene, the first thing Wayne does is establish himself as the tourist and Greg as the local guide. Even funnier, Wayne doesn't give Greg a name, he just says "Hello, guide!"

    African Chant 
  • Of course, the one with Chris the visual effects artist. The fun began even before the game: Drew announced the game name, and Wayne, pretending to be offended, got up and started to walk off-stage but sat back down. It got even better:
    Drew: Uh, Africa is a big country, uh, just by India there, Madagascar is an island off the...
    [Greg laughs, loudly, off-camera]
    Greg: It's also a big continent if you're a geographer.
    Drew: [embarrassed] Yeah.
    [audience laughs]
    Greg: I couldn't help it, Drew. You're like Little Richard!
    Drew: I know, I said "country" instead of "continent", I can't read the cards. It's just not good. S-let's go on- oh, so this is "African Chant". This is, uh, of course, Africa is a big continent in the middle of the world. [Greg gives a mock "how interesting!" expression] Now Wayne's gonna make up a song-
    Wayne: [mock offended] Why I gotta do the African Chant?!
    Drew: 'Cause Colin would just mess it up.
    • In the same playing, this moment:
    Wayne: (mimes painting) Chris use a computer to make on the screen. (trying to get Chris to join him) Chris use a computer to make on the screen. Chris uses a computer to make on the screen. Chris use a computer to- (Chris finally joins him) GOTCHA!
  • And then there's this gem after another African Chant:
    Wayne: That's gonna put me in good with all the brothers and sisters in the motherland.
    Ryan: Don't you live in Sherman Oaks?

    All in One Voice 
  • The one with Colin/Wayne playing Lucy and Ryan/Brad playing Ricky Ricardo, which featured an adorable hug at the end as well. As the lyrics are often sung slowly and deliberately so that the two performers can stay in sync and sing the same thing, it was unexpected for Colin and Wayne to suddenly speed through some lyrics:
    Colin/Wayne: The... first... time I saw you swimming... I.... knew... it's your love I'm getting!
  • The Kermit and Miss Piggy one might actually have surpassed that one in hilarity. "IIIIII... love the taste of POOOORRRRKKK..."

    Award Show 
  • The award show for hillbillies. Specifically these moments:
    • Wayne says the award is for the best in "hillbillery".
    • Some of the locations that the nominees are from, such as "Alama-hachee-hoochee, Tennessee" and "Chattahoochie Skunk Lick Falls".
    • Ryan, during his acceptance speech:
      Ryan: I'd like to thank my acting coach, Ned Beatty, for all the work... and, I'd like to thank the mother of my baby, my mother.
    • They also thank the Lord:
      Ryan: ...For making us, and... others like us...
      Colin: And puttin' us all in the same vicinity.
  • The award show for bitter divorce. On their way down the steps, Ryan grabs a random guy from the audience.
    Ryan: Thank you, I brought my lawyer with me.
    Colin: Thank God, 'cause we're sleeping together now.
    Ryan: You're sleeping with him, too?
    Guy: ...I'm sorry!
    Ryan: How does that work?! [to guy] Return, please. Well... [quietly, to Colin] You're gonna be the woman?
    • The presentation stuff with Greg and Wayne is funny also, with plenty of awkwardness and Reading the Stage Directions Out Loud to go around:
      Greg: [stilted delivery] What, a pleasure, to be here tonight, invited to give out, the award, for most bitter divorce. Right, Wayne?... Right-
      Wayne: Wayne.
      Greg: Wayne.
      Wayne: Yes. Yes, Greg, you are absolutely right. A divorce-
      Greg: Thank you.
      Wayne: There's no need for all divorces to be brutal and horrible, but thank goodness that these we're... WERE.
      Greg: Because without bitter divorces, there couldn't be ugly settlements and then huge alimony payments. [fake laughs with Wayne and the two try to high-five each other but miss]

  • Colin's angry about a speeding ticket. The best part was when he first sat down, and impatiently shouted, "WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO DO FOR SERVICE AROUND HERE?!"
    • In the same game, Ryan was in love with his shoes. When the song began, Ryan said, "Glad to see this is still a gay bar." And Brad sang to Ryan, "I see that keeps you young / You love your shoes 'cause they give you a little tongue / Well that's okay, don't you frown / Even though it looks like you stole your shoes from a clown."
  • Wayne is in love with Chip the bartender. Before the song, Wayne is seeing locking the door; making sure Chip doesn't escape. Chip's response: "I think I need a drink!"
    • Wayne's ending of his song:
      Wayne: 'Cause I'm the chocolate, and you're the chip!
    • And Chip's response as he escapes:
      Chip: Right now, Wayne... CHIPS AHOY!!
    Colin: Look at me, my peace is disturbed,
    Look at me, I'm really quite perturbed,
    Look at me, I once HAD AN AFRO!
    Now it's gone,
    The barber took it away,
    Now I look like an orange, Ole!
    Chip: Look at you, look at your forehead,
    Look at you, now I see more head,
    Look at you, they just kept cuuuuuuttiiiing!
    You said you wanted a little, right off the top,
    But that guy just didn't know when to stop,
    Just look at you,
    My god you're BALD!
    • Cue to Colin whispering to him after Chip polish his head
      Colin: There may be small *** jokes later!
    • And the intro:
      Colin: [before Chip can say anything] Hey, just pour a drink!
      Chip: [beat] Did I get your wife pregnant?
      Colin: [calmly] No.

    Changed Letter 
  • Brad and Colin as teenagers ready to elope, where L becomes P. Highlights:
    • "I'm so filled with pust!" (should've been "fipped"; strangely, not called out)
    • "I pove you pike no other! No other girp in the whole worpd!" "I'm the... puckiest girp in the worpd!"
    • "You sputty popita!"
    • "Pisten! Ppease!"
    • "She was pooking at something on my pip! "I hope you're on the pipp!"
    • "Are you gonna epope?!"
    • "Marry me!" "I wipp! I wipp!"
    • After the game, Drew said: "1,000 points to app of you... especially Copin."
  • Wayne as a basketball player, where B becomes W. Highlights:
    • "All right, wawy."
    • "Lighten up, ya wastard."
    • "What are you doing here, with your woows floppin' all over the place?"
    • "This story could get me on the way to a... wrilliant career."
  • A nude picnic, where P becomes G. Highlights:
    • "Gringles! Once you gog, you can't stog!"
    • "Nice genis." ("You are gonna gay for that!")
    • Ryan's slip-up: "Gerhaps we could join you!"
    • "Would you like some gog? Some soda gog! ("Soda gog and gickles?!") Am I sgeaking another language?"
    • "Oh! I'm sitting in goo!"
  • A hospital, where B becomes F. Highlights:
    • "Fetty?" "Yeah, Brank?" ''(Brad does a double-take)
    • "I just had a great fowel movement."
    • "My flood! I'm fleeding!" "Get a flugen flagen flugen flieger!"
    • Brad tries to goad Wayne into cursing:
      Brad: Were you out shooting male deer? [Wayne smiles] A fig six pointer?
      Wayne: Yes.
      Colin: Damn those stags.
      Wayne: A great fig...
      Colin: Yeah.
    • "Your fladder is fruised."
    • "I got a fig ol' futt, oh yeah!"

    Credits Reading 
  • The style was "Drew Carey: The Musical". Ryan, Colin, Chip, and Wayne harmonized (by pretending to make buzzer noises), then Ryan said, "Everybody choke!", a reference to the episode from the same taping where Drew briefly choked on an Altoid mint.
    Chip: [as Drew] I want another show!
  • In retaliation for Greg starting the Running Gag about "Africa's a continent", Drew made Greg read the credits as a stripper. The unenthusiastic look on Greg's face when Drew tells him that is great.
  • In episode 4.29, the gag from "Living Scenery" where Colin and Ryan pretended Kathy Greenwood and Wayne were surfboards was revisited; at the very end of the credits, Colin tickled Wayne's butt, causing him to laugh hysterically during the Hat Trick and Warner Bros. logos.
  • In episode 7.3, all four performers act like they're at a Jimmy Stewart soundalike convention. Hearing everyone stutter at the same time is hilarious.
  • In episode 3.26, Greg, Colin, and Wayne teach Ryan how to whistle, continuing the Running Gag from the episode where Ryan had trouble making a whistling sound in "Sound Effects".

    Daytime Talk Show 
  • Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore. Highlights include Karen's over-the-top landlady (who is mistaken as a man by Brad), Brad referring to Colin as the effeminate man in the audience, and the brawl between Colin and Karen.
  • The episode which featured Jerry Springer as the host. Numerous great moments:
    • They begin by trying to throw Jerry off his game.
      Ryan: Before we start, can I rub Drew's head?
      Jerry: [hesitantly] ...yeah.
      [Ryan does so]
      Jerry: You want to rub the other one?
    • Jerry goes to the audience for questions:
      Wayne: Hi, how ya doin'? I'm the woodsman. What's up, Jerry? First off, let me start off by saying that your show, you boy, I'll kick you in the head, boy, you're so funny. I love you man. Hey the thing is, you know what, that wolf, that, uh, wolf-
      Jerry: Yeah, next question.
    • The game ends with a brawl between an audience member (Greg) and the wolf (Ryan).
      Ryan: [on the floor] Where's your security, Jerry?!

    Dead Bodies 
  • In one session, Colin had the female audience participant seduce Ryan. He accidentally got her hand too close to Ryan's crotch. Colin caught himself just in time, pulled her hand away as quick as he could, and made the funniest guilty face of the century. And just for fun, the editors throw the clip in again from a different angle.
    • "I'll fight you, using the martial arts I know." "Oh, hot."
  • Then there's another playing where Colin spends the first half screwing with Drew. Just when you think it's over... WAW-BUP! WAW-BUP! What we don't see is the part where Colin abruptly and randomly decides to make them speak turkey noises.
    • And again. "OH, ME HAGGIS!"
      • "I am so not afraid of you I will fight sitting down!"

    Doo Wop 
  • After one playing about Peggy who died in a taxidermy accident, Drew asked Colin to do his "cheek jiggling" thing again (that is, the mouth movement he made when he said "Buhbuhbuhbuhbuhbuh").
    Ryan: They're on the sides of his head! [Colin looks annoyed] I'm saying it's a gift.
    Colin: [unconvinced] Yeah.

  • What starts as an Affectionate Parody of West Side Story flies Off the Rails:
    • Colin starts the scene hugging the audience member, causing Ryan off-stage to throw up his hands with a "You've gotta be kidding me" look.
    • The audience member keeps looking off-stage at Wayne when he dubs her to say "Look at me", prompting him to clarify that he's not talking about looking at himself.
    • Colin is stabbed In-Universe, causing Colin to complain: "Hey, that's no fair, I was dancin' there!" When Colin requests a final kiss from the audience member's character, she hesitantly leans in as Wayne dubs her saying her character's really long name, only for Ryan to plant one on the top of Colin's head. On the way back to their seats after the game:
      Drew: Yeah, she was horrified when she learned she had to kiss Colin. "Uh, I don't really, can I go back to my seat?"
      Ryan: I said to Colin, "Did you know that was me?" He goes, "Yeah." "How did you know?" He goes, "I know your lips."
  • "High School quarterback Colin is making a move on star athlete Debbie, voiced by Brad, when Ryan, her boyfriend, arrives to train with her." Funny bits include the audience member's unenthusiastic stretching move, her not moving her mouth when Brad dubbed her (leading to Ryan's great observation: "Well your lips may be- no, actually, they're NOT."), and a funny bit that takes place before the scene even begins: After Drew announces the character Ryan's playing, an expressionless Ryan walks off-camera in a stilted fashion. It was enough to get Drew laughing.

    Film, TV & Theater Styles 
  • In one playing, Drew got suggestions from the audience, and one of them was Australian soap opera. Another suggestion was shouted: "Disaster!" Ryan remarked, "Oh, it'll be a disaster." When the Australian soap opera style was used in the game, Colin's attempt at the accent was priceless; he sounded more like an Irishman than an Australian. Perhaps realizing this, Colin quickly abandoned his accent after only a couple lines and lampshaded this by saying his accent was gone and he's trying to find it.
  • An example of So Bad, It's Good: In another playing, the style switched to "cartoon", and Ryan just kind of went in a circle and flopped his hands up and down, not really doing anything indicative of what comes to mind when you think of "cartoon". Link.
  • In a season 6 episode, Wayne played a mob hit man. When the scene switched to Shaft, Wayne tried to pistol-whip Colin, who completely no sells it – at least until Wayne tries to pull out a bigger gun. The highlight was when the style switched to opera, as Wayne sang while Colin and Ryan provided backup by chanting "Aah!"/"Oh!" in different notes to the beat of Wayne's words. The way the three synchronized with each other was just perfect.
  • During a Greek Tragedy performance:
    Greg: [to Colin] TESTICLES! (Ending syllable pronounced as "cleese")
  • The playing with the scene of hitchhikers Colin and Kathy being picked up by truck drive Ryan, had this: Drew: "Horror." Ryan: "You two aren't married? (to Kathy Greenwood) You whore." (Colin whispers to Ryan; Ryan mouths "I'm sorry" to Kathy)
    Drew: 1,000 points to Ryan for using the word [mouths "whore"] on national TV.
  • In the scene parodying Terminator 2: Judgment Day, the style switched to I Love Lucy:
    Colin: [as Ricky] How many times I gotta tell you, don't be putting... [cracks a smile]
    Ryan: [as Fred] It's makin' me sick! Sick, I tell ya, Rick!... [also cracks a smile] I dunno...
  • In one playing, the style switched to porno. Wayne mimed grabbing Ryan's gun, which caused Ryan to exclaim, "OHHHHHH!!!"
  • Similarly to the "Caught in a Wind Tunnel Boy" playing of Superheroes (see that tab below), one playing had Ryan, Wayne, and Brad doing the scene in the style of slow-motion stunts. Brad knocked over Colin and Ryan's chair and their water. After the game, Brad and Wayne teased them by sharing a glass of water with each other, leading to this:
    Brad: I am SO thirsty, Wayne! How about you?
    Wayne: I couldn't POSSIBLY have any more water.
    Drew: In that case, you don't need any POINTS. Thousand points to Ryan and Colin for that one.
    Ryan: Points, Colin? [mimes pouring points from their empty water pitcher] Would you like some points? I couldn't POSSIBLY drink any more points!
  • The scene with Colin as a witch hunter burning Ryan at the stake contained one of the funniest Barney & Friends references in the series:
    Wayne: (to the tune of This Old Man/I Love You) She's a witch / that is that... (Colin mimes setting Wayne on fire) Barney's on fire / stop, drop, and roll / oh, my goodness, / got fire in the hole!
  • Episode 3.34 had Colin playing a police chief who discovers his wife, Kathy, getting very cozy with maverick shooting instructor Ryan. What was amusing was that Kathy's character wasn't given a name, so she was referred to as "Police Chief Colin's wife".

    Film Dub 
  • The scene with The Black Scorpion is wall-to-wall gold.
    Greg: I've got an interesting specimen here, I want you to take a look at it, but me first. (view inside microscope; microbes are seen) Oh, look! It's the traffic outside of Los Angeles!
    Ryan: (playing a physicist) I wouldn't worry about them, they seem to be moving rather slowly.
    Greg: Mmmmmmm. (Beat)
    Ryan: You know, many years ago, when I worked in this lab- (sees assistant coming) Well, more on that later. (grabs beakers) Look, I want you to take this sample down to the lab. (indicates second beaker) Don't get it confused with this sample. (indicates third beaker) This one's very dangerous, (indicates fourth beaker) and this should not be mixed with the others. Now run!
    Colin: (as his character leaves) There's no good parts for Latinos!
    Greg: (to Ryan) All of those tubes were empty.
    Colin: (as another character) Me-OW.
    Ryan: Now, this is my work of art. (everyone walks over to a big rock) This is a stone I passed, last week. Very difficult indeed.
    Greg: You mean to say you cast-
    Ryan: It was this big when it first came out, and I clenched myself, like this, and it came out! (everyone laughs)
  • "Domino's!"
  • ''Whose Line'' takes on Once Upon a Honeymoon. Highlights:
    • The Call-Back to the bad "OOOOOOOH" sound effects from earlier in the show.
    • "Excuse me, I'm leaving."
    • (woman on film gestures broadly) "Oh, that's crap!"
    • Brad and Ryan (badly) singing with each other.
    Brad: (singing) Because you eat it sweetly, the cooooob...
    • After the game:
    Drew: I don't know about you, but I'm takin' all my points and buyin' me some corn on the cob!
  • The one where a tank was on the highway. Notable funny bits:
    • Kathy Greenwood dubbing the woman: "Can someone help me? I've got to get to a Tupperware party."
    • Ryan, of Colin's character (a guy in the tank): "He only has an upper body."
    • Colin as the guy in the tank: "Wayne's really ticklish!"
  • The one with the upper-class outdoor party, with the scene of two parents talking about their kids getting married.
    Greg: (his character looking at a picture) This is a lovely naked rendering of your daughter!
    Colin: I can teach her how to smoke! Look, my hair is on fire even as I speak!
    • At the end, the character Ryan was dubbing stood up right as someone walked by, leading to this line:
      Ryan: Nice looking horse! (to bypasser) Excuse me.
  • Whose Line takes on The Brain That Wouldn't Die:
  • They also riff on Teenagers from Outer Space: Ryan's "Where do you think you're goin', huh?" when his character turned the victims into skeletons. Then, when the villain hijacked the car and pulled one of the skeletons out of the car, Colin said, "My butt! My butt!" Drew ended the game with, "If you thought the special effects in Star Wars were something else, check those out, man!"
  • One of the best bits of the game is how the scene often greatly differs from what's shown on screen, giving some great comedic dissonance. Example: In one playing, the couple on-screen is clearly having a birthday dinner, but the scene is "celebrating a special occasion". This leads to Greg and Ryan, as the couple, exchanging bitter barbs despite the couple on-screen smiling and generally being happy, and Colin as the waiter says "Happy divorce, happy divorce!" as he brings out a cake.
    • Another example: A dad ordering a clown for his son's birthday party, in a scene that is out of some film noir. The juxtaposition is awesome.
    Ryan: (after flipping up the other character's tie) I thought that was a toupee, sorry.

    Foreign Film Dub 
  • A sneak peek at the upcoming "Oot 'n' Aboot", the CANADIAN action film.
    • Colin and Ryan's reactions to some of the 'Canadian' have been described as "a rare treat".
    • Wayne's dialogue throughout the scene mainly consists of "eh's", while Drew's first line doesn't even sound remotely Canadian. Wayne finds it so hilarious that he actually chokes on his pantomimed drink.
    Wayne: Eh! Hoh, great frosty eh!
    Drew: Ya, dasda yoopa yadda yoo!
    Ryan: We don't even have a football team, but I bet we could beat Cleveland!
    • "Do you giggle when you say 'Regina'?"
  • Jeff Davis earns a Bilingual Bonus nomination for his performance in the Spanish movie "El Donkey".
    • Not to mention Drew's Epic Fail in the game when he started speaking mock-Spanish but midway through admitted quietly to Jeff, "I don't speak Spanish." Ryan translated: "Excuse me, I will sell you my, ha ha ha, I will sell you my, ho ho ho, I will sell you, oh, I'm not Spanish at all."
  • The cult hit German action movie "Sausages" was met with critical acclaim when it first hit theaters.
    • And then there was the acclaimed "Don't Touch My Sauerkraut!" with veteran actor Stephen Colbert! Made funnier by the fact that Stephen evidently knows some actual German, and one of his lines is a quote from Adolf Hitler.note 
  • One of the most treasured moments in film history was the French (which, for no reason at all, turns German, Japanese, and Russian) spy film "Escargot" starring Sid Caesar. It was a SURPRISE hit.
  • "The Vodka Express" in Russian. The best part was when Drew took off his blazer and his mic got loose. Josie was dubbed to say that Drew was bugged. Drew's Russian dance in the same scene was pretty silly, too.
  • In general, anytime the on-stage performers say a short sentence and the off-screen dubber (usually Ryan) makes a really long, elaborate story. Example:
    Ryan: I have lived in this city all my life. As a young boy growing up, my father told me to set forth on my own. Find my own fortune, seek the goal that I wanted from years gone by. I met a young girl one day, and we fell deeply in love. [Colin looks at his watch] Her children birth, they grew up to be very proud of me. I love you.
  • The very last joke in the first series's run: Greg translates Denny: "Come to my bosom and let me hold you!", and Drew puts his head on Denny's chest. Ryan translates Drew: "You don't have to ask me twice!"
  • "Banished on the Breezes" has Drew choking while trying to speak Farsi. Ryan interprets it as, "Oh, we're going to miss Baywatch."
  • "Bikini Jones" in Swedish highlights:
    • (Drew taking off his jacket)
      Ryan as Drew: I bet you can't wait to see my thong!
      Colin as Kathy Greenwood: You're so wrong.
    • (Ryan as Drew) "I love you so much, but I've had too many meatballs!"
    • "Vernta vernta Ikea, ernta fernta, unbelievable prices."
      Ryan as Drew: Thank you.
    • (Drew running in place)
      Ryan as Drew: I feel like I'm on Baywatch!

  • The reaction of the performers (particularly Greg) when the morbid game name is announced:
    Drew: The game is called "Funeral", and uh...
    Greg: (sarcastic laughter)
  • The one from episode 6.7, about Joe who died in a fishing accident. While it starts out fairly well ("Here... lies... Joe... Why, did he go?"), the last line of the song lacks any kind of unison and has all three performers singing something different.

