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Funny / White Sheep (RWBY)

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  • The sheer number of misunderstandings! Pretty much everyone in the story makes mistakes that range from being Entertainingly Wrong to bouts of Insane Troll Logic. Naturally Jaune caused most of them.
  • Jaune's and Ruby's No Social Skills combine to result in the former complimenting people's knees.
  • Jaune's pajamas are a onesie that makes him look exactly like a beowolf, freaking out the other students.
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  • The reason this story exists is because Nicholas Arc found his way into the Grimmlands, then Salem decided to imprison, interrogate, and torture him. When she asks if he has any last requests... Nicholas Arc requested to have sex with her. She liked it so much she decided to not kill him and had eight children with him. To repeat: after being captured and tortured by the closest thing in the world to the devil, Nicholas Arc's last request was a booty call with said devil. Whom he then married.
  • Jaune gets introduced to Mercury by Cinder, and of course, he tries to compliment his knees. When he finds out that the legs are prosthetics, he gushes excitedly about how that makes Mercury even cooler, since he has robot knees. This actually makes a fairly good impression on Mercury.
  • When Jaune is explaining how his parents met, he gets to the part about how his mom locked his dad in her dungeon. Ruby and Pyrrha are a little horrified, asking who the hell has a dungeon, and it looks like Jaune's jig might be up right there... until Weiss sheepishly admits that her house also has a dungeon. Ruby and Pyrrha can't do much but shrug and move on.
    Weiss: It's more of a security wing...
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  • When Ruby tells Jaune about Zwei, her corgi, Jaune tells her about Mannie. Jaune's sure that he's got some wolf blood in him. Well, BEOwolf blood, to be precise...
  • Salem made sure that her son was well read on any number of topics, from politics to science to Dust, but made absolutely sure that he knew nothing about contraceptives of any kind.
  • The fact that Cinder Fall, the chessmaster who masterminded the fall of Beacon, serves as the Only Sane Man to Salem (such as telling her that no, vast armies of Grimm are not a solution to your son going to Beacon, making the news, or Teenage Rebellion) is breathtaking to behold.
  • Who does Remy think would be a perfect, normal girlfriend for Jaune? Penny.
  • The name of the Mercury/Velvet relationship is "Black Velvet."
  • Yang's attempts to convince herself that Jaune should go with Ruby because she doesn't have any feelings for Jaune at all are a mixture of Funny and Blatant Lies that even she doesn't believe.
  • In Chapter 21, Salem looks over dossiers of several girls that Jaune has met. This includes Ren, who she assumes to be a particularly flat-chested girl.
    • Then she calls Nicholas to tell him the good news, and ends up in a rather... salacious conversation with him. Mannie's reaction sums it up best.
    Mannie's huge paws skittered across the floor as he fled the room, tail tucked between his legs.
  • Nora infiltrating the White Fang, and its aftermath.
  • The game of Remnant ends with Ruby cheerfully declaring that she had destroyed the world.
  • The glorious moment when Ruby finally discovers what tentacle hentai is. Made even more hilarious because the comic is blatantly based on Ruby's own earlier encounters with Hentacle.
    Ruby turned the page, eager to see how Miriam escaped from his tentacle grasp.
    She didn't.
    She didn't escape at all.
    "Oh..." Ruby's eyes widened. Her cheeks flushed with colour. She slapped the comic shut and gazed over the top at her teammates. Neither was paying attention. That... this... was this...? Ruby swallowed. Slowly, tentatively, she opened the page once more and took another look.
    Her head tilted to the left.
  • Soon after the above, Jaune, annoyed that Ruby has started taking longer showers than usual, finds something odd under his bed. That's the moment he discovers what tentacle hentai is. Ruby hid it there because she thought no one would ever look—and if they did find it, she could throw him under the bus.
  • Jaune finally calls his mom, though he has to use the public CCT terminals due to the distance. When she realizes who she's talking to, she screams "SWEETIEKINS! MY little baby!" loudly enough that everyone in the building hears. On the plus side, no one is at all suspicious of him after that.
  • Cinder's reaction at all her plans falling apart... because she was offered the role of Fall Maiden freely and without coercion, making everything she'd done up until that point utterly pointless. Even more ridiculous is that it's all because of Jaune.
  • The Grimm Dragon's name is Kevin. And Cinder named him.
  • After Kevin eats Weiss (because he was trying to eat Adam, who was using her as a Human Shield), Ruby starts yelling at him. He acts like a misbehaving dog until he eventually spits Weiss up.
    Ruby: Bad Kevin! Bad dragon!
  • Salem, in the wake of the Battle of Beacon, sends Jaune a text saying that no, Pyrrha's not dead, that she's alive and well. What undercuts this uplifting moment is that she did it via a selfie of her and Pyrrha eating at a table with the caption "Red-haired grandbabies!" Pyrrha looks extremely uncomfortable. Jaune then mentions that when he got Cinder to promise not to hurt his friends, he left off emotional trauma.