    Greatest Hits 
  • In general, Ryan getting excited by the songs:
    • "I don't mind telling you: I'm moist!"
    • "Mercury's rising!"
    • "I'm hanging ten right now!"
  • Ryan's running gag on "X Songs on Y CDs". Like "Las Vegas": 777 songs (three 7s, jackpot) on 4 CDs. Or "The Safari": 6 songs on 8 CDs (each is less than 15 seconds long). Or "Retirement": 43 songs on one big CD made out of chocolate. You get the idea.
  • "Songs of the Motorcycle":
    • The "We're watching animal porn!" scene.
      Ryan: Hi!
      Colin: Hi!
      Ryan: How are you?
      Colin: Fine! We're—
      Ryan: We don't know what you're watching, so we're not gonna tell you when we return you to it!
      Colin: Oh we, uh... we're watching animal porn!
      (This causes him to crack up while covering his face while the audience explodes in laughter)
      Ryan: (About to crack up) What?
      Colin: (Drew buzzes him) "Mary Had A Little Lamb" will be right back in just a second, but ja...
      (Ryan really cracks up while covering his face while Drew buzzes again, the game is practically aborted as we see Wayne, Jeff and Drew's reactions for a bit.)
      Colin: (Making an "I-just-said-something-stupid face") ...I'm sorry, I apologize.
      Ryan: (mock-chirpy) We're... so happy! 'We're Watching Animal Porn'!
    • Just to add to that: for non-viewers, Greatest Hits involves Colin and Ryan introducing songs for the others to sing, but a tradition is that they say the name of the program they're "interrupting", normally a ridiculous pun. In this case, however, Colin couldn't think of a pun, and just said the first thing on his mind, which he immediately makes even more offensive... This is why in the second Greatest Hits of the motorcycle in which Ryan cracked up regarding "Humpty Dumpty: The Early Years" if the viewers were to watch this first.
    • And then the first song is pure, epic, Moment of Awesome. Timeless. The second song as well. A CD which only had The "Harley of Seville" and "Alabama Motorcycle Mama With a Llama" on it would likely be a big seller among series fans. Those two songs were among the best they ever did.
    • From the same taping:
      Ryan: Y'know, Colin, there isn't a lot to protest nowadays, is there?
      Colin: (has a look of disbelief) No, nothing.
      Ryan: Well sure, I guess if you really want to look for something, the first five questions of Millionaire are way too easy. But it's not like in the '60s, when protest songs were sang from here... (points only a few feet away) well, to over there.
    • After the opera-themed "The Harley of Seville", Colin said: "Some of those high notes go right to my testicles."
  • The "Songs of Science Fiction" Greatest Hits where Colin breakdances.note  Of course, this bit goes horribly right when the contestants and the audience make him get up and do it all again for the second song, an "incredibly-fast jitterbug". The best line is after the first song by Ryan:
    Ryan: Is that the only shirt you have?
    Colin: (Long pause)... Why don't you talk for a while!
    Ryan: (laughs) Wow. Still tired, and they shot that two weeks ago. Huh. Well. Are you all right? Let me feel your heart... (puts hand on Colin's chest) Well! It's like a gerbil bouncing off a wall in there! You should really know better than that.
  • The "Songs of the Western" Greatest Hits:
    • Colin's "Arctic Tern" moment:
      Ryan: What kind of bird always says the name of our next band?
      Colin: (stumped) Oh, I guess... a... tern? An arctic tern?
      Ryan: And what sound does an arctic tern make?
      Colin: ......... (squawking) "BACKSTREET BOYS"???
      (Ryan cracks up)
      (Cut to: Brad and Wayne cracking up)
      (Cut to: Drew cracking up)
      (This goes on for half a minute)
      Ryan: No! No Col', that's wrong! (...) I was thinking an owl.
      Colin: Ohhh.
      Ryan: WHO. The Who is our next band on this CD set.
    • True to the Who's penchant for ending their set by smashing their instruments, Brad and Wayne's Who pastiche ends with Wayne "smashing" his guitar, while Brad just calmly puts it back in the "guitar case" and "closes" it. Wayne takes it and smashes it anyway.
    • Colin tries to follow up the 'Arctic Tern' bit by asking what sound a black bird makes. While he and Ryan are discussing that, Wayne walks behind Colin with an accusing look on his face. His entrance and the expression are priceless.
    • Brad and Wayne performing as opera singers warming up.
  • Greatest Hits: "Songs of the Attorney." At the end of it, Wayne has to play Yoko Ono. Win.
    • Not to mention singing in Yiddish, or singing a ridiculously fast jugband song. That cuts off halfway in.
    • "Just flip Disc 1 over and you get the other half of that song." "It also comes with Dick Clark's Practical Jokes & Jug Band Bloopers."
  • Songs of Horror. The fun began even before the game started, as Drew got the suggestion for "horror". Drew made sure to overly enunciate the word ("hor-ror"), presumably so Ryan and Colin couldn't do "Songs of Whore". This became a Running Gag during the game, as Ryan and Colin repeatedly mocked Drew's pronounciation ("It was... HOR-ror!" ; "Are you saying every song of this album has to do with HOR-ror?!").
    • Another running gag in this game: Contrived segues to the next music styles:
    Ryan: I've got a bug. And I'm a little jittery. Wait a minute: Jittery, bug, jittery-bug! Jitterbug!
    Colin: Wow! Nice segue.
    Ryan: You know, I wasn't alive when the jitterbug was popular, but Colin told me all about it!
    • Ryan isn't the ONLY the master of segues:
      Colin: You know I went to a circus and saw a strong man bend a car. Bend a car? Pat Benatar! Pat Benatar... oh I remembering listing to her I guess after my first hip replacement.
    • And follows up after the second song with more jabs at Ryan:
      Colin: You know... when i was a jockey... (...) and in my bed, well it was more of a cot the uh, we had this sort of sanitary paper for the fillies. Wait a minute! Bed cot filly paper?! RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS!
    • This playing also had a great bit:
      Colin: Anyway, they [Red Hot Chili Peppers] did a song, and it has to do with hurrur. (coughs)
      Ryan: (enunciating) "Hor-ror". (chuckles) Are you all right?
      Colin: I'm fine. I just swallowed my "horror".
      Ryan: That's gonna cost ya.
      Colin: Yeah. Anyway, they did a song, and it went like this: "Oooh-" no, here's the title. (Ryan cracks up)
  • Songs about retirement. Featuring the singing blues of Wet Biscuit McGlee.
    • Made even better by the fact that even though he's The Unintelligible, he still has a Scottish accent.
    • Wayne dragging out the end of a song by tweaking the guitar string till it's juuuuuust right.
    • Not to mention this bit, when Ryan describes his days in the '60s:
      Ryan: Check out this tattoo!
      Colin: Wow, it's not often you see the entire King family!
      Ryan: (chuckles) No!
    • Ryan has an amusing bit when he announces the next song, which was in the style of a protest song: "I'm Movin' to Florida".
      Ryan: ...I'm not sure why that's a protest [song].
    • In another version from the same taping:
      Ryan: What comes to mind when I say kielbasa and accordions?
      Colin: Broccoli. And enough gas to light a small country! (Ryan cracks up)
    • Ryan said the word "polka", putting a lot of emphasis on the "P". He remarked: "Oh, I guess Destiny's Child doesn't make you spit; polka does!" Later, after the polka-themed song, Colin got back at Ryan: "I also like Peter, Paul, and Mary! But that's just me." Ryan mimes being hit in the face by Colin's spit, and then squeezes his tie dry.
  • "Songs of the Bus Driver". Ryan announces the next song is a bluegrass number called "Pffffffft", then grins evilly at Wayne. And then Wayne proceeds to sing an entire jug band song about bus drivers ENTIRELY IN ONOMATOPOEIA.
    • After the first song, which was in the style of Michael Jackson: "Michael Jackson, a wonderful singer and a great head coach."
    • We also get this famous exchange:
    Ryan: How much would you pay for a 5-CD set like this, or even a 50-CD set like this?
    Colin: Why, I'd pay up to $50,000. But, I'm an idiot!
    Ryan: And you're from Canada, so with the exchange...
    Colin: I'm still an idiot!
  • "Songs of the Zookeeper": The players' ribbing at Drew reading out the wrong card (usually for the game they'd just finished) finally reaches a peak when Drew crumples and throws a card at Ryan's face during Greatest Hits. What does Ryan do?
    Ryan: (picks up card) "Wait... apparently we have a special bonus!" (reveals it) "It's one of Drew Carey's cue cards, which has never been read!"
  • Another instance of Colin laughing in Songs of the Lunch Lady after he turns an accidental choke into a tale about how he used to be in a punk band. The whole banter between him and Ryan descends into madness and for bonus points, Chip works that "punk think" into the resulting song.
    Colin: I belonged to a punk band in Canada! Yeah, we were called the...Naughty Boys. 'Cause we were polite, we didn't want to get really nasty.
    • In the same game:
      Ryan: Y'know, the U.S. of A. has so many different types of music, and sometimes it goes by areas. Uh, been down south lately?
      Colin: No, have you? (Ryan looks thrown for a loop) Oh I'm sorry, was I not supposed to engage you in conversation? Yes, I have been down south!
      Ryan: If you're gonna get testy with me, we won't sell this anymore.
      Colin: We'll talk about this back home!
    • Before the first song:
      Colin: You know, there's so many hits on this...... ALLLLLLLLL-BUUMMMMM!!!! Just had a high school flashback!
      Ryan: (trying to keep from cracking up) What?!
      Colin: That's where I put that library book! (Beat) Anyway...
      Ryan: You're a bit Dazed and Confused!
      Colin: I am a bit dazed and confused!
    • And Ryan undershot the amount of songs on the set:
      Ryan: You know, the lunch lady is not thought of very often. That’s why we've compiled 2 songs on 2 CDs. Actually it's-
      Colin: More songs than two.
      Ryan: Six, eight. Who knows how many? It's a surprise CD.
  • In "Songs of Marriage", Colin suggests a song by The Beach Boys called "I'm the Groom". Wayne messes up a line Note  and loses it (Since the song is playing too fast). Here is the bit. The kicker is these:
    Brad: The band's had a little too much to drink!
    Ryan: That's a very special song on this CD set, because that's the exact moment they broke up as a group.
    • From the same playing, the first song was in the style of honky-tonk. At one point during the song, Wayne sung, "Oh, my bride, she's not too happy, not in the least, because of Jack Daniels I couldn't unleash the beast!" After the song concluded:
      Ryan: And by the way, there is a parental advisory on this CD set.
      Colin: That was actually the first time that the popular honky-tonk phrase "unleash the beast" was ever used.
      Ryan: Yes, but not the last!
    • Also from "Songs of Marriage", there's Brad's absolutely spot-on Fred Schneider impression during "Cash Bar".
    • Colin said that occasionally he likes listening to party pop. Ryan asked teasingly: "You mean when you get in your romantic mood?" Colin seemed genuinely weirded out by Ryan's reaction.
  • In "Songs of the Circus":
    Ryan: Y'know, Colin, this is my last infomercial with you. I'm running away, to join the circus!
    Colin: Oh, I noticed the clown shoes!
    Ryan: What comes to mind when I say, "Book 'em, Danno"?
    Colin: OH HO HO HOOOOO!!!!..... My agent. He always calls me "Danno".
    • Also, after the first song:
      Ryan: Funny story: Last time I was in Hawaii, I took the kids to a luau, they had the pig under the ground, roasted it for dinner... I took one of the kids and went, "Look, it's Babe!" (laughs) She loved that.
      Colin: How's the therapy going?
      Ryan: Good.
  • In "Songs of the Traveling Salesman", Ryan keeps using music styles with "blue" in the genre description (blues, bluegrass), prompting a derisive comment from Colin ("What is it with you and the color blue??"). Finally they come to the last style, soul:
    Ryan: Fun fact. (...) I'm sorry I said "fun fact", that hurts me deep, deep in my...?
    Colin: Heart?
    Ryan: No, in my...?
    Colin: Heart?
    Ryan: Something you have-
    Colin: (annoyed) Soul?
    Ryan: Yes, soul! Hey wait a minute: Soul is also a musical style-
    Colin: (sarcastically) Yes, sometimes blue. (Ryan does a long pause as he holds an irritated look on his face)
    Ryan: (bitterly) I'll see you when we get back to the house, I'll talk to you about it-
    Colin: Oh, you'll talk to me? I'll talk to you!
  • "Songs of the Doctor" started with a great Call-Back to moments ago ("By the way, for the thousands of you that have written in, no, Colin and Ryan are NOT a couple."):
    Colin: As long as there have been doctors, there's been people singing about them.
    Ryan: By the way, we're not a couple.
    Colin: (taken aback) When did that happen?
    Ryan: (quietly) Shut up...
    • Then there was this gem, after the first song ("This is Gonna Hurt a Little") concluded:
      Ryan: It doesn't hurt as much until you get that bill! (Colin barely laughs; Ryan proceeds to do four forced, loud laughs in response to Colin's weak support)
      Colin: (Beat) ...Y'know, mambo music is great, isn't it-
      Ryan: (bitter) Don't laugh, 'cause I'm not laughing with you.
      Colin: (annoyed) Oh ALL RIGHT. I'm sorry, ha ha ha ha ha.
  • "Songs of Pregnancy":
    Ryan: Come on, let's go, let's go, let's go.
    Colin: Hey Ryan, whatcha doing?
    Ryan: Well my wife's delivering tonight; we gotta get this commercial done.
    Colin: Oh well, isn't that a coincidence! Because what we're selling here is songs of pregnancy!
    Ryan: (fake laugh) I was just kidding about my wife.
    Colin: I know.
    Ryan: (ashamed) She won't come near me.
    Colin: I know.
    • Later in the scene:
      Colin: ...This KISS pregnancy song- (both are amused) They're kinda linked in a way, aren't they?
      Ryan: It sure does! One leads to the other!
      Colin: Yeah, I guess it does! You'll find out. (Ryan looks ashamed again)
    • In the same taping:
      Ryan: Yeah, it's the most exciting time of my life.
      Colin: Could it be more exciting than this 25-CD set that we're selling, all songs based on pregnancy and the incredible pain women go through?!
      Ryan: Wow, that makes the birth of my child look second rate! You know, Colin, there's so many hits on this... CD set, did you say?
      Colin: What the hell; if it was meat, it'd be hard to fit in the machine.
      Ryan: Wow. That... goes so well with the whole pregnancy thing.
  • Another hilarious musical blooper in Songs of the Fast Food Joint.
    • "And you can vote for your favorite of those three endings."
  • "Songs of the Teacher", particularly Colin's "Teachers are the most misunderstood of all mammals", Wayne's aside during "Scaring the Substitute" ("My real name is Gordon, I actually was a teacher before I joined The Police, that's a little bit of general knowledge."), and Ryan asking, "Is that a tear?" and gently touching Colin's face, to which Colin replied, "It is now", closing his right eye in mock pain. It was made even funnier that Colin kept talking normally with his right eye shut.
    • Also:
      Ryan: We're not selling this CD set; we're giving it away, free. (he and Colin snicker)
    • And the one in a million moment where Colin laughs!!
      Colin: (game show host voice) You know, if you order now we'll send you —free— a box of fresh AIR!! That's right!! Air!
      Ryan: Oh we just can't give away fresh air!
      Colin: Yes we can! From the makers of Breath Free, makers of air for Eternityyyy! (starts to laugh at what he just said)
    • What's even funnier is the fact that he tries to hide it!
  • In the "Greatest Hits" about Vegas: Ryan beginning the game by miming pulling a slot machine lever over and over. Colin asked what he was doing, and Ryan replied, "I can't stop doing this, Colin. I was on the slots all weekend. I said SLOTS." And then leading into the first song:
    Colin: Anyway, your toe is going to be tapping and your fingers snapping and your ears listening, 'cause that's what ears do, when you hear this great AC/DC hit.
    Ryan: Oh.
    Colin: I think you know the one I'm talking about. It spent almost five days in the number one position.
    Ryan: Who hasn't?
    • The whole song "I Dropped My Chips in Your Nuts". Brad sung it in Brian Johnson (of AC/DC) style, which of course is tough on the vocal chords. Oddly, Wayne never helped him out, merely playing air guitar. After many verses, Brad sang, "And I'm losin' my voice, right on stage!" At the end of the game, he briefly bent over, presumably exhausted from the incredible strain of imitating Johnson.
    • Colin offered this odd segue into the musical style of Motown:
      Colin: I'm from Canada.
      Ryan: I know that!
      Colin: Which is right across from Detroit.
    • The double Call-Back to two previous games from the same taping:
      Colin: The great thing about this CD is (waving his hands around) we have music from everywhere.
      Ryan: Wha- have you been working out?
      Colin: No, I'm a drummer! Note 
      Ryan: (smiles at the camera and pushes one arm slightly forward while barely pulling the other arm back) Note  I worked up a sweat.
  • "Songs of Rome":
    Ryan: How many music styles can you name that are also food?
    Colin: Oh!.... Squash is the only thing that comes to mind.
    • In the same playing, Ryan said there are 500 songs on the set, prompting this:
      Colin: That would be like... C, C, C, C, C. In Roman numerals! There might be a D in there somewhere.
      Ryan: Hey, in Mexico, you're just saying "Yes yes yes yes yes"!
    • Ryan and Colin aren't on the same wavelength during this bit:
      Colin: You know, I know you weren't around for the swing era, but I bet you grew up watching a lot of television.
      Ryan: I did indeed.
      Colin: And you know what? A lot of television stars made the switch from television to recording artists.
      Ryan: Huh. In the swing thing.
      Colin: No, that has nothing to do with the swing thing.
      Ryan: Oh, I'm sorry.
      Colin: That was just like a little fun fact. People like William Shatner, David Soul, John Travolta, all had hit records.
      Ryan: And they all swing?
      Colin: ...You watched way too much television, didn't you?
      Ryan: Told ya.
      Colin: I know, Gilligan.
    • This banter:
      Ryan: ...All about the city of Rome, a place I've never been.
      Colin: No, but we've heard about it, we've read about it.
      Ryan: Oh it's been around for... a hundred years.
      Colin: At least. And backwards, it's "emor".
      Ryan: I did not know that. Did you know "embargo" backwards is "o grab me"?
      Colin: Boy, you thought of that one a long time ago.
    • The first music style is The Brady Bunch, pleasing Ryan. He mentioned, "I had the hots for Alice." Colin began to speak but hesitated. Finally he replied, "Sorry, I was just working with the visual."
    • During the first song, "Pizza Heck Out of Me", Wayne and Chip both began singing at the same time, which briefly threw Wayne for a loop. He just let Chip take the first verse and did a 360 turn.
  • In Songs of the Psychiatrist", Ryan took advantage of Colin's stuttering:
    Colin: You know, there are more songs on this C... D compilation than...
    Ryan: It's a hard word. It's not even a word, really, it's just two letters.
    Colin: Perhaps I should get some help! (both laugh)
  • "Songs of the Postal Worker": Just the fact that Colin even attempted this elaborate setup.
    "Y'know, one of my favorite artists of all time made this little song; it wasn't one of her biggest hits, it was one of her finest. And that of course is Tina Turney's - ({beat) - Tina Turner's (quick cut to Drew losing it) - a close friend of Tina Turney's... (another beat) Tina Turner's big hit, 'Hey Man, Tie Up Your Dog'."
  • When Drew asked for a topic, a man in the audience punched the air and yelled "Safari!"
    Drew: Okay, "safari", since you were so enthusiastic about it. (man smiles victoriously)
    • After the first song, "Lion Nibblin' on My Toes":
      Ryan: Sounds painful, but in a way kinda cute.
      (Colin briefly does a forced laugh)
      Ryan: You know C... if you don't want to laugh, then just don't laugh, don't make me look stupid.
      Colin: No I felt it.
    • After "There's a Pygmy in My Pocket and a Rhino on My Tail", Ryan looked distracted, and when Colin asked what was wrong, Ryan replied, "Oh nothing, I was just thinkin' about a pygmy in my pocket."
  • "Songs of the International Spy":
    Ryan: (speaking a foreign language)
    Colin: What are you doing, choking?
    Ryan: I'm sorry, was I speaking Hawaiian?
    Colin: I don't know; I'm Canadian.
    • The awkward banter after the first song:
      (Ryan looks like he's crying)
      Colin: What's the matter, Ryan?
      Ryan: I'm blue. (excited) DID I SAY BLUES?! I love blues, Colin. And it's funny; when I listen to blues, I feel blue.
      Colin: ...What are the odds?
      Ryan: Well, unlike rock, when I listen to rock, I don't feel like a rock.
      Colin: (weary) Oh, you're kidding yourself.
    • After the second song:
      Colin: Hey, Ryan, when I say to you, "license to kill," what do you think of?
      Ryan: My ex-wife!
  • "Songs of Detective and Cop Shows": Ryan starts the game in a downbeat mood, but Colin knows how to cheer him up:
    Colin: You know, the '70s were a great time for detective shows.
    Ryan: I know, I was twenty. Goes by so quickly, really. I haven't done much. (Beat) Go ahead.
    Colin: You know what, this is going to perk you up, because I know your favorite band are The Rolling Stones.
    Ryan: Love 'em! 'Cause they're older than me! They're older than stones!
  • "Songs of the Accountant" has this gem:
    Ryan: How much would you pay for a 2-CD set like this?
    Colin: Oh, I don't know... $39?
    Ryan: ...Unfortunately, it's $69.95!
    Colin: But, I was talking 39 dollars in a foreign currency which doesn't... quite...
    Ryan/Colin: Add up to more than that!
  • During "Songs of the Plumber", when Colin starts mockingly mouthing Ryan's pitch along with him:
    Ryan: And we've assembled over six of the greatest songs...that's right, six songs on three CDs. I can see you out of the corner of my eye!
    Colin: I'm sorry; you just explain things too long!
    Ryan: (flatly) Six songs. Three CDs.
    • Later on in the game, Colin said there were more songs on the album than you could count, to which Ryan got his revenge: "Well earlier, I said there were six, but you just kept talking!"
  • "Songs of the President" had this gem:
    Ryan: If there was just one man who was alive today, I would vote for him. Who do ya think I'm talking about?
    Colin: (stumped; flaps lips) Millard-
    Ryan: Jim- who?
    Colin: Millard Fillmore.
    Ryan: No no, not your math teacher; I'm talking about Jim Morrison.
    Colin: Oh!
    Ryan: Remember him?
    Colin: Yes!
    Ryan: He used to be with a little band called The Doors-
    [a random audience member shouts, "Wooooo!!!!!"; Ryan looks around, puzzled]
    Ryan: Sorry, time's up, our free offer has ended.
  • This moment in "Songs of the Taxi Driver":
    Colin: You know, I don't know if you know this, Ryan... (Colin touches Ryan's leg; Ryan looks disturbed) Sorry, didn't mean to scare you, 'cause you're a big homophobe.
  • "Songs of the Firefighter" opened with this funny moment:
    Ryan: (sniffing) Hey Col', do you smell something?
    (Colin gets a nervous look on his face, to indicate he thinks he's talking about a fart he just passed)
    Ryan: No, you don't sell- smell smoke, do you?
    Colin: (relieved) Oh, smoke, no.
  • "Songs of College":
    Colin: Hi, we'll be back to our panel discussion on heart problems in The Angina Monologues, in just a second.
    Ryan: Ah, "angina". I'm not even sure what that word means.
    Colin: You know what? You would if you'd gone to college.
    Ryan: Well, I quit high school half way through to serve my troops in Grenada.
    Colin: Yeah, that's a good excuse.
    Ryan: I didn't fight, I just served my troops.
    (moments later...)
    Ryan: We've put fifty songs about college life onto fifty CDs.
    Colin: How many CDs is that a song?
    Ryan: Well that's... (looks confused)
    (Colin shakes his head in disappointment)
    • A pretty hilarious scene for Colin and Ryan was the tapioca incident.
      Ryan: What comes to mind when I say "Ricky Ricardo" and "great cigars"?
      Colin: Ohhh; tapioca!
      Ryan: [Taken aback] Really? Why's that?
      Colin: Wasn't that his big song? [Sings in the style of Ricky Ricardo...sort of.] "Tapioooooca! Tapioooooca!"
      Ryan: Oh, no, no... [Barely hiding his real laughter with fake laughter] No, Colin...I'm talking about Cu-! [Loses his composure and cracks] I'm talking about Cuba, Colin! [Continues laughing, and has to turn himself away from the audience in a vain attempt to maintain his composure]
      Colin: [Smiling] Cuba. It's a small island.
      Ryan: [Still laughing] It is...why don't you tell the people about it? [Turns away again]
  • "Songs of Pizza":
    Ryan: As long as there's been cheese and small, salty fish, there's been pizza. People have loved it for centuries, or hundreds of years, at least. Y'know, Colin, an interesting fact is, pizza was discovered- or made first, not discovered, because then it would be under a rock or something... made first here in America, and not in Italy as most people think.
    Colin: ...I knew that.
    Ryan: Fun fact.
    • After the first song, "Mozzarellalalalalala!", Colin fondly said, "Oh, that brings back memories of people being trapped in the snow and having to eat each other."
  • "Songs of the Dentist":
    Colin: That song never fails to bring a... tear to my stomach lining.
  • "Songs of the Dog Walker":
    Colin: You know, in the 1970s when I was in high school, I belonged to a... a band called the Happy Funk Band. Until an unfortunate typo caused us to be expelled from school.
  • "Songs of the Marine Corps":
    Ryan: Hey, did you know Drew Carey was once a Marine?
    Colin: Get out!
    (Colin and Ryan share a sarcastic laugh; Drew smiles and shrugs)
  • "Songs of Paris":
    Ryan: Bonjour, Colin. Comment ça va?
    Colin: Hey, wait a minute. Is that a foreign language assaulting my ears?
    Ryan: Yes it is, Colin. It's Paris language.
    Colin: "Paris language"? Would that be another way of saying French?
    Ryan: I guess it would! You know, Colin, we've assembled... deux? Trois CDs. That's two.
    Colin: No, trois is three.
    Ryan: Whatever.
  • "Songs of the Beekeeper": The game begins with Ryan asking Colin what he thinks of when he hears a buzz noise. Colin screams: "OH NO, I'M ALLERGIC!.... That was a very good impression." Ryan, slightly annoyed, replies, "Okay, I have to sell the CD now."
    • Soon after, Colin is quizzed what he thinks of when he hears the word "ska". Colin replies, "Sandpaper. 'Cause that's the sound you make when you scrape wood: Ska, ska." Ryan clarifies that he's talking about the music style, and adds: "And no, it's not a harelipped crow, either."
    • The second music style is Green Day. Colin asks: "They're from your hometown, aren't they?" Ryan replies, "I don't know; where am I from?"
  • In "Songs of the Chiropractor", Ryan messed up a sentence and Colin told him he was drunk, so Ryan decided to run with it and act drunk for the rest of the game. After the first song, Ryan delivered an incorrectly worded response to Colin's comment:
    Ryan: Songs of the Chiropractor go back many a many years.
    Colin: Do they?
    Ryan: Yes they were.
    • And then after the second game, Ryan said, "How many songs are on this 2-D... CD set? (chuckling at what he just said) 2 CC, 2-D CD set!"
      Colin: I mentioned it earlier. If you weren't listening, tough.
  • "Songs of the Race Car Driver":
    Ryan: The race car driver — not a job a lot of people have. And we've collected forty songs on six CDs- actually, we haven't. This is just a big scheme to rip you off from your money. But if we had been honest-
    (Colin glares at Ryan)
    Ryan: Oh, yes we have.
    • In the same taping, Ryan rambled and Colin put him to sleep. He then told the camera, "THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH, WEEK AFTER WEEK!" Colin sleeping and waking Ryan was a Running Gag for the rest of the game.
  • "Songs of the Exterminator":
    Colin: We'll be back to our nature documentary, Baggy, the Anorexic Elephant, in just a second.
  • "Songs of the Wrestler": Colin's overly long monologue right at the top:
    Colin: As long as there's been men in tight- tights... sorry, I was just picturing it... as long as there's been sweaty men in tights, fighting each other and bumping into ropes and... doing stuff like that, there's been hundreds and hundreds of songs written about 'em. From the early days of Greece... to the later days of Pompeii, and even now, where people wrestle not only for profit, but for fun, and to teach the young people that there's better ways of working out your problems than just talking-
    Ryan: (interrupting) You mind if I just sell the CD? Apparently, our movie is over now.
  • This exchange from "Songs of the Safari"...
    Ryan: There's songs on this CD set from all over the world. You know, I just returned from a trip to Jamaica.
    Colin: Really.
    Ryan: And you know, reggae isn't the ONLY music they play down there.
    (Ryan starts to leave, but Colin pulls him back)

  • The playing where Greg Proops put on a big fish mask. For a few moments, it's very quiet, then you can hear Greg laughing to himself. Finally, he takes the mask off and says:
    Greg: I have a giant fish head on. I'm 42 fucking years old.
    • There are a few more from that skit, including Greg's "gatekeeper" and Wayne's Don King impression.
      Wayne: Me and you, on a date, January 12th, at Madison Square Garden!
  • Wayne abusing the George W. Bush mask. It's not until the end that you realize that the mask was hiding the fact that Wayne was cracking up the whole time.
  • During one playing, there was a bunch of bananas in one of the boxes. Cue Ryan:
    Ryan: (eating the banana) I don't have one, I'm just really hungry.
  • The existence of a mask of The Three Stooges. (As in, all three.)
    Colin: How about a menage a trois?
  • Greg, wearing a bald head hat: "Hello, I'm Colin Mochrie. Have you been to Canada?" (does an impression of Colin's "dinosaur walk")
  • Wayne wearing an African hat: "If you don't love me now, Uganda!"
  • "Happy birthday! Now blow me out."
  • Ryan, holding a wrestling title belt:
    Ryan: Wanna why- know why they call me The Rock?
  • A line from Ryan in a drill sergeant hat so raunchy that the second half got completely muted on broadcast.
  • In the third episode of the first season, Wayne put on a Bill Clinton mask and said, "I'm looking for a girl... who can keep her mouth shut."
    • From the same sketch, Greg put on a Lincoln hat and said, "I haven't had it in four score and seven years."
  • Highlights from the Halloween-themed episode:
    • Wayne in a fly mask: "I like long walks...... POO..."
    • Ryan with a witch hat: "I want to make love to you, you and your little dog!"
    • Greg with wings: "Well, I'm out of the caterpillar stage..." (tepid audience reaction; Drew then buzzes rather abruptly)
      Drew: Screech! Screech...
      Greg: You put the fucking wings on.
    • Colin in an alien mask: "Care for a little probe?"
    • Wayne in a burglar mask: "I don't have one, I just wanted to wear this."
    • Ryan in a wolf mask (which he initially was hesitant about and had to be persuaded by the audience): "All the better to eat you with."
  • Greg said in an Australian accent, "G'day, Sheila, how'd ya like to go down undah?" A funny line, but what made it doubly funny is that Greg wasn't wearing a hat as usual, but had one of those "boxing kangaroo sock puppets" on this right hand and made the kangaroo throw a few punches.
  • Greg wearing an alien mask:
    Greg: Well, I'm a Klingon by trade… [tepid audience reaction] …but when I'm not funny I sit here with this *** thing on my head.
  • Ryan holding a bass:
    Ryan: Oh, you can measure me, but you won't be throwing me back.
  • Greg has a bunny mask on, and his line "I'm not into protection." is muffled. Drew speaks up:
    Drew: I don't think they heard you.
    Greg: (with mask off) Oh, could no one hear me? Maybe it's because of this fucking mask I'm wearing.
  • Colin, wearing a Santa mask:
    Colin: At this point, I'd even take a ho ho ho!
  • Ryan as a catcher in baseball. He didn't say any words; he just held out a hand near his crotch pointed at the floor and repeatedly nodded to a hypothetical pitcher.

    Helping Hands 
  • Ryan getting a pie in the face from Drew in an early playing where Ryan played a birthday clown. The timing of it was just perfect, as Ryan was counting to three and Drew caught him by surprise by hitting him on "two".
    • Earlier, Ryan gives Drew a prank can of peanut brittle. Drew opens the can in Ryan's face but the snakes don't come out.
  • In one playing, Ryan was a bad-tempered owner of an ice cream shop. At one point:
    Ryan: You can talk to me, just don't talk at me. You understand the difference?
    Drew: No.
    Ryan: ...You and your network...
    • And at the end of the scene, after creating an ice cream sundae, Drew tasted it and spit it out. Ryan got offended and Drew geared up to throw the sundae in Ryan's face. Ryan preemptively warned him: "Oh, you better think twice about that, my friend" while giving him a Death Glare smile. Eventually Drew relented and set the sundae down.
  • The whole "Ryan is a cold-blooded pirate captain who's teaching new recruit Whoopi how to be a pirate" scene, especially:
    • Describing what the white whale did to him: He holds up a banana by its peel, ripping it open. Then when he eats the banana, Colin offers his hand for Ryan to spit it out, but in a surprising twist, Ryan refuses.
    • The Running Gag of Ryan drinking (real!) booze. The topper is when, after one swig, he sighs contently/drunkenly for a moment.
    • Ryan's sudden crying when his parrot is knocked off the table.
      Ryan: Argh, no, you killed her! (bawling) WHY, WHY, WHY?!
    • Ryan's song to Whoopi about what being a pirate's like. What's funny is not so much the song, but how Ryan plays the mini-accordion: He just smashes it together, producing no melody, just the same two notes over and over.
  • The one with Kathy Greenwood and Ryan playing newlywed lovers enjoying breakfast. At one point, Colin flung grapes in the air and Ryan was supposed to catch them in his mouth. But all three attempts failed, and on the fourth try, Colin merely stuck the grape in his mouth.
    • And at the end of the game, Colin accidentally spilled scalding hot coffee on his hands.
      Colin: It really is quite hot.
      Drew: I saw steam coming up from that.
      Colin: ("no shit" tone) Yeah!
  • Ryan as a nosy grocery store checkout clerk who was scanning impatient customer Kathy Greenwood's groceries. Among the highlights: Assuming the cucumbers were going to be used for masturbatory aids (calling them "little friends"), drinking Kathy's beer, and noting her pregnancy test kit: "Someone have a bun in the oven?", then calling her a "loose woman".
  • Ryan as a deli shop owner, teaching Drew the tricks of the trade. Ryan gets sexually turned on by cheese, squirts an obscene amount of mustard on his sandwich, successfully throws a tomato onto the sandwich, and drinks a bunch of olive oil, eventually spitting it out into Colin's hands.
  • Ryan as an arrogant Frenchman giving Drew a lesson on French culture. Highlights include the sharp bread, Ryan's muddled French accent ("And we love-a the wine and we love-a the bready... ehh... am I Italian or Frenchy??"), Ryan's out-of-nowhere declaration, "That Jerry Lewis, he cracks me up", and Ryan's Pun: "I don't like those frog legs, I think it's the hops."
  • Ryan as a coach giving Drew a pep talk at halftime. Ryan starts off shouting at Drew until Drew brings up Bobby Knight. Ryan restrains himself: "I'm sorry. I'll try to keep my tone loooooow."
  • Ryan as a wedding planner for bride Kathy Griffin. At one point, Colin grabbed a champagne bottle and gave Ryan a taste, only to reach the bottle behind Ryan's neck to give himself a taste shortly after.
  • Ryan as a survivalist. Colin put brown paint on Ryan's face, prompting Ryan to declare that he's camouflaged himself as a tree. He followed that up with some green paint: "Now I'm a frog in a tree!"

  • Akin to any Hoedown, Ryan will protest he HATES THEM TO DEATH. After the Vending Machine Hoedown was screwed up so much, he used the magic word.
  • The Drunk Mother Hoedown has an epic putdown against Colin by Chip, followed by a veritable verbal slaughter from Colin in retaliation.
    • In fact, every verse in that Hoedown features an insult towards a player–even Wayne, who had the luxury of sitting it out, was not spared.
  • The Cheating Hoedown. Drew provides another standout verse, all done while looking at his right hand.
    Drew: Let me tell you ever since I was thirteen,
    You've given me the best lovin' and that I've ever seen.
    Let me tell you something that I know you can't stand,
    I've been cheating on you with my other hand.
  • The Village People Hoedown. Drew absolutely nails it.
    Drew: I love the Village People. They give me confidence,
    Even though I'm not too bright. I am rather dense.
    I have a fat white body and I don't have a tan,
    But when I put on leather pants, I am a "Macho Man".
  • The Weight Hoedown. Wayne disses Drew. His response leaves Wayne in stitches.
    Wayne: I'm gonna tell you folks a little tale,
    about how I won the battle of the scale.
    See, my weight would hurt me, my heart, it would break it.
    How I lost weight, I pictured Drew standin' naked.
    Drew: Well, people always ask me, "Hey Drew, did you lose weight?"
    And I tell 'em, "Thanks, I feel great."
    I found a diet plan that's like no other,
    I burn all my calories [banging] Wayne's [mother].
    • Also, Ryan finally licks Colin's head.
  • The Christmas Hoedown. Drew and Ryan provide two classics.
    Colin: Up in the North Pole, the elves all went on strike.
    Santa didn't care, he said, "Go on, take a hike."
    Things were horrible that Christmas, it all just turned to poo.
    As Shakespeare said, "Remember to thy own elf, be true."
    Ryan: I love when Santa goes delivers all the toys.
    I love to see the smiles on all the girls and boys.
    Really is a holiday, a time to pause.
    Every Christmas Eve, you'll find me [porking Mrs. Claus].
  • The Going Bald Hoedown. After suffering the inevitable bald jokes from Drew and Brad, Colin hits back with style.
    Colin: People always kid me, 'cause I'm losing all my hair.
    I can't really help it that I'm follically impaired.
    It really is quite horrible, but my life is not through,
    I still get way more sex than either Brad or Drew!
  • Ryan disses Drew. Not surprising, unless Drew refuses to repeat the punchline and barely announces a commercial break (he usually does so with enthusiasm) while trying to hide from the camera.
  • The Affair Hoedown which Chip gets the final verse and does some epic wordplay. Notably, Ryan doesn't participate.
    Chip: My wife caught me with a prostitute.
    She came into the room and she began to shoot.
    And then she went and yelled all around the town:
    "I know there's more prostitutes. I guess that's one ho down."
  • Ryan's verse in the Backstreet Boys Hoedown:
    Ryan: A lot of people think that they're the best ones in the land
    But the Backstreet Boys aren't my kinda band
    Many people think that they are heaven-sent
    But you're not a band unless you play an instrument.
  • The Magicians Hoedown is one of the best from the show. Wayne makes a Siegfried & Leroy joke, Drew warns Wayne, "If you take my rhyme again, I'm gonna saw your ass in half!", Colin does a Call-Back to earlier in the episode ("I just tickle Wayne's bum, and he screams like a girl!"), and Ryan also does a Call-Back ("His best trick is pouring hot coffee on his hands!").
  • A Colin-less "Hoedown" about Superman had a great bit from Chip:
    Chip: Oh, Colin does remember all the time he spent
    Wishing he was Superman, or at least Clark Kent
    He waited all his life, he waited for that day,
    But just like Superman, his hair was up, up, and away!
    (cue Colin subtracting points from Chip's score on a card)
  • Say what you will about Drew's improv ability, but he almost always did well in "Hoedown":
    • "Skydiving":
      Drew: Well, I say skydiving's the best way to call it off
      When you and your girlfriend have just had enough
      And here's how you do it, no, don't think that I'm insane
      You get up there, take her 'chute off, and kick her off the plane!
    • "Rock Stars":
      Drew: Yeah, I love being a rock star. I make 'em pay me in pearls.
      I make lots of money and get lots of teenage girls.
      And when I'm singin', I really got the power.
      Yeah, I'm a rock star when I'm naked in the shower.
    • "Movie Ushers":
      Drew: The other day to the movies, man, I had a go
      The music wasn't much, and the plot, it was so-so
      Don't you think that one day I'd be learnin'
      Never go to the movies and do an impression of Pee-wee Herman.
  • The "You're Ugly" Hoedown is funny even before it gets going: The audience starts clapping as usual, but gets out of sync. Wayne attempts to start but waits a few bars until the audience claps to the beat.
  • "Playboy Photographer": Colin's verse, which ends with "I called an expert who lives out west / Because when it comes to this, father knows breast", and Ryan's verses:
    Ryan: I'm takin' pictures of Drew, out by his pool
    He wants to be in the nude, I think that's kind of cool
    He's paying me lots of money, all of it in tens
    After looking at him, I think I'm gonna need a telephoto lens!
    • When Drew threw to commercial, he told Ryan, "I tried to save your life, fucker!"
  • A "Hoedown" about dentists had Drew singing about wrestlers instead. This is a Call-Back to a gag earlier in the show where Chip accidentally sang about professors instead of wrestlers.
  • The "Beach Hoedown" has Colin sing a verse about skinny-dipping with a whale as a leadup to a Moby-Dick pun. Wayne dies on the spot.
  • Colin struggling with his verses on a Hoedown about mosquitoes, and taking advantage of the topic to get out of it:
    Colin: A mosquito came up and he bit, bit me.
    He took all my blood, can't you see how- see?
    I have a lot of blood loss... (collapses)
  • Similarly, in the "won the lottery" hoedown:
    Colin: I have won the lottery, my riches I can flaunt!
    I don't care about anything, I can do anything I want!
    (waves his arms wildly, runs off-stage and hugs a random audience member, then hugs Cathy, fake-punches Wayne, and gets back in his spot with a triumphant pose)

    Hollywood Director 
  • Colin's numerous crap declarations during the game.
  • Greg's attempt at a Dutch accent: (SPAWN OF DE DEVILE, FROM DE CENTRE OF DE EARCE!)
    • The look on Ryan's face when he tries to come up with a name is hilarious.
      Ryan: I'm... (confused) Count Dracula.
    • The intro to the game alone is hilarious:
      Drew: The-the scene is... right. All I gotta do is read these, isn't that amazing?
      (Wayne makes fun of Drew by muttering gibberish; Greg laughs)
      Drew: The scene is, Ryan is a vampire bat... (makes vampire bat flying noise) who flies into the bedroom, out of mouthy college girl Wayne... oh, "of", I'm sorry, not "out of". (laughs twice) Lemme get some of my medicine. (drinks) Ah. Ryan is a vampire bat, who flies into the bedroom of mouthy college girl Wayne, who is showering and getting ready for a date.
      Wayne: Every night, baby.
      Drew: That's right. After Ryan is transformed into Count Dracula, Professor Van Helsing, Greg, WHAT?! Man, I gotta read these ahead of time... kicks down the door to confront him. (Greg emits a loud "HA HA!" before covering his mouth)
    • The nearsighted take, in which Greg misses Ryan and Wayne and starts yelling his lines at Drew, who offers him his glasses.
    • The part from the first take where Greg-as-Van Helsing tries to ward Ryan-as-Dracula off with a cross, only for Ryan to reach out and snap it in two.
    Ryan: Dot's de old guy, I'm de new generation!
  • This one with Greg and Ryan as rival bikers takes a very interesting turn that nearly gives Drew a heart attack.
  • Or this one where everyone is doing Spanish accents.
    Kathy: Yoou know...I doo not dance for the likes of yooou. (Wayne and Drew crack up laughing)
    Ryan: You're from Canada, aren't you?
    Kathy: Yes, and my mother is from Sweden.
    Wayne: Let go of the girls. I said "girls", but I mean "girl".
    Ryan: Funny how we all come from a different part of Spain.
    • Also:
      Colin: Choo know, when I firs com to this contry with nothing but a hammer and a powerful laxative... I tot to myself, I wouldn't have to deal with this CROP!
      Ryan: Sorry, it's a Spanish piece, we thought-
      Colin: "Sponnish"? Is that what you are, Sponnish? Pleh on you.
    • There's something of a Mythology Gag here, as this one and the 'Dracula' one above both add some vision-impairment into the scene ('incredibly nearsighted' Greg shouting his lines at Drew, and Wayne 'in perfect dark' doing his bit in the wrong part of the stage).
    • "Leesten to mee because I spit and I'm happy!"
  • Wayne falls into an icehole. Let me say that again. Wayne falls into an icehole. An icehole. A big icehole.
  • Ryan (Judge Frollo) began the game by telling Whoopi (Esmerelda), "All right, there's your pole, get to it!"
    Wayne: (as Quasimodo) "He hit me on my hideously ugly ass!"
    Ryan: (breaking character) "...A little bit of Sammy coming through there?!"
    • In the same playing:
      Colin: (to Whoopi) What are you doing there, Hoopi? Don't be hoopin'.
      Whoopi: Hoopin'?
      Colin: NO HOOPING ON MY SET!
    • Also, after one instance of Colin yelling cut:
      Whoopi: (to Ryan) You were brilliant.
      Colin: No. You. Weren't. Remember: He's [Wayne's] the hideously ugly one.
  • The one with waiter Ryan accidentally spilling food on supermodel Wayne's dress. At one point, the style switched to rodeo riders, so Chip acted like a cowboy and pretended Ryan was his horse and jumped on Ryan's back. Very quickly, Ryan shouted for Chip to get off, and got a lecture from Colin: "My God?! He's over forty! (...) You know, we don't have the insurance!" Then after the game:
    Chip: I broke Ryan.
  • In one playing with the scene of RoboCop, the style switched to '70s disco dancers. After Chip and Wayne did energetic disco moves, Colin grumpily said, "Cut cut cut cut. You're making me tired. We need... (to Ryan, who's still pointing, disco-style) by the way, I can't see you anymore."
  • One game had Ryan as a pet store shoplifter with Wayne as the store cop who catches him. After Wayne calls 911, Brad enters, saying "LAPD, LAPD..." and begins beating up Wayne.note 
    • In the same game, Colin told everyone to do it in the style of Elvis.
      Wayne: Uh.... pardon me, fella. (mimes his Elvis hair unraveling) I couldn't help notice you puttin' a guppie inside yo mouth.
      Ryan: Well baby, you got it all wrong.
      Wayne: (doing Elvis's signature hand gestures) Hold it right there, hold it right here!
      Brad: Freeze! Humma-babah, humma-babah, humma-babah, humma-babah... (to Drew, indicating his wig) Here ya go. (back to Wayne and Ryan) Now which one of you is, uh, uh, uh, uh, doin' somethin' wrong, here? (twists his legs to imitate Elvis's dance moves, then does the Elvis hand gestures) Was it you, or...... you??
  • Ryan and Kathy Greenwood as a 1950's teenage couple making out, when they're stopped by policeman Wayne. After Colin stops the scene the first time:
    Ryan: It's hard for me to get the reality of the scene. Unlike you, I wasn't alive during the '50s.
    (Colin gives Ryan a Death Glare as the audience laughs/ooohs)
    Colin: ...Good one.
  • Wayne, as a bandit in a Western scene: "Woo-hoo! I'm crazy nutso!" Which somehow gets more ridiculous when it becomes the obligatory porn version.
  • Ladies and gentlemen...Jailhouse Stomp.
    • The scene is Ryan as an inmate waiting for an escape while Chip as the prison guard is checking on him; suspecting him on concealing a weapon. Just then Wayne comes with a helicopter to saves Ryan. The highlight was when the style switched to Stomp, with the three getting into a rhythm that caused the audience to start clapping along.
    • After Colin plays off Wayne's "fudda-dudda-dudda-dudda" helicopter noise in the original scene as The Coconut Effect, Wayne makes it a point to bring the scene home with said noise in each scene, especially the "cheesy '70s porn" version:
      Wayne (imitating a doorbell): "Ding-ding! Ding-ding!"
      Chip: "Wonder who that could be."
      (Ryan opens the imaginary door)
      Wayne (suggestively): "Fudda-dudda-dudda."
  • Colin's line to Wayne in the one about a bank robbery: "You are this close to being substituted with... Gary Coleman! This close, this close!"
    • Wayne responds by angrily puffing out his cheeks putting his hands on his hips.
    • In the same game, Colin declared that he won a "Dougie". Greg asked him twice what a Dougie was; on the second time, he answered: "A Dougie, it's a nice, it's a Canadian... beaver."
    • At the end of the playing, the final style is strippers, and Colin tells Wayne to strip as Goofy. That is worth the price of admission alone.
  • "Kathy is an impatient customer who pulls into Ryan's gas station where he is pumping gas, Wayne is a thief who has come to rob them". When the style switches to Jerry Springer as performed by Tarzan characters:
    Kathy Greenwood: I wanna know why this is taking sooo long!
    Ryan: Tarzan keep thinking of mother, who is sister.
    • The beginning of the scene is great too: Wayne awkwardly says, "Gimme all the... gas." Ryan scrunches his face.
      Colin: That wasn't in the script. No improvising!
  • The one where they parody The Exorcist has a great comedy beat when the style switches to "do the whole scene backwards". It goes about like you'd expect until they get to the beginning of the scene, wherein the performers just abruptly stop. After a silent moment, Colin breaks the silence: "CUT!"
  • The one where Ryan played a hunky pool boy seducing Kathy Greenwood. The highlight was when the style switched to "too much caffeine". Especially when Wayne entered the scene on an out-of-control horse and spoke ridiculously fast when he saw the two of them together. As if keeping the theme, Colin entered spamming "CUT!" much faster than usual.

    If You Know What I Mean 
  • Colin's "I'll help you fluff your Garfield if you know what I mean."
  • Colin's "Look what I can do with the donuts!" in the playing set in a bakery.
  • The one taking place at the track meet. Notable bits:
    • Colin's "Hey...", followed by "I know what you mean!" "You know what I mean? I didn't want to say it."
    • What ends the game:
      Colin: I've been having trouble... I been...
      (Brad smiles as he waits for Colin to come up with something)
      Colin: ...disqualified for an early start, if you know what I mean.
      Ryan: Maybe you should just clean and jerk if you know what I mean.
      Brad: Nothing better than a 200 pound [snatch], if you know what I mean.
      (Brad fails to keep composure as the audience erupts)
      Ryan: That's, uh, that's never gonna make it to air if you know what I mean.
    • And after the game:
      Brad: It is a weight lifting term!
      Wayne: This program brought to you by the Church of Latter-Day Saints.
      Drew: Hey kids, how come you're not in bed right now?!
      Brad: "That's the last time you get to watch that show!"
      Ryan: If you know what I mean.
  • Ryan was good at the game but seemed to be annoyed by its premise, as alluded to before one playing:
    Drew: This is also a great party game-
    Ryan: ...It's a great party game if you want people to leave.
  • Colin, in one playing: "Don't get your nose hairs in a flaming trajectory over Moscow, if you know what I mean!"