  • After Pyrrha is kidnapped by Salem, Salem manages to bring her around with Jaune's baby pictures. Cinder, who isn't fond of Pyrrha being there at all, is horrified when she realizes that she's in some of them.
    Salem: She used to dress up like a Grimm and run around growling like a Beowolf. You should see the pictures where I used to bathe her and Jaune together when they were both little. She used to make him call her the pirate queen. She was so adorable!
  • Ren, having been accidentally kidnapped by the White Fang evacuating to Menagerie due to wearing their mask, bumps into Kali. After revealing himself to be Blake's teammate, she all but adopts him as a future son-in-law.
    • When Blake returns home, Kali sneakily gets her and Ren into sharing a room.
  • Sienna Khan, leader of the White Fang, meets Ren. He quickly dissects her motives, explains how their goals align, and offers their services but not their loyalty. Sienna is so impressed that she offers him a leadership position. Blake can't believe that no one has noticed he's not a Faunus.
  • When Sienna gets Ren alone, she tells him that he might "work well under me." Ren, completely missing the innuendo, says that sounds like a "pleasant" experience.
  • When Ren and the others infiltrate the radical Albain White Fang, they discover that they've turned Adam into a religion, constantly invoking his name for protection. Blake is not amused.
    Blake: Kill kill kill...
    White Fang Mook: That's the spirit, sister! In Adam's name!
  • When Yang meets up with Raven, Raven tries to act all imperious (as in canon). But Yang has even less patience here, since she doesn't give a shit about the mysteries Raven is hinting at, and instead goes on a rant about how she needs to murder her boyfriend for impregnating her and running away. Raven turns into a stammering mess, and then Yin comes out.
    Yin: Hi, grandma!
    Raven: [screams]
  • Jaune confidently states that "Everything is under control," after speaking to Lionheart. Cue a series of Gilligan Cuts showing literally every major or minor faction travelling to Haven for an all-out brawl.
  • The battle itself is almost farcical. There are at least six different factions, and the massive brawl over Qrow of all people must be seen to be believed. It involves poor word choice making Raven think that Qrow sexually assaulted Yang, Sapphire trying to kill him for groping her earlier, Coral trying to claim Qrow as a husband, and Cinder... who's just there because she and Tyrian were trying to get away from Salem earlier. She's actually an ally because she doesn't have any better options.
  • Coral briefly considers a compromise with Sapphire—Sapphire can cut off Qrow's arm, and Coral can keep the rest of him. Qrow quickly insists that he needs his arm.
    Coral: For what?
    Qrow: ...cuddling?
  • When Blake needs help during the Battle of Haven but Ren can't lend a hand, he instead intones "trust in Adam, and he will give you strength." She screams and starts killing everything in sight.
  • Jaune appears on international television, announces his status as the Crown Prince of the Grimm, and demands that his fiance Yang and their child be returned to him or he will destroy Atlas. Cut to a dead-silent bar as everyone stares at Taiyang.
    Bartender: So... a grandfather. Congratulations.
    Taiyang: [faints]
  • Chapter 90: The aftermath of Jaune's meeting with Ironwood at the extremely cold Mantle Plateau Summit. The general noted that Jaune always kept his hand on his sword, giving the image that he's ready to draw it at the slightest provocation, and even Weiss compliments this display of discipline from him. Then Jaune turns around, crying like a little baby, to explain that he can't let go of his sword because his hand froze on the pommel.
    Jaune: Help.
    Weiss: I take back everything I just said...
  • Chapter 91: If it wasn't so sad, just seeing Ozpin and Raven's reactions to Salem's many plans with her family would be hilarious.
  • In chapter 93, Blake being in a good mood is so bizarre that Ruby first wonders if she was replaced with a particularly bad spy then if Blake's mood is contagious.
  • When Ruby is sent to negotiate with Vale, with the reasoning that they should send someone from Vale, she tries to foist it off on someone else, only to realize no one from either team except her (and the still imprisoned Yang) is from Vale.
    Ruby: Why are none of you from Vale!? Why did any of you even attend Beacon!?
  • After Ruby's passionate speech during a press conference, pictures of her tear stained face go viral with captions such as:
    When your favorite show is cancelled.
    When your mom says it's bedtime and it's only 9:59.
    • When Ruby asks what Pyrrha is looking at, the latter quickly hides her scroll so Ruby doesn't find out she's become a meme.
  • Sun's attempts to make a deal with Vacuo takes three and a half minutes and mostly amounts to him saying that if they stop attacking the Grimm, the Grimm will leave Vacuo alone and the Council lazily agreeing.