    Improbable Mission 
  • Then there was the "impossible mission" game where Colin and Ryan had to clean a new Burnoose for the Emir of Groovefunkistan. Every single member of the cast broke down in laughter at some point. At least one Whose Line forum has adopted "The Cat!" and "The cat's wet now!" as catchphrases, and sell them on T-shirts. See for yourself.
    Colin: The faucet's rigged!
    Ryan: What?
    Colin: The faucet's rigged!
    Ryan: ...In what way?
    Colin: With an explosive!! How long have you been a spy?!
    Ryan: [trying not to laugh] I guess they really don't want people taking baths in this room!
    • Just about everyone starts cracking up in this scene. Even Colin kind of bites his lip when he misremembers the VIP as being "the Snackerfarker of Emar" mid-way through.
  • In one, Colin and Ryan had to wash a car. In the attempt to wax it, Colin said, "Look! A turtle!" and proceeded to crack it in half over his knee to wax the car with it.
  • In this skit, the mission is to go to the supermarket to make breakfast for the President of Eat-All-You-Can. Ryan pointed at Drew while saying he has a picture of him on the wall. Wayne helped by making a frame with his hands. Drew then retaliates by throwing an Altoid mint at them.
    • "Oh look! Drew Carey's on a potato diet!"
    • Towards the end of this one: BECAUSE I WANTED MY NIPPLE HARD!
    • When Ryan accidentally flubs a word, we get this glorious line from Colin: "OH, NO! THEY'VE GOT... CONFUSION GAS!"
      Colin: Oh, luh, monkey-monkey-blue!
      Ryan: (looking at Colin's shirt) What a lovely shirt!
      Colin: OH NO! Quick, we need an antidote! What's the... (thinking) Can barely think! Only antidote is...
      Ryan: Shaving cream!
      Colin: BLUE SHOES!
      Ryan: What?
      (Colin points at Ryan's blue shoes)
      Colin: There's enough there to cure the world!
    • "I wish I could give points for that, but I wasn't paying attention, I was too busy eating donuts and lard. 'Cause I'm such a fatass."
  • When Ryan and Colin have to cook breakfast for the grand pooh-bah of Snackitoba (a small Canadian province), this ends the game:
    Colin: There's nothing to drink!
    Ryan: My god, you weren't-
    Colin: No, I had no coffee DNA anywhere in me.
    Ryan: I'm not talking coffee, Mr. Moo.
    (Colin reluctantly mimes milking himself; Drew buzzes them out)
    Drew: I don't know about you, but I saw all I wanted to see!
    Ryan: Pretty quick on that buzzer.
    Drew: That's right, Mr. Moo. (smiles) Wow, we've got a new nickname for Colin already, I'm so happy.
    Greg: Colin Moochrie.
    (Drew laughs hard)
    Drew: Colin... Colin Moochrie! He said he was sick of the bald jokes.
    Colin: (shrugs) Yeah.
    Drew: Fine, Colin Moochrie, no more bald jokes!
    • There's immediate revenge, as Drew accidentally says the next game is "Improbable Mission". Colin and Ryan just point and laugh.
  • In the scene where Colin and Ryan have to walk a dog, they don't have a leash, so Ryan asked Colin, "You still got that tapeworm?" (cue Collective Groan from the audience)

  • DOO DOO DOO DOO! I have no hair!
  • In the one where the problem was too much chest hair, Colin pulls a piece of skimpy lingerie out of the prop-box while Ryan is distracted. Colin gets a look of horrified recognition and tosses it away.
    • Also, when Drew got the suggestion for the problem, he said: "Some people have too much chest hair, (gestures in Colin's direction) they wanna get rid of it..." Colin looked annoyed that he seemed to be suggesting that he personally had too much chest hair, and derisively gave the gesture back to Drew.
  • The Craig T Nelson one, actually about losing weight, has this awesome moment that's lost by being placed too early:
    Colin: (holding a pair of Roman rings less than a foot wide) Once you can fit through these, you've lost enough weight!
    • Ryan, after grabbing a duster from the box: "Should I dust in the bedroom, Mr. Nelson?"
    • This playing also had a great bit about how to lose weight: Listening to a tape of endless "Hoedowns" from Whose Line is it Anyway?. (Ryan mimes vomiting)
  • One game ends with a random Cargo Ship moment when Ryan chucks one of the items, a Barbie doll, back to the box rather roughly - causing Wayne to walk over, pick it up and lay it in place as gently as possible, mouthing 'call me' to it as he went back to his seat.
  • The playing where Ryan kept mixing up "cellulite" with "celluloid". Another great moment in that one:
    Ryan: You know, we have so many products; well, let's take a look at one of them right now, Col. A simple bag of green peas.
    Colin: Why, Ryan, how could that possibly fight the war against cellulite?
    Ryan: (clearly unprepared) Well, let me tell you....... You know, celluloid is caused... cellulite.
    Colin: Cellulite is caused by eating too much, of course.
    Ryan: Of course.
    Colin: Of course.
    Ryan: (speaking slowly and clearly making it up as he's going) We find if you eat the foods inside the bag without taking them out, you don't get the nutrition or the fat from the food-
  • The infomercial to stop drinking:
    Ryan: I'm Jimmy!
    Colin: I'm... not!
    • Later, Colin pulled out a wind-up fireplace lighter and put it in Ryan's mouth. Drew interrupted the scene: "Nonononono NO! It makes flame, that thing. It's supposed to..." Colin took it out of Ryan's mouth and wound it, but nothing happened. Assuming it's safe, he tried to stick it back in Ryan's mouth but Ryan refused: "That's all right! (to Colin) Someone wants their own show." Note 
    • Just before that:
      Ryan: Hey, Col.
      Colin: Yeah?
      Ryan: What's that look like to you?
      Colin: What, that looks like a common brush.
      Ryan: That's right! (Tosses it aside.)
  • The one about facelifts, where Ryan put wires on Colin's face. Colin looked visibly nervous and after Ryan removed the wires, he said, "And it can remove those pesky eyes!"
    Drew: Were you scared when those wires came at your eyes?
    Colin: Yes. (audience laughs) Anything for a laugh.
  • Bad breath. Highlights:
    • "Does your breath stink?" "We can smell you through the camera."
    • (Colin pulls out a mini Canadian flag) "I'm Canadian!"
    • After demonstrating how stink particles work, Colin says: "And you don't need a nose this size to smell it!" (points at Ryan's nose)
    • Ryan getting immediate revenge by sticking the gerbil wheel on Colin's tongue. (Colin: "Thuh diffuwence ish amazing.")
    • Colin pulls a red driveway reflector and uses it to demonstrate that if you breathe on it and it changes black, "get help now." But then Ryan pulls a blue one out...
      Ryan: Hey, we'll even throw in this. Colin, I'm pregnant.
      (Colin and Ryan mock laugh)
    • The ending, where Colin pulls a string in Ryan's mouth and out his butt. It's brought up later in a "Hoedown".
  • The one to cure acne, which is so complicated that, if such a product actually existed in real life, nobody would bother. It has three phases, and the final one involved Colin putting on a lunch lady's cap, coiled wires on both arms, and sticking a flashlight tube in his mouth while Ryan held a magnifying glass up to Colin's head at the offending acne.

    Irish Drinking Song 
  • In this game, each player sings one line of the song; Colin gets the ending line every time. You can imagine how that turns out.
    • The Broke Up Irish Drinking Song.
    • The Passed Gas Irish Drinking Song, mainly for Colin's ending line: "Oops! I pooed!"
    • The 3 Irish Drinking Songs about Graduation.
      • Of particular note is the second one, where everyone cracks up laughing at the sudden Toilet Humor Colin spouts outnote , except special guest Kathy Griffin.
        Kathy: What? That totally made sense to me.
        Wayne: Improv and a medical report...
        Ryan: You know it supposed to rhyme with 'do'...
        Colin: 'Poo' I guess, but I didn't go that route...
        Wayne: He's so... *cracks up*
        Colin: Graduation can make you nervous. It can do stuff to your...
        Kathy: No, I like it when it's real!
        Colin: Yeah!
        Drew: I'm not givin' any points for that one. No way!
        Colin: I shouldn't be the last person.
  • The "Got Pregnant" Irish Drinking Song.
    Greg: When I got home that night...
    Colin: ovaries did swell.
    Ryan: I puffed up like Jiffy Pop.
    Wayne: I'm a dude! What the hell?!?
  • The Irish Drinking Song about Yelled Out the Wrong Name in Bed. One of the most glorious disasters in the show's history (and that's saying something).
    Wayne: One night, I was gettin' freaky
    Drew: With my lurgh— girl Elaine
    Colin: (knowingly turns at Ryan) Boy we had some fun
    Ryan: And then (string of gibberish similar to Drew's flub)
    (Wayne and Drew are doubled over laughing too hard to do verses, and then...)
    Colin: MEOW!
    (take two...)
    Ryan: I've lost track of the story
    Wayne: I don't know what has happened
    Drew: He wrote me a letter...
    Colin: My underwear is snappin'
    Ryan: I think there was a girl involved
    Wayne: That's what I'm thinkin'
    Drew: I don't know what to say...
    Colin: MEOW! (everyone else doubles over as Colin finishes the song solo)
    • How they got the "Wrong Name in Bed" prompt in the first place. Drew asks for a suggestion of something embarrassing and an audience member immediately fires back with that.
  • Both of the Irish Drinking Songs about Drew. One of them had a bit where Ryan doesn't finish a rhyme because it was mostly praising Drew. He's so dedicated to making fun of Drew he can't even act like he's complimenting him with a straight face.
  • The Got Mugged Irish Drinking Song is a whirlwind of absurdity from the start.
    • It all started with Ryan's fumble line "...A stone I passed.", which cracked up Wayne so much that the other three had to repeat the chant twice. It was later forgotten until Colin manage to slay the audience and cast with the line:
      Colin: He put my stone back in my end!
  • "Fell Out of the Car" had a great last line from Colin:
    Colin: She has gravel in her snot!
  • "Slept With an Ugly Woman": Notable for Colin being visibly embarrassed by what comes out of his own mouth:
    Colin: It looked like someone had beat her.
  • "First Car": Once again, a great ending line by Colin:
    Ryan: But, I found a girl who loved it.
    Wayne: I found a girl who liked my car.
    Greg: Her name was Maser.
    Colin: She didn't run very far.
    Ryan: She wanted to be in it.
    Wayne: She loved the leather.
    Greg: And that's when I married her.
    Colin: She took her thong off in any weather!
  • Greg's reaction to what Drew selects for a theme:
    Drew: "Got Pregnant".
    Greg: (incredulously) On a date?
    Ryan: (waving to an audience member) I remember ya, honey...

    Let's Make a Date 
  • The one with Greg as Dr. Ruth with a sudden penis fixation, Colin as The Mummy who disintegrates in the end (presumably because he never absorbed anyone's innards), and Ryan as a Broadway choreographer, who manages to end the game with this line:
  • Colin's Skyward Big "NO!" as a soap opera doctor is only one of his Crowning Moments of Funny.
    • Also look at Ryan without seeing his quirk. Is he an old lady on a roller coaster, or an old lady being possessed by the devil?
  • One hallmark of this show is how the players deliberately crossover their individual skits with each other on the fly.
  • The episode where Wayne played the Barry White of the rooster world:
    Greg: Contestant #1, when I was growing up on a farm in San Francisco, (Drew laughs) we would've called him a cock. However, I'm going to say that he's a large rooster.
    Drew: Well who's the real famous loooove rooster from the '70s?
    Greg: ..."The famous love rooster from the '70s"? I don't remember a famous love rooster.
  • Ryan as "Drew Carey the Musical":
    Ryan: (singing) I'm the luckiest guy in the world / the luckiest guy in the world / My eyes are covered with glass / And look at the size of my ass!
    Ryan: People say I don't care about anybody but myself, but that's not true, because... (singing) I'm in love with a girl named Maria... (mimes blowing up a blow-up doll; cut to annoyed Drew) She's my special gal! (blows it up completely and mimes dancing with it... then it blows up on him.)
    (Drew buzzes)
    Drew: I got some bad news: during the game, Lewis died.
    (when it comes time for Chip to guess Ryan...)
    Drew: Who was Ryan, before we say goodnight to Ryan?
    Chip: (sarcastically) I have no idea. No, he was-
    Drew: (interrupting him) I don't either, that's correct, I don't know who the hell he is. (Chip laughs)
    (After the game...)
    Drew: It was fine, I can take a joke just as good as anybody, so 1000 points to everybody...
    Ryan: (mouthing out) BUT RYAN.
    Drew: ...except for Ryan.
    Wayne: What was the suggestion?
    Chip: Yeah...?
    Drew: It was Drew Carey: The Musical.
    Chip: Ohhh. (smiling wide, but trying hard not to laugh) I didn't hear- I didn't get that at all.
    Wayne: That wasn't funny at all.
    Ryan: I thought I was rather kind.
    Drew: Huh?
    Ryan: I thought I was rather kind. Seeing as how I got a lot of stuff on ya.
    Drew: Yeah, so like I said, 1,000 points to my good buddy, Ryan Stiles! (audience cheers) Ryan Stiles! What a kidder, man, we get along so well.
    • And before they actually started the game, the goofy smile on Ryan's face when he read his card prompted Drew to remind him where his paycheck comes from.
  • Greg as a cast member of The Real World, and Wayne's disgusted reactions.
    Greg: Shut up, buttmunch! I got class in the morning!
    Wayne: You need to have some class right now!
  • When Ryan's quirk was: "an evil scientist in his lab about to mutate into a horrific version of the other two bachelors". Not only did he do an amazing impersonation of Michael Jackson, but he did a great parody of Colin Mochrie as well, using no words but merely pulling his hair back with his hand and sporting a dopey grin. Drew absolutely loses his shit.
  • Ryan played a man still hypnotized from last night's show. He went through a lot of different personalities in a short time.
    Ryan: (barks like a dog) Fore! Elvis! Elvis! Come aliens, we accept you. (clucks like a chicken)
    (on question 2...)
    Ryan: (mimes taking off his clothes) Hello, admiral. Hello, admiral. Miss Piggy, nice to see you. Who made the salad?
  • Ryan as the head of politician Colin's wife sprouting from his neck. The game ended with Ryan pleading, "Come home, baby! Nobody treats you like I do..." and licking Colin's ear seductively. Drew buzzed repeatedly while shouting "Whoa!" Ryan went over to his desk and downed a ton of breath mints. Drew remarked, "That picture's so nasty, they won't even post that on the internet!"
    Ryan: My mouth's on fire. I put about thirty of them in.
    Drew: You know, these mints are "curiously strong" when you pop all of them in your mouth at once.
    Wayne: He's gonna have great breath for, like, twenty years.
    Brad: Finally.
  • Ryan as a neanderthal defrosting. On the first line of questioning, Ryan was merely frozen aside from some twitching fingers. On the second question, Ryan (now completely unfrozen) groaned four times, then turned his back to the audience and let out a relieved groan as he mimed letting out all that prehistoric urine.
    • In the same game, Wayne as a pro wrestler. Not only were his facial expressions while flexing his muscles hilarious, but he did his own entrance music while Kathy was trying to ask her first question.
  • Wrong guesses are often hilarious because the contestant laughs at how their performance was misinterpreted:
    • In one playing, Denny couldn't figure out that Wayne was playing Jar Jar Binks, and initially thought he was a Komodo dragon, and then asked if he was dating Woody Allen.
    • In another, Wayne thought Ryan (who was playing a masochist) was the pornographic version of Rain Man.
    • In another, Wayne struggled to guess that Ryan was a "frustrated writer going insane at a remote hotel":
      Wayne: Bachelor number three is the collected works of, uh-
      Drew: No.
      Wayne: Alfred-
      Drew: No.
      Wayne: Stephen-
      Drew: No.
      Wayne: Is all the characters-
      Drew: No.
      Wayne: Is, uh, hor... hor-
      Drew: No.
      Wayne: [trying again] Bachelor number three.
      Drew: Yes.
      Wayne: Is one man... who embodies-
      Drew: No.
      [Wayne pretends to throw a fit]
  • One of the funniest playings was, thankfully, released to DVD: Wayne was a "buns of steel" fitness instructor, Colin was a flight attendant whose anger management thong tightened when he got upset, and Ryan was a Russian spy who is interrogating the other contestants for information. Any of these three personalities would be funny on their own, but by the end of the game, all three are playing off each other: Ryan tweaks Colin, which causes his thong to tighten, and Wayne dishes out encouragement that Colin's flexing his buns. Some of the best "Let's Make a Date"s are the ones where the contestants interact with each other, and this one is one of the best.
    • The guessing part was also great:
      Greg: Ryan is a spy-
      Drew: From what country?
      Greg: Uh, that's a very good question.Note  (Ryan chuckles)
  • Wayne as a power-crazed state trooper.
    Wayne: (pretending to look through radar gun) Mmm-hmmm... OH HELL YEAH!
    Chip: Okay, bac-
    Wayne: WHAT?
    Chip: What would you do if-
    Chip: Heyheyhey, are you talkin'?! I don't think anybody gave you license to talk, here in Callihappimussisoopi County!
    (in round 2 of questioning...)
    Chip: What's the biggest lie you ever told?
    Wayne: That you'll be out by six o'clock tomorrow mornin'. In fact, when you look at me from now on, you just say, "Yes sir, Mr. The Law!" You understand me?
    Chip: Yes sir-
    Wayne: Shut up. (to Colin) What you lookin' at, sissy boy?
    Colin: Get off my butt. note 
  • Ryan as a bounty hunter rounding up members of the infamous "bald men gang". Ryan took numerous bald men from the audience and made them lie face down on the carpet. After the game:
    Drew: What's your name?
    Larry: Larry.
    Drew: Larry? Nice ass, Larry.
    • In the same game, Wayne as Chucky, asking Chip, "I don't know, toots, when was the last time you grappled with six inches of plastic?" And in round two of questioning, stabbing the bald men lying on the floor.
  • Wayne played someone from American Gladiators. When it came time to guess, the name of the show was on the tip of Chip's tongue but he guessed Battlestar Galactica instead. In the same game, Ryan's quirk was "Angry Farmer Looking For Person Who Slept With His Daughter", and Chip stumbled on his guess: "He's the farmer's daughter's father."
    Drew: In other words, the farmer.
    Chip: Do I even get one point for that?
    Drew: No.
  • Greg as Jack Nicholson from The Shining, Colin as the world's most annoying moviegoer, and Ryan as President Colin's secret service bodyguard. At one point, Greg punched Colin in the stomach, causing Ryan to mime shooting Greg in the head.
  • When Wayne played the hyenas from The Lion King, Kathy Greenwood guessed, "Bachelor #1 is... a bunch of happy lap dogs? (after Wayne gives another hint...) Oh, you're on that, the "The Long Journey", all those little animals..." (Drew laughs)
    Drew: The Lion King was a big hit movie.
    Kathy: Heh, what? The one with the two cats and the dog, and the two dogs, never mind.
    Drew: That's okay, I know you don't get out a lot.
  • Perhaps the strangest quirk ever done on the show, and that's saying something, was in a season 7 episode when Ryan played "a smart-mouthed brat who's been told never to lick the metal plate in Colin's head in winter."
  • Wayne as a hypnotist who uses his butt to hypnotize people. "I would take you... to a steak house. I would order the steak, and you would order the rump roast." Also funny in retrospect, as this comes from the same taping as the one where Wayne played a buns-of-steel fitness instructor. One of the writers clearly had butts on the mind.
  • Ryan's super long quirk Note , which stays on-screen for a good ten seconds:
    Ryan: I'm just leaving a little time so everyone can read the novel that is my suggestion. (gives a surly smile)
    • And the ending to the game:
      Drew: You're left with Ryan's.
      Ryan: It's a trilogy.
      Jeff: Uh, he was a hypnotist-
      Drew: No!
      (Jeff lowers his head in shame)
      Jeff: He was a hypnotist who wanted people to find true love with each other.
      Drew: Well it says here: "Ryan is a witch who entices the beast to her magic sleeping stool, (Ryan looks at his watch) and then must find his true love toll and turn him into a prince", so you were wrong, my friend! Wrong, wrong, wrong!
      (the performers return to their seats)
      Drew: Man, somebody's gotta make these things shorter.
      Ryan: (to off-screen stagehand) Can I get a scotch?
  • Ryan getting an electric shock every time he has an impure thought. Of note, he gets one from looking at Colin (playing a pig).
  • Colin thinks that Brad (the one choosing between the bachelors) is absolutely repulsive. Keep in mind Brad is doing all this with a cheery high falsetto voice.
    Brad: If I was a damsel in distress, how would you rescue me?
    Colin: ...Well, I'd have to think about it first, uh... Hopefully if your face was on fire I'd beat it out...
    Brad: Look deep into my eyes-
    Colin: Oh, no, no, no, no-
    Brad: -and tell me what you see!
    Colin: -no, no, no, no, no, no! Come on! Come on!
    Brad: Wooooo me!
    Colin: ...What ya?
    Brad: Wooooo me!
    Colin: All right, just once. (makes disgusted "keep away from me" gestures) Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo whoo whoo!
    Brad: Hmm. You might not win. Bachelor number three...
    Colin: (gives double thumbs-up)
  • Ryan as a "talking chicken having trouble laying an egg", especially:
    Ryan: Could you repeat the questi-aaaawwwwwwkkkkkk!!!
  • Ryan as a boa constrictor eating the other contestants. Especially Greg during the guessing stage:
    Greg: And Ryan is just someone I'd like to get to know better.
  • Drew calling Brad a "commie" after he guesses that Wayne (playing the Wicked Witch of the West) is "Barbara Bush".

    Living Scenery 
  • See the Moments With Special Guests section for the Richard Simmons incident.
  • Playing shower gets steamy with Kathy Greenwood...
    • Then Colin uses Wayne as a toaster waffle, and puts his skin color to comedic use:
      Colin: Oh... (audience laughs) just the way I like it!
  • In the Living Scenery where Ryan and Colin were at a carnival:
    Whoopi: Welcome to the Big Bear Jamboree. We're here with all our good friends, and you can watch us pee.
  • At a ski resort, Ryan gets in a hot tub mimed by Kathy Greenwood, and Colin tries to join him:
    Ryan: Not in my hot tub, you're not! Get your own hot tub!
    (Wayne seductively beckons Colin with bubbles)
    Colin: Mine's... it's kinda cold, I better turn up the temperature. (tweaks Wayne's nipples)

    Make a Monster 
  • In one of the two playings, Wayne was made of the head of Mr. T, the body/arms of a Benihana chef, and the legs of Fred Astaire. The image of Wayne saying "I pity the fool!" repeatedly while miming cooking and doing dance moves with his legs is hysterical.

    The Millionaire Show 
  • In the "frisky old people" version, Wayne was Ryan's caretaker, who claimed to have relations with tons of men at one time.
    Ryan: (as Wayne is rambling) Oh, she gets into her stories, and she never stops...
  • The hillbillies Millionaire Show. Highlights:
    • Greg: "We are gonna have more fun than a greased pig in a roomful of cousins, I kid you NOT!"
    • Greg: "You ain't heard the qestion! (sic)"
    • Wayne as the guy in the audience:
      Ryan: Did you hear the question?
      Wayne: Of course I heard it. I'm the edumacated one.
    • The prize totals jump from $4 to $18,000. Ryan's observation: "That's almost twice as much!" Greg: "It's MORE than twice as much!"
    • For the second question, one of the choices was, "Hell I don't know that, BUT I THINK MY UNCLE BUBBA DO!"
    • Ryan remarking that he's never used a phone with buttons before.
    • Ryan, talking to Colin for his phone-a-friend: "Hey, I'm talkin' to you, but I can't see you anywhere!"
    • Greg: "If grease were brains, You wouldn't grease too big a skillet, boy!"
    • Greg claiming he hasn't watched TV since they cancelled Mama's Family.
  • "Who Wants to be a Machionnaire", the German version. Highlights:
    • Ryan: "I make a living, uh, uh, the lederhosen for money."
    • Greg: "If my accent slips to another country, you may call me on that."
    • Question 1: "What is 2+2?, A: Seven, B: SHUT UP PIG!!!, C: I would like to invade Poland, D: FOUR!!!"
    • (Greg to Wayne in the audience) "Uncle Schmidt, you are from the Black Forest!"
    • When Ryan gives his final answer, Greg threatens: "Is that your FINAL answer?" (menacing stare)
    • "You have one phone call, (threatening) do not vaste it."
    • (when Ryan calls lifeline Colin)
      Ryan: (accent slipping) I need help with the question, A B C D.
      Colin: ...Are you Swedish?
    • Greg: "We have vays of making you change your answer."
    • Best part of that playing:
      Brad: I have lots of amphetamines rushing through my system right now! I'm just so pleased to be anywhere without Kathy Lee Crosby. (Ryan whispers to Brad) Whatever, whatever her name is!
  • The Jerry Springer version. Highlights:
    • Colin's belligerent attitude towards Ryan: "You do that again, and you'll SEE what happens."
    • After the audience boos Ryan:
      Ryan: They don't know nothin' about me!
      Colin: Oh, they don't wanna know nothin' about you!
    • Wayne as a redneck in the audience ("I played football in high school! I- it's "D"." "You sure?" "No, but then again, I'm not sure if you're my SON!")
    • The second question: "Your transvestite lover and you are invited to a black-tie affair. Do you, A) Pass her off as your wife, B) Pass her off as your brother, C) Pass her off as your husband, D) Tell her to lose the chaps."
      Ryan: Wow, I don't know nothin' about vampires.
      Colin: Transvestites.
      Ryan: Huh?
      Colin: Not Transylvanians, ya moron!
    • "I'm gonna call the mother of my baby: My sister, Alicia."
    • When Ryan begins his phone-a-friend with Alicia (Kathy Greenwood):
      Kathy Greenwood: I was just about to call you. My frilly underwear's gone missin' again.
      Ryan: I ain't wearin' it.
      Kathy Greenwood: Yeeeeaaaahh right, you ain't wearin' it. Whaddya want?
      Ryan: (suddenly has a drawl) Is it A, B, C, er D?... I don't know where I got an accent from all of a sudden... (to Colin) Hey, ssssh, when I talk to her, I talk with an accent. I don't want her to know where I'm from.
      Colin: Don't ever touch me again!
      Ryan: Sorry.
    • The top prize being only $100 (at least as far as Kathy knew; Ryan clearly gave Colin a "Don't tell her that the top prize is more" look while delivering this line).
    • The ending:
      Colin: And I've been sleeping with her [Kathy Greenwood] and she's two men! (cue fighting between Ryan and Colin)
  • Gangster Edition
    • This bit:
      Colin: What's your name?
      Ryan: Bugsy Bugsy.
      (Colin slaps Ryan)
      Colin: Your NAME?!
      Ryan: Bugsy Malone.
  • In the Frat Boy Edition, Ryan uses Kathy Greenwood as his phone-a-friend lifeline and tells Colin that he was going to break up with her anyway, so it's killing two birds with one stone. After he gets the answer from Kathy and says, "I think we should see other people.", Colin guilt-trips him about it. Suddenly, Wayne (playing the friend in the audience) shouts, "CAN I HAVE HER, BRO?"
    • When Ryan answers the final question:
      Colin: Augh. You're gonna need all the lovin' you can get... or maybe you can just BUY HOOKERS! You are a millionaire!

    Motown Group 
  • Wayne being amused at how "carjacker" is apparently a legitimate job after the audience suggests it.
  • The songs all are titled "Do the ____". This naturally results in suggestive-sounding titles like "Do the Forest Ranger" or "Do the Sewer Worker". Even better when Wayne gives Drew a disturbed look upon hearing the song title.
  • Colin's verse in "Take the Trash Out":
    It's Garbage Day, I am THE MAN!
    My back is out! OH, don't you shout!
    Get the garbage! Move your can!

    Moving People 
  • Tonto and the Lone Ranger. Ryan's not-so-subtle hints throughout are priceless, until finally, Joe moves Ryan's head, right as he says "My head? You mean my head moves?!"
    • The pre-game stuff is also funny; Drew tells the two to pick their favorite performer to move. Dallas had already picked Colin as her favorite, so Joe had no choice but to pick Ryan. Joe lazily pointed at Ryan, which Ryan ran with: "Sorry, Joe."

    Multiple Personalities 
  • Any time someone gets multiple props (and someone inevitably will) forcing them to act like all the characters.
    • In particular, the time when Colin had to combine the impressions of Carol Channing, William Wallace from Braveheart, and Jimmy Stewart. The result has to be seen to be believed.
    • How about the time Ryan combined John Wayne and Scooby-Doo?
  • In a season 1 playing, Colin was supposed to sound like Scooby-Doo, but he sounded more like a gobbling turkey.
  • Wayne's So Bad, It's Good John Wayne impression during one playing:
    Wayne: Howdy, pilgrim. It looks like someone's... got a flat. (Ryan and Greg stare blankly) ...Got a flat!
  • Any time Ryan imitates Jimmy Stewart. He takes the famous actor's slight stutter to ridiculous levels.

  • The Pizza Place:
    • This bit:
      Colin: Is there any way you can make it any faster, I'm expecting company.
      Ryan: Well, the dough doesn't rise quite as quick as you do.
  • The Supermarket. I knew him from years ago. He wasn't worth anything then - he's not worth anything now." (Ryan marks Colin down)
  • The Gas Station. "He had a face only a mother could love, if that mother was blind in one eye and had that sort of milky film over the other one, you know, you know what I mean? But still, he was my identical twin."
  • The Circus. "Excuse me, seen any tall freaks?"
  • The Bike Shop. "Having being blinded by his tie, it took me a while to see that he actually had a banana seat sticking out the top of his pants..."
  • The Airport Terminal. "Make up your own joke here."
  • The Lingerie Shop. "It was a cold day in October. But something went horribly wrong when they put the clocks back, it was now March."
  • The Maltese Burger. "I couldn't forget that face, he used to bob for fries."
    • "That's when he did something totally unexpected! Something so crazy and wild that took me totally by surprise! Even though it was kinda funny, it still was really weird!" Colin walks back into the scene, whereupon Ryan takes his face in his hands and kisses him full on the lips.
  • The Barber Shop. "He fit the description of the man I was looking for. 6 foot 5, 4 foot 2 naked."
  • The Bus Stop. "It was now or never. There was only one thing I could do. I wish I knew what the hell it was."
  • The Maternity Ward. "Yeah, I remembered him. He's not an easy guy to forget. When he came out, I didn't know which end to slap. He still looked the same."
    Colin: Dr. Philowski?
    Ryan: Jim... Jim Phillips, isn't it?
    Colin: Yes, you gave birth to me.
    Ryan: I remember.
    Colin: Not birth to me, you...actually, pulled me out.
    • Both players trying not to laugh as they kick the responsibility for who's going to explain the deal with the parrot back and forth.
      Ryan: Look...this parrot, was a gift from your father. This is gonna make sense, listen to me! He brought the parrot in when your mother delivered so many years ago, but left before you were born.
      Colin: (narrating) It was all becoming clear! My birth, the parrot. I knew he was gonna explain exactly how it all interconnected. (looks at Ryan expectantly as Ryan glares)
      Ryan: (narrating) ...Sure, I could explain it. But wouldn't it be better coming from the parrot? (in-scene) He's yours now!
    • "...Then he died." (steps back into scene; Ryan collapses)
  • The Bowling Alley. "He was good looking like I had an afro."
  • The Operating Room. "Sure, he seemed to know all the jargon..."
    • "Hi, I'm here to help with your operation. I'm not undercover or anything."
      Ryan: Scalpel.
      Colin: That's the pointy thing, right? (narrating) I'd made my first mistake. But luckily I was a quick thinker and I knew how to cover. (steps back into the scene) Just kidding!
    • "I now knew he wasn't who he said he was. When handing a scalpel, you never do it pointy-end first."
  • The Oval Office. "I knew he had big problems. But I was used to big problems, and I knew how to keep people with secrets quiet. Cigar?"
  • The Laundromat. "It was a day like any other, except it was 14 hours long and everybody was wearing pastels."
  • The Zoo. "He squeezed my nipples so hard tears came to my eyes..."

  • One Newsflash game in particular. It's clips of Colin himself, and he doesn't know it. That's basically all you need to know. Also, it's widely considered the show's single funniest game, if only for this:
    Chip: How did it start?
    Colin: It all started with a badly timed bald joke!
    • Which ironically makes it the best timed bald joke ever, especially since this is also the same airing where he gets the 'Captain Hair' joke. Also, you can see the second where it dawns on him by this line:
      Chip: Now I notice you're not wearing sunglasses to help you with that incredible shine!
    • After Colin catches on, he deliberately starts commenting on how beautiful the situation is.
    • And after the buzzer, when Drew asks him exactly what it was:
      Colin: I hope it's me with my clothes on.
  • Another one had clips from The Valley of Gwangi that apparently started with "a very bad bowl of soup!"
  • Not only does Colin get nailed in Newsflash: so does ''Ryan Stiles''.
    Chip: Could you explain to us all the different Stiles they have?
    Colin: Well yeah, look, there's that and that! My God, it's horrible!
    (cut to Chip and an extremely unamused Ryan)
    Colin: I'm trying to confuse it!
    Ryan: Colin, I think you confuse it on a daily basis.
    • Colin's unintentionally appropriate response to the audience going wild at a clip from "Party Quirks" of Ryan as "a foal being born" (in which he had Colin serve as the, erm, source of said birth):
      Colin: That was too close for comfort!
    • After the game:
      Drew: Hey Ryan. You're really funny, man.
      Ryan: I'm half animatronic.
  • And speaking of breasts, there was the one where Colin was standing in front of footage of swimsuit-clad models on the beach. Longtime viewers may have noticed Colin doing the "stick his nose in" joke at least three times during the run:
    Greg: We wish you weren't there.
    Colin: Pardon?
    Ryan: This is one of those stories where you're just getting in the way, Colin.
    Colin: Am I?! Well, it's my job to be here! I'm gonna stick my nose in there and make sure that I get every bit of information I can!
  • Colin comments in front of some skateboarding stunts and bloopers: "It IS getting kinda boring, it's just the same thing over and over again!"
    • Then, there's a skateboarder who has a terrifying near-miss with an oncoming van... and everyone lets off one great big "OHHHHHHH!!!" Ryan's eyes are bugging out with shock!
  • Also noteworthy is the Newsflash where Colin is standing in front of numerous wipeout crashes involving dirt bikes, skis, marathon running, ice skating, and gymnastics.
    • One gymnast performing a floor routine takes a bad spill and nearly lands on her head (she did get up immediately, however). It then smash cuts back to Drew, who is shaking in sympathy pains.
    • When it comes time for Colin to guess, the footage is still going so Ryan and Chip keep reacting:
      Ryan/Chip: UGGHHHHHH...OOHHHHHH!!!
      Drew: Colin, can you guess where you are?
      Ryan/Chip: OHHHHH!!!... OHHHHHH!!!
      Colin: I, uh...
      Ryan/Chip: OHHHHHH!!!
      Colin: Is it, like, car crashes?
      Drew: It's, uh...
      Ryan/Chip: OHHHHH!!!
    • After the game, Drew pretended to be one of the injured athletes and mimed hobbling in on crutches to watch themselves on TV. Then Wayne and Chip mimed wheeling in on wheelchairs.
  • The green screen actually catching Chip and Ryan goofing around behind Colin before one game.
  • In the "Newsflash" about bodybuilders, Ryan asked: "Along the same vein, let me pose another question." Immediately after he says that there's a close-up of a bodybuilder's bulging head vein, and Ryan responded to that footage with: "Oh God...".
    Ryan: Colin, a question on everyone's minds - Man or woman?
    • After the game, Drew said some muscle-y woman is gonna kick Ryan's ass for his comments in the game.
      Ryan: (gravelly voice) "You made fun of me, you made fun of me."
      Drew: I don't know. But 1,000 points and some body oil for all of you.
  • The Newsflash with the plethora of rats, but particularly Ryan's vague clue: "Well Colin, Kathy and I find this hard to watch and, quite frankly, the two of us need look no more." Drew discussed this line after the game, to which Ryan and Colin sung it.
    Ryan: A little obscure. I didn't want to just go, "Hey, look out for the rats!"
  • The Maggot Newsflash. Kathy and Ryan lose their composure and Colin keeps hitting the mark perfectly. Of course, Ryan couldn't help but comment:
    Ryan: Well look at the festive colors!
  • Colin saying how these clips started, ranging from the want of a nail to a revival of "The King And I" starring Jerry Springer.
  • The Newsflash with wrestling footage, particularly this line:
    Ryan: Is that Triple Preparation H helping you?
    • Wrestling fans will get an extra kick out of this game since all of the footage is from WCW, and all of Greg and Ryan's references are about WWE, who at the time of the airing was about to put WCW out of business.
  • The Newsflash with a stripper in a police uniform.
    Ryan: Colin, any desire to cop a feel?
  • The D-grade strip club. Also of note is a spectator with missing teeth. Ryan: "Colin, it's, it's no secret you got a bum deal on this assignment. But you have to keep up with the bump and grind of everyday business."
    Drew: Well, hey, a point for every grandkid of theirs who just saw that.
  • Cockroaches, mainly for the Mood Whiplash on the part of the audience. When the scene begins, the audience is grossed out by the cockroaches, and then the cockroaches start to dance, and they go back to laughing.note 
  • The Jerry Springer Newsflash, mainly for how the audience reacts to the strange guests, such as the guy with fish taped to himself. Then at the end, Greg and Ryan start chanting "Sca-ry! Sca-ry! Sca-ry!"
  • Ryan was in front of some alligators. One of the clues Brad threw out was that it reminded him of a Gary U.S. Bonds song. Ryan was puzzled. After the game, Drew inquired:
    Drew: So what's the Gary U.S. Bonds thing??
    Brad: Didn't he go "Do the Gator" during a song of his...?
    Drew: You don't even know and you're throwing that out there as a clue? Minus 500 points.
  • Colin was in front of some bats. Ryan thought Colin hadn't prepared much for the segment and was just winging it.
  • Colin was in front of various lizards. One of them started chasing the retreating camera, prompting:
    Ryan: Run, Colin, run! (footage cuts to something else, then back to the chasing) ...RUN!!! (Colin pretends to run and swats at it)
    Colin: Did you see that?
    Ryan: I STILL SEE THAT!!!
    (Colin swats again)
    Kathy Greenwood: Oh, you tripped it, good for you.
    Ryan: Colin, that just makes me wanna come out of my skin!

    Number of Words 
  • Colin absolutely steals this one. "My pants metal!"
  • During the Rocky Number of Words, Ryan (playing Mickey) told Colin, "Don't let him bother ya." He paused a moment to make sure that the sentence he said was exactly five words, and nodded when he was sure.
    • Another funny bit in the same game:
      Wayne: (as Apollo Creed, using four words) Fly like a butterfly.
      Colin: (as Rocky, using three words) Sting like a...
      Kathy Greenwood: (as Adrian, using two words) ...Bee, stupid.
  • Titanic (1997) is parodied in one playing. Of special note, Ryan's note  repeated line, "I'm so drunk!"
    • Also funny is this great bit at the start, where Kathy Greenwood and Colin pretend to make out:
    Kathy: (two words) Oh Jack!
    Colin: (five words) Rose Rose Rose Rose Rose!
    Kathy: Oh Jack!
    Colin: Rose Rose Rose Rose Rose!
  • In a The Mummy-themed scene, Jeff gets four words, which seems like an easy comfortable number to work with, but then:
    Jeff: That is the mummy! [..] The Mummy of Rumantana!
    Colin: The mummy?
    Jeff: (slight beat) Yes yes yes yes! [...] The curse!...
    Colin: He awakes!
    Jeff: ...Is happening. (Colin does a Double Take as realisation hits)
  • The one that parodies The Wizard of Oz, especially Wayne's (as a munchkin) tiny ride and this bit:
    Kathy Greenwood: (wavering voice) Where are we?
    Colin: (mocking her wavering voice) In Munchkinland!

    Party Quirks 
  • Ryan's shattering the light on Drew's desk with his head is a Crowner for the game itself.
    • Even better was that even as glass was falling out of his hair, Ryan stayed in character the entire time.
      Kathy: Carol? It is Carol, right?
      Ryan: I used to be, I can't remember anymore.
    • After the fact, this exchange topped it off:
      Ryan: There better be some extra points in this.
      Drew: I'm sorry, we spent all the points replacing the glass.
      Ryan: Was that lit?
      Colin: Oh yeah, it was. It would have been better if your head burst into flames.
    • Or this, immediately after:
      Drew: How many fingers am I holding up? (He's constantly changing.)
      Ryan: ...four?
      Drew: Eh, close enough.
      Ryan: How 'bout me? (One.)
    • Ryan's impression (Carol Channing whose head keeps getting stuck to things) was hilarious, even before the accident.
      Ryan: (head "stuck to" the floor) Is this shag? It's just gorgeous!
    • Wayne's (whose quirk is that he talks faster the more attracted he is to someone) sudden deceleration from how fast he talks to Kathy to when he first sees Drew. It caught everyone off guard, though Drew immediately recognized what happened.
    • Drew sums up Comedic Sociopathy quite well after Ryan's mishap.
      Drew: It's always funny when it happens to somebody else.
  • When Colin was the Evil Tickler.
  • Wayne makes a truly great Scottish Demon. Also, Colin as "wannabe stud practicing pickup lines in the mirror who screws up when faced with real women":
    Colin: NICE BOOBS!
  • Ryan was a foal being born. There were no survivors. (Colin is an inept circus performer.)
  • The Ho Yay in one between Greg and Colin has to be seen to be believed. Colin was a person who liked to put his hands in other people's pockets, and...well...he chose Greg.
    Greg: Colin, I'm gonna lock the door and not let anyone else in, is that okay? (Colin nods enthusiastically)
    • In the same game, Ryan as sea life being sucked into a propeller. Just the noises he makes when the carp hits the fan are hilarious.
  • Wayne fighting wild fluctuations of gravity:
    Drew: What holds you to the Earth?
    Greg: Why, my love for you, Drew!
  • Ryan is a bloodhound trained to sniff out complete idiots. So naturally, he goes straight over to Drew and starts howling. And when Brad can't guess his quirk, Ryan goes over to Brad and howls.
  • Colin pretending to be a fish made into a fish stick. At one point, Colin was flopping on the floor and a puzzled Greg said, "Colin's a... he's a freak is what he is." Later in the game, when Drew tried to give Greg more hints, Greg said, "I don't care anymore!" and joined Colin on the floor.
    • The same playing had Wayne as a bickering couple, which is funnier than it would be in real life and Ryan whose nipples are attached to Greg's hands. Anytime Greg moved even a little bit, Ryan shouted "OWWWW!"
  • Ryan as an activity leader at a nudist camp. Of course, he used his abnormally large penis for everything, but the best part is when Brad (who hadn't figured it out yet) said, "Can I take your coat?" and a baffled Ryan remarked, "...I wasn't aware I was wearing one!"
  • In one game, Wayne was the "'I've Got a Secret' episode of the South American Jerry Springer Show". Hilarious as he was, Drew pointed out afterwards that he forgot the South American aspect. Wayne, confused, reread his card before realizing his mistake, prompting Ryan to say "Someone's thong is too tight..."
  • Ryan played a hillbilly participating in a hillbilly beauty contest. He introduced himself: "My name is Jed, I'm a Sagittarius, and in my spare time, I like to help children and sleep with my brother mother."
    • After the game, Drew gave points to Ryan and added: "Y'know, I thought it was gonna be tough, but you made it look so easy."
  • In 4x06, Colin was assigned, "Suspects people are not the sex they claim to be and is trying to find out for sure," which evolved into him performing a Crotch-Grab Sex Check on everyone he met, first thing. If he hadn't done it all with a straight face, it wouldn't have worked.
    • Bonus points for Wayne getting back up to help Kathy guess by letting Colin grope him once again.
    • Kathy's reaction to when Colin starts groping her is priceless.
      Kathy: (grabs Colin's hand) Finger foods are over there!
    • And the after-game commentary:
      Wayne: "Mommy, show me tapes of when you used to do Whose Line".
      Kathy Greenwood: "Well, darling..."
      Drew: That was... amazing, Colin Mochrie.
      Kathy Greenwood: Yeah, it was.
      Ryan: Keith, I'm gonna need two minutes. And I mean two minutes.
      Wayne: Let's hear it for Colin Mochrie. (audience applauds) He was so gentle!
      Drew: So 1000 points to everybody but Colin, because I was sitting the entire time waiting for you to come over...
      Colin: Oh, there's no doubt about YOU, my friend.
  • Ryan as the tortoise and the hare. The best part was when Brad, who hadn't quite guessed his quirk yet, told Ryan (as the tortoise at the moment), "Hey, I'm taking away your valium!" Ryan gave him a puzzled smile and said, "...Okay."
  • One playing had Ryan as "the third of each animal species trying to talk its way onto Noah's Ark." The funny part was not so much the quirk itself, but Greg's incredulous response when Drew read it back to him: "The third of each animal species?! (into camera) AGGGGHHH!!!!"
  • In one game, Colin was a bomb disposal expert convinced people have explosives in their pants, and Ryan was a series of very ugly fish inspecting the cameras. The timing when Colin attempts to "defuse" Ryan is impeccable, with Ryan filling the frame as Colin prepares to go in, then lowering to reveal Colin miming wearing an extensive blast protection suit walking towards Ryan's rear. As Colin reaches into Ryan's pants, the latter suddenly returns back to filling the camera, looking hideously uncomfortable.
    • In the same game, Wayne as a bunch of comics getting booed at the Apollo. Two, in particular, were hilarious: Wayne comes out and says "The Easter Bunny!", and the audience starts booing immediately, causing Wayne to shout, "Boo to y'all!" And later, Wayne tries to do the robot but is booed and pretends to start crying.
    • As Colin approaches Wayne to inspect his pants for a bomb, he casually remarks, "This is where they usually put them."
    • And, finally, when Ryan is the last one standing, he quickly uses his "very ugly fish" gag to take a jab at Colin.
  • One game had Ryan being excited by ugliness and searching for the perfect specimen. The look on Drew's Face when Ryan looks over at him says it all.
  • Colin as a bad-tempered sperm looking for the egg. He starts off his quirk by shouting, "WHERE IS SHE?!" and then telling Brad he's had a bad day because the day started with millions of him and he's one of the last ones left.
  • Colin as aw "Serious scientist testing how much annoyance people can stand before cracking", especially this moment:
    Greg: Would you-
    Greg/Colin ...STOP IMITATING ME!
    (Colin mimes taking notes)
  • Colin trying to incite a mass riot:
    Colin: You call this food for a party?
    Chip: Well, I didn't-
    Colin: This is CRAP! (mimes overturning the table) We're not gonna take this anymore! I'm hungry as hell and I won't stand for it anymore!
    (Colin gets the audience to chant along to "Hungry!" and "Real food!")
    • In the same taping, Ryan as Wile E. Coyote, who mimes that he has rocket skates and runs out of the room.
    • Wayne's was also amusing, as "a rescue on Baywatch, with Gainaxing aplenty. He also got incredibly close to kissing/giving CPR to Drew, and Chip guessed just in time.
  • The 1.09 episode had some good ones: Wayne is "aging rapidly" (the best part being when Wayne was so old he just squinted at Greg in confusion), Colin is "the many roles of Charlton Heston" ("Part!"), and Ryan is an "eagle struggling to pick up heavy things" (he flies right to Drew).
  • Wayne as "Early movie footage for King Kong vs. Godzilla". Well into the game, he picks up and carries a woman from the audience onto the stage, not noticing until after they're back up on it that he'd accidentally pulled up her skirt.

    Press Conference 
  • Santa Claus announcing his retirement. This line in particular:
    Colin: Hey. Animal friends are there to be animal friends. If they can't handle being a carpet... (audience laughs/ooohs) I may have said too much.
  • Yogi Bear announcing he's killed Boo Boo.
  • The Tin Man announcing he and Dorothy are having a child.
  • Batman announcing he's out of the closet.
    • Colin ends up mishearing Ryan's joke name as Frank, and he rolls with it by calling Brad's fake name a different one entirely.
  • Noah announcing he's eaten all the animals on the Ark.
  • The Queen of England revealing she's having an affair with Ryan.
    • Chip introduces himself as someone pretending to be a reporter. Wayne starts by introducing himself (complete with an overly long African sounding name), and then comments that was all he wanted to say.

  • Colin really hates Tiny Tim. It happens more than once, too!
    Wayne: God bless us, one and all. (Colin pushes Wayne, who falls to the floor)
  • And Denny gets flak over birth jokes.
  • Playing human horseshoes doubles as a Moment of Awesome.
  • Essentially, if the prop is suggestive, the cast will find ways to exploit it.
    • Madonna's redwood forests of armpit hair.
    • Sexual undertones of the gag boob or phallic variety.
    • The overly-groomed hair of stereotypical gossiping black women.
    • For that matter, Princess Leia curls.
    • Mocking the prince of England's elephant ears.
    • Relating a prop to something so off the wall... any hope of sense is lost.
  • One of the funniest Props was when Drew and Ryan had a red concave object that was used as a cap, among other things. For one of their uses, Drew set the prop on the floor and climbed into it, but lost his balance and hit the floor faster than he liked. After regaining his composure, he continued with the character he was playing: A baby. Ryan seemed confused by the whole ordeal.
    • From the same playing: Drew was standing in front of Ryan, covered by the prop. Ryan: "I can't believe I'm having Drew's baby!"
  • In #7.14, Ryan held a red prop that looked like Snoopy's face said "Here lies Snoopy", and the audience said "awww". Ryan responded incredulously: "He's not really dead!"
  • Wayne pretends he's Scarlett O'Hara on a swing, saying "Push me, Rhett!" Colin suddenly shoves him to the side. Wayne looks stunned for a second, the says, "No, I meant forward!" while laughing.
  • One prop had Wayne stand it up, then look down it yelling, "Baby Jessica!" prompting an "Awwww" from the audience. Colin steps to the side and points to him as if to say "He did it, not me!"

    Questions Only (and Variants) 
  • Questionable Impressions. Most of it is because it's hilarious to see Colin try to do impressions. One favorite, which doesn't include much Colin, is the end of this one where Greg (as Yoda) completely cracks up when Wayne comes on as Jar-Jar Binks.
  • Some funny parts during the Questionable Impressions of the Hospital:
    • This:
      Ryan: (as Ed Sullivan) Do you know, that right here, there's a man in need of an operation?
      Greg: (as Sean Connery) May I ask who you are?
      Ryan: Is the face not familiar to yeeeuuuu? Rrrrrright here?
      Greg: Have I made love to you before?
      Ryan: Are you prepared to welcome into your hospital... four mop-top kids from Liverpool... (both cracks up while Drew buzzed out both men)
      Drew: Nice try! Hey, who was that, by the way?
      Ryan: I dunno.
    • Then Colin comes in as James Cagney and brings down the house, mainly because of the exaggerated shoulder shrugs and arm spasms:
      Colin: Do youuuu know where the doctor is? (Greg and Drew loudly laugh off-stage)
      Wayne: (as Jimmy Durante) A-rinky-dinky, where's the doctor?
      Colin: I need some help... (shrugs and walks off as Greg continues to laugh)
      Greg: (as Count Dracula) Do you know where the blood is kept?
      Wayne: What do I look like, a blood bank on legs? Ah-Cha-cha!
    • This bit as well:
      Ryan: (as Charles Nelson Reilly) Is it time for the operation? (does Reilly's laugh)
      Colin: (as Yogi Bear) Will you pay me in pic-a-nic baskets?
      Ryan: (about to laugh) Ah jeez! (buzzed out)
    • Drew made a nice comment after the game: "Y'know, we're going to change the name of that game to "Hey! Let's all make idiots out of ourselves", in which Greg nearly does a spit-take. Wayne was also proud to be the only brother ever to do a Jimmy Durante impersonation, "on ABC"!
  • Then there's the one where Colin does a not-quite-impression. "Do you have anything for Craig T. Nelson?" Compounding the hilarity is Jeff's "I-I'm Jeff Goldblum, of course."
  • Wayne, as Sammy Davis Jr., completely forgets he's playing Questionable Impressions: "I would dig this casket for my friend, 'cause that cat is gone."
    (Wayne gets buzzed out)
    Drew: You didn't have a question.
    Wayne: (still doing the impression) Damn.
  • In the playing of "Questionable Impressions" on the freeway, Brad starts to do his Jimmy Stewart impression, but Drew hadn't started the game yet. His reaction caused Ryan to start laughing.
    Ryan: (as Charles Nelson Reilly) Do you know which way it is to Pomona? (does Reilly's signature laugh)
    Brad: (as Jimmy Stewart) A-a-aren't you on your way to Lidsville? Uh-uh-uh- (Ryan, smiling ear to ear, just waves his hand and leaves)
    Wayne: (as Ed Wynn) Heavens to betsy, do you know the way to Pomona?
    Colin: (as Peter Lorre) Can't you do anyone from the last 10 years?
  • This exchange from a game of Questions:
    Ryan: You're Canadian?
    Colin: Can't you tell?
    Ryan: Have you ever heard of a town called Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan?
    Colin: Isn't that right beside Left...Noob?
    Ryan: (hesitates, turns wordlessly and leaves)
  • Colin's masterful Peter Graves impression.
  • In the Questions Only about a bawdy Saturday night at the height of the gold rush:
    Wayne: Where's the sheriff?
    Colin: Who's askin'?
    Wayne: Don't you recognize your dear ol' pa?
    Colin: Wasn't I told I was adopted?
    Wayne: Weren't you?
    Colin: Shouldn't you know, being the donor of the sperm... (gives up and walks off)
    • And Ryan is tripped up by a seemingly simple question:
      Ryan: Haven't you heard Black Bart's out to get you?
      Colin: Why?
      Ryan: ...Oh, I don't know [walks off].
  • In this game that takes place on a WWII submarine:
    Brad: Didn't you know I'm supposed to be in charge of paint?
    Ryan: ...What's paint?
    Brad: Haven't you ever heard of paint? A polymer that's applied to the sadidadida- [gives up and walks off]
  • This one, where Wayne messes up:
    Wayne: [comes in] Ecuador.
    Brad: ...What? (Wayne is buzzed out, Ryan comes in)
    Ryan: Ecuador?
  • How about the scene from a teenage soap opera?
    Ryan: [as a cheerleader] Who's the team that is the best? Who's better than all the rest? ...Is it the Wildcats? Is it the Wildcats?
    Wayne: Is it? Is it?
  • In the "Questions Only" about Godzilla, Drew's out-of-nowhere question to Ryan, "Are you gay??" It backfires when Ryan responds, "Don't you know that Drew Carey is the only man who can give you the answer to that question?"
  • The one time Karen Maruyama played the game, she worked in a great come-on line:
    Karen: Can't I just get some real medical help?
    Colin: Do you need it?
    Karen: Can you give it to me?
    Colin: Where do I start?
    Karen: Do you want me?
    Colin: In what way? (Karen walks off)
  • The "Questions With Wigs" taking place at a wedding, particularly this exchange:
    Colin: (wearing a short blonde wig) Did you hear that I made love to the groom three times before everyone arrived?
    Brad: Is that why you're naked?
    (Colin starts to speak but the hair from his wig gets in his mouth, causing him to spit and walk off to the buzzer)
  • The second time that Chip was on the show, he was the winner and got to man the buzzer for a playing of "Questions Only". But he got over-excited about it, buzzing Drew out after only a second (leading Drew to protest: "I was just making a dramatic pause! Oh man."), and did it again moments later when Wayne opened his mouth but got buzzed before he could talk. Drew, amused by this, told Chip to slow it down. When Colin was on-stage, he got buzzed as well, but this time the culprit was Drew.
  • In the one playing of "Questionable Impressions From Television", one of Brad's lines was, "I'm smarter than the average, uh-oh..."
  • Whoopi Goldberg scores a personal Moment of Awesome in this Questions Only game. She held out for so long that Ryan only got one line in.