  • Upon seeing Jaune summon over a dozen beowolves to threaten the Council of Atlas into submission, Cinder, who's watching the live broadcast, excitedly jumps to her feet declaring she taught her little brother that. The entire family smirks, and Cinder tries to act like nothing happened.
  • After Jaune launches The Coup, Salem excitedly demands Watts bring her scrapbook and every newspaper clipping covering the event so she can memorialize her son's first coup against another country.
    • Meanwhile, Cinder is dancing on a couch and laughing at Tyrian, saying Jaune takes after her.
    • Jaune completely misunderstands Weiss's incredulity that he and Ironwood set up a coup with only an hour's planning, and promises to do better next time to live up to her example.
  • After Jaune and Yang reconcile, he quotes his father, saying that all you need is a little confidence [in a relationship]. Yang shoots this down by pointing out that Jaune probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from a man who met his wife when she kidnapped him, locked him in a dungeon, and "Sexed him into submission."
  • How does Ruby get Salem to let Jaune use her throne (which she's very protective of) for the day? Ask her if she has any pictures of Jaune when he was younger.
  • Even though Jaune is sorta engaged to Yang, Salem doesn't stop her efforts to set up a harem for him. It gets to the point Weiss snaps a picture of Yang dressed as the Grimm princess to use against Salem the next time she brings it up, citing it'll keep the woman occupied for hours.
  • When Ozpin meets Salem again, Oscar takes one look at her and calls Ozpin crazy for ever leaving her.
    Ozpin: Now is not the time for hormones to kick in, Oscar.
  • After finally reconciling with Ozma, Salem says that Nicholas is still a better lover than him.
  • When Ozpin gives the Relic of Knowledge to Jaune, the latter has no idea what it is and promises to keep it on his desk.
    • After Ozpin explains that the Relic will answer any question, Tyrian points out that it's supposed to answer three, causing Ozpin to admit he already used the first two. Cinder snarks that even when Ozpin gives a gift, it's two thirds spent.
    • Cinder's unique method of pointing out why they need to word a question carefully, by pointing out that she could answer all of their questions with some variation of "Murder."
  • In Chapter 100, Weiss not only convinces General Ironwood to let her have the Relic of Creation, she actually brings it back with her. Yang correctly guesses that Weiss is "trying to prove she's still the team leader" after Jaune managed to show her up by organizing a coup and fake war in only an hour.
  • During the battle with the gods, Ozma mentions he's almost out of stamina. Salem mentions that she remembers that being a recurring problem.
  • After the battle between the gods, Sienna declares her intent to "corner a certain Sloth faunus". Nora's declaration of over her dead body is greeted with Sienna claiming it can be arranged.
  • When Salem offers to let everyone present spend the night in her tower, citing that she's been preparing for grandchildren for a long time and has plenty of space, Ironwood points out that there's over four hundred people present. Salem confusedly asks what his point is.
  • In Chapter 103, the God of Darkness acts like a little kid when told the inhabitants of Remnant will hold festivals and erect statues in his honor.
    • Humorously, his naming sense is apparently just as bad as Jaune's, as his reaction to the idea of a day in dedication of him is to call it "God of Darkness Day".
    • As a joke, a tipsy Yang promises to "dedicate some kinky times" to him. The God of Darkness sends a shooting star to tell her he approves.
      Yang: [blushes] Uh. Maybe that was a coincidence?
      Jaune: You really think so?
      Yang: I dunno. Do I really want to do it with a voyeur God watching?
      Jaune: You want to risk angering him?
      Yang: Um... Maybe I could ask for another sign? You know, for clarification?
      [ANOTHER star speeds across the sky]
      Yang: Son of a bitch...
      Jaune: [heavy sigh] I'll ask mom if we can borrow the dungeon.
  • In the penultimate scene, Hazel finally finds a Grimm unicorn and shouts that the title of best uncle will be his.
  • In the final chapter, Velvet convinces Mercury to get her a beowolf puppy against his protests.
  • In the Distant Finale, Ozpin reflects how much easier life is without the war with the Grimm until Oscar reminds him of the upcoming Darkness Festival Beacon is hosting, causing him to declare life harder.
  • Cinder somehow ended up marrying Ironwood of all people. They barely interacted, so it certainly comes as a surprise, but since she spent most of their time together considering murdering him, it kinda comes around and makes sense.

  • A meta example: After the canon events of Volume 6, Episode 3 "The Lost Fable", this fic is reinforced by the canon lore, as told by the author. The events in question? Salem's past: namely that she's an immortal being that, while corrupted by Grimm essence, who also was a doting mother to multiple children. No one would guess that this fic, designed as a Crack Fic, would be as true to the show's canon as it was prior to the episode's airing, and it only vindicates every event that ever happened in this story. Hilarious in Hindsight indeed!

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