    Quick Change 
  • The game involves 3 of the performers acting out a scene, while the fourth sits on the sidelines and calls for the last line or action to be redone. The games quickly devolve into rapid Serial Escalation as the scene becomes more and more absurd.
    Brad (as a western outlaw): But before I go I'm gonna shoot you full of lead! Before I go I'm gonna spank you with my paddle! Before I go I'm gonna ride you like a greased pig! Weeeeeeoh!!

    Remote Control 
  • The playing where the subject was chickens:

  • The only playing had Greg, Colin, and Ryan as drill sergeants. Among the highlights include Ryan's accidental "hands on hips" "at ease" pose (which Drew mocked), Greg's Full Metal Jacket parody ("ONLY TWO THINGS COME FROM OKLAHOMA: STEERS, AND OTHER STEERS THAT LIKE THEM!!!!"), Colin's Motor Mouth "Whydon'twesingitforoldtimesake?!" (Ryan: "I'm sorry??"), and the ending song ("FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"), which had Drew rolling.
    • Followed by Drew accidentally saying that the next would be Reunion. Cue Ryan and Greg still in character adding to the song.

    Scenes Cut From a Movie 
  • "Wait, that's not ''Close Encounters''! What am I doing?! It's a space movie, whaddya want?"
  • Saving Private Ryan: Wayne whimpers and looks around nervously; Colin enters moments later and tells him the bathroom's free.
  • Braveheart:
    Brad: Before we face the enemy, I suggest we all take a shower. We'll set up faucets right here on the battlefield!
    Colin: (raises hand) Uh... I don't want mah freedom.
    • Another playing had a different cut scene:
      Wayne: You ready?
      Colin: I do not know if this is going to work, you know? I'm not feeling 100% about you, you know? Ach aye!
      Wayne: It'll be great. All you have to do is run in stark-naked, screaming at the top of your lungs.
      Colin: Okay, okay. I'm not running anywhere naked. It's bloody cold out there.
      Wayne: It's all right.
      Colin: My caber will shrivel up faster than a... ach, no, it's cold!
      Wayne: It's all right. I'll protect Nessie.
  • The Exorcist: Wayne pretends to be possessed; Colin enters while miming sweeping and grumpily says, "I'm quittin' this job."
  • Forrest Gump: Brad as the titular character: "Life is kinda like a bag with a bunch of bugs in it... ya open it, and it all just spreads out all over the floor." Then Wayne enters as Bubba, complete with large lower lip. Brad pokes at it, and Wayne warns him: "I will beat your ass!!"
  • Free Willy: Wayne and Chip at first cheer Willy on, but then Wayne mimes throwing a harpoon at the orca, and both mime chopping it up and barbecuing it. Then Wayne shouts, "Free Willy!"
  • The Sixth Sense: Ryan and Wayne as two prankster ghosts scaring Haley Joel Osment's character:
    Wayne: Look at him! He peed himself!

    Scenes From A Hat 
  • This bit:
    Drew: The good news and the bad news.
    Brad: (To Wayne) The good news is we're going to name a disease after you. (Wayne relaxes and Brad leaves... then realizes what the bad news is.)
    Colin: (To Wayne) You're in a very funny show. It's against Friends. (Wayne looks upset)
    Wayne: (To Colin) Honey! I'm pregnant. Meet the father! (Brad comes in happily and hugs Wayne while Colin leaves)
    • And in another episode:
      Wayne: Phew. The elections are over. (opens a newspaper) President Bush?!
      Ryan: The good news is, the surgery was successful and you look like a movie star. The bad news is that movie star is Drew Carey.
      Greg: Merry Christmas, Tommy! (to Wayne) Look, it's Geppetto on DVD!note 
      Drew: (keeps his head down; obviously pissed)
      Wayne: I liked it! I was in it!
      Greg: I liked it too! The bad news was it was Christmas.
      Drew: I like this good news and bad news one, that was pretty good. Uh, this is another one: Pull the string on the Drew Carey doll and it says...
      Colin: (pretends to pull the string) It was nice the time we worked together, Greg. You're fired.
      Ryan: (pretending to pull string on doll) Lower.
      Drew: (waves his hand as Greg is looking at him with a evil smile) Whatever you want, baby. I don't care.
      Greg: VRRRRP! Mimi and I are the same person!
  • This entire SFAH here.
    • "Things that should not have ejector seats."
      (Wayne runs over to Drew's buzzer, pushes it, then looks up, waving goodbye, while Drew gives him a scathing Death Glare)
    • "Times when 'Eeney-Meeney-Miney-Mo' is not an appropriate method of selection."
      Brad: ...miney, moe. Congratulations, Mr. Bush. (Bonus points that they had on shirts with the right colors for the parties: Colin and Ryan were wearing red and blue respectively)
  • "Something you never want to hear from a surgeon."
    Ryan: "...Oops."
  • Anything from Scenes From A Hat, ever. Especially this one.
    • "Bad topics to open a conversation with"
      • "What color's your poo first thing in the morning?"
    • "Professions where breaking into song is discouraged:"
      • Ryan: "We're gonna fry you this morning, fry you this morning..."
      • Wayne: "Well, your husband... [sings to the obvious tune of "My Lovin'" by En Vogue"] isn't gonna make it, isn't gonna make it, no, he ain't gon' make it, he ain't gonna make it, aw, he ain't gon' make it, he ain't gonna make it, [Jeff joins in randomly] never gonna make it... NEVER MAKE IT!"
      • Colin: I'm a MIME!
    • Things that makes the audience boo!
      • "And the Oscar for Best Actor goes to: Keanu Reeves." BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
      • The best part about that one is that the booing goes on for almost ten seconds.
      • Actually before Colin and Ryan make a scene, the audience starts to boo and laughs after Ryan does Colin's "What color is your poo first thing in the morning?". Then when Ryan makes the Push the old lady scene, the audience laugh and he was waiting for them to boo with this remark before he exits:
    Ryan: I wasn't kinda expecting an applause but...
  • Nightly bedside prayers of Whose Line cast members:
    Brad: "Lord, please make Ryan stop wearing clown shoes." (Ryan flips him off)
    Wayne: "Lord, please get me ringside seats when Ryan kicks Brad's ass."
  • "VOUS N'ESCAPEZ PAS!" (Everyone cracks up wondering who Colin's imitating) "Colonel Klink in French! Thank you!"
  • Refreshingly honest statements that could earn you a black eye.
  • A "Scenes From A Hat" comes back to bite Drew in the ass, involving things you shouldn't do when you're talking to your wife.
    Wayne: (pretends to be watching TV with the remote in his hand) (Deadpan) Yeah, honey. Love you, too. (CLICK)
    Drew: "Scenes From Wayne's Real Life." (entire audience jeers at Drew for ripping Wayne)
    (Drew picks up another card from the hat)
    Drew: "People You Wish Would Just Shut Up."
    Wayne: (Pretends to act like Drew pulling the suggestion out of the hat) "People You Wish Would Just Shut Up." (audience cheers)
  • "Bad Causes to Raise Money For."
    Ryan: Get Drew Carey a third show? Get Drew Carey a third show? Anyone?
    Colin: Bathe the whales!
  • This one:
    Drew: "Difficult Questions for Mommy to Answer."
    Wayne: Mommy, how come no one looks like me on Friends?
    Colin: Mommy, how come no one looks like me on Friends?
    Drew: If you weren't listening, I said difficult questions...
    (audience boos)
    Colin: I'm adorable.
    (audience cheers)
  • "Naked Photos You Wouldn't Want to See on the Internet"
    Wayne: Hi, I'm Bea Arthur!
    Ryan: C-A-R-E-Y. Hmmm... His face scrunches with horror; he then pretends to click away from the website very rapidly before opening a window and throwing the computer out
    Drew: Careful what you wish for, buddy...
  • TV in Hell and Hillbilly Fortune Cookies. 'Nuff said.
  • The one where they had to make Drew do a spit take, and Colin and Ryan actually kissed. Needless to say, there was a spit take. Afterwards, those involved were literally washing their mouths out.
  • Another with Colin and Ryan: the topic was "Things You Shouldn't Lick." Ryan walked up to Colin, brought him to center, and then they both stood mute, Ryan pointing at Colin.
  • Songs from a musical about breasts. 'Nuff said.
    • Colin scores some major points for his second bit, dancing back and forth with a big smug grin and getting laughs before even opening his mouth.
      "I like to stick my head in and go...GBBBBBRRRRRR!!!!!"
      • His suggestion before that was pretty darn funny as well:
        Colin: (singing) I've got a dime for two nipples...
        Wayne: Mammaries...
        Wayne: "Ooooooohhhhhhh, damn that's some big (titty)!"
        Ryan: (pretending to turn something) Come in Tokyo, come in Tokyo...
        Wayne: You make me young.... (sucks)
        Brad: "Strike up the old Victrola; I'm showing my Areola!"
  • One Scenes From a Hat features Colin singing the ultimate break-up song (don't worry, he's still happily married):
    Colin: You are dead to me/Nothing but scum/When I look in your eyes/I get inflammation of the bum/You make me feel putrid/I hate the way you... (Ryan drags him off the stage)
    • "Baby baby baby you gots to go, you got to go/Why why why? Because you's a hoe/Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-byeeeee....!"
    • "Oh I'm one lucky little mister/I don't need you, I'm dating your sister!"
    • They're all wearing toupees!
  • "Things you can say to your dog, but not your girlfriend." One word: Come. Second place: Get off the mailman! Get off the mailman!
    • "Trivial reasons to hold news conferences"
      Chip: I've asked you all here to announce to this news conference.
      Wayne: I'm here to report, that, uh, Jimmy is no longer cracking corn and I do care.
      Chip: Got a new podium!
      Wayne: I would now like to announce UPN's fall season. (After the audience reaction, Wayne tears off his card and takes the podium away)
    • "Color commentators on their day off"
      Wayne: (with Colin) Honey, the dinner was great but let me show you what you did wrong. (pointing fingers) Right here, you should've come around the counter and taken the mashed potatoes and then... (Colin pretends to take out and cock a rifle)
      Ryan: (putting his pants on) Well, that was great, great sex. Let's take another look at that. (taking off his pants)
    • "Other things Dorothy and her friends asked the Wizard for"
      Ryan: Yeah, I'd rather drive the yellow brick road. You wouldn't know of a rental car place around?
      Wayne: (as Dorothy to the Wizard) Um, Mr. Wizard, I'd like some hair for my friend.
      Colin: (death glare)
    • Also doubling as a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming when Colin trips on the stairs and Ryan catches him. Ryan: (astonished) I just saved your life! (Colin pretends to leap off to his death; Ryan shrugs)
  • Another two words: Nice Pants!
  • Jeff Davis' rendition of that very sad scene from Titanic (1997), Dr. Seuss style.
  • "Bad Times To Smoke A Cigarette!"
    • FIRE!
    • Alright, push, Mrs. Johnson.
    • I can't believe I broke my old record of six burritos!
    • I'm the little voice in your head. No, I'm the little voice in your head. I'm the little voice in your head. Will the real little voice in your head please stand up? No, it's me, I'm the little voice in your head. I'm the little voice in your head....
    • It's hilarious how many times Ryan (of all people) has to play Team Mom and drag Colin off.
  • Speaking of Titanic (1997), this song will never be featured on the movie soundtrack:
  • Worst Lyrical Dissonance EVER.
    Colin: Hey, I didn't mean to cook your dog/But hey those things just happen/Mine was just standing there/And his little toes started tapping/So I cut his throat/Well, go get a goat/And then I put him on the barbecue... (Ryan drags him offstage)
    • "I see. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???????????????????"
    • And early in that session, Colin making fun of Wayne's Queen Elizabeth laugh turned out to be funnier than the actual punchline he supplied...
  • One of many funny moments in one Scenes From A Hat is when Ryan hangs himself for a "circus act" that didn't last long.
    • If actors were completely honest during their award acceptance speeches:
      Ryan: There's someone under my podium.
      Colin: Man, you don't know how many butts I had my cock up just to get this.
      Wayne: (grinning) It's been an honor working with Colin Mochrie all these years...
    • Strange subjects for a lounge singer to sing about:
      Ryan: I passed a stone today, I passed a stone today...
      Colin: It's time for a prostate examination...
      Wayne: Don't stand behind me after I get finished eating, trust me, it's not good! Because I'll blow your hair off, pfft, yes, indeed! Because I...
      Chip: Cannibaliiiiism! Cannibaliiism! (buzzer) Gotta go!
      Wayne: (imitates piano) These words, they come so whimsically... I know your wife biblically... (cracks up) But please be...
      Ryan: I love to see Phyllis Diller in spandex...
  • This Scenes From A Hat is brought to you by the letter "h".
  • HOW DOES FOOD BECOME POO? I'LL...TELL...YOU!!!!!! (starts dancing)
  • This features one hilarious moment.
    • "Bad Choices for pets"
      Brad: Here, velociraptor! Here... (Colin comes in as said dinosaur and rips out Brad's neck)
      Ryan: (Whistling) Where's my little tapeworm?
    • "Strange things to find in your bed"
      Wayne: (wakes up to find Colin sleeping beside him) COLIN!?
      (He pops out and Wayne runs off screaming)
      Ryan: (pops out of bed) What's his problem?
      Colin: I dunno!
    • "Baby Names that will get your child's ass kicked."
      Ryan: Aww, is Kick My Ass getting hungry?
      Colin: C'mere, Colin. (Awws from the audience, then Brad and Wayne feign beating him up)
    • The ultimate OH EXPLOITABLE scene comes from this clip—"Little Known Facts About Our Host, Drew Carey": First, Drew's reaction at the beginning when he reads the card that is likely that suggestion, refusing to read it out loud and putting it back into the hat. Everyone knows something is up. He waits until the hat is down to that one card, doing his best to dodge the bullet, until he sucks it up. Then, after he does announce it, he buzzes the guys out before they can say anything. Finally, Ryan after Drew lets him go: "What kind of a middle name is Allison?" It's true, too.
    • "Things You Wish You Hadn't Said To The President."
      Colin: Sure, I'll be your intern.
      Brad: Cigarette, cigar?
      Ryan: I do.
    • "Bad Songs To Sing In Prison"
      Wayne: So whoooo's the slightly effeminate one? That's me! That's me!
      Ryan: Jim's escaping through the hole in the wall! The hole in the...
      Colin: With the wig, you remind me of Julia...
      • Drew even said Colin sounded so sincere when he said that.
  • "Bad parental motivational speeches."
    Ryan: A teacher? A teacher? Honey, prostitutes make twice that money.
  • A brief glimpse into the dreams of Colin Mochrie. Its starts of with Greg, pretending to be Colin while playing with his hair and later exits out like a dinosaur. After some 'Awws' from the audience, the other three decides to comfort him by pretending that they're bald.
  • IT'S A BOY! YEAH! (spikes the baby)
  • "Dear diary, Ryan looked at me today... How I wish I was sitting on his lap?"
  • "So then my colon is lying right on my chest. I wake up in the middle of the surgery; I accidentally swallow half of it! 'How did that happen?' I'm wondering. Well then all of a sudden, that's when the laxative hits! So I'm LYING there, wondering 'how the heck am I gonna get out of this'?" (Ryan drags him offstage)
    • "How are the hemorrhoids?" AAAAAAHHHHHH!
  • This entire SFAH featured some classic moments.
  • Outtakes from the Whose Line Soap Opera:
  • Difficult things to say with a straight face. Both times.
    • "CLEAN-UP ON AISLE 5!"
  • Rejected gift ideas that the Three Wise Men consider:
    • Wayne's PlayStation 2 & Singing Bass idea.
    • "You can't give him a pork roast!"
    • "Water skis."
      • "They call it...a thong."
  • Giving your date's parents too much information.
  • "I'm Colin Mochrie" (stripper music)
    • "I'm Brad Sherwood!"
    • Strange chants overheard when jumping rope:
      Colin: "Monkey monkey chew the butter, see my buttocks? There is better batter. Batoota. Batoota monkey monkey. Look, there's a gerbil. I'm going up and down. 60 Minutes, where are you? Here's an expose for you. Libilala. Libilala. Libilala"
      Brad: (comes in) Time for your pill. (then pushes him out)
      • This is the only time that Ryan didn't pull him out of the stage as he was laughing too hard until Brad did it for him.
    • Documentary subjects you'll never see:
      • Today we're going to show you how to catch a bullet. (bang)
  • This SFAH has some great moments.
  • This Scenes from a Hat with 'Strange welcome greetings on signs as you enter into different US states.'
    Wayne: (pretending to drive) Come and "hang out" in Alabama! (starts turning around)
    Ryan: Welcome to Montana, there's nobody here...
    Greg: Entering Ohio, watch out for Drew— (pretends to drive over a bump)
    Ryan: Welcome to Hawaii, how'd you get here in a car?
    Colin: Welcome to Rhode Island. Thanks for visiting Rhode Island.
    Ryan: Utah welcomes you and your wives.
  • "Things you can say about/to your X but not your girlfriend."
  • Ryan's got a cigar!
  • "Confusing battle cries."
    Wayne: (girly voice) "Hurt youu!"
    Ryan: "Don't shoot till you see the whites!" (Wayne later runs across once Ryan leaves)
    Colin: "GET MY BROWN PANTS!"
    Wayne: "Every last one of us will defend the Alamo! Correct?... What the hell?..."
  • Things you don't want to hear your grandmother singing about.
  • "What phone sex operators are doing on the other end". Drew gets Ryan to do one, even though Drew just picked the next topic and Ryan said it wasn't good. It was him and Colin playing Yahtzee.
  • This from the 100th episode:
    Drew: Statements that will get bleeped by the censor.
    Wayne: In Spanish, they call me El Grande Ricardo, but you can call me BIG *** note 
    Greg: I'm George Bush, and I'm a F***G Idja-min-it!
    Colin: Here, ***note !
    Drew: Outtakes from the first 100 episodes of "Whose Line".
    Colin: Here, ***!
    • Wayne and Greg making out, followed by them nervously continuing the Irish Drinking Song is another funny moment.
  • Whose Line Is It Anyway in different countries. Ryan doing a Chinese version of the Hoedown, Wayne does a Jamaican version of Drew Carey, but the best one is Greg doing the French version:
    Greg: (in an obnoxious French accent) I hope you are not watching the idiotic Belgian version. This is, of course, the French version where nothing matters. (audience laughs) BUZZ Don't laugh! BUZZ Stop buzzing! BUZZ The points don't matter, the buzzing doesn't matter! BUZZ I asked you to stop!
  • Rejected State Anthems:
    Colin: Come to Florida and die! Come to Florida and die!
    Ryan: (singing) Whores and gambling, whores and gambling, that's Nevada! (opens arms wide)
    Greg: (singing) Goin' back to Mississippi, where my cousin is my dad!
    Wayne: Well, you'll never find me in Alabama! No-no-no-no-no! In Alabama, it's no fun! I get a workout, 'cause all I do is run! In Alabama, in Alabama, in ALABAMAAAAAAAA!
  • "The last thing Drew thinks about before he drifts off to sleep". Wayne happily says, "Money...", then adds: "It's true, right?" Drew didn't exactly say no.
  • "World's worst news anchors":
    Wayne: There was a bombing today... (cracks up)
    Colin: (silently stands facing away from the camera until Wayne comes in to turn him around)
    Brad: This just in: Wayne's got a fig old futt.
    (Drew glances at Brad and Wayne, grinning, as he draws the next suggestion)
    Wayne: What are you looking at me for?
    Drew: Nothing, I'm looking at—I just... can't take my eyes off your fig old futt.
  • "What our cameramen are thinking right now":
    Wayne: He really does have a big butt! (mimes winding the camera back)
  • "Baby Drew's first words":
    Colin: Colin's bald!
    Wayne: Hey nurse, come on!
    Ryan: Pizza!
    Brad: Show me 'dem boobs! Come on!
  • "When a Kiss is Out of Line":
    Wayne: Your kid's been beatin' up my kid!
    (Colin kisses Wayne)
  • "Bad Segues to Tragic News Stories", mainly for Drew's comment after Wayne's:
    Chip: ...and everyone died. Speaking of dying, I’ve been dying to see that new Bruce Willis flick! It's coming out...
    Wayne: It was a big, big loss. Speaking of big, right after this, The Drew Carey Show!
    Drew: You are all gonna pay.
  • "First Lines of the Worst Poems Ever Written":
    Brad: Did you see the jugs on the girl in row four? (a line which was used immediately before this for "things the pilot wishes he hadn't said when the intercom was on")
    Wayne: When I was drunk, you were beautiful.
    Colin: Though you come from the small town of Pockpucker...
  • "Bad things to say to someone on their deathbed."
    Ryan: What are you gonna do with your stereo?
    Chip: (pretending to pull a bedsheet on and off) Peek-a-boo! Peek-a-boo! Peek...
    Colin: Yeah, about that 20 bucks you owe me...
    Wayne: (holding a scythe, in a deep voice) It's me, Death! (pretends to pull off mask) Just kidding!
    Colin: So when do you think Jane will be ready to date again?
  • "Rejected names for bras":
    Kathy: Flat 'n' Flappy.
    Colin: The new Wonder GBBBBBRRRRRR!
    Wayne: New, Nip-Ups!
    Ryan: Milk Duds!
  • One suggestion was "The Munchkins: What are they doing now?":
    • "Weeeeeelllllllll... your fries are ready! I'm a short-order cook!"
    • "Looks like you're gonna need a new muffler!"
    • "In this corner, the mayor of the lollipop guild! In this corner, Gary Coleman! FIGHT!"
    • (mimes popping out from under desk) "You forgot to give points, Mr. Carey."
  • "Strange things for a doctor to say after 'Turn your head and cough'":
    Brad: Do you smell bacon??
  • "Things Bald Men Are Sick Of Hearing" is one of the best ever just for the sheer psychology of it. Watch the faces between Colin and Wayne. Ryan flatly refusing to end the awkwardness is just the icing on the cake.
  • "Things that would make you suspect your doctor did not graduate from medical school", where Ryan grabbed Colin's crotch from behind him, but mainly for Drew's comment after buzzing them out and ending the game:
    Drew: Gettin' to know you... gettin' to know (laughs) all about you.
  • "Things Your Mom Says or Does That Make You Think She Used to Be a Stripper":
    Ryan: Here's your roast beef, honey. (pulls pants open to request a tip)
    Wayne: Momma's gonna mop. (starts humping the floor)
  • Ryan shows you what Latin American soccer announcers do on their day off:
    Ryan: I'll have a cheeseburger, some fries and a COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE!
    Ryan: (opens plastic bag) You forget my COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE!
  • "If a Fear Factor episode was done for celebrities."
    Ryan: Drew... we're going to have to take your cards.
    (he does so; Drew feigns not being able to do anything until Ryan gives the cards back.)
    Drew: (reading off a cue card) "Thank you, Ryan."
  • Alternate titles for Whose Line Is It Anyway?
    Wayne: Hi, and welcome to Drew Carey's House Payment!
    Ryan: It's now time for Drew and Friend.
    Drew: (pauses) I had no idea...
  • Josie's idea of a bad restaurant theme.
    • "Hello and welcome to dead c**snote , 109 recipes that you can do with your ***note !
      Drew: In America, we can only get away with it if we pronounce it ***-**note .
    • Josie's Invader Zim-ish laugh.
  • Whoopi Goldberg has some good ones in Scenes from a Hat.
  • "State mottos : Rejected for license plates"
    Greg: Mississippi: We Do Too Have All Our Teeth!
    Ryan: Utah: 30,000 Wives Can't Be Wrong!
    Colin: Miami: The Land That Time Remembered!
    Drew: Miami's a city.
    Colin: (comes back in) Florida: Not To Be Confused With Miami!
    Ryan: Montana: How Fast Can You Drive?
    Greg: Texas: Capital Punishment ROCKS!
  • "Rejected Jeopardy! categories"
    Wayne: Yeah I'll take 'Famous Klansmen' for 200 please.
    Ryan: Drew Carey's lingerie for 50!
    Chip: I'll take "Things nobody knows" for a 1000.
    Colin: I'll take "Animal Genitalia Audio Clues".
    • "Other things the first man on the moon might have said":
      Ryan: (nervously, staring at the Earth) Ohhhh... I hope I get back.
      Wayne: (bounding) Wheeeee!!!
      Chip: ...A Starbucks?
      Colin: I shouldn't have had that three-bean salad.
      (Ryan comes out and mimes stepping in dog poop, then wiping it on the curb)
  • The Other Spice Girls:
    Brad: (sticking to Colin's back) I'm Velcro Spice!
    Colin: (miming using a walker) I'm Old Spice!
    Kathy Kinney: (dancing badly) I'm Gravy Spice!
    Ryan: (meekly) I'm Cilantro.
  • "The first thing Adam said to Eve":
    Colin: (hand on his rib) Ow.
  • "If Rain Man had different jobs":
    Ryan: (mimes pole dancing) Tip me five dollars...
  • "Other people Dorothy might have met, and what they would have asked the wizard for":
    Ryan: Hey Dorothy. I'm Drew Carey, I need some jokes to do in between scenes.
    Wayne: Dorothy! I'm Ryan Stiles, Drew just fired me, can I have a job?
    Colin: I'm the Teflon Eunuch.
  • Dr. Seuss -inspired pick-up lines:
    Colin: Could you do it with a friend? Could you do it end to end? Would you do it on a goat? Would you do it with my coat? Would you do it in a tree? Would you do it while I see? Hee hee hee, hee hee hee hee.
    Ryan: Come sleep with me, sleep with me twice. I think that would be really nice. Lookie, lookie at the size of my shoe. You know what they say - yes it is true.
  • "If morning show hosts acted like most people do in the morning": Greg turns his back to the audience, grunts, and pretends to take a leak. Then when he turns back around and speaks again, Wayne waves his hand in front of his nose and says, "Hoo, damn."
  • "Things you can say about your boat, but not your girlfriend":
    • Greg: "Nice aft."
    • Wayne: "Ah, nice trim. (accusingly) Greg told me to say it."
    • Colin: "She's taking on water!"
  • "Inappropriate anecdotes on a celebrity talk show":
    Colin: Times are tough, I'm a big ho...
  • People who shouldn't rap.
  • "Versions of Hell other than eternal flames."
    Ryan: All right, that's a thousand points, it's time for Hoedown.
    Greg: (mimes driving) Mississippi...I'm still in Mississippi...
    Wayne: Mississippi, I'm still in Mississippi.
  • "Things bald men are sick of hearing." As Wayne steps onto the stage, Colin steps out right with him and just crosses his arms, waiting. Wayne can't even bring himself to do a joke and just hugs him.
    • Then Wayne steps back out and does do a joke, followed by Ryan, both of whom use Colin for it. When Wayne steps forward a third time and gestures for Colin to join him:
      Wayne: ...No, I just had one, I-I don't want to say anymore...
      Drew: No, go ahead.
      Colin: (grinning thinly) No, go on. It's comedy.
  • "What your wife is thinking right now."
  • What birds are REALLY saying when they're singing...
    Brad: I've been eating seeds my entire life, trying hard to please my nagging wife...
    Ryan: I'm crapping on your caaaaaaaaar, crapping on your caaaaaaar...
    Brad: Crapping on your caaaaaaaaaaar...
    Colin: I hate regurgitating, I hate regurgitating...
    Ryan: Crapping on your caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar...

    Scene To Music 
  • In this playing, Wayne twirls his head multiple times and actually has to sit down for a moment because he's dizzy.

    Scene To Rap 
  • Stephen Colbert adds a lot of flair to this one.
    • Colin successfully recovers from what looks like a failure to rhyme:
      Colin: I saw the avalanche come down the pass, / That's why I brought this magnifying glass. / We'll use the sun and the heat rays, / To make everything way way way way way way way way... safer!
  • The Exorcist Scene to Rap. "I'm Richard Simmons, the Exorcise-ist!"
  • The black hole rap. Highlights include Wayne's on-the-spot innuendo and Colin's T-rex dance moves.
    Wayne: It's only a black hole, I've got one!
  • The "School" scene to rap has some of the most mistakes out of any of the aired sketches.
    • Greg initially brings the song to a screeching halt after messing up.
    • Later in the song, he forgets to rhyme.
    • Finally, in the end, Ryan apparently forgot he was playing a woman.
  • Colin is the king of the zombie men. 'Nuff said.
  • Dracula, which ends with Chip rapping "To ashes! To ashes!" while Wayne melted in the sun.
    Drew: I love that game, just to hear Colin rap. You know what we've made you on the show? The most famous Canadian rapper.
    Ryan: There's Lorne Greene.
    Colin: "Ringo, yo!"
    Ryan: (chuckling) "Ringo, yo."
  • The season 8 episode with Patrick Bristow featured a "Scene to Rap" set in a mini-mart. At the start of the game, both he and Brad began singing at the same time.
  • Ryan rapping...about how he can't rap.
    Ryan: If I could rap, that would be a sensation / But I can't, you see, I'm just a Caucasian.

    Show-Stopping Number 
  • Every single playing, particularly one when Colin suddenly mutters gibberish.
    • What makes this game fun is when Colin suddenly hams up or the player's reaction whenever after being buzzed. Example here.
    • Or when the player randomly dances before thinking of lyrics.
    • A great Call-Back to earlier in the 100th episode during the infamous Off the Rails "Song Styles" when Wayne sang audience member Howard's name as "Horward":
      Ryan: (singing) And now my record, my record's marred! At least I can pronounce the name "How-ard"!"
      (cue embarrassed Wayne)
  • One game had the performers doing a Broadway musical and must burst into song and make a number about whatever they just said whenever Drew hits the buzzer. Just about every time Drew hits the button, you can see some really funny gems like when they Face Palm or Wayne looks at the camera with an "I'm going to kill the host" look on his face.
  • During the game at a factory, Wayne introduced himself as the "Hole in Things Fairy", and told Ryan and Colin, "I travel everywhere putting holes in things and choosing people to be my minions to go along with me and put holes in things". It's likely he purposefully made a really long sentence so Drew wouldn't buzz him and make him sing what he said.
    • His song, "Without a Hole, Where Would Ya Be?" (and Ryan and Colin's background "jazz hands") caused Drew to laugh hysterically after the game, and the camera held on him a good fifteen seconds after he threw to commercial.

    Song Styles/Duets 
  • Wayne's song to the sweet grandmotherly Lee the Lunch Lady, which he must sing in the style of a strip-o-gram. He manages to get through most of it with a straight face before catching himself singing about "a little spaghetti and two big meatballs" before just losing it.
    • Bonus points for watching the normally unflappable Colin in the background dying with laughter. Why? According to an interview, by sheer coincidence, he and Wayne had met Lee and her family the day before, where she said she was a fan of the show and praised Wayne for being a "good Christian boy." Oh dear.
  • The Song Styles from the 100th Episode.
    • Best bits from that playing:
    • Drew commenting on Colin wearing the sailor hat:
      Drew: Colin, you look like a Cracker Jack box with a baaaad prize inside.
    • The song abruptly going to double time (due to Laura Hall unintentionally hitting the tempo accelerate button).
      Wayne: Howard, can you last? Howard, how'd this song get so damn fast?
    • Everyone comments on it after the game:
      Drew: I didn't even know The Village People even did polkas!
      Colin: I don't think it was that noticeable.
      Drew: Man, it was like a wind-up monkey!
      Greg: (to Wayne) Watch out for those tempo changes, man. 'Cause when we go into the second bridge, this (shit) takes off!
    • When everyone goes back to their seats:
      Drew: That was Howard, or as Wayne spells it, "Horward".
      Wayne: (embarrassed) Yeah. Man, if you're not in my mind, you don't know what I'm thinkin'. You know what I'm saying? You gotta- you gotta bring that around.
      Drew: Thank you very much, Horward! If this ever makes it to air, I'll be so amazed. (singing) "Horward! Horward!"
      Wayne: It's hard to spell at 210 beats per minute.
      Greg: (to Drew) Thanks for letting me borrow your hat, man.
  • Whose Line Is It Anyway? meets The Rocky Horror Picture Show and yes, it even is more catchy than the original Time Warp.
  • Wayne's song to bodybuilder Jayne Trcka (hilarity starts at 1:40 when Jayne slides her hand up to Wayne's groin, catching him, and everyone in the background, totally by surprise). After the game, Wayne went back to his chair, covered himself with his shirt, and shivered.
    Ryan: What time do you want me to be home, honey?
    Greg: That woman would snap you in half like a praying mantis.
    Drew: She made you look downright skinny.
    Wayne: Yeah!
    Drew: You took your shirt off, I was like, (disappointed) Ohhh.
  • During one playing, all four actors are called on to pretend to be the Temptations. You better believe Hilarity Ensues! "Here's a little dance tip for ya, white people..."
  • Brad Sherwood's beautiful playing where he has to come up with rhymes for a girl named Naroshi.
    • "Let's get some brioch-ee!"
    • WHY! Couldn't you have an easy rhymin' name?
  • "When You're a Goat", sung in the style of West Side Story. Notable bits include Kathy Greenwood's "ramming" and Wayne's incredulous reaction after the game was over: "You can't air that!"
  • When Wayne sang to Chanel the Polynesian dancer, the style was a love ballad that gradually increased in tempo. By the end of it, he was singing so fast that he was virtually unintelligible, and pretends to faint from exhaustion. Ryan looked startled in the background, but Colin waves it off. After all... he knows a fake faint when he sees one.
  • Wayne and Chip sing to Derek in the style of the Village People. Between his vague job description, the fact that Wayne and Chip spell his name differently (D-E-R-R-I-C-K and D-E-R-E-K respectively), and that he led them in a can-can, it was a perfect storm of hilarity.
  • Wayne and Brad sang to Lassie. Funny moments:
    • Wayne is wowed by how pretty Lassie is. Drew agrees, but gives him a smartass look.
      Drew: Whatever, dude, I'm not judging ya.
    • "Oh Lassie, I'll be your man / But obviously Lassie has a bad attention span!"
    • After the game, Brad takes one of Drew's cards and pretends to wipe up a non-existent mess that Lassie made.
    • Wayne, after sitting down: "We get the finest chicks on Whose Line. Whooo!"
  • When Wayne sang to two girls (who wore the same bright pink dress!) as the Backstreet Boys. The highlight was when Wayne pretended to be all five members in a row, singing "Girl" in various pitches. He gave one of the members a really high-pitched voice.
  • Wayne and Chip's Duet about a dishwasher. Almost immediately, the two got mixed up and started singing about putting clothes in a dishwasher. Drew addressed this after the game.
    Drew: That was like some out-of-control Gap ad.
    Wayne: Khaki, khaki! Springtime!
    Drew: Well y'know, 1,000 points apiece for finally catching on that you said clothes in the dishwasher... and then fixing it at the end of the song.
  • When Wayne and Chip sang to Shauna, an "exotic animal trainer", Drew asked her before the game:
    Drew: You're not just a stripper with a snake act, are you?
  • Wayne sang to Jerry Springer. After the game, Wayne was embarrassed:
    Wayne: I apologize for my foul language in that.
    Drew: You didn't have any foul language.
    Wayne: I said "ass" and "ho".
    Ryan: I think Jerry was, Jerry was shocked!
  • Jeff and Wayne sang to a hawker at Dodgers Stadium, as members of the Rat Pack. Mostly went as planned, except at the end when the song concluded before Jeff realized it, as he briefly kept singing after the music stopped.
    Jeff: I put mustard on my hot dog, (realizing the song's over) and buy a beer...

    Song Titles 
  • Colin has a great ending line in this one:
    Ryan: What's New, Pussycat?
    Colin: When You Wish Upon A Star.
    Ryan: [points down] Ah, Blue Suede Shoes.
    Colin: [looks down] ...Nice Pants.
  • This one gives us an even better one:
    Colin: What's New, Pussycat?
    Ryan: I've Got A Feeling.
    Colin: Feelings?
    Ryan: One.
    Colin: What's The Buzz? Tell Me What's A-Happening.
    Ryan: Nowhere Man.
    Colin: ...Really? That Sucks.
    [everyone cracks up, Colin walks off]
    Ryan: [singing] Really that sucks
    Chip: [singing from the side] Really that su-ucks
  • This one, which takes place at a beach party:
    Chip: [pantomimes swimming] Theme from Jaws?
    Colin: I'll get a harpoon! Lala lala? [walks off]
  • This one gives us another great line from Colin that actually follows the rules of the game:
    Colin: You Wanna Dance?
    Ryan: Do You Know The Way To San Jose?
    Colin: Route 66!
    [the two start slow dancing]
    Ryan: Ah, Oklahoma!
    Colin: Theme from Titanic.
    • Brad is a master at this game, and in a couple instances, such as this one, he was on stage for almost the entire game. Brad finally slipped up and Wayne was genuinely excited to have knocked him off his pedestal.
  • It's always hilarious when the performer is completely stumped. One such example:
    Colin: Another Saturday Night.
    Ryan: Ahhhh. (Beat; walks off to buzzer)
  • The one set at an office Christmas party comes with a great Stealth Pun.
    Chip: I wanna Rock and Roll all Night and party every day!
    Colin: 9 to 5!
    Chip: 25 or 6 to 4?
    Colin: Hut.
  • In one playing, Colin can't think of a song, so he blurts out "Jin-dai-libby-ai!"
    Drew: (chuckling) Nice try. Nice try.
  • The one where Wayne said "Mrs. Jones." and is buzzed by Drew:
    Drew: It's "Me and Mrs. Jones".
    Wayne: Okay, it's us then.

    Sound Effects 
  • The crowning moment here is the fabled "Quacking Elephants," a Sound Effects sketch Gone Horribly Wrong. Drew's meltdown during and after has to be seen to be believed. (ABC Family actually made a whole promo out of Drew laughing after this game!)
  • How about the worst take on Batman since Schumacher. Essentially, everything that can go wrong for the Dynamic Duo doesnote . OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH.
    • Or what Ryan referred to as "The universal sound effect".
      • "I sure wish those ghosts would leave."
  • Or Defending the Queen? "Actually, it's just crumpled paper!" And "Apparently the Queen takes offense with your shirt!"
  • At the complete opposite scale as the quacking elephants, these two get over-enthusiastic with sound effects, in a scene that starts out as a Jurassic Park parody but derails quickly. The crowning moment is when a baby enters the scene.
  • A Sound Effects game with Ryan as one of the Charlie's Angels and Colin as Bosley, due to Ryan's inability to remember that Colin is Bosley, not Charlie. The best part is it's impossible to tell whether he's actually forgetting, or it's part of the character. Not to mention:
    Ryan: Shoot something out of your pants that will go over the wall so we can climb up!
    • A moment earlier in the skit is great too when Colin and Ryan both try out various buttons on their plane's control panel. Since each performer had a different audience member supplying the sound effects, the buttons sounded decidedly different. This caused Ryan to observe: "I've got the deeper ones."
  • "Put your pants back on! Everyone's screamin' at you with a baby hangin' out of you like that! TAXI!"- Ryan to Colin, in the "Sound Effects" where Colin was Ryan's heavily pregnant wife. The line came after the two audience members off-stage made a screeching noise (which was supposed to represent a cab pulling up).
    • In the same game, Colin pushing the baby back inside definitely was one, though it wasn't prompted by any sound.
  • When Colin and Ryan played two GIs escaping from a POW camp, there's a moment when Ryan is trying to dig his way out of the camp with a shovel, and one of the audience members says, "I don't know." Ryan improvises: "Oh my God, there's somebody in there!", and then mimes pulling them out of the hole he dug and leading them off. Drew's off-camera laughter makes this gag even funnier.
    • From the same playing: Ryan's character struggles to lift a hatch door, and the audience member made a "Bwwaaaaaaaaaaack" sound. Ryan's observation? "There seems to be a chicken on it!"
    • Then there's Colin's masterful subversion of Tempting Fate, where he's about to hotwire a getaway vehicle and Ryan tells him to be careful. Colin goes on and on about how he's done this a thousand times and that there's no way he'll electrocute himself. Then he hotwires it without issue and says, "See?"
  • Colin, with sound effects by Ryan, teaches us how to perform surgery.
  • Who could forget the classic Sheriff Colin?
  • Before one playing, Drew asked an old woman he got from the audience: "Sally, do you own a little bird named Tweety?" After much laughter at her expense, the other much younger woman good-naturedly told him: "Easy on my mother!" Drew responded, "Oh it's your mother, I'm sorry, she has a remarkable resemblance." Ryan, smiling wide but probably embarrassed for Sally, couldn't even look at Drew during all this, which makes it all the more hilarious.
  • One playing had Ryan and Colin playing two firemen. Towards the end of the scene, one of the ladies providing sound effects shouted, "OH HELP! HELP!" Ryan observed: "It's an old Indian woman!"
  • The scene where Ryan plays the president and Colin is a fighter pilot who observes a spaceship during a parade. Ryan and Colin are about to drive, and one of the women makes a noise that sounds less like an engine starting and more like a pigeon. Ryan and Colin draw attention to it immediately, of course.
  • The one where Ryan played Tarzan and Colin played (who else?) Jane. Highlights include Ryan's Tarzan yell supplied very nicely by one of the women off-stage, Ryan briefly slipping out of his Hulk Speak ("You want Tarzan to go get one for youuuu?"), this line: "Jane! All animals sick!", and "My heart beats for you... (woman supplies a sudden fart sound) Sorry."
  • Ryan and Noah and Colin as Noah's wife. The end of the game had Ryan asking God, "Right, my Lord?" and one of the women replying in a very gruff voice, "YEAH!"
  • The Rapunzel scene opens up with Ryan riding in on a horse. At least, that's what he was trying to do. After miming being on a horse and realizing that the audience member wasn't making the proper sound effect, he turned it into a little dance. He then lampshades this.
    Ryan: I would have been here sooner, but I thought I had a horse.
  • Ryan and Colin as Jedi knights about to attack the Death Star. Right at the top of the scene, the two get out their lightsabers and one of the audience members made a "swish" sound, which prompted Ryan to hobble to the floor:
    Ryan: Mine went off a little early, cut off my leg.
    Colin: Here, I'll use my Jedi powers. (waves hand)
    Ryan: (stands back up) Thank you, my friend.
  • Colin and Ryan as The Two Musketeers, especially this moment:
    Colin: Where is our third Musketeer?
    Ryan: I don't know. He's not come by yet.
    Colin: Oh, there he is. (looking down towards the floor) Hi, how are you? (no response) Oh, bit of a cold.
    Ryan: No no, he must speak. Speak to us, Porthos.
    Woman off-camera: (high-pitched) Hello!
    Ryan: Put Porthos, in your pocket, and we shall be on our way.
    Colin: (looking at his shirt pocket) Can you see?
    Woman off-camera: Yes.
  • The one where Colin played a sumo wrestler. On the morning of the match, he's woken by "Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi!", which turns out to be his alarm clock.

  • In the playing taking place in a sorority house with two women getting ready for their dates, Drew calls it "Slut Fest 2001".

    Stand Sit Bend 
  • Pretty much any of them. These skits had great physical comedy, due to the performers having to constantly adjust to each others' movements. It's a shame the game never really appeared very much outside of some U.K. episodes and the first two U.S. seasons.
    • Just one example: Ryan playing a woman in labor. Every time he sat up to breathe, Colin had to lay on the ground. Then when Ryan went back to lying down, Colin got back up. Repeat this a few times.
      • Later in this playing, Wayne (playing the midwife) delivered Ryan's baby. His remark is priceless:
        Wayne: You are the owner of...
        Colin: "The owner"?? You're not really a midwife, are you?!
        Wayne: No, I used to be a used car salesman!
      • And capped off when Wayne and Ryan try to sit in the same seat, essentially leading to Ryan in Wayne's lap:
    • When Colin was getting a tattoo, but especially for this great Call-Back at the beginning of the game when Drew accidentally read the wrong scene for the game.
      Wayne: See, honey? Aren't you glad I brought you to this tattoo parlor?
      Colin: I'd rather be camping under a full moon.

  • When Wayne was "Caught in a Wind Tunnel Boy". Mainly because he accidentally knocks over Brad's chair and his and Brad's water pitcher. Ryan and Colin rub it in after the game by helping themselves to their non-knocked-over water.
    Drew: Are we gonna take a minute to clean that up, or?
    Ryan: There's a lot of water by the electrical circuits.
  • Colin leads the team as Captain Obvious, but the real fun starts when Wayne arrives...
  • Captain Hair.
  • Wayne's performance as Show-Stopping Number Boy.
    • As Drew says, "The best part about that... that really was a show-stopping number!"
    • Also from that game, the crisis is "blue shoes". Guess what Ryan's wearing?
      Ryan: They got me! They got me!
  • Drew: You know it's good to know that if trouble rears its ugly head, Captain Bloodloss will be there.
  • Drew: We're outta milk, Slappy! What are you gonna do?
    • The Bitter Drunk Kid!
  • This one with Greg Proops leading the squad as "Delayed Reaction Man".
  • Greg as "Not Hot But Spicy Man". The name alone is great.
    Ryan: You're not even that spicy. (leaves; audience "ooohs")
    Greg: At last, he's found out my secret. I'm leavened with delicious avocado.
  • Colin as Stinky Man.
    Colin: I don't remember that plant being dead.
    (at the end of the game...)
    Colin: Ooh, time for some beans!
  • Colin as Tacky Shirt Man. The best part was when Ryan came in and pretended to play the little guitars on Colin's shirt:
    Ryan: I'm sorry I'm laaaaate, I'm sorry I'm laaaate...
  • Colin as Disco Boy, performing some incredible dance moves (such as leaning back and alternating his hands touching the floor behind him while pointing the other hand upwards), leading to this comment after the game:
    Drew: All the points go to Colin for that one. You know, when Colin starts a game out physical, you know, the other guys are going, "Uh-oh! (laughs) I gotta out-physical Colin Mochrie!"
  • Colin, at the end of the one where he played Mad Cow Man. None of the other superheroes actually put the museum fire out.

    Three-Headed Broadway Star 
  • "Bubbles, while dramatic, was funny.
  • "I Lost My Legwarmers". Funny moment within this — Colin using the word "YOU!" nine times in a row, then Ryan gets to say "YOU!"...and Colin and Wayne turn to look at him in perfect synchronization. Or maybe it's Wayne's falsetto out of nowhere.
    • Even better: once Ryan steals "you!" from Colin, what's the next thing Colin says? "I!"
  • "You Are My Butterstick".
  • "Flea Dip" from the Tony-winning musical Bob: The Musical.
  • "You've Got Sole" aka "You Are My Sole Mate":
    • "♪And take me on a...♪ Oh, sorry, one word at a time..."
    • This moment:
      Wayne: A shhhhh.... (meaning to say "shoe" but stopping himself)
      Drew: Ooooooeee....
      Ryan: Gesundheit!
    • And at the end of it, Drew's laughing so hard he can't give the cue for the commercial break cut. Ryan does so instead.
  • "Timber":
    • "Would. You. Like. To. Bring. A. Sword?"
    • "Every. One. Loves. You... Steve."
  • "Bald Spot" one can stand up to those ones.
    • Your. Bald. Spot. Can. Reflect. Lasers!
  • How about "I Can't Stop Thinking About Your Pants?" Watch this, then try to hear the word "existential" without giggling anymore.
    • And the finale:
    Wayne: P!
    Ryan: A!
    Colin: N!
    Wayne: T!
    Ryan: S!
    Colin: A!
    (Glances between Wayne and Ryan)
    All: Your...Pantsaaaaaaa!
  • Or "When I Think About Your Pants", which is surprisingly coherent for a song solely about Drew Carey's pants.
    "I can't live without your pants, so I'll take them off!"
  • "They Threw it Away", mainly due to unresolved mother issues and attempted high notes. One YouTube comment even noted how this song qualifies as a Tear Jerker for the fictional musical:
    The trashman, scrounging for garbages to pick up. is asking himself what our world would be without them. His heart is crying about the fact that garbage men are unappreciated in the society. He then narrates his tragic childhood with his mother that led him to become a garbage man. He is "almost free" because he cannot escape his past. He then laments on how he wants to throw his heart away and just get away from it all.
  • "These Aren't My Hips" is a serious contender for that Tear Jerker position.
  • "You Fill My Life With Jell-O".
  • "Worms", because it actually sounds like an actual song
    Wayne: "Wiggling..."
  • "Whenever I See Your Teeth", mainly for the Running Gag of "abyss". The game ends with the performers asking the woman from the audience to "kiss their abyss".
  • Colin in "You Are My Chili Dog".
    • "Love you always 'cause taste is PA-RA-MOUNT!"
    • "When you enter my room I eat your ESSENCE. *Audience laughter, and Colin does shifty eyes*"
    • "Buns... are... firm. (Audience laughter). Meat... is... (pause) meat!"
    • "Chili dogs! Cos you're mine and... (Colin hesitates) f...ffflourish!"
  • "I Love You For Your Shoes", mainly for the part where Drew says, "Any..." and both Drew and Ryan say "more", then look at each other.
  • "Whenever I See Your Warts":
    • I. Want. Your. Little. (beat) Bumps!
    • Wa-a-arts! Are! ...Warty!
      • Yo-o-ours! Are! Sporty!
    • Brad starting a verse by pulling a high note out of nowhere, and Colin straining to match it with the next word.

    Title Sequence 
  • "Tyson and Lincoln": Complete with ear-biting.
  • "Hillary and Monica": The song begins with the hilarious lyrics: "One's a first lady, the other's a tramp..."
  • "Cosby and the Insurance Salesman": Originally "Cosby and Hitler" before being nixed by a producer for obvious reasons, Ryan worked in a Hitler gag during the song anyway: he randomly does a Nazi salute, to which insurance-salesman!Colin gives him a stern head-shake.
  • "Satan and the Schoolgirl": A Catholic schoolgirl to boot, too. 1000 points to Chip for rhyming "knees" with "Mephistopheles". Ryan being "corrupted" by Colin throwing the horns on his head is also gold.
    • Before the game, when the audience member gives the suggestion:
    Drew: Hey, what are you doing after the show? "Sure honey, I'd love to play that with you."
  • "Mel Gibson and the Wrestler": Chip inadvertently spawns a running gag.
  • "George Washington and the Ventriloquist": They're as wacky as can be.
  • "Napoleon and the Bartender": Go on a revolutionary drunken bender.
  • "Brad Pitt and Bea Arthur": A Golden Girl and a Golden Boy.
    • Afterwards, Ryan asks Colin do his "Bea face" again, to which he does a surprisingly spot on Bea Arthur expression.
      Ryan: Now watch, I'll do my "Brad face". *face doesn't change*

    Two Line Vocabulary 
  • Perhaps the best playing was "Colin is a senior engineer at a nuclear plant, called in when fellow engineers Ryan and Wayne report a leak." Wayne was only allowed to say "That's not what you said yesterday" and "What does that do?", while Ryan was only allowed to say "Oops I did it again" and "Are you enjoying this?"
    Colin: Put on that suit, your containment suit.
    Wayne: (suggestive grin) That's not what you said yesterd-
    Colin: Shut up, shut up!
    • At one point, Wayne points at Drew and asks, "What does that do?" Colin replies, "It's just there for show."
  • The one where Ryan, Colin, and Brad were doing surgery on a mob boss. Brad was only allowed to say "Is it always that big?" and "I don't think that's a good idea".
    Colin: Do you want to be killed?
    Brad: (hesitantly shaking his head) I don't think that's a good idea.
  • Brad's epic pratfalls in this playing.

    Weird Newscasters 
  • One of the best "Weird Newscasters" games had Ryan as a matador in a bullfight. He begins a bullfight...with the camera. The camera plays along and wins.
    Colin: ...That reminds me, tomorrow we're having an interview with Al Gore...
  • Ryan finds a portal to the gates of Hell.
    Ryan: [spies Drew from within Hell] So THIS is how you got two shows!
    • Drew, imitating Wayne before the scene when he gives Ryan his quirk: "Why does my weather map always have to cover the gates of Hell?"
  • Greg's reaction to his prompt
    Drew: Greg, you're going to do a goofy white guy desperately trying to act street.
    Greg: But I need a character.
  • One "Weird Newscasters" has Wayne as a sadistic Marine drill sergeant, and he manages to pull an audience member into the sketch in the process. The leaf-green shirt he's wearing really sells it, too.
    • Ryan's take on it. Minus points for the shirt, and plus 2000 points for roping in more audience members and convincing them to climb Colin's "Newsflash" wall.
    • What's even better is that he clearly didn't expect them to actually do it.
    • Funniest of all, when they are climbing it, it breaks. And then Ryan chews out the wrong guy for gripping it too hard!
  • This one has Greg as a politician doing a smear campaign on his rival Drew, Wayne as a frat boy doing increasingly crazy stunts, and Ryan as the rise and fall of a 1940s boxer. If for nothing else, this must be seen for Ryan's performance alone, which is probably one of his greatest ever.
  • From the "Meow Episode", we have Wayne doing the sports report as, so his character description reads, "An aging female Broadway performer doing a big song and dance number whose extensive plastic surgery begins to collapse." It must be seen to be believed.
  • Any "Weird Newscasters" that features Colin as the normal newscaster is comedy gold, but the crown for the Crowning Moment must be given to his top story at the beginning of this game. 1000 points for referencing Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and My Fair Lady in the same gag. This is what he says:
    Colin: Our top story today: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer dead at 53. (Cue to the audiences Awws) I know, it is sad. Over Barcelona today, the famed reindeer was hit by a flock of seagulls and a 747. Eyewitness' report that the Reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.
    • Due to that Jeff (who's his co-anchor) tries not to laugh and shook his head while the camera reveals Drew, Wayne and Ryan cracking up as Ryan is seen covering his eyes with a smile with Colin's amazing puns.
    • Colin, in general, is a master of these. Some of his more noteworthy openers:
      "Our top story today: After a disappointing summer, Humpty Dumpty has a great fall."
      "Our top story today: Nine out of ten Americans believe that, out of ten people, one American will always disagree with the other nine."
      "A large wooden object with a pointy end was found spinning in the downtown core. That's our top story."
      "Our top story today: The Great Flydini, the Shreckman Circus human cannonball for the last 50 years, retired yesterday. When asked if he was going to be replaced, the circus owner said, 'No, it's hard to find a man of that caliber.'"
      "Our top story today: Rock star Prince has changed his name once again. After changing long distance carriers, Prince, the artist formerly known as 'The artist formerly known as Prince' will now be known as 'The artist who formerly phoned with Sprint.'"
      "Our top story today: Famous playboy Hugh Hefner managed to successfully stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property. The police forced the friars to close down their stall, which was outside the Playboy mansion, where they had been selling flowers. Said one friar: 'Well, if it was anyone else, we may have gotten away with it, but unfortunately, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.' Try saying that three times."
      "Our top story tonight: Bars across America were saddened today by the death of Dr. Joseph Lowenstein. The famous doctor, who, as a sideline, would make exotic drinks from wood sap, died suddenly today. This is one patron who's really gonna miss that hickory daiquiri doc."
      "Our top story today: Convicted hitman Jimmy Two-Shoes McClarty confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field using only two small porcelain figures. Police admit this may be the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack."
      "Our top story today: a fight was started downtown by a man wearing a suit made completely of mirrors. The police said the man apologized once he had time to sit down and reflect."
  • One game has Ryan as an Inca Priest looking for a virgin to sacrifice to the volcano gods and scours the audience for a participant. What does he end the performance on?
    Ryan: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! [runs off the stage]
    • Earlier, when giving Ryan that prompt, Drew makes a point of warning him, "If you come near my desk, I'll kill you."
  • One of the harshest disses the show gave witness to is when Ryan is sliding down the evolutionary scale. First, he falls back to caveman, then a monkey, and finally, Drew. Even funnier- Drew mouths "I KNEW IT." And then Ryan takes immense flak for it- but it's resolved soon. Later, the joke becomes the subject of the credits.
  • Wayne as a farm boy defending his title in the nationals of the greased pig round-up - three guesses who gets to suffer Butt-Monkey antics. Three supposedly unrelated acts are somehow woven into a tale of betrayal, action and drama... and possibly some incest.
    • Farmboy!Wayne crows his victory: "I win!" (Drew settles himself back at his desk while giving Wayne a knowing look) "But...maybe, later on, we'll see that I really lost!"
    • Sure enough, after the game:
      Drew: That's 1,000 points to Colin, 1,000 points to Ryan, 1,000 points to Brad... (Wayne nervously awaits what Drew's going to say to him) ...And 1,000 points to what's-his-name. Y'know, the guy who used to do the stuff on Whose Line, yeah, that guy.
      Wayne: (mock offended) I'm going to UPN. (gets up and starts to walk away but sits back down)
      Drew: I was just about to say, you're damn right you're going to UPN! That was great, I'll buy you a beer after the show.
      Wayne: 'K.
      Drew: You'll always be my friend... (struggling to think of his name) ...Wayne Brady.
  • Colin is in the middle of the Tour de France, Wayne disturbs a beehive, and Ryan fights the inner urge to be a stripper.
  • Any time Wayne pretends Drew is a woman, such as when he played an Italian stud:
    Wayne: 'Scusi, senor, you look like the most beautiful girl I ever seen!
    • Or when he played a Jamaican love god:
      Wayne: Before we talk about the baseball and the football, I'll tell ya about my favorite sport of ALLLL. No, it's not baseball, but me use a bat. It's the sport of makin' love, and I only make love to the most beautiful women in the world, like this woman here. (signals to Drew)
  • In one playing, both Wayne and Ryan made fun of Drew in their skits: Wayne played a Russian weightlifter whose biggest challenge was lifting Drew (he was unable to do it, and walked away, disgraced) and Ryan, playing Prince Charming looking for the foot that fit the shoe. After trying out numerous audience members, he hesitantly walked towards Drew and tried the shoe on. It fit, Ryan shouted "NOOOOOOOOO!!" and hung himself. After the game, a miffed Drew said:
    Drew: Well, that's 1,000 points each to Kathy and Colin. (audience laughs) Ryan and Wayne, it was nice knowin' ya.
  • Greg: "That's the news, stay tuned for Geppetto 2, where Geppetto moves in with a grown man that he's created." (cut to annoyed Drew)
  • Ryan as John Wayne thinking the studio's under attack, complete with a cry of "Indians!" and an attempt to mount a camera.
  • This line:
    Colin: Our top story tonight: a man is still in critical condition after swallowing two hundred and fifty thousand dollars in large bills. No change is expected.
  • The one where Wayne played an employee who wants to find out who Xeroxed their butt.
    Wayne: Um, before I go on and tell you folks about the sports tonight, I just have a little question. Last night, we had a little party, and everything was great, and folks came, and it was nice, but, um... (mimes pulling out photo) WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! Okay, when I took this job, I took this job because I thought this was a nice, decent company! I didn't come here to see nobody booty all over this paper!
    • Then, when he realizes the ass in the photo belongs to Drew, he mimes folding the photo back up (which takes a really long time because it's so big) and warns him, "I'm watching you."
    • In the same playing, Ryan's quirk is that he's about to die, and his whole life flashes before his eyes.
      Ryan: Let's make the weather quick, not that I really care about the five-day forecast. Got rain coming in... I remember the first time I saw rain. What a life it's been. (pretending to flashback) Push! Push! (acts like a baby coming out of his mother's vagina) Whaaaaa!! Whaaa!! (flashes forward to being a toddler, and is amazed that he has an erection. Flashes forward to his high school days) Would you like to come to the prom with me? (mimes dancing; flashes forward to young adult) What are we even fightin' for Grenada for? I don't even want this country! (flashes forward to present; singing) Ooooohhhhh, we'll do another Hoedown, that makes 300 now. Doin' another Hoedown, it's comin' out of my head, before I do another, I'd rather be dead. (mimes heart attack, falling over. Then he mimes sprouting angel wings)
    • Greg as the dominatrix Colin's hired for the evening.
      Greg: Lick that stool clean! Lick it clean!
  • The one where Wayne's style was Michael Jackson vs. James Brown. He did a great job alternating between the two characters, and Michael Jackson was knocked down very quickly after the match started: (as James Brown) "One, two, three, I WON!"
    Drew: 1,000 points to Wayne for knowing who the real king of soul is. Nothing against Michael Jackson, but James Brown, come on. And, uh, minus 500 to Ryan for making me kiss his hand.note 
  • Brad's names for himself and the others are so silly. Examples: Chester Snapdragon McFisticuffs, Barney Smallpants, Sparky McSparksparker, and Ricardo Balbone Montez de la Vasquez Asabolca, among many others.
  • Ryan as a mercenary out to kill everyone on the show, which ended with Ryan chasing Colin (who's playing a co-anchor that panics over the slightest thing) all around the studio. Drew gets in a good line after the game, too, referencing Wayne (as the Spanish Crocodile Hunter) accidentally letting loose some saliva while talking:
    Drew: Colin, I haven't seen you run that fast since "Free Liquor Day" in Toronto. Almost made us forget all about Wayne spittin' up. I didn't forget.
  • A minor one where Ryan played "Bigfoot who realizes he's on camera and desperate to get away" He runs away making animal noises, ducking backstage. When he comes back he has a plate of food that's obviously from the Green Room. And then he hands it to a stagehand that's behind the set.
    Drew: (sounding honestly annoyed) Are you all done?
    • Even funnier, after Ryan gave Drew the finger by scratching his cheek with his middle finger, Drew awarded no points as a result.
  • In another playing, Wayne plays a malfunctioning videotape. Just wait until you see the tape speeding up...
    • Doubles as a Moment of Awesome for how well Wayne does it; it almost looks like his part was sped up in post-production until there's a cut to Colin and Greg looking on!
  • Ryan as an aggressive barfly being repeatedly ejected from a bar. Between the time he was given the quirk and when he actually performed it, he must have forgotten the exact wording, because he admitted, in character, that he hoped he had the right suggestion. He pretended to faint and Drew slid over to give Ryan the suggestion card. Ryan read it, got up, and continued with the character as if nothing happened. After the game, Drew gave himself points for that "quick-thinking stagehand" that gave Ryan the card.
  • Wayne reporting via his jetpack, which started malfunctioning. The best part was his "WARNING!"
  • Ryan playing a guy who knew his wife was cheating on him. He made a great Call-Back joke: "It better not be that Jamaican guy Note , that's all I gotta say!" He retaliated by grabbing a young man from the audience, announcing "That's right, I found somebody too!" He then noticed the guy's shirt, which said "MARINES" on it, and added, "And he's a Marine!" After the game, Drew said that the guys at boot camp were gonna love seeing this tape.
    Ryan: Why isn't he smiling, Drew?
  • One of the last episodes of season 1 had Colin auditioning for parts in horror movies. Greg's reaction to Colin's weird noises is priceless:
    Colin: Everywhere chaos! Burning fire! (screams) The full moon! (grunting and howling)
    Greg: STOP IT!!!
  • Ryan as Frankenstein's monster looking for a mate. He grabs a guy from the audience, pulls him behind the green screen, and pretends to make out with him in a rough manner. The guy emerges from behind the green screen acting dazed.
  • The one where Colin, the anchor, named himself "Noah Sheshavingmybaby". It prompted a tepid audience response, leading to Drew to bring it up after the game:
    Drew: Hey Colin, what was your name at the top of that?
    Colin: "Noah Sheshavingmybaby".
    Ryan: "KNOW her? She's having my..."
    Drew: Oh, know her, she's-
    Colin: NOAH, NOAH, Sheshavingmybaby.
    Drew: Oh. I didn't get it at first.
    Colin: You weren't alone. (audience laughs)
    Drew: I hated to ask, but we were all wondering.
    Colin: Y'know, my stuff, a lot of it's cerebral.
    Drew: Yeah... the kind of "cerebral" you pour milk on. (audience chuckles/groans) Oh, better than "Noah Sheshavingmybaby"!
    • In the same game, Ryan using everyone's bodies as weather maps.
      Ryan: (pointing to Drew's glasses) Visibility will be low, and for you boaters, we've got a (pointing at Drew's crotch) small craft warning. (cue annoyed Drew)
  • Wayne as a videotape speeding up and slowing down. Of note is the moment when he lowers his voice to bass levels:
    Wayne: He kicked the ball, and it went faaaar.
  • Ryan playing a woman going from conception to birth (and yes, he includes the pre-sex stuff, like getting drunk at a club and bringing a guy home). The best part was when he mimed that his water broke, which is immediately followed by him imitating an ambulance siren and twirling a finger above his head to simulate the rooftop lights.
  • In the "Ryan hits his head on the neon sign" episode, the "Weird Newscasters" has Wayne as an ugly hillbilly...
    Drew: ...And you are gonna be playing an ugly hillbilly... (chuckles) desperate to get someone to accept his marriage proposal.
    Wayne: (amused) Oh, oh there's more!
    Drew: Yeah. No, you're not just an ugly hillbilly!
    Wayne: No.

    What Are You Trying to Say? 
  • The only playing had Colin getting help from clothes salesman Ryan. The miffed look on Colin at 1:54 is priceless.

    Whose Line 
  • The Braveheart scene was funny in a similar vein to the Alamo.
  • Some fans consider the Alamo playing of Whose Line to be one of the best scenes ever played. By any measure, it's a riot.
  • Butchering Star Wars has its perks.
  • The Gladiator parody in general, but especially:
    Ryan: You think the lions are gonna roll over and have a little giggle at that one?
    Colin: Wait wait wait wait wait, LIONS?! What's with the lions?
    Ryan: Who did you think you were fighting today?
    Colin: ...Two little guys?
  • Whose Line's take on Beauty and the Beast, particularly:
    • The doorbell for the Beast's palace chimes "Beeee-eeaaast".
    • Ryan, as the Beast, delivers one of the pre-written lines: "Get a load of them kielbasas.", and continues: "Don't you know that beasts love kielbasas? Any sort of meat in a tube!"
    • This:
      Colin: ...How old are you?
      Ryan: 32.
      Colin: You sound a LOT older.
      Ryan: Really?
    • Ryan doing a dance Note . to calm Colin (playing Belle).
      Ryan: Am I so scary now?
      Colin: You're kind of a lot scarier, actually.
    • "You ate pa?!" "Not ALL of him!... (mimes opening freezer door) I kept some for winter!" (dances again)
    • The final line: "Spit out the gums and kiss me hard!" Colin: "COME ON! Spit out my dad's gums and kiss me hard!" Ryan: "What if I kiss you with your dad's gums?" (does so; Drew doesn't buzz) "I guess that won't do...!" (Drew finally buzzes, sparing them a Ho Yay kiss)
  • Their take on Gone with the Wind, especially Ryan's first pre-written line "you look like two pigs wrestling under a blanket", which results in this exchange a few moments later when Colin reads his pre-written line "Hey, what smells?":
    Ryan: Damn it! Damn it, Scarlett, Atlanta was burning, I smelled something.
    Colin: It was the pork roast.
    Ryan: You're my little pork roast.
    Colin: What is it with you and the pig analogies all the time?!
  • This moment of unconvincing dialects from the Zorro playing:
    Colin: You'll never take me alive... Zorro... I bet you're wondering what part of Mexico I'm from. (Beat) I was educated in Oxford.
    Ryan: You must come back with me. You have committed many crimes. Apparently, I'm from the same neighborhood.

    World's Worst 
  • World's Worst Acceptance Speeches: "I'd like to thank everybody I've ever met: Jim, Sarah, Bob..." BUZZ "...Shirley, Bill, Aunt Doris..." BUZZ "...Uncle Peter..." BUZZ "...Henry Fonda..." BUZZ "...Jill the weathergirl, Susan, my first wife Cheryl..." BUZZ "...Dick York..."
    • In the same playing, after Greg's suggestion (where he utilized Drew), Drew stepped backward but tripped and fell down. At this, Ryan and Greg mocked this by purposefully falling down in the most exaggerated ways possible. Colin just stood and watched the craziness unfold.
  • Priest or Rabbi: Drew's Jerry Lewis impression was so dead-on (not to mention hilarious), it not only caused Ryan, Wayne, and Greg to lose it, but it also sparked the rarest sight of all on the show; Colin convulsing with laughter.
    • And later, Ryan doing a sermon as John Wayne.
    • And another one from Ryan:
      "I understand you slept with three women." (sotto aside) "He slept with three women!"
  • Leader During a World Crisis: Many, but Wayne's Bush jokes and Colin's flat Oh, Crap! reaction stood out.
    Ryan: Everyone in the world has launched their missiles. The world will be gone in about thirty minutes. Good news is I'm lowering taxes.
    Drew: We're having a crisis today. Can you say 'crisis?' [Starts taking off his jacket] I know you can.
    Ryan: Hey, I've got some good news and I've got some bad news: the bad news is...we'll all be dead in thirty minutes; the good news is...Michael Bolton's going with us.
  • The Super Bowl Halftime Show.
  • Self-Help Videos: Hilariously offbeat.
    Colin: To clap, raise one hand, then the other - keeping them an equi-distance apart. Then, force them together sharply so that it makes this sound. [Claps] Repeat. [Claps] Repeat. [Claps] Repeat...
    Greg: [lying on the floor] Hello and welcome to "Drinking For Professionals".
    Colin: Oh, those frustrating banana peels! How do you get them off the banana? Hold the banana firmly in one hand... [buzz] [steps back, then forward again] Oh, those frustrating gerbil skins!
    Greg: Hi, I'm Bill from the NRA and it's gun safety week— [acts like he just shot himself]]
    Ryan: [stares off-camera] Ten more minutes and we can put on a second coat.
  • TV Show: Prime material for fellow Tropers!
  • For the World's Worst Neighbor, one of Drew's examples is:
    Drew: Oh, me? I'm a jackhammer tester. (audience barely laughs) That'd be a really annoying person to live next door to, huh? A jackhammer tester. Because they'd be using their jackhammer, they'd be doing it all (bleep)ing day!
    Colin: Do you have any plutonium?
  • In the World's Worst TV advertisements, Wayne's example, which is such a pointless device that it's hilarious:
    Wayne: I'd never be able to find myself if it weren't for this: Brojack! I know where I am 24 hours a day! (beeps) I'm right here!
    • Later in that same game...
      Wayne: *dramatically* "Millions of men in America have been diagnosed with Chronic *phrrt!* Syndrome."
    • Immediately afterward...
      "Not only am I a member, I'm the *phrrt!* president."
    • And the line that prompted Colin to make that last jab:
      Wayne: Do you have problems with dialects? Order Colin Mochrie's guide to dialects in different countries! You get French, "HALLO!", Spanish, "HALLO!", Indonesian, "HALLO!"
    • However, Colin wins this game with all three of his suggestions:
      "It's a breath mint and a suppository!"
      "Aluminum: the condom you can trust."
      "The Wayne Brady Surfboard, with a bump big enough to sit on!"
    • This one by Drew has become Hilarious in Hindsight:
      Drew: Hi, I'm Drew Carey for Slim-Fast!note 
    • One by Ryan:
      Ryan: Are you bothered by diarrhea? *eyes widen* I'llberightback.
  • World's Worst Person to be Married To
    Drew: [Silently miming like he's on the phone and behind soundproof glass, mouthing the words] I love you. I love you. I'll see you in five years.
  • At the start of "Nightclub Act", Wayne has a little trouble announcing it and Drew calls him out on it. When they get around to doing examples, such gold includes...
    Ryan: Capital of Washington is Olympia. Capital of Oregon is Salem. Capital of California is Sacramento. Capital of Idaho is Boise. Capital of Nevada... daww!
    Colin: The capital of Florida... is the F. The capital of Washington is a W.
    Ryan: Alright, if everybody's ready... I spy with my little eye something that is green. Green, ladies and gentlemen.
    Brad: (mimes pulling something out of his butt) Is THIS your card?
    Colin: Now please be very quiet as I get the lion to cough.
  • World's Worst Psychiatrist: Ryan mimes being in a straitjacket and says, "Please, sit down."

  • It is almost impossible to listen to the stock music tracks "Hit and Run" and "Private Investigator" without giggling a little, as both were featured on Whose Line, so hearing those tracks on their own evokes funny memories of the two games in which they were used ("Improbable Mission" and "Narrate"). The same goes for "Folli the Foal", which played during "Hey, You Down There".

